Sorry if this is disjointed. I’m currently sobbing hysterically and can’t really see the screen well.
After 20 hours of known labor and 10 hours in the hospital, they sent me home. I am having regular, intense, “Real” contractions that are 2.5-3 minutes apart and they are fucking KILLING ME. (As in, THEY HURT, PEOPLE. They hurt A LOT.)
I am also making no progress.
I have been at a 2 and 50% effaced all day long.
I’m staggered. I’ve never had such pain and consistency and been stuck like this. They did not want to IV me (Because I am a HORRIBLE stick and they don’t do IVs until admission is sure) but they gave my body every chance to respond. They even sedated me for a few hours to see knocking me out would help my labor along.
My labors usually suck and are very slow but this is the worst it has ever been. Usually at this point, they would see that my contractions were regular and hard and break my water, which make me progress much better.
However, the doctor was an on-call OBGYN who is not high risk and turned a little pale looking at my file. He refused to break my water and told me to see my OBGYN in the morning. I suppose I can’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to deliver me, either.
But my HELL.
My nurse felt horrible for me. When she told me that and that they were sending me home with some Lortab (Baby asprin compared to the pain I’m in) and an Ambian, I couldn’t help it- I started sobbing to the point of hysteria. I begged her to let me stay and get it over with because I do not feel like I can do anymore.
I have BEYOND NOTHING LEFT physically and emotionally. I’ve been crying my eyes out ever since the told me. There are few times in my life I have felt this worn out and defeated.
I am exhausted.
It has been a very intense labor FOR NOTHING.
It’s just too damn big. I feel like I’m cracking into a million pieces and that this is going to send me to the rubber room.
This is me at the beginning of this mess:
This is me 10 hours later after being worn out and right before they gave me the news:
(I call this last one, “OH, SEXY AMERICAN GIIIIIIRRRRRRLLLLLLFRIEND!” Hot, no?)
This photo is very, VERY flattering to what I look like right now. Trust me.
I was fine not going into labor early. I was fine waiting for this kid.
What I am NOT FINE WITH is hour after goddamn painful hour of labor that is unending and that I get to repeat this whole process again.
To see the light at the end of the tunnel and get it snatched back is going to send me off the deep end. Even I did not comprehend how absolutely desperate I NEED TO BE DONE WITH THIS until they sent me away.
Anyway. I’m sorry to have raised a false alarm. I have no idea what this means or how long it will be. I’m just going to stay quiet online until this kid is born so there is no yo-yo-ing and putting people through this. I honestly cannot believe with my record and pain level that I am back here instead of cuddling my little one.
I feel alone and so done. I’m hurting like hell and need to go to try and crawl into bed and hope that these contractions stop, progress or that someone will just come shoot me in the head to put me out of my misery.
Sob, sob, SOB!
* Just letting everyone know what’s up. After another all nighter of hard contractions (and way more crying), they suddenly stopped at around 7 am this morning. 2 freaking hours before my OBGYN’s office opened. I had hoped they would still be going and that he would break my water to get progression going, but nope. I have a call into him but I have decided not to try to push anything for today. We’ll just keep my appointment for tomorrow. I have less than zero to give after 30 hours of labor that went nowhere, anyway. I can’t imagine delivering today. I have rarely felt like such a worn out discouraged pile of ick. Even my hair hurts. I’m going to just keep in mind he isn’t ready, life could be much worse and try to get some sleep.
(And again…sorry for the bruhaha. I’m really embarrassed. (REALLY). While I am grateful I had somewhere to go when I hit the wall last night I don’t want to keep throwing out false alarms so I’ll just keep anything else that happens to myself until he’s here.)
Stumble it!
Filed under: 
Well hell.
My love, my prayers my hopes for quickness and CRAP because I won’t be online tomorrow, or the next.
I want to KNOW!
You look gorgeous in both,a nd I say that seriously. From one mom to another, you are amazing. LOVE you.
Oh, SWEETHEART.
Sucks big, hairy donkey balls.
Hoping and wishing that that little guy does what he’s got to do and makes his debut ASAP.
xoxo
Oh, sweetie. Hang in there.
Sending all the love I can. xoxo
How the fuck can they send you home knowing you’ve had horrible labors in the past? I am beyond pissed for you right now. I’d have head locked the doc while he checked my cervix and been like “You are NOT sending me home, are ya, asshole?!”
I am so sorry! How horrible. Sending prayers and hugs and oh my God I hope this is over for you soon.
Awwww hun!! Sending you lots of virtual morphine, xanax, vodka– whatever it is that would make you feel better! ;) Although you are handling it MUCH better than I would be in that situation– b/c you know how us panic attack weirdos get with pain. I would have been sent home with an oxygen mask to avoid hyperventilation ;) But anyway, I heart you and your little one and will pray that God gives you strength (or a break with no pain!) ((hugs))
Oh for f***s sake. I know sorry doesn’t even come close but wth was that dr. thinking? High risk? Send her home? Big, giant internet hugs and BACK RUBS!!! for you.
I just don’t know what else to say. Love you!
Oh honey, you’re not putting anyone through anything! I’m so sorry you have to go through this, what a mess!
You’re not alone, we’re all rooting for you and shaking our angry little fists of rage at the stupid chump on-call OB-GYN who was too chicken to sack up and do something helpful.
Sob sob is right, you totally got the shaft. I hope you dilate like a crazy person overnight and that your doctor has to come to work wearing a catcher’s mitt.
Maybe eat Mexican food? Fuck I don’t know. Good luck.
You are in a suckfest, and I am sorry. You are amazing in even having the fortitude and objectivity to see who is too chickenshit to deliver you.
btw, you look WAY hot in the 1st pic. and adorable in that hollow eyed way in the 2nd.
xo
This really sucks … wish you were in my home state … my dad (OB) would take care of you and your baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you ….
* bigs hugs *
i will send out SLEEPING vibes for you! :( maybe if you can at least get to sleep you can get through it a bit. but i am sure it is hard to relax.
xoxo
Hang in there girl.
It may not seem like it right now, but you won’t be pregnant forever. Try to rest for what comes next and to calm your nerves. Please know that many of us in twitterverse are pulling for you and wishing you well.
Good Gawd woman.
That is horrible.
But stay strong.
Breathe.
And for the love of all that is holy, do not kill any one, no matter how rational it seems.
Cuz if I was labouring for as long as you are, I’d totally kill.
I got sent home twice my last baby. I remember sobbing in the car and sobbing when I got home. Oh, and I drove, sobbing, and contracting because my DH was so out of it. Good times.
And then I sobbed through my awesome/nasty Beto’s burrito at 4 am on the last trip home.
What a joy!! It’s so fun!! At least you get a baby out of it at some point. Hugs!
That sounds horrific. I’m so sorry! I am sending you love from Seattle.
You’re not alone – you have all your girls and um.. er.. me sending you prayers, good thoughts and well wishes. Stay Strong and hopefully this episode will be a just a footnote in the story of your and your baby’s story :)
Holy crap! That totally sucks! I’m so very sorry. Please stop worrying about updating us and take care of yourself. I’m sending good thoughts your way.
Oh man. I gotta agree with your use of the F-bomb on this one. No other word, except love. Love to you and your babe, I’ll be praying hard for you.
Oh, hon.
Thinking of you.
Loralee!!!
I want to help you so bad. You are probably so effin’ tired, but Walk as much as you can. Get in the tub or the shower, then walk so more. PLEASE EAT! You will need the energy. Have Jonathan give you a foot rub, focusing on the baby toes.
Call me if you need to, please….801-706-3015
Oh man. Sweet holy hell. I am so pissed for you, and sorry that you’re going through the dumbassedness of a man who, you know, is never pushing a watermelon out of his vajayjay. I hope that, on this, the eve of your baby’s birthday, you sleep well and wake up at 7 cm and fully effaced (I say 7 so you can get to the hospital.) OR: you can call the ambulance and tell them you’re in labor and to take you to a different hospital.:) Hugs to you both. xoxo, L
Oh, and nipple stimulation. If your water hasn’t broke, SEX, I know you don’t want to, but if you can have an orgasm, you will dialate. Semen is the magic!!!
Hang in there!
I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. I have no concept of what it’s like so I can only sympathize with what I imagine it’s like, and I hope like hell that it’s over SOON and you and your family get to welcome your new baby into the world!
Big hugs from California, girlfriend.
Awww hun.. I’m sorry about the pain and the F word is mild compared to it! Couldn’t they have induced your labor and got it over with? And why doesn’t your OBGYN come and check on you??
I’m really sorry about the pain :( I’m sending you virtual hugs and cuddles from one mom to another..
And by the way, you look gorgeous in both pictures honestly :)
Hang in there you will be soon rewarded with a cute bundle .. Take care sweetie my prayers are with you!!
big kisses, hon. we will soon be loving and cuddling that little boy.
xoxoxoxo
STOP!!!! Don’t take the Ambien!
THe EXACT same thing happened to me with 3of3, except the nurses were bitches. They sent me home with an Ambien and some pain pill. I woke up 3 hours later in full blown, 3 to 9 dialation in 10 minutes, and I was drugged out of my skull and had no idea what was happening to me or why.
Go home, eat a shitton of chocolate ice cream and wait. Don’t take the pill. I promise.
You’re not alone, dude. I was so right there with you.
Oh darling girl this is so awful! I will keep praying that the labor goes quickly and painlessly with a very healthy Aaron for you to take home.
I suggest you march straight back there (or as close as a preggo woman in labour can) and refuse to leave till bubs is out.
I hope the rest goes quickly.
x
Oh Loralee, I’m so sorry! That sucks bad. I hope that some progression starts to happen, and that you have a beautiful little boy soon instead of all this pain. I’ll be thinking about you & praying for you!
Sweetie, I am so sorry. I will be getting in the car and driving in the car to knock some sense in them. Unfortunately, that means that I’ll get there in three days and Aaron better be out tomorrow!
this sucks so badly, lovey. i’m hoping things will suddenly speed up and the rest will be over really fast. damn doctors. sending buckets of pain-killing love xoxox
Thinking and praying for you.
Not fun to be sent home, praying for a quick delivery (in the hospital, though, not at home or on the way).
God Bless
Go sit in their ER and refuse to leave. You have to demand what you need with hospitals at times. Good luck.
Oh Loralee, I am sorry. Am thinking of you.
Aw, damn. I was hoping this post was going to be super good news, but hang in there – we’re happy to ride the yo-yo with you. You may be alone physically, but not internetly! HUGS
Oh sweet Loralee! I’m so sorry that they sent you home. I cannot imagine. I hope that you can go back there very soon and get the pain meds that you so desperately need.
((((HUG))))
If you have already done this, I sincerely apologize for further frustration, but.. try a bath. I know this sounds so pointless and obvious, but when I was in labor I was sent home and in much discomfort. I jumped in thinking it would help AND IT DID. I went from a constant 1 to a 6 in like an hour. I just sat there making whatever noise I damn well felt like and it relaxed me enough to ease it all. I hope this helps. If not I hope you find some relief else where. Good luck Loralee :)
Oh, sweetie. Pain and suffering isn’t anyone’s forte. Hugs and prayers….we are all waiting for a positive outcome!
OMG Loralee. I’m so pissed for you and I have to tell you that I’m not the least bit surprised. This is yet another example of the shitty medical care I’ve either experienced or heard about in Utah.
PRAYING super hard for this to be over for you.
Oh honey this sucks big time-not that you don’t already know that. I can’t believe they sent you home! I am reminded of when I had Giggles & all the shit I had to go through because the doctor thought he knew best. I just say thank god for the awesome nurse that didn’t care what the doctor thought…. eventually.
Much love to you babe. I will be sending good vibes & happy thoughts your way. xoxo
I wish I lived close enough to come rub your feet :( My 1st labor dragged on and on and on. NO FUN. I think it is particularly unfair when labor does this and it’s not your first kid!
GET WITH THE PROGRAM BODY!
I hope the doctor that sent you home gets a raging case of crotch crabs
I want to cry on your behalf right now! I hope you get good news from your OB today and that baby Aaron gets to gettin’ and arrives soon!
OMG. A thousand times OMG! Just keep looking forward, Loralee. It will come to and end. It WILL be over. Just keep your vision focused on that.
I know the kids don’t say it anymore, but I’m gonna: You can DO it! (did you catch that intonation there?)
Best of luck. This too shall pass.
I really hope your OBGYN is available very soon so he (she?) can help you. This is unbelievable!
Sending big hugs to you, sweetie. xoxoxo
BUGGER!! Call me if you need me. Remember, you can do this. YOU ARE STRONG!
OH NO!
I wish I’d read this one before your last one!
Crap.
Oh, hon. I’m sorry. I’ll send good juju your way all day. Hang in there love.
xoxo
My partner and I send blessings your way, hopefully the little one will hurry along now.
xoxo
Oh I am so sorry. I hope things go better soon. I almost had a HEART ATTACK at the beginning of your post.
Major love and hugs.
I labored for 36 hours, 24 hours of which was serious, minutes-apart, torture style contractions, and did not progress past 4 until they used pitocin… 2 hours and five pushes later after the pitocin drip started, poof! baby.
So, not as bad as yours (can’t imagine them sending me home, ugh), but I seriously feel your pain. Adding my hopes to the others’ that it will all get done with soon.
I hope that as I’m typing this comment things are moving merrily along. And you’re feeling better.
OH my dear goodness. Hugs to you my darling. May it be over with a sweet healthy baby in your arms soon.
Thats bullshit. I hope you get little Aaron out today. And smack the shit out of the doctor who sent you home!
I feel so bad for you. What else can I say?
Oh, I’m so sorry! I’ll be praying for you.
oh GOD i am so sorry. No one should have to go through that kind of medical mess, god knows what that obgyn was thinking, sending you home. i hope your doctor shows up soon!
I’m so sorry honey! I hate to hear that you are suffering so much. I’m thinking about you and hoping that things go your way soon. Now go see your own Ob/Gyn and have him do something for you!
Prayers and thoughts are with you. Hugs, my friend. You can do this. You’re beyond awesome.
I don’t even know what to say here. I guess just that it has to end some time. And then you will have your cute, little, HEALTHY baby to squee about. If there is any energy left to squee. Let other people help too.
Sounds like my last one. They call it “Prodromal Labor” when it’s painful but doesn’t progress. It’s awful – I feel for you. I hope it’s not me with #3, as I’ve been living this pregnancy with you just a couple weeks behind you. I hit 35 weeks this week and I dont know how I can go on another day some times.. But like you, I am so excited I can barely wait. It’s drama!
That is the major suck.
He’ll come out soon I’m sure. Well, maybe. I have heard of babies staying in forever.
OK, I’m lying, but did you smile a bit?
For someone who’s been through long hours of hard labor and is worn out beyond belief, you look remarkably pretty. Keep your chin up, sending lots of very positive, happy vibes your way.
Oh! That totally sucks! I’m sorry hun!
I know I talked to you already, but I just re-read this post and I feel it necessary to tell you again, My offer stands at dropping everything and hopping on a plane. I can be there in four hours, one to fly, three to drive to the middle of nowhere/country place that you live in and assist in this child’s delivery.
I dunno man. As a nurse, who also floated on the L&D floor, worked nursery and post partum, I cannot imagine any OB in his right mind who would send you HOME with contractions 1-2 minutes apart?
Maybe in Utah?
Hmmm. I live in California, and I never ever ever saw this happen. What I was thinking you were going to say next, after the 11 hrs in the hospital, and 1-2 minutes apart, and PAIN is that they broke your water! And stuck a goddamn IV in you to boot!
I’m all het up because I just got done watching “The Business of Being Born” with Ricki Lake on Showtime. That did not help my reaction to your post one little bit, either! I’m more a home birth/water birth/ midwife birth type of nurse, but having seen it all, done it all in a hospital setting, I’m still beyond outraged FOR YOU!!!
Your mental state is directly linked to your ability to be able to labor this baby out. I sense that you’re worn out, bordering on abject despair, and in crazy making pain. . . with your history, your worry alarm, while going off in the background, will only become louder and louder as you stay home. I hope you’re not at home anymore.
My last thought is what I’d do with that Amnihook if I were anywhere near the doc who sent you home, and it ain’t pretty!
Get that baby out! and please, I hope you didn’t take that Ambien . . .
Love, Julie
Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. At least you’re getting a bit of a break now, I hope!
(Says she who went to the hospital on Saturday with back labour and contractions 1-2 minutes apart and was at 50% and 0, and then stalled at 9.5cm the next afternoon)
And next time, MAKE THEM give you an IV. Refuse to leave.
Hugs and kisses to you, sweetie. I love you and I’m SO sorry that you are going through all of this!
Aw! That sucks!!! Don’t be embarrassed, though, please. Any woman who has ever been in labor cringes at your story. I hope it ends really soon and that your body surprises you with a huge surge of energy!
Honey, I am hoping like HELL that you get a break from contractions. OMG, 30 hours!! I just want to come hold you right now. I hope you are at least able to keep some food down, and get some type of rest. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers!
I am sooooo sorry that you had to go through all that labor only to have it stop! I hope that you are feeling better, but probably not.
Just know that there are so many prayers out there for you right now and we just want to see a happy healthy baby at the end. It’s all going to be worth it I promise!
((CYBER HUGS!!!!))
Glad for the update. As for avoiding bruhaha …. this is the internet! What do you think we’re HERE for?!!
:)
You look pretty good in photo #1
I hope you do well and we eventually get an ‘after’ shot that is as good.
I just found your blog because you are a friend of a friend. I would like to say hang in there and wish you well! I’ll be reading from now on. :)
and they couldn’t call in your own Ob/gyn for what reason? I mean after ten hours there..COME ON!!??
That is cruel….
Awh, babe. Thinking of you and hoping your little one comes soon and very soon. xoxo
Oh honey I am so so sorry…hang in there! I know you want some relief soon! And a beautiful new baby to boot!
My daughter was telling me of your plight on MSN messenger this morning and I just wanted to come by and offer my support, such as it is.
Take care and hang tuff Mama…it will all be over soon. My prayers are with ya.
I just stumbled onto this blog today…wow what first post to read. But I had to comment.
OUCH!! Holy shish kabobs batman…
Even though I don’t “know” you I wish you
all the best. Hang in there!
Oh, I am so sorry you are hurting like this. There is nothing I can do to help you, but I am thinking about you and hoping that the end is (VERY) near.
sorry for your sucky day/days. big hope for better days ahead!
OMG! Wow, just wow. I hope the little guy is here soon.
Sending hugs your way!
I’m hoping and praying things go better soonest, nowest, for you and the baby.
Take it easy, easy, easy. Not only have you been through a lot physically, but emotionally. Going through all of that and coming home with no baby in your arms (yet!) is incredibly hard emotionally. I had pre-term labor with my son, and while I’m grateful he wasn’t born early, I do think the experience spurred my postpartum depression once he WAS born. Hugs. Many hugs.
When my wife had her second baby [ my boy ] he was a big one… and her pregnancy was just as bad as the first one. Except the first was a small baby and my son – was a giant tank… We had to make several trips to the hospital but in our case was to stop labor. He just wanted to be born early – and trust me… you after picture – is nice compared to when my wife was done with my son. one day i’ll but it on my blog when she’s not looking…
Sending you lots of love and prayers and wishing I could do more
Oh man! My first birth was 18 hours with a failed epidural. But the second one was a piece of cake. Hang in there!!!
Yes, it’s called prodromal labor. I was in prodromal labor for 36 hours before my son was born and it’s AWFUL. I’m really so sorry… I hope that you are hanging in there and will be praying for you and your babe! It’ll happen SOON if it hasn’t already!
Xoxo
First off, I can’t believe they sent you home. I had a slow (but extremely painful labor) that began at midnight Wednesday night/Thursday am. I went to the OB at 11 am Thursday and NOTHING. NOTHING. I was heartbroken. Yet not nearly as heartbroken as I was at 8:30 pm when I was in extreme pain and still thought it was false labor. For the first time, I started crying and felt hopeless–how was I going to make it through another night? Luckily I only had to make it until midnight before the epidural, but I remembered that feeling so much when I read your post. I’m hoping by now you’ve had some relief and I can’t wait to hear about your little one’s arrival.
I really don’t want this to sound creepy, seeing as how we don’t know each other and all, but the first thing I thought when I saw your pictures was DAMN! How can you be THAT pregnant and in THAT much pain and look THAT good/elegant! Really?!? I looked like a bloated cow. Seriously. Even the bottom picture you look worn out but worn out like an actress when they try to make them look bad in movies but not really and they still look beautiful. I’m going to go now, before you trace my IP addy and send the cops :)
(((Hugs))) So sorry to hear this is so painful and you don’t have any answers yet. Try to get some rest. That first pic you look so gorgeous!!!!! Hang in there.
I should have checked here first before e-mailing you about freaking posters and onesies. What the hell?! I feel for you and hope that in the last couple of days something good has come of this. Hugs to you.
Yuck — I’m sorry that you’re going through all this, I would be miserable too. I’m crossing my fingers that your babe will come SOON. You do look gorgeous though… your “after” shot looks pretty much like my “every day at 5:00″ shot ;)
(Side note: Don’t make the mistake I made with my last baby… if you must wear makeup during L&D for the sake of photography… for the love of God, make your mascara waterproof. I beg of you!) :)
Thinking of you. Hope all is well.
Hey, Loralee – I tried to post a comment a couple days ago but I guess it got ate or something.
I hope and pray you’re doing well. My husband (who is very anti-internet, mind you) keeps asking me, “Has that chick had her baby yet? You know, the one who’s blog you’re always looking at?” (As if I didn’t know what chick he’s talking about.) So, even my husband, the anti-internet man, sends his wishes for a happy healthy baby (as well as a happy healthy mom!)
Ugh, I so know what you mean. Well, not really. But I understand the whole “everyone is watching waiting wanting and now I’m just not producing but hey isn’t this childbirth aren’t I not supposed to be on a schedule for this?” So. Good luck, lay low – I don’t blame you.
I have been checked back daily for any updates that little Aaron is here. I hope you are hanging in there! If I can do anything for you, let me know.
I have heard going up in Altitude can induce labor…if you need me to send my husband up to the Logan Airport for you to get a few minutes at even higher altitude, let me know!! :)
Good god, woman. Don’t ever apologize for blogging, or crying online, or giving false alarms, or snorting cocaine, or shooting someone, or anything else you do during 30 hours of labor. Do whatever you want/need to do to get through the day! Good luck, and all my wishes for a healthy delivery and healthy baby and mama.
Wow. You’ve been through the ringer. If it makes you feel any better, (which I’m sure it doesn’t)having been in semi-labor for so long should make it go quickly when your water breaks. At least that’s what I’ve heard. Will say a prayer it goes quickly for you.
Honey…holy shit woman. Sending love your way. xo
I cannot express how frustrated I am for you!!! THAT BITES! Share all you want– I don’t mind the false alarm stuff, it’s what you want to deal with that matters!
Oh, Lordy. Hoping the long silence means you are snuggling with that little fellah right NOW!
I have been thinking about you for the past few days. Hope all is well.
Heard the good news today from Marilyn’s facebook, Loralee! Congratualations! We’re so glad he’s here!
OMG *HUGS*
Sorry you went through such brutality.
So happy you have such a great joy now!!
I have been clicking every day, hoping to see baby pictures!
I had terrible labors. I am not a wimp, not a crier, but for some reason (I still don’t understand) I sobbed through half my labor with my second daughter.
Don’t apologize for anything, and have that baby!
Best wishes!