Believe it or not, I was a pretty good kid in high school. I never smoked, drank or did any kind of drug.
Normally a wild night out for me was doing photo shoots with my best friend in her basement and slow dancing to cheesy 80’s love ballads in the dark with pillows sprayed in our boyfriend’s cologne.
(Yeah. I KNOW. I was young. Stupid. I needed the money. Whatever.)
Though it is pretty whorish for where I live, the naughtiest I ever got before I graduated was that once in awhile I sneaked out of the house to make out with my boyfriend and let him play with my boobs occasionally.
That’s it.
People assumed I was a lot randier and naughty than I ever was. I mentioned this to my parents once and my mom was relieved AND SURPRISED. Apparently, they just assumed I was on drugs during high school.
Uh…thanks?
Not only did I not use drugs, I was really clueless about them as well.
I mentioned this at a party my husband, Jonathan and I were at.
“I’d never even seen an illegal drug in my life. I hadn’t ever even smelled marijuana until college. I was out walking with my roommates and they pointed out the heavy marijuana smell in the air and that it was probably going to draw the attention of the cops and I piped up, “THAT’S marijuana? It smells like burning weeds!”
DUH.
People laughed. It was a fairly funny story that may or may not have gotten me the moniker “Captain obvious” for a short time.
Then, surprisingly, Jonathan piped up.
“In Driver’s Ed we had a cop come to lecture on the dangers of drug use. He brought a huge case of “controlled substances”. He removed a baggie from the back of the case. It had three joints in it. He took them out and held them up. ‘I’m going to pass them around the room and there had BETTER be THREE of these that come back to me. If there are not THREE that are returned I WILL search each of you and you WILL be arrested and prosecuted.’ He passed them out and went on with his lecture until the joints came back to the front of the room.”
Jon paused to take a long drink of water and impatient me piped up, ‘So? What happened? Was one missing? Did three come back?”
“No. FOUR did.”
Yup.
He totally won.
Stumble it!
Filed under: 
awesome. -Amy W.
Heh. Heh heh. I remember the first time I smoked pot. I called my mom to tell her something, and I barely got the sentence out before she asked me if I was stoned. How the hell did she know? It still freaks me out today. I didn’t smoke again.
OMG that’s hilarious. I did pot once and hated the feeling. I missed out on the ‘mellow’ stuff and went straight to paranoid delusional. Not fun. I figured if I couldn’t handle pot, I wasn’t going to tempt fate with harder stuff.
Funny story. Jonathan surprises me sometimes… like when he calls me “Vixen” in his Chaos voice. He he.
That is an awesome story. And a clever kid who turned in that one rather than get caught.
We had a big debate here recently, as we have a young niece (17) who is an addict/alcoholic and most recently a dealer.
She tried to throw the fact that I was given pot during my chemo back in my face. I told her if she let me reach up her vajayjay and rip out her ovaries one at a time, light her innerds on fire and electrocute her legs at regular intervals to simulate radiation THEN push draino into her veins complete with the burn and have her bring up half her stomach- actual stomach not the contents 10-15 times in succession to simulate chemo; then I would stop riding her about the drugs and alcohol. No comparison…and further more…I never smoked 1, not one! Funny, she hasn’t said a word about that conversation in almost a month.
I wonder (petrified most of the time) what it is going to take to scare her straight.
Too funny! I wasn’t quite as innocent, but I do remember my neighbor asking me if I wanted to smoke a bowl. When he pulled out this itty-bitty pipe thing, I couldn’t figure out what he was doing. I expected a bowl-bowl, you know, like a cereal bowl. Ahh, innocence.
thanks so much i had such a crappy day and then i read your post made me snort my coffee through my nose…thanks again i needed that!
I didn’t expect that ending. I laughed out loud for a long time after reading it, and thinking about it STILL makes me smile.
Thanks for the giggle! :D
Oh. My. Freaking. Hilarious.
I would have laughed my butt of for weeks….. in fact, I may still!!!
Thanks for sharing! :oD
BwAaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaa
He so won
Fuckin’ A, man. That’s awesome.
That’s hilarious!
I was really naive and innocent in high school… the perils of growing up in a small Utah town, you just have to look too damn hard to even find a way to get in trouble. I rebelled by going to rated R movies, and even that was just rebelling against my holier-than-thou friends who were like, “You can’t see that! That’s wrong!” My parents didn’t care about trivial things like that.
That is a great story. I still have no idea what any drugs look or smell like. I’m one of those Utah parents they talk about in the news who will have no clue how to catch their kids if they get involved in drugs because I have zero clue what to look for. Fortunately my husband is very educated on the subject :-P
No. The COP won.
How do you know you should have heeded the archives warning and just skipped them, or at least not read them so quickly?
When you have a dream that Loralee blogged about you… Sad…
@Di
HA HA HA HA!
I had a job working for a law firm where I copied endless documents 9 hours a day. I started dreaming about copying.
Yours sounds MUCH worse.
LOL!
:)
Haha i love it. He’s awesome.
That is so funny!
Scare the hell out of them!
My kids never got into the drug scene, and it was all around them in the 80’s. I have no idea what I did right.
Hmmm… I think that your sweet hubby may be pulling one on you, Loralee. His story sounds very much like an urban legend. Hilarious, nonetheless.
I think Nadine’s idea makes sense. . .
But if it’s real, I wonder what the cop did with the extra. I bet he smoked it. On-the-job training, if you will.
He says nope-it happened. But even if it were an urban legand, it would have still made me tee hee. ;)
I liked the pot during my late teens/early 20’s. I tried it again like 10 years ago and had a major dose of the Paranoia. Half of a (prescribed) Xanax puts me right into Long Beautiful Sleepland nowadays.
I am laughing out loud!!!! Great story!