Since I don’t want to blog about the massive suckitude that has been this month or the shambles my personal life is in at the moment, I think I’ll just say eff it and talk about something that is really controversial and utterly, super-duper important.
Twilight.
I feel like I am betraying my gender by typing it, but it’s true; I am not a Twilight fan.
This isn’t a post slamming those who like or love or even worship them. Although, if you go to the extent of making glittery FaceBook badges, own clothing that says “Mrs. Edward Cullen” in glitter on any part of it, or make your husband sit in an ice bath and paint his skin with white, glittery body paint, I MIGHT have to mock you just a little. (YOU have the right to mock me for having an obvious and unfair prejudice about glitter.)
It’s not that I don’t like gushy, cheesy, overly romantic things. I loved Titanic. Hell, I adored The Outlander series so much I actually tried to write a historical romance novel before having my aspiring inner author crushed to nothing by the author. (Really, that is a story for another day.)
Granted, I was a good decade plus younger with both of these things, but still…I’m not opposed to things resembling this series. I’ve tried to like it. I’ve read all the books and even watched the flippin movie, but I just cannot bring myself to give it a thumbs up.
To be fair there are probably a lot of things in my personal nature that prevent me from driving to Forks to have an “I love Edward” orgy on the front lawn of Forks high school.
Let’s look at a few.
1. I’m not one that usually buys into fads, trends, or huge viral phenomenons. At least not lightly.
The absolute craze of these books turned me off of them before I even read them. If everyone and their mother (and that is LITERALLY the case here) starts foaming at the mouth at something, I almost deliberately go the other way on purpose. It took me until book 4 to start reading Harry Potter and it’s because my parents had book one at their house and there was nothing else to read. Granted, there are some things that I absolutely jump on the “I LOVE THIS” bandwagon, but it’s more the exception then the rule.
2. I have personal hang ups that piss me off about this story.
I may or may not have actually thrown the damn thing against a wall when reading it when a few things hit a little too close to home a couple of times.
That said, I know that the first reaction for everyone from your BFF’s to your mother when someone doesn’t like something you do is the “they’re just jealous!” defense.
I’m actually willing to consider that.
I’m married to the emotional equivalent of a Vulcan. Not that he doesn’t have ANY feelings, but I am pretty damn confident that Jonathan would rather tazer his own scrotum than utter a tiny fraction of the dialog that Edward walks around spouting day after sleepless day.
And I am sure that some of that spouting is pretty damn nice to hear.
So, perhaps it’s true and I am just a jealous hater and totally giving this series a bad rap because of it.
Maybe.
3. I think it’s setting up horrible expectations about relationships and what a straight man (vampire or not) is capable of.
Some relationships have actually been really helped along by these books. More than one guy has gotten laid simply because his wife goes on a Twilight bender. And dude, if some guy is happy to get some nooky because of some juvenile fiction, who am I to judge?
BUT.
So many woman I read about and hear about go overboard to the point of being dissatisfied (to hugely varying degrees) that their partner isnt Edward Cullen.
It’s been sad to read and hear about, actually.
From depression with their relationship after reading them to it being a key player in a marriage dissolving, there just seems to be a lot of fall out with these books. Obviously it’s not the author’s fault that a relationship falls apart nor is it all on the book. A relationship that is wounded,or ends because of literature had some really big problems with it in the first place. If you get depression after reading them you probably have some pretty big issues with it outside of these series.
It just seems that for whatever reason, these books just seem to have a powerful sway and reaction triggers in an awful lot of women that goes beyond enjoyment, having it be a guilty pleasure or even devotion, and it turns me off.
And?
If I were a guy I would sort of want to punch the author of this book out for the sheer expectation this puts on men (No, I am not advocating violence. It’s figurative, dude.).
If I were a man I would hate, loathe and DESPISE the day that Edward Cullen was created.
His perfect, gorgeous, strong, plays the piano, composes music, speaks several languages, is loaded, romantic, brooding, dresses perfectly, throws a killer fast ball, he effing glitters while writing endless love letters in perfect calligraphy AND somehow does all of this while being absolutely straight.
NO ONE CAN COMPETE WITH THIS GUY.
Especially some poor, zit ridden high school boy who is still years away from figuring out that it isn’t entirely his fault that his female partner is capable of freaking the hell out once a month for no apparent reason.
I know that I am putting little faith in the teenage girls of the world and I know that certainly not every girl would be effected, but I am going from personal experience here. I would have TOTALLY BOUGHT INTO THIS AS A TEENAGER. That this was how relationships should and COULD be.
Wrong, wrong, wrongity wrong.
Even if a small minority of people are blessed with that kind of attraction and passion those relationships can be really hard and tricky to navigate. The fallout can be pretty bad. And if it ever turns? OY. Not good.
Would everyone love that kind of passion and devotion?
Probably. At least for awhile. It might get exhausting and annoying when you really just want some alone time already or when all your furniture is broken from your wild couplings. I certainly wouldn’t have the stamina for it, but then I suppose if I were a vampire I would have a titanium-esque vagina, so it might be a moot point.
At the end of the day I think if there are grown women out there getting relationship confusion/dissatisfaction out there it would be way harder for a teenage mind to sort it all out. So, it’s just not something I would want an impressionable girl reading with rabid devotion.
With the level of obsession that has happened with these books, I don’t think I am totally off in left field here.
4. I’m not a huge fan of young adult literature.
I find it too simple and not meaty enough in plot and execution in general. If I am going to fall in love with it it needs to be something like Ender’s Game or The Golden Compass. These books pale in comparison to the two.
5. I just have problems with the storyline and characters.
While it wasn’t a horrible read, I’m just not a fan of the writing. Even for a young adult book I found it really lacking in a lot of ways.
That’s a biggie.
And seriously, I cannot for the life of me figure out why two men are fighting so hard over the character of Bella because REALLY? She just seems so, so, SO not worth it. She started off as someone who was rather interesting and dissolved into absolutely NOTHING outside of this guy. She basically just became a reason for him to throw himself in front of cars and rescue the damsel in distress. I’m not hating on the damsel line. Some of it is absolutely sexy but it just got to be freaking stupid and ridiculous.
My reaction was similar to the ONE problem I had with the bestest movie ever made. The scene in The Princess Bride when Buttercup is just standing there with a club watching the love of her life, Westley, getting eaten by a big ass rat in The Fire Swamp AND SHE JUST STANDS THERE DOING NOTHING.
DUDE! HIT THE EFFING R.O.U.S WITH THE DAMN CLUB ALREADY AND HELP YOUR GUY OUT, YOU WUSS!!!!
I also found the “Sleeping” storyline lame. I think that the expectation of having a guy hang out all night in a girl’s room with absolutely nothing happening is unlikely at best. It’s a little freaky if you think about it. This guy breaks into her room and sits there and watches her sleep all night?
Uh…
And let’s see…she is willing to, um, have her jugular bit into and pretty much DIE and turn into a creature that must constantly fight the urge to rip open the necks of other humans and suck their blood to be with The Glittery One for all eternity but she just CAN’T BRING HERSELF TO MARRY HIM?!
If I were to be a fan of any of them I suppose it would be Jacob, though I hate the way he loves and hangs on to Bella even when she treats him like absolute shit. THAT is no good example, either. And I should know. I think it’s why I hate that particular story line so much. The way it’s handled pisses me off. All the ways she chose to wrap up most of her story lines were fairly lame but most of all was Jacob’s stupidly convenient “instantaneous attachment to a 2 yr. old”.
It kind of gives me butt heebies when I think about it .
Barf.
And the biggest flaw of all with the story?
I could buy that there are vampires and werewolves roaming around Forks, Washington. Hell…I can even buy that they are “Vegan Vampires” of a sort.
However, I will NEVER believe that some dude that has apparently been walking the earth for 90 years would voluntarily choose to hang out perpetually with teenagers for eternity.
NOPE.
So, there’s my admission.
I have more issues but really, these are the main ones so why kick a dog while it’s down and get petty? I know that many, many, MANY OF YOU will utterly disagree with me here and that’s cool.
REALLY.
Just don’t send me glittery hate mail, yo.
:)
I think you make some really interesting points here. The majority of which I TOTALLY agree with. I’m a Team Edward girl, but being married to a Vulcan myself I see it as my bit of escapism which is all it is. However, you’ve saved me the trouble of planning my English tutorial with my Year 11 and 12s tonight. I’m just going to do a debate with them instead using your points.
Big kisses for that!
And the crappy personal stuff you’ve got going on?
big hugs for that too xxxxx
And if it stays as a bit of escapism, it’s cool. If it was just a book series on a shelf I would probably like it much more. The level’s it’s gone to and the things I’ve seen in people and relationships over a BOOK?
Not good, IMO.
Thanks, for the xoxoxo’s. It has been the crappiest day.
I just think Bella is plain stupid… LOL
But again… I don;t have a vagina… :)
xxx
I’m not fond of the actress they picked either. She made an already lame character, lamer, IMO.
I WILL say that the ACTOR who plays Edward is DELIGHTFUL on the voice over of the film. I wish I had just watched it that way in the first place because he’s hilarious about his character and the costuming they did.
Hah! I haven’t even tried to read or watch, but I’ve read enough of the criticism to feel that I’m not interested in spending my time there. My man definitely is not “Vulcan-like”, so that reasoning is out, on my side. Heh. ;D
Cool post, yo. ;p
I think a lot of people feel like you do. I would never have written this without having read them all and seen the movie.
I certainly have NO beef with people who are fans, either.
I’m just not one. :)
Someone finally had the balls to say it. I agree 100%. I gave up during book 3 because I was sooooo tired of Bella WHINING about everything. Get a damn backbone, stupid. Now I have to sit my daughter down and explain that a strong woman doesn’t just sit there and let a man order her around while she licks his boots, which in my eyes is exactly what this chick does. If I had to live an eternity with her I’d stake myself.
I am not an independent strong woman but even I drew the line with it. She’s just not someone I would ever want my daughter to be. Ya know, if I HAD a daughter. :)
(Just so it doesn’t get said by someone else…I wouldn’t want her to be like me, either. I would hope for more spine, spirit and independence for her. Also? No cankles. A girl can dream.)
Haven’t read, won’t read. Of the online excerpts that I skimmed, the author’s ability to use seventeen words when four would suffice was enough to drive me bat-shit in a matter of paragraphs. Also, vampires creep me out and boy glitter as a metaphor for male perfection makes me clench. Hard.
See also: Potter, Harry.
I will cop to loving Harry Potter, though it got tiresome towards the end.
YAY!!! Thank you for writing this. My 16 year old friend has been trying to get me to read these for a couple of years now, and she lent me her set, and I could only stomache the first two… I literally could not force myself to read the last two books. And I am a huge vampire fan, and a fan of many works of young adult literature (and glittering (pardon the pun) in the front of that pack is A Wrinkle in Time series, by Madeleine L’Engle, and I’ve recently enjoyed the Mortal Instruments tilo), and I read many different genres of literature and usually love excapist literature, but I wanted to throttle Belle, and duct tape Edward’s mouth shut. Plus, the writing was not good, at all. The end.
So, yeah, I’m not a fan either. ;p
I LOVED A Wrinkle in Time. Such a good read.
That would be the Mortal Instruments TRILOGY… ahem.
It totally weired me out that Jacob “Imprinted” on a 2 year old as well. Does the writer of those books not know what a child Predator is?
Oh wait…
I can’t for the life of me figure out what she was thinking with that. It was just…weird as all get out. And it made me highly uncomfortable, no matter the explanation or how fast she grew or that it wasn’t sexual at two. It was just way too weird for me.
But I also cop to being reaaaaalllllyyyyy skittish about any whiff of stuff like that in books or movies. (Even what a lot of child actors do for their characters. It just bugs me a lot)
I just wrote a paper about A Wrinkle In Time for children’s lit. It’s one of the leatherbounds my dad bought me as a kid, knowing that it would still be interesting 30 years later.
We were given a copy of the movie as a gift. Now I know full well that movies aren’t as good as the book, but one viewing told me that I’d have issues with the suspension of disbelief in the books.
Nope. It will be nice when Disney finally releases their movie adaptation of one of my favorite series from my teen years, The Tripods, based on the John Christopher White Mountain trilogy. I love me some sci fi.
I’m really not into Sci-fi, but just like the fact that I love at least a couple of examples of ALL kinds of music, it is the same with books.
I ADORED Orson Scott Card’s “Ender” series.
So, SO good.
Number 1 on your list is SO VERY ME. I think that is one of the main reasons I had no desire to watch even five minutes of “Mad Men,” just because everyone else loved it so much. (I have seen a few episodes now, and I still don’t really dig it. I don’t have a problem with anyone else liking it, it’s well-done, etc. It’s just not my cup of tea.)
I have not read the Twilight books, but I’ve seen the movie, which I went to willingly because a friend wanted to see it. And I’ve got to say, seeing the movie convinced me that I’m right to never waste my time reading the books. The movie was okay (and now I want to watch the DVD commentary) but I have zero desire to read the books, or see the next movie, for that matter.
I’m sorry about the suckage. Hope it gets better. xo
I think Mad Men could be fascinating to me but I saw shows in the first season and was intrigued. I haven’t gotten into them because we just got a DVR after a year plus without one and haven’t had time, but I hear you.
I didn’t watch Seinfeld and I JUST watched the finale of Friends last year.
My favorite TV show on earth is “Dead Like Me”. A quirky Showtime series that only lasted two seasons.
I have not and will not read Twilight. My sister is obsessed and keeps pestering me but NO THANK YOU.
Love your reasons!
I totally cop to bothering people about Titanic so I am probably walking quite a “pot/kettle” line here.
BUT.
I liked the storyline ok but in my defense a whole lot of my obsession with that film is my obsession with the boat. I’ve been utterly fascinated by it since I was in Kindergarten and watched a PBS special with my dad. When they found it I ran to school announcing the news and all my classmates looked at me blankly.
Ignoramuses.
Thanks for writing this! I haven’t read them AT ALL, because I had an sinking suspicion that they would be exactly as you describe them here. Only you can do it in a much more eloquent way than I… especially having given them the chance to read them.
Also, Princess Bride is one of my fav movies, but that scene with the ROUS’s ALWAYS bothered me, even as a kid!!
Princess Bride: Best film ever!
That scene? LAME AS ALL GET OUT.
My daughter and I can’t stand Twilight. We saw a trailer for the second movie, and spent all the time laughing at the bad acting.
Favourite t-shirt spotted in ‘Shop for Geek’s’ window:
…And then Buffy slayed Edward
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Enjoyed the books purely as escapism but really not on Team Edward or Team Bella. More of a Jacob fan although I don’t understand Bella’s appeal. I can’t stand people who always have to talk about their love for each other. Don’t they ever actually do anything?
Love HP.
Talking about your love (even a lot) can be highly entertaining but yeah…action needs to happen or it’s pointless.
Oops. It’s ‘Gifts for Geeks’ :)
AH, gotcha!
Ok, so I read the books. I’ll admit that. and they were fine, they were a quick read. But holy crap Bella is the most useless female among useless females. SERIOUSLY. I do NOT want my little sister thinking ‘I want a guy like Edward, who watches me sleep (hello. sketchy) and refuses to let me see my warewolf friend and omg Ima get pregnant with his half vampire baby and just let it KILL ME because oh yeah, he’s a vampire and I have no personality”
It’s like. NO. She’s so useless. She literally does nothing. NOTHING. and I’m sorry, but I can’t handle that. At least Sookie from True Blood can bash dudes heads in and whatnot. She’s slightly less useless.
Endofrant.
On a side note, I’m all about the princess bride. Like, it’s my favorite movie. But I remember yelling at the screen “BUTTERCUP HIT IT. SMACK THE DARN THING.”
Yeah. I love me some strong capable female characters. Why does Buttercup get carried everywhere? Girlfriend HAS LEGS. Still the best movie ever.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I think this is my favorite synopsis of the book ever.
I AM a fan of Twilight and I agree with everything you said! I totally agree with #3, but then, I look at it this way: PORN. I think it’s safe to say that most men in our society look at it at least once or twice in their lifetimes, and some look at it waaaay more often than that. Also, in general, there are these unattainable female beauty standards thrown in women’s and men’s faces every day. Billboards at the bustop, on the subway, along the street, in the mall, etc.
All of these things affect women’s self esteem and make men disappointed that their women don’t live up. So I don’t feel guilty entertaining a little unrealistic fantasy now and then, since, in a way, the entire WORLD of gender representation is an unrealistic fantasy for men. And I don’t really feel bad about the idea of letting young women entertain the fantasy, either.
That said, I’m not “attracted” to Edward in any way. I just got sucked in by the story and wanted to follow it to the end. That’s all. And no part of me wishes my husband were more like Edward. I like my man of flesh and bone and impermeable sensibilities. I like it that he’s not constantly vulnerable and passionate, because it makes those times when he IS all the more special. He’s a vulcan, but he’s MY vulcan. Yum. :)
And I totally agree with the feminist reading of the text – that Bella is a horrible example for young women everywhere. Grrrr!
I can’t bring myself to put porn and this book in the same league, though I get what you’re saying. I’m not “pro” porn but could handle it if it’s viewed on occasion. The reality is that it has left many lives and people in utter ruin. BUT…words are porn for many women. Erotic lit has done a whole lot of damage on its own and has equally obsessive qualities about it, it’s just that it’s rarely talked about. (Really that could be another post in its entirety) And I am not putting this book up there with erotic lit, honest. It was just an interesting tangent.
I agree with the gender stuff though I don’t think two wrongs make a right really. I think both genders need to be a lot more realistic about the other, frankly.
I am not bashing romantic, heroic, love fests of books and movies. I LOVE things like that, it’s just that this one bugged me and it took awhile to figure out why. And honestly…it shouldn’t have considering I like escaping into things.
Vegan vampires? snicker! I read the first Twilight book just to see what everyone was talking about. I thought the writing was incredibly weak and I had trouble getting through it. I really don’t understand how grown women can love the books. An eleven year old girl? Maybe. I had no interest in the movie. But then, I’m married to a Vulcan too.
It kind of just goes down hill from there. They got more intricate than the first book but the story just…meh.
I cop to wishing my husband were not a Vulcan but seriously…I need to have utter confidence that my man’s manly bits are gun ho for the girly parts of me and I am not totally certain I could do that with Edward.
(Though I would LOVE him as a gay husband. I’m dying to have one cause frankly, NO ONE can worship a girl like a gay man. I adore them.)
You can definitely still keep your vagina! I’ve never read the books or seen the movies, and absolutely refuse to. Like you, I’m always really hesitant to read/watch something just because everyone else is doing it. If anything, it makes me automatically hate it and want nothing to do with it. LOL.
The little excerpts that I’ve read and seen have me absolutely convinced it’s not worth my time. The author cannot write for crap. I think it would really bug me to have to try and slog thru reading all 3 or 4 or however many books there are.
Excellent post, and I’m glad to see there are more of us out there than I thought there were! :)
So glad about the vagina thing. I’m sort of attached to it. Hee.
I Don’t want to see the movies, and I don’t want to read the books.
And now I know why…
Hope you have a better day!
It’s a better day then yesterday simply because yesterday is now over! Whew!
Well, I was going to write something, but then realized that Molly had pretty much said it all. I find myself in a distinct minority of having read and enjoyed the books for what they are (pure fluff), but also having serious issues with the whole ‘I will allow everyone to decide my life for me and will have no personality’ thing.
Really can’t understand why these became so hot in the ‘it’s great for teenagers!’ sense. Really, parents? You’re so invested in the ‘no sex before marriage’ line that you’d encourage your daughters to pursue controlling nutjobs who’ll separate them from their families? I don’t get that part of it at all.
WORD.
I didn’t LOATHE the books. I just seriously do not get the rabid obsession. (And I am someone who usually understands rabid obsession…no stones thrown there.)
It’s that this is a YA book and really…I just don’t think it’s a good one. Just my opinion.
I haven’t read the books and won’t read the books. I really have no desire. I don’t know who Bella is or Edward or anything about these Vegan Vampires and that is okay with me. My sister-in-law wears the Edward shirts all the time…she is 34. Yeah, kind of creepy. So that is another reason why I won’t read the books ;)
LOL!!!!
I think you and I should dress up as Bella and Edward for Halloween. I even volunteer to be the dude. I’ve had more then enough practice playing men. :)
(I’m freakishly weak though so if we’re out trick or treating and you’re in the path of a sliding van? You’re on your own, dude.)
YES! You CAN have a Vagina and not like Twilight. I’m on the same boat with you there! I think the first book was only kind of bad, but that they got progressively worse and then the movie was the worst bit of it all. It was terrible!
I actually thought I might be wrong with the first book. It wasn’t bad.
By the middle of book two?
Nah.
Still…I finished them all because it’s a; how I roll once I start reading a series and b: I wanted to be able to make a fair assessment and to me that meant reading them all.
That’s pretty much how I felt too! :P I just kept going so that I could say I knew what I was talking about when I said it sucked. :P
Yup. Plus, I kept wanting it to redeem itself by the end. It didn’t.
That was pretty much me too! I just wanted to have a fully educated opinion!
Ugh, sorry about the double postage… The site went funky so I thought I had to start again! :P
I love Sci Fi and I love YA literature (Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Bartimaous Trilogy) but it has to be unpretentious, humorous, and not be written by an atheist who’s pissed off about Narnia (Golden Compass FAIL) or a teenager who can write (Eragaon FAIL.)
But I’m so like you about popular shit that I’m finally getting around to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, now.
And now that I’m deep into Season 3, I’m here to tell you: love between vampires and teenagers? Male vampires spending a night watching their love interest sleep? Vamps who refuse to feed on humans? Presence of a werewolf in what you thought was a vampire story? Check, check, check, check.
So. Twilight is obviously derivative. And if what you’re saying about the writing is true … no thanks.
The atheism theme was too much at the end of Golden Compass, I’ll give you that but it was no more heavy handed than Narnia. If one guy can use juvenile fiction to espouse his beliefs then the other guy absolutely has the same right, IMO.
I really don’t give a care what their motivations are as long as the writing and story are both good. I loved them both.
I watched Buffy the movie, but never got into the show. Agent Booth on Bones is Agent Booth to me…not “Angel”.
I JUST watched ALL 7 seasons of The Gilmore Girls. Same reason as you. :)
1) awesome way to distract from the suckige of this month… i totally agree.
2) i haven’t read the books.
3) i don’t want to be mrs. edward cullen.
4) the pale factor of his skin is weird to me.
but……
5) the vampireness of the twilight gig… the longing, desiring, and literally wanting to be with someone THAT BAD to the point of consuming them… to me, that’s hot. the vampire torment is sexy. edward cullen is not.
I forgot to write that.
The vampire thing was an automatic strike against it, too.
I know so many people are way into them, it’s just never been my thing.
Did. Not. Care. For. Underworld. (Ect.)
So, it would have to be an exceptional vampire story for me.
I’m with you on a lot of this.
I enjoyed reading the books as something to do when I was pregnant and bored, but I’m not gaga over them. I actually enjoyed the movie more than the book.
I HATED the last book with a fiery hatey passion. Actually I blogged about it last year.
http://www.mommymelee.com/2008/09/my-happy-ending-would-have-been.html
I feel like married women should be able to figure shit out without being overly influenced by a book for teens. My concern is more that it is a REALLY REALLY STUPID book for teen girls to read for many for many of the reasons you outlined here.
And I feel that Bella is an atrocious character who has absolutely no hobbies or desires or ambitions beyond being in lurve and pushing vampire babies out of her vagina and that is FUCKING LAME.
I know am utterly late to the game.
This post is sooooo 18 months ago. :)
The running joke with myself was if everything fell to such crap I had nothing to write about, I always had Twilight!
There you go.
Sigh.
;P
Haha I didn’t mean it to sound like it was last year. :P :P :P
I think it will stay pertinent for a long time, to be honest. More and more people are being exposed to it, and with the films coming out, it’s ALL OVER THE PLACE.
The second film coming out and my ever decreasing ability not to hurl at the mention of it did play a part in this post.
And I know. I was TOTALLY mocking myself. HEHEHEHHEHE!
PS I love love love YA lit though.
I really love that I’m not the only person who doesn’t get this series. To be fair I haven’t read the books but still. You will get no hate mail from me dude, just love.
Word. And I don’t think that people should if they don’t think they will like them.
I secretly hoped I would and as I said…I actually enjoyed a lot of the first book.
I have not and will not, read those books. On the other hand, I don’t have a vagina, although I do come in close contact with one from time to time. I made a conscious decision not to read the Twilight stuff. Over time, the various aspects of the books, the characters and their habits, have become topic of enough conversations that I have enough information to know that I’m not really missing anything.
As for your Vulcan (I LOVE that reference, by the way), I am willing to bet that push come to shove, there’s as much love, kindness and understanding under that gruff exterior as there is anywhere else, in anyone else’s relationship. Some of us say “I love you” and other goopy stuff, all the time. Some of us (‘US’ being the vaginally challenged) never find a way to say it. But there are other ways to show it. And I bet he does.
And just so you know – when Annie and I are together, we hold hands. Sometimes I call her on the phone just to say “I love you”. I give her back rubs and massages almost every night. I massage her feet. I read to her at night so she falls asleep to the sound of my voice, because she says she loves the sound of my voice.
I’m willing to bet I don’t love my wife any more than your husband loves you.
I have always said that men that really understand women are rare and amazing. You seem to be that dude, Lou. :)
Call me cold-hearted, apathetic, or whatever…but…I have NO love for the books and laughed myself silly through the movie.
I thought all of it was ridiculous. For many of the reasons you’ve stated here. You will not be getting hate mail from me. Maybe love notes, but not hate mail :)
There was promise in them for me, honestly…it just fell flat.
Thank you for not sending hate mail. ALWAYS appreciated.
AMEN!!!
And thank you for this:
“It kind of gives me butt heebies when I think about it.”
Best. Line. Ever.
My friends Cricket and Michelle are totally responsible for that line. I SO wish I could take credit for it.
Read The Book Thief. That book is so good it *might* make up for the time you lost reading the sucky one.
I’ve heard a lot about that. It’s on my list of “things to pick up at Boarders”. :)
I’ve never read them and don’t plan to. Does that make me a hater too?
Nah.
You are obviously not alone here.
I just felt like I couldn’t critique them and NOT read.
And I wanted to like them.
As I said…I am a fan of escapism, I just found it too frustrating to be able to do that when reading them.
Ok… so… does the fact that I capitalized on the whole Twilight thing by making “Mrs. Edward Cullen” aprons pretty much hurl me out of your universe? (well, I never said I WORE one!)
I will admit, I avoided reading the books until I was desperate on a 12 hour flight from Paris. I Loved it! I love any kind of romantic fiction, and isn’t that all this really is? It’s just a romance novel! Aren’t the men in those ALWAYS godlike and perfect? Aren’t our husbands always rolling their eyes when they see us sighing at the scene where they long flowing-haired hero grabs the head-strong damsel, pulls her tightly into his muscular arms and whispers into her hair “I’ll never leave you” before he smothers her with kisses… and other stuff?!
I say, if there are women out there who are dissatisfied with their husbands BECAUSE of Edward… well, they need counseling! I, on the other hand, LOVE getting lost in a romance- forgetting the grim realities of my menial job as a stay at home slave. But then, I am able to put it aside and deal with reality. (Now, where did I put my “Vampires make the best cooks” apron, again?) hee hee
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah, that’s just good business, Erin. ;P
I do not mind escapism AT ALL.
Not at ALL.
You have to admit that a really huge number of people left escapism back at the door with them, though. I had the same problem when I went to Culloden battlefield in Scotland.
In The Outlander series (Yes, I was obsessed with them, I admit), there is an immensely popular character named Jamie Fraser. At Culloden, an actual place where actual people died, on the Grave for Clan Fraser there were roses and love notes to this fictional character.
I was a fan of the books but dude…it made me barf.
I get a similar feeling with the levels sooooo many people take it with these books, if that makes sense.
I think it’s more about the young adult aspect of it more than anything for me. And I’m not all “BAN THE BOOK FOR TEENAGERS!”, either. I just don’t think I’d let my younger teens read them.
And the look of huge disbelief when I say I don’t care for them.
And I just think way, way, WAY better books are out there.
And all of this is just my opinion. :)
P.S. You make me giggle.
Really??? (eyeballs rolling) There were lovenotes to Jamie fraser on the Culloden Battlefield??? WHAT??? That is just so… so… WRONG.
It. was. horrible.
I thought it was seriously one of the most insulting things I’ve ever seen. REAL PEOPLE DIED THERE.
Putting flowers and rocks in the name of some imaginary character? SO disrespectful. Gag.
I will admit to reading them. My granddaughters were reading them and it gave us something to do together 2500 miles apart. I am not a fan. I so agree with Maria that the 4th book sucked with great magnitude!!!! I hated it. I kept reading to see if it would get better and the opposite happened. I hated who they got to play Edward. Cedric Diggory as Edward…no…no…no… Cannot stand Bella! Doubt I will spend the money to see the 2nd movie. Inkheart and Fablehaven series on the other hand I loved.
You know, though…Robert Pattison was just awesome during the commentary on the film. I enjoyed it way better than the movie (though the actress I swear is the most monotone, overly serious person ever.)
He was embarrassed by a lot of his character/costuming. He had a great comment about never trusting a man who plucks his eyebrows and had a thing or two to say about his hair and “prissy little pea coat” they made him wear. Poor kid ran out of the movie theater during the screening he was so embarrassed.
You’ve seen, right?
http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/
OMG. I think I just snorted my own uvula reading that.
This is my favorite video parody. (The apple being hucked is my favorite part)
I wrote a similar post awhile back. My main problem with the books was the vampires themselves. I mean, of course Bella is the kind of protagonist no one roots for because she inspires nothing if not apathy, but the vampires themselves, man.
No fangs? Sparkly in the sun? They’re the My Little Pony of the vampire genre and it’s awful. Meyer took all the sexiness of vampires and diluted out all the menacing or dark aspects of vampirism, which is fine until you realize that the heft of the appeal of vampires lies in that very dark, menacing, dangerous nature.
She took the fangs out of vampires. Both literally and figuratively.
I’m not a vampire fan but I’ve heard the same criticism from those that are.
Must be frustrating if you’re a vampire lover.
I have a feeling I’d want to go to a book signing and yell “POSERS!”.
Ya know…if I were into them n’ stuff. :)
I read them. OK escapism though the forth was a bit annoying (much like the last and most tiresome Harry Potter book). I will let my daughters read them with a clear understanding that they are simply that: escapism. So for teen lit. Not bad, certainly there is worse out there… ever read Sweet Valley High? I haven’t and don’t care to see the movie, wouldn’t be able to NOT giggle through the whole thing. And I’m a Jacob fan, stupid Bella for not seeing how clearly safe and perfect her life could be without the vampires.
As for teen lit, I really loved Inkheart by Cornelia Funke, who also wrote Igraine the Brave. Now there are some strong female characters. Also second the vote for reading The Book Thief.
But relationship fallouts? Really? Seriously? Those people must have had some serious (psych) issues to begin with. Leaving a novel with great expectations as to how one’s life should play out, especially a vampire novel, seriously? I just can’t wrap my head around it.
I LOVED Sweet Valley High in the 7th grade. And mainly it is because I was a twin.
And yes. There has been serious relationship fall out with these suckers, unbelievable as it is.
One of my friends let me write about her depression regarding them (She knows she has issues and is gearing up to get some help. She had them before Twilight it just really brought them out)
I thought about not including that in my post because really…if you are going to get depressive and/or damage your relationship because of these books it’s like you and I both said…you have got issues and it would have been something else if not these.
Since it happened to loved ones of people I know (Or loved ones of people I know like the marriage dissolving) and really made me go, “WOW”, I put it in. If it hadn’t touched my own personal life I wouldn’t have brought it in, but it has.
I haven’t read the books or watched the movie. Nor do I plan to :)
So many are in this category it’s a little surprising. Sometimes it feels like the entire world has read them.
I completely agree!! Thanks for writing this!
I almost died the other week when my students asked if we could study Twilight this year. No. We. Can. The. Fuck. Not.
BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!
This is so funny. I’ve now heard from someone who is using the discussion points in this post for her class and someone who says “NO NO NO!” to it.
Hee!
Although, I gotta say…it would be a fascinating discussion to get them to rip it apart and analyze it and see if anyone changed their minds.
I’d love to be a fly on the wall for those conversations.
Yeah, in a funny sort of way…
The answer’s still no, though. It’s too effing long for school study at this age anyway (they’re 12 & 13).
I haven’t read it or plan to. Not my thing. My husband and I downloaded and watched the movie (we were about to pay money to see it). We laughed a lot, it was funny, like stupid funny.
It did give some unintended laughs for sure.
I am blushing because this was hard to read. I haven’t ended my marriage or anything like that but these books made me unhappy with my relationship with my husband of 14 years. I’m a good little Mormon girl, busy, 5 kids, callings, SAHM, school volunteer. I usually don’t read books because who has the time? I like websites because they are fast and usually fulfilling, like this one. All the ladies in my ward were going on and on about them and so I went out at bought the first three at once.
I am a slow reader and I did nothing for an entire month. My duties went away, I neglected everything in my life to read about the wonderful, passionate world of Edward and Bella. My husband was confused. It spiced up our love life but it made me feel sad and lonely that my life was missing what I got from these books.
I waited in line at the launch party to buy the last book and started reading it in my car. I stayed up all night long, something I have only done a handful of times and that includes being in labor.
I started to pull back from the book with the imprinting of Jacob on Bella and Edward’s toddler. It was too much for me. And right after that, thankfully, my eldest daughter got involved in a project that absolutely required my full time and attention and I got my life back and retained balance.
I started talking about it with a few very close friends and family who noticed the change. We all laughed it off but it continues to bother me. I went to talk to my bishop about it. Not because I did anything wrong, necessarily but because I felt like I had. He didn’t go into detail but I was obviously not the first person to come and see him over them.
I know now that I just have to be careful with what I let myself get carried away with. My Bishop suggested doing a little more for myself regularly so that I don’t get so starved for ‘escapism’ that you mention a lot here.
I don’t think I’m crazy but I do think these books can really get under people’s skin. I look at them as kind of being a drug addict for a little bit. It was so heady and wonderful for a time but it left me feeling not good because I took it overboard.
Thanks for writing this. I wouldn’t have agreed at the time but I can see a lot of these points as being valid now that I have stepped back.
I am a huge fan of the books and make no apologies about it. I don’t think that you are going all ‘book nazi’ and being the moral police here, Loralee. If you were I would get up in your face. You did a good job of explaining why you don’t like them and your issues.
I don’t agree with them but I can understand them if that makes sense? Everybody has their likes and dislikes and I’m sorry that your life is unwriteable right now. I wonder how I would deal with mine if I wrote a blog.
I wanted to comment on this comment here. That’s a brave thing to admit, No Name. Don’t you think that it has more to do with you not giving yourself any time and being continuously beholden to a family and religion than this book?
I have a hard time blaming literature for what happened to you, is all even though I am sorry you went through it.
Awe, I’m sorry for that, hon.
I think it’s been so huge in the LDS community because 1. The author is Mormon. 2. It’s a “clean” book, so to speak. The same women that would rather die then walk into Boarders and pick up a romance novel (even if it is a cleaner series) get the same escape from Twilight without the stigma. 3. So many women here put EVERYTHING and EVERYONE before themselves and like you said…they get starved after awhile.
So, I’m not surprised they have been gobbled up here.
Needed to add a comment for the other commenter. I don’t blame the books. Obviously No Name had a lot of voids that needed to be filled and she got a crash course with this, so to speak.
I feel bad for her and really…her story isn’t uncommon with them though I think she is taking on too much guilt for it. (But going to see clergy to me over stuff is major so a lot of this is my own filter going on here)
I am not trying to judge people, just comment on my issues with them.
:)
I slogged through all four of the books, at the insistence of friends. They were alright. Seriously, though, I don’t get how people are so insane for them. I can point you towards a dozen other books that have greater depth and flat out better storytelling. And the movie? I was laughing hysterically it was so bad.
I saw someone mention The Book Thief, which is AWESOME. Also, try The Hunger Games. Much more interesting reads.
THAT is the name of the other book. There were two I kept hearing over and over so THANKS!
oh sugar <3 this is the most fantastic thing ive read in a long time. I agree with all of it and more. and! I feel like your vagina is clearly superior as to not be swayed by a sparkly vampire!
woo!
If someone were actually that devoted to me it would be hard to Just Say No, but I think the chances of that happening are fairly slim so my vagina is safe.
Also? If it DID happen to me I would have remained a hell of a lot more interesting then Bella. Of that I am certain.
Heh.
And here I didn’t think I could admire and like you any more than I already do. Say it!
VAMPIRE!
(Could. Not. Help. It. Hee!)
Loralee I LOVE YOU! I own the first two books but have yet to read them. Well, I started reading the first but couldn’t get past the first couple pages due to the writing. I agree- too “young adult” for me. I did see the movie and it was’ok but just not for me. All along I thought *I* was the only one. And here you are!
Steph
And um, ok, after reading “No Name”‘s comment up there, I am wayyyyy re-thinking I should read these books… ?
Steph
HEE!
If you didn’t like the first book you have no hopes for the others IMO.
P.S. I LOVE YOU, TOO!!!!
“I’m married to the emotional equivalent of a Vulcan. Not that he doesn’t have ANY feelings, but I am pretty damn confident that Jonathan would rather tazer his own scrotum than utter a tiny fraction of the dialog that Edward walks around spouting day after sleepless day.”
My professor, and the people next to me in class, would like to thank you for making me nearly choke on my ice cap. That mental image seriously nearly made me die.
I love the Twilight books, but they fit more into the fantasy genre for me. I’m definitely old enough to realize that is NOT how relationships, or dudes, will ever be. One of my male friends got suckered into seeing Twilight with a girl he was dating and his comment made me laugh pretty hard. He said, and I quote, “How so many women do not realize that glitter skinned pretty boy is GAY, I do not know.”
I think the book is the author’s fantasy of how she wishes high school was, with some supernatural thrown in. Bella moves to a new town, instantly fits in at school despite being super awkward and lands the hottest guy within…what, days? Money says Stephenie Meyer was the nerd in high school and WISHES this was her life.
But I enjoy them for the release of crap literature after days of historical books. Add me to the long list of people who would do Edward if he existed.
I got this clip emailed to me and I about PEED MYSELF.
Seriously…you MUST view it.
My roommate just came in to ask me why I’m laughing so hard. Thanks for that one.
XOXOXO
SERIOUSLY SO FUNNY.
This is interesting. I am an adult who is married with two kids. I resisted reading the books for a long time, but my book club chose Twilight as a book last spring. I really enjoyed it and liked most of the series. I did have a hard time with the 4th book.
It is funny that I read your post today, because I also read this article from The Boston Globe today with the opposite feelings:
http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2009/09/27/falling_in_love_with_twilight/
I know I am soooooooo in the minority here and I’m a little shocked I didn’t like them.
I totally agree on everything you just said about that book, Loralee – especially about Edward being just too perfect and Bella being so not worth it. And about storyline. What drived me crazy, too, was a way the author wrote it – I mean a style. This book is just badly-written. Or maybe it’s the fault of the translator? (’cause I read it in Polish, of course.)
I read it because I wanted to see for myself what is that what everybody are so crazy about (even here!). Quite frankly, I had a lot of fun reading it. I mean, come on – glitter? lullaby sung by the vampire? breaking the spine while leaning for the cup of blood? All these ideas – and more, of course – made me laugh pretty hard.
Maybe I’ve just passed that time in my life. I read A LOT, I met most of my friends because of our shared love for books, I have friends among writers too (though only the Polish ones, of course), hell I myself want to be a writer and I am constantly fithing for this little dream (yup, I am writing a book xD). Maybe that’s the reason the Twilight series doesn’s satisfy me, if I can use that euphemism. Ot maybe not. Anyway, I’m 20, so I can’t be called teenager anymore, but still… :)
regards,
Amy.
IT IS NOT THE TRANSLATION.
Trust me.
:D
Somehow you made me feel better. Restored my faith to the translators! xD
ciao,
Amy.
I blogged about this same topic (not nearly as well) earlier this week. (You stole the idea from my meager blog, didn’t you?) My theory about why Twilight is so popular in spite of its banality is this:
The majority of people who were clamoring for me to read the BEST BOOK EVER OMGEEEEEEEEEEE weren’t fervent readers. There are so many books out there that are one hundred million times better than this insipid teenage saga. How do people not know this?
In a lot of ways it’s like some blogs that people DIE over that I just do.not.get.
And yes. I totally copied you. I can’t help it. I stalk you and watch you while you sleep.
This whole tirade is just a cover to throw suspicion off of me.
:)
You got the sleep-watching idea from Edward, you habitual copier.
My 87 readers are going to hear about this.
Also, now I’m curious to know which blogs you’re referring to.
“Also, now I’m curious to know which blogs you’re referring to.”
Yeah, like I’m going to step into THAT pile of shit. :)
I am so an unoriginal copier. In fact, I AM Edward. I needed a blogging outlet to stem my frustration at hanging around such a nitwit all the time.
Now that I have been outed, I am crying bitter, glittery tears.
Oooh, shiny!
I have not read the book and after scrolling through all 100+ comments I can see I was right in my decision. There’s too much really good stuff out there (you should see my book piles) to give in to the hype over this series.
I’ll admit to liking Harry Potter though.
HEY!
I was just scrolling through my BlogHer photos and found the one of us by the fountain!!!!! :)
Um…yeah. Totally with you. I read the books, didn’t like them. Never saw the movie and don’t intend to. My biggest beef…I HATE BELLA. Seriously. She is the most annoying thing EVER!
Bella is seriously my biggest beef with the entire thing.
Do. Not. Like.
Eh, when I saw the internets making a huge deal about it, I considered reading it. That was until several people who loved it admitted the writing is terrible. Not to mention, I am not big on fantasy stories. My mom bought me the first book for Christmas but I have yet to crack it open. Frankly, I fnd the entire craze nothing short of annoying.
I’m not huge on sci-fi, fantasy either. I admit that this was a HUUUGE strike against it on my list.
Right there with ya, Lor. I am SO not a Twilight fan. And coming from the position of an apprentice author, if I have to read one more person’s vampire story rip off, I’m going to throw up. Half the girls in my writer’s workshop are writing vampire stories, and frankly, it’s just sad taht original thought is no more.
Vampire stories have been around forever, though. I can see how it would DEFINITELY roll your eyes though because THESE books are so popular. Like how everyone started writing wizardry books after Harry Potter came out.
Hopefully, it will be a growing experience for them and they will realize finding their own niche and story is way, way better. (I DID)
You had me at – “she is willing to, um, have her jugular bit into and pretty much DIE and turn into a creature that must constantly fight the urge to rip open the necks of other humans and suck their blood to be with The Glittery One for all eternity but she just CAN’T BRING HERSELF TO MARRY HIM?!”
It was such a desperate way to make her look like an independent female.
Yeah, like that paragraph is going to counter the other 3,000 pages.
Anytime Twilight is mentioned I consider doing two things regarding the fact that I will have two teenage daughters one day.
1. Re-writing it, having it printed to look just like the original and leaving it carelessly around so that they will THINK they’ve read the book.
2. Filtering every moment of every day so that it never comes up.
The whole twilight craze is an interesting phenomenon. I’m not wild about them either (though honestly, I liked the 4th one best). I did like The Host quite a bit.
I will suggest a young adult book for you – Princess Academy, by Shannon Hale. The “Princess” in the title is misleading – it makes it sound akin to Princess Diaries (which are fine in their own right) or something but that’s not accurate – it’s a great little fantasy with lots of group dynamics and such, an awesome main character, and I love it. You should try it. :)
I’ve heard good things about that, actually. Would boys dig it? I am trying to get my kids to be open to not having to have their wives be naked just to get them to watch a chick flick on video.
(I have no personal angst or experience with this. Ehem.)
If you are looking for good YA lit for boys (and girls) try the “tomorrow when the war began” series by john marsden. It is australian, so there is somewhat of a language barrier ;), but it is thought provoking and combines all the action/adventure romance etc that a decent teen book should have.
I’m always on the look for books for my boys! THANKS!
I haven’t read the books, but I nearly exploded when I watched the movie. And in a good way: the tension, the hawtness, the PERFECTION that is Edward, but see? Like a fine scotch, which to most would taste like smokey ass, my adult palette recognizes it as fantasy and that gets me off.
I agree with you 100% on all your points, I’m just saying that the fantasy of it all is alone-time-worthy or go-grab-your-man-worthy. Either way it’s sex fodder.
I wrote a similar post about stupid ass romance novels a few weeks ago. Shit like these books are horrible for young girls developing their relationship patterns and identities. And for the adult women out there whose relationships crumbled after reading the Twilight fables, I’m sure they were already miserable and then thought to themselves, Hey, there could be something better out there for me.
Anyway, I hear ya, girl.
Perfection? Even with the lipgloss and bouffant hairdo?
The actor? FIIINEEE.
But what they did to him in that movie was just wrong. :)
Believe it or not, my husband is actually the Twilight lover in the house, but he’s really into vampire lit and scifi, so it stands to reason. I’m like you, I go the opposite direction (most of the time, I do have an unhealthy love of facebook, there I said it) of popular fads. I hate 24 on principle, because my cousin told me it was the best show EVAR ON THE PLANETS!!111!!! And I HAVE to watch it. I won’t even watch a single episode. I don’t plan on starting in on Twilight. I have enough avenues of escapism.
I love that your husband loves Twilight. Maybe that makes me a total hypocrite but there it is. Hee.
I so agree with you. I find it vaguely creepy that so many moms are swooning over a character in a TEEN book.
I also didn’t jump on the Harry Potter bandwagon either. Found them poorly written.
I wish people could get excited about GOOD books. And not just book on Oprah or other cleverly marketed stuff.
And yeah..the Golden Compass was good.
But I don’t read romances…young adult or adult…so I don’t ‘fit’ in anyway.
I found HP just very clever. THAT was a book I could escape into (though seriously it got soooooo tedious by the end)
I also agree about the Oprah book club list but that is a post for another day.
I haven’t read any of the Twilight books, nor have I read any of the Harry Potter books…. and I’ve never watched any of the movies made from the books.
Still, vampires are hot. I kinda like my vampires like Angel and Spike and my heroine to kick ass like Buffy. There was a HILARIOUS Buffy vs Edward video that I saw online last week… lemme find…. http://www.rebelliouspixels.com/2009/buffy-vs-edward-twilight-remixed
Still, I plan on reading the Twilight books just to see what the heck all of the fuss is about. It’s pretty low on the list… somewhere beneath War and Peace.
Did you see the comment above that said their favorite shirt said,
“…and then Buffy killed Edward”????
HAHAHAHHA!
mwa a a arrrrrr
Bridgy is the one who I watched the movie with. Poor girl, I am afraid I did an awful lot of mocking. :)
I’ll admit, I totally jumped on the Twilight bandwagon. I lusted over Edward. But I accepted for what it was… A BOOK! But then I read it again and I realized that Edward was very controlling and the fact that he did sneak into Bella’s room to watch her sleep was creepy! Bella is also very whiny! Also the third book sucked! I hated that Bella pretended the “transformation” didn’t hurt. Give me a break they all know that is was a bitch to go through. I also read somewhere where a guy “figured out” the twilight phenonimom (sp?). Edward thinks like a 35 year old women! No man would every act or think like Edward.
I hated the third book. I’m pretty sure that is the one I threw against a wall.
I have zero interest in these books and subsequent movies. You’re not alone.
I’m never alone with you, friend. :)
I loved your synopsis of these books. Here’s my top 3 reasons why I’m a hater…
1. Bella = biggest whine-bag ever imagined.
2. Stephanie spent 3 books defining all her own rules for her vampires and then conveniently BREAKS THEM ALL for her precious little Bella. Heaven forbid Bella actually has to deal with the consequences of either choice she was going to make and maybe GROW UP A LITTLE!
3. Somebody shoulda DIED in that final “battle” at the end of book 4… oh, but wait, that might make Bella a little uncomfortable… we wouldn’t want that! Completely anti-climactic for a 4 book series about VAMPIRES!!
4. I know people say this a lot, but I agree… Renesmee? Really, thats the best name you could come up with for this mutant child!?
See, now you know.
I have now decided that if you add “Bag” at the end of an insult it makes it soooooooo much better.
Taking pencil, writing down “whine-bag”, filing it away for future use.
TOTALLY love you, coz!
Definitely start using “whine-bag” in daily conversations! It will make me feel better about how often I use the word “suckitude”. I’ve been thinking of you lots this week. Hope you’re okay.
Whine-bag is SO getting used, trust me. :)
This week could have been better. Me finding out on the air that Jon got the radio job I had been angling for for months after he said that he could “make himself available” for it REALLY did not help.
Long time reader, first time poster! Let me start by saying how much I love this blog. You have made me laugh and cry on so many occasions and to sum up my love for you – YOU ROCK!!!
I agree with many of the points you make about Twilight. I really enjoyed reading the series, but can’t understand the rabid obsession. Although if I were 15. . . Or should I say 11 (Funny story – a group 5th graders came to tour my library, and when they discovered my English accent, one of the girls asked me if I knew Rob Pattinson because “he’s English too.” – I wish!!!) Anyway, let me just say this – please do not give up on young adult literature because of these books. I am a librarian who adores kids books and is on a rabid pursuit of reading as many young adult books as possible. They are some of the best books out there. So, can I take the liberty of recommending anything by John Green, and Sherman Alexie? And you should read some Neil Gaiman, especially “Coraline” and “The Graveyard Book” (your oldest two will probably dig those two). And then there is “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”. . . I could go on, but being the awesome woman that you are, you probably know all this stuff anyway.
Hope your week gets better!
HEY!
Happy to see you de-lurk!
I have a fabulous librarian friend who is soooooo cool and up on good YA lit. I have read it and enjoyed it but it’s not usually something I go buy over an adult read. (My children LOVE Neil Gaiman. She recommends the best books for them)
Is Nick and Norah’s a BOOK?
I LOVED the movie (although the gum made me want to barf huge buckets)
xo
This post? Makes me love you even more.
Twilight is just not for me. WAY overrated, WAY lame.
WAY.
I hope your head is hurting less. Have you been to your appointment yet?????
I think you can safely say you have written a great blogpost when your reader(s) go away and a) use YOUR material shamelessly for their debates (though I skipped the vagina part) b) wake up in the night and think “Wow, I must tell Loralee that!”
So I came back to say this….
It’s interesting that these books have engendered so much dissatisfaction in relationships. I went to bed thinking about that and this is the half baked theory I came up with.
Over the past 40 years ago the role and expectations for women has changed dramatically. We have so many choices now, ones that we have fought hard for, and for many women I think it’s all too much. The superwoman myth where I work full time, look effortlessly gorgeous, all the while being an awesome wife and mother is, well it’s exhausting and I stopped buying into it a while ago.
But we are BOMBARDED with media telling us to look a certain way, act a certain way etc etc
And whilst choices and expectations for women have shifted dramatically during this time, for men? Well not so much.
So no wonder these books are addictive, no wonder they are escapism, no wonder they cause damage to relationships. Because whilst women have made (or often been forced) into roles they don’t like or don’t want to fulfill, I simply don’t see the same burden of expectation being placed on men. No wonder Edward (your archetypal romantic hero) and Jacob (your hit you over the head with a club and drag you back to a cave to “ravish” you caveman) are so appealing to women.
Because quite frankly, being a woman is exhausting,
and the idea of being rescued?
Well it’s very appealing.
ps I live in Australia so quite possibly my perceptions are different.
Thanks Loralee for an awesome post.
xxx
No, doubt, seriously. AND I LOVE SAPPY ESCAPE RESCUE ME (on effing occasion)HANDSOME HERO BOY!
I just dislike THIS particular example of them.
Good theory and I really agree with a lot of it.
And hey…What did your class say about it? I’ve been dying to hear a teenager dissect the books.
My students of course, LOVE the books. (I teach mainly girls) However, it created some intense discussion about “Boyfriend” problems many of them were having and how, whilst they hadn’t thought of it before, the “Edward Cullen” factor did play a role in the dissatisfaction many of them had felt or were feeling.
That said, the interesting thing to come out what their universal dislike of Bella, but after analysing it, they recognised that Bella is a construct of them. Bella represents their hidden fears and shyness and desires. The thing is, where they are now EXPECTED to be brave, to be confident, to be more like, say Jessica, she isn’t. She doesn’t have to be, because Edward loves (Is unhealthily obsessed with) her. That’s what they hate about her character, because she is your stereotypical damsel in distress of bygone days, and whilst they don’t want to go back to the days of barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, they don’t necessarily want to have to live up to societal expectations of society today.
ps in Australia we use “s” rather than “z” in many words, so i’t not that i can’t spell. I just spell differently.
xxxxx
This is completely interesting to me. I wish that I could have been a fly on the wall for that discussion. I know that pretty much every teenage girl walking would dig these books but as long as they are thinking about it and looking at it, I think it’s fine.
I find the conflict very interesting: how they love the story but hate the weak female character. I wonder if they would have as huge an appeal if Bella were a stronger woman and Edward were less awesome.
Hmmmm….
and having re-read my post, it’s littered with errors.
My bad!
love this post Loralee.
LOVE it!
Dude, HAVE YOU READ MY BLOG!?????
It should pretty much just be titled, “THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER DO WITH THE ENGLISH WRITTEN WORD 101″!!!!
:)
I don’t go for the teenage literature thing anyway. It was horible when I was there the first time. As far as being a bad example, do you go around burning down stores that sell Playboy magazine? Come on, if you want something totally unrealistic (and plastic) it would be those women. We have lots of them around Vegas too.
I refuse to put Twilight in the same realm as porn. OF COURSE PORN IS WORSE as far as ‘unrealistic portrayal’
For one…those are real people. That changes a lot of things for me.
And as far as I can tell, I, um, haven’t set fire to anything. I didn’t say not to buy them or to boycott or to even feel bad for reading them. I said I didn’t like them and why. And yeah…it’s on the list.
Am I’m supposed to not worry at all about teenage girls thinking this is realistic because porn exists? When I had similar experiences and saw how it hurt my life? I can’t write and include that opinion in my post because Hustler is so much worse?
And dood…I am not some teenage advocate here. It’s just one of the reasons I don’t care for them.
I am with ya, babe, and in some ways we are like twins. (I’m the ugly one).
Loved His Dark Materials, too.
x
Supa
You’re the ugly one? WHATEV!!!!!
However, I would be more than ok with being The Funny One. ;P
I’m boycotting all that crap, without really boycotting it. I just ignore it, plain and simple. Have never and will never watch any of that Twilight or True Blood or whatever other vampire/werewolf crapola is out there. Just doesn’t interest me in the least.
Also, if I could walk into a store and NOT see some shirt about a vampire, my life would be SO MUCH BETTER.
LOL!!!!!!!
You could buy one and use it when you clean your toilets. I totally wanted to do that for a friend of mine.
Amen! I’ll leave it at that.
And really, that is totally adequate. :)
Oh… How I wanted to read all these comments… But I admit, I am lazy tonight and did not. As well, I didn’t want to see any spoilers for the books/movie, as I actually intend on reading/watching it at some point.
But I am not planning on reading/watching this stuff because I want to – it’s just so I know what the hell you guys are talking about when you bitch about it. I have avoided it this far for the same reason you avoided it for so long – I don’t do the fad stuff. I admit that I haven’t read the Harry Potter books, but not out of avoidance. I avoided the movies for a while, then fell in love with the story once I started watching them. But this? I want to bitch about it too. I want to be part of the cool kids group who doesn’t like it, but knows WTF they are talking about when they bitch about it because they are not ignorant to it. LOL.
Anyway, I can relate to not wanting to post about crappiness going on currently. I am trying to avoid that myself and I am finding it increasingly difficult the more I think about it. I am contemplating hitting up Her Bad Mother’s Basement with my issues – just to get them out of my head! LOL. I guess we will see.
I can’t write about it. It is all very personal, private and very painful. I wish I could but it would be a huge violation of other people.
SO? I am stuck with this for now.
And LOL!
If you like Twilight, you like it. I certainly won’t think any less of you for it, I just don’t. (I was kind of pissed I didn’t actually…it would have been nice to escape during the read time. As it was it just pissed me off. Sigh.)
I’m sorry that things are sucking a duck for you. I have thought about writing to The Basement for forever, but honestly…it also seems like so much hell to actually write it all out, you know?
I wrote about this once, and I was scared and wore a disguise for weeks. But, I ended up okay: http://rhiinpink.com/blog/?p=831
LOL! No one with pitchforks and torches came and hunted you down?
(I’m totally kidding. Most people are cool with it.)
Okay… #1- Amen to the whole post. Yeah- the WHOLE post.
#2- So maybe I was cleaning out my room the other day and guess what I found? Yeah- I totally STOLE YOUR TWILIGHT BOOK!! I think it was the 4th one. I need to get it back to you, because I know you just can’t function without your daily doses of Mormon porn.
#3- Have you ever heard of Riff Trax? They are really similar to Mystery Science Theatre 3000, if you know those. Basically you get to watch crappy movies with people talking/making fun of them at the same time! The only one I’ve seen was Twilight. Oh, man. I can’t tell you how much the quality of my life improved. :) Just go to this website http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight and watch the sample. It may not be funny unless you are in the right mood, but seriously… give it a try. :)
Michelle!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, what happened is that I saw you reading book 2 during “Millie” performances and I said “HERE! Have book 4!” You said, “DUDE…that’s like a $30 book!” And I said, “I. am. never. reading. it. again. It’s YOURS!”
You did me a service, sistah!
And SOOOOOO checking out that link! :)
P.S. How goes the teaching? I bet you RULE.
It’s really nice to see that I’m not the only person not into Twilight. I think a lot like you, Loralee, in that I don’t buy into fads or trends either. I don’t like YA literature. And I really don’t understand the hype at all. I can’t really comment on the stories at all because I haven’t even picked up a book, but I CAN comment on the Harry Potter thing.
I had a friend who was a die hard HP fan-the kind who went to launch parties, read the books cover to cover the second she got one, analyzed them, etc. When the series ended she grieved, as if she had lost a friend. I really didn’t get it. I mean, it’s a BOOK. Sure, a fun book, but still-a BOOK. Then I committed the worst sin ever, by admitting that the hype had me really turned off and that I wasn’t *gasp* as loyal a fan as she thought I was. For me, being a fan means I’d see the movie at the theater, not that I’ll stand in line for three days to get the ticket. It was the beginning of the demise of our friendship.
Anyway when I told her how I had a hard time with people only reading it because it was so hyped, and how frustrated I was with it being shoved at me where ever I went, court cases over books accidentally released and said, “Good god it’s a BOOK aren’t there more important things in life”, she was appalled. She said that people who go against the flow on purpose are just as bad as those who blindly follow it and likely I was just jealous (ha!) and wanted to “get it”, but just couldn’t. She was irritated that I not only had the audacity to criticize the hype, but that I seemed “proud” that I was going against the flow.
I was. I am. I could care less about vampires and Harry Potter. I read a book because I enjoy it, everyone else’s opinions be damned. While books are valuable, I don’t believe that hype on the scale that it occurs today does anyone any good, except those making money off the product. I don’t care how much they hype Twilight, I have zero interest in it.
Wow. That is sad, but not really surprising. I did quite a bit of investigating online before writing this thing just to make sure I wasn’t up in the night and it was just people I knew that were affected by it that negatively.
I was sad to find out some of the stories. It blew. And so does this one. :S
So sorry you lost a friendship, babe. xoxoxo
AGREE! Oh how do I agree. I thought I was the only one. What a steaming pile those books are, and everyone is just all a-glitter.
Well said.
Well, we couldn’t have been all alone statistically. It would be like everyone in the world liking chocolate when quite a few just…don’t(Which I REALLY CANNOT BELIEVE).
I think it’s just more indicative of not wanting to rock the boat against massive popular opinion.
I haven’t read the books or seen the movie and have no desire too. And personally, I don’t think the actor playing Edward is attractive AT ALL. (In every picture I see of him, he looks like he’s drugged out.) Thanks for absolutely squelching any curiosity that might have lead me to try to read them in the future. It sounds like Edward has the character that drove me away from fanfiction (God, did I just admit to reading that?) — little girls turning their favorite character or actor into some impossible, fantastical ideal who was the epitome of what no man ever could, should, or want to be.
Also, I think I read an interview with Stephen King once when he basically said the different between the Twilight author and J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter author) is that Rowling can actually write. Whether you appreciate that or not depends on whether you’re a King fan, I guess (I don’t read his books because I’m not into horror, but I have no problem with him as a writer).
As long as it’s YOUR desire to not read or see them that is keeping you from it. I don’t have a wish to squelch or ruin this for anyone. Promise.
I’m just not a fan and have some concerns.
Stephen King is probably the genius writer of our time. He.is.amazing.
My favorite things are his non-horror fiction. There is a LOT of it. He even wrote a young adult book ironically that was AMAZING.
Coming from someone who loves YA fiction, I was surprised that I only got as far as finishing the first book and absolutely could not read the rest of them. The idea of the book never appealed to me, but I was working in a residential treatment center for teen girls and they were so incredibly obsessed with the books, I decided to check it out. My biggest problem with the story was the incredibly unrealistic relationship between Edward and Bella. Not only did it set horribly unrealistic standards, it was unbelievable! As in, I did not believe it. When J.K. Rowling writes about quidditch matches, even though I KNOW no such thing can possibly exist…I BELIEVE the story. But I could not believe that Edward and Bella would be so attracted to each other. They did not even KNOW each other! Did you notice that on all of their “dates” or any time they hang out, they NEVER talk about themselves, their interests, or even superficial stuff like movies or music. ALL they talk about is Edward’s vampirism. (Is that a word?) It just didn’t make sense to be and I have a hard time getting into a story if I can’t believe it.
I can actually buy someone having that much passion/attraction/whatever but NOT that fast nor without doing…ANYTHING.
Seriously…the not talking bugged me huge.
Also, as one who has an addictive/obsessive personality (miracle I’ve never been addicted to a substance or had an easting disorder, ect.) I would absolutely worry about that type getting into these books as a teenager.
And I hear you on the whole “Harry Potter” thing. I know there are so many books of fiction that are unrealistic BUT…yeah we’re on the same page about that.
I agree with so much of this it cracks me up! I liked the books but I didn’t oogle over them like so many women around me! Also need to note: My husband’s all time favorite book is Ender’s game and I have tried to read it but got lost on the whole squirrel having its’ flesh removed from it while still alive…
I am not remember that part of the book, but I haven’t read them in about 7 years. I just remember I LOOOOVED them.
I was a little late on the band waggon with these too. And for the same reason. They just got too popular too fast. I will admit to reading them, and liking them. But not to the extreme most have gone too. I really do hate Bella as a character and Kristen Stewart as the actress that plays her. But I will see the next movie. Its like a sick facination, I have to see the car wreck!
I can appreciate that angle. I finished the series because I felt compelled to. I may even see movie 2, who knows?
“1. I’m not one that usually buys into fads, trends, or huge viral phenomenons. At least not lightly. ”
I am totally like that, at least sometimes. I have a friend who is a relative of Stephenie Meyer’s. So she was going around with “She runs with vampires” as her email signature for a couple years before Twilight really got popular. I might have never read them if she wasn’t constantly saying how awesome and wonderful they were long before the world was. It ended up turning into a full time business for them too — she and her husband run http://twilightteez.com/
I think it’s great if she can help her family. I have no beef with that.
I liked the Twilight Series. For all the reason’s you didn’t like it. It IS a complete disconnect from reality. Which sometimes is nice. :-)
You didn’t get even a LITTLE skeeved at him imprinting on a 2 yr old?
LOL! Well I am a dude remember. ;-P
I agree with you on every point.
I have a witty, smart, cute colleague who once had a girl break up with him because he “wasn’t enough like Edward.” MESSED. UP.
Also, did you hear that the last Outlander book came out? I need to pick that series back up, I haven’t read them since she took that billion year break.
SO sad. But not uncommon. BLECK.
p.s. I went to see the Twilight movie with a few friends, they INSISTED I go with them for their second viewing. They were right, that movie was the best comedy of 2008! I hadn’t laughed that hard in a movie in a year.
People were pissed at us for laughing.
I’m shocked you didn’t get pelted and stoned. :)
I was seriously disturbed that my 12 year old niece (for lack of a better word) thought he was so swoony. I kept thinking he breaks into her house and watches her sleep! He should be arrested, not worshiped for that.
And don’t get me started on her storytelling skills. Ugh. My friend Rach calls them a Literary Shame F**k. She’s so right. I couldn’t help but read them, but the walk of shame from Barnes and Noble was pretty bad.
No, no! They are for my niece, I swear.
THE WALK OF SHAME?!!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
You got me with the husband/Vulvcan/taser scrotum thing, because apparently Jonathan is my husband’s secret brother, so I kept reading even though I havne’t and don’t intend to read them. I get fill of perfectly gorgeous yet tough AND sensitive unbelievable husband from the Eve Dallas series by Nora Roberts (writing as J.D. Robb), which I would never call good literature but I do LOVE to read.
It’s true. He’d totally suffer through that and a wax of his naughty bits to avoid it. :) I’ve read the Eve Dallas books, too!
THANK YOU!!!!! I am so glad I’m not alone on this. KC and I hated the books and movie and ALL our female friends LOVE it. I thought perhaps our distaste was a lesbian thing…it’s just complete rubbish for all the reasons you mentioned and then some. Blah!
I really don’t think it’s a lesbian thing, babe. LOTS of people just don’t dig these books even if (like me) the like gooey, romantic escapism reads.
xo
A-freak-ing-men.
I just don’t get all the vampire love. Honestly Ed Cullen is scrawny and dirty looking (and not in the good dirty way, like Puck from Glee).
GUH. Twilight… and here I thought I was the only female on the face of the planet that would rather chew on a broken bottle than watch/read twilight. I read the first one and had to MAKE myself finish it! Yeah, couldn’t find anything redeeming about it!
I am a local reader and just want to let you know I am sending positive thoughts your way!
Heh, I like Twilight, BUT I also agree with the majority of this post. For me, Twilight was fun. I don’t base it on my real life, because it was a book.
I also started reading Twilight WAY before it got as popular as it did, and after two years of having read the first (and second) book I didn’t even know anybody else knew it EXISTED, so don’t make fun of me hehe
:)
LOVE YOU LORALEE!
Can’t say I really liked Twilight. I didn’t read it actually. But I didn’t really want to.
I like your post about it though, I’m sure I would think along the same lines:)
For your Twilight viewing entertainment:
Today, I watched Twilight instead of General Conference.
Does this mean I love Edward more than Jesus?
I have not read the books, have not seen the movie, and really don’t even plan to. Thanks for the heads up–it all sounds way too silly to me.
Well, I loved the Twilight books, but I have been watching the new show The Vampire Diaries and wondering the same thing – why would you choose to spend your time in high School if you were a vampire?
Excellent post! I agree 100%. I tried to read the book but found it quite boring. (I’m not a fan of YA lit though.)I did watch the movie and still didn’t get what all the fuss is about. Now The Vampire Diaries (TV series) – there’s a good vampire story. Better looking actors too.
I know you already have over 200 comments but I wanted to add one more to the list of women who don’t swoon over Twighlight. I rented the movie, and kept fastforwarding. Same with the book. It was one of the easiest reads EVER. I think it took me 4 days to finish the entire series. Oh and I wanted to say “hey look we have the same last name!” Okay I think that’s enough from the creepy lady…