2009 April | loraleeslooneytunes.com

Eleventyhundred things…

April 10, 2009 By loralee 26 Comments

Due to more awesomeness than I deserve, I have a new laptop as of today and I am officially BACK, baby.

Your life is now worth living again, right?

I totally knew it.

You look AMAZING! Seriously. Have you lost weight? Done something different with your hair? Gotten ProActive Skin Solution? Whatever it is, you look damn good.

You also smell like flowers. Except for my manly readers. You smell manly. And well-endowed. (I don’t need you to verify that last thing for me. Not only would that be whorish and wrong but I am surrounded by more than enough penises at my house as it is, yo.)

Since I’ve been gone, I thought I’d just play a quick game of “catch up”.

SOCIAL LIFE

Compared to previous months, I have actually HAD a bit of one and have gotten out a couple of times. I have seen some of my friends that live around here, went to a concert of Jonathan’s, had some friends for dinner (Bridgy made me the most delicious, butter-drenched rolls) and managed to get in a Sunday game night, even though I had to leave early to go lie down. I have to do that a lot, but it was still lovely to be able to attend at all.

The creator of the blog Post Secret came and lectured at Utah State University and I attended with my fab friend, Michelle, and my good bloggity friends Jon Deal and Sarah Nielson drove up from Salt Lake to the cow country of Cache Valley to hear the lecture and hang out with me. Sarah is one of my roomies at BlogHer (Jon is not. He’s just freaking hilarious and fun to hang with). They are grand. The night was lovely and we capped it off by eating dinner in a dungeonesque, peanut-strewn pizzaria.

SUCKASUCKASUCK

Because my laptop was dead, a LOT of things have been neglected. I owe a ton of emails on a ton of different writing things, personal emails and dude, I also realized that I need to unsubscribe to tons of crap. So PLEASE do not be offended if something falls through the cracks or it takes me time to get back to you.

I think that the worst thing that happened without having my laptop is that it threw off so many important things that I check on online, like my bank account. I forgot to make a banking transfer from one account to the other and didn’t look at my account the whole time I was offline.

Very. Very. BAD.

And stupid.

And BAD.

Guess what happens when you forget to make a monthly transfer but still have things automatically coming out of your account?

Some of you may know that I have saved up forever to buy a Nikon D40 for when the baby gets here and was going to buy it when I was able to get back online. Imagine my sick horror when I checked my account and POOF! My camera savings were gone in overdraft fees.

It was my fault and I felt horrible. It takes me a long time to save for things like this because, um, I don’t make a lot of money. And I suck at saving, frankly. To have it gone on something that was so avoidable and lame on my part is a bitter pill to swallow. (Did I already mention it was bad and STUPID?)

I found out right before meeting and going to lunch with another one of my BlogHer roomies, Sandi.

She called to ask where I was and I was like, “Bawling like a dork in my car in front of the restaurant! WAAAHH!!!!!!”

Nothing says “GET TO KNOW ME” like red zombie eyes, mascara streaks and a splotchy red face. Except maybe an outbreak of herpes. Luckily, I didn’t have THAT issue to deal with.

(I have been trying to look on the bright side lately. It feels foreign. And weird.)

Sandi is a completely great and comfortable person to hang out with. I wanted to take her home in my purse. She is in Utah finalizing the adoption of one of her little ones and I met her halfway in Ogden for lunch. The food was fabulous and so was she.

She takes a great picture but she is one of those that is even cuter in person. She didn’t mind my snotting and I felt like I’ve known her forever. She lives in Orange County now, but we grew up in the same town and it was so great to reminisce about places and things we love from there. I only live an hour-and-a-half away from where I was raised but no one KNOWS where I am from that lives around me. The nostalgia was great and we know a lot of the same people.

She feels like home to me.

AND HELLO, SHE IS TINY! When I say I want to take her home in my purse, I seriously COULD. No need to ask “What’s in YOUR wallet?” because the answer would totally be, “Sandi. DUH.”

We are conspiring to try to get my family down to visit her in August. That should be quite the adventure. It will depend on if Jonathan or one of my nieces can go with me because no way am I attempting that by myself.

PREGNANCY

I’m 32.5 weeks pregnant and feeling every bit of it.

I weigh 171.2 lbs, which puts my weight gain for this pregnancy at 21.2 lbs total.

As I mentioned in my last sad post about little Maddie, I had a huge appointment this week. Because of my history, my ultrasounds are very in depth and loooooong. It got a little worrisome during part of it, but over all, Wee Baby Aaron passed every test and is doing fine.

I had a series of icky shots and there are still issues, but over all, I’m doing well, all things considered. Although it has been replaced by the feeling of never being able to catch my breath, my nausea is finally easing up, thank god.

I have some significant depression and hormone issues going on, but really, who wants to talk or hear about that? I know I don’t.

Speaking of which, the appeals to our insurance company to not have this pregnancy declared a pre-exisiting condition aren’t looking good. As much as I hate shitty insurance, I would take even the shittiest at this point to get SOME of it covered.

Also…my cravings have been out of control. And not just with food. If something drastic doesn’t change this kid is going to be born looking like a crepe or Suzanne Whang from House Hunters.

Heh.
BABY PREP

It’s both good and “Meh”.

The “Nursery” is pretty much just a plain room that all the baby stuff is stored in right now. No curtains, decorations, rugs, blah, blah, blah…it’s just a room.

I have almost everything I need, but honestly trying to decorate a nursery has been pretty miserable for reasons I can’t go into here. I’ve pretty much just thrown up my hands about it and I think that it is pretty much just going to stay as is.

It’s a little sad and disappointing, but that’s life, huh?

Still…the baby is healthy, I have a room for him and I have what I need for him to get here and I am so grateful for it. Victoria brought me a ton of things from her adorable little man when she came out to visit and I can’t tell you how much it helped to have crossed off my list.

And is there anything cuter than tiny little baby clothes hanging in a closet?

We’re going to get a recliner and changing table in there and move the table out. We don’t have to worry about a crib for a few months, so I’m not even stressing about it at this point.

WEIRDNESS

Is now a good time to tell you all that I have a recurring nightmare that I am a guest on The Dr. Phil show? I am not even sure why I’m there. I just sit in a big chair in a spotlight while he keeps shaking his head and yelling, “Are you kidding me?!!!” over and over.

Horrifying.

For reals.

So, yeah.

That should do it for now.

It’s good to be back.

I hope you feel the same way.

Filed Under: Every Day 26 Comments

Sweet Maddie Spohr

April 9, 2009 By loralee 30 Comments

This was not the post I thought I would be writing today. I actually didn’t think I would be writing any post today as my computer isn’t coming until tomorrow, but my heart, head and eyes are so full I bundled myself up late at night and went in search of a computer, any computer I could use to get my feelings out.

I was at the hospital in the middle of an icky 4-hour ultrasound and OBGYN appointment when I got a call from Casey that shattered my heart.

Maddie Spohr passed away yesterday.

She was 17-months old.

Have you ever seen such a spunky, lively, beautiful little angel? I know when I first saw this photo, my heart MELTED. She’s always been such a beautiful little elf that seemed to get more gorgeous with each passing photo I saw.

Maddie’s mom, Heather is a dear friend and I love her. She has always been there to lend an ear, be a dork with me on Twitter late into the night and she listened to me talk about my son Matthew that passed away. Maddie was 11 wks premature and though she was still with Heather, she could understand much of what I went through because a very ill baby gives you much more insight than most people.

And now it absolutely kills me, and every other parent that has been through this, that she understands EVERYTHING that my heart went through and I am aching for her and her family.

And sweet, sweet little Maddie.

The world lost a beautiful, spirited soul with her passing.

Getting news like this in the hospital right down the hall from where I lost my son was horrible. The smells, the sounds…man. The memories of sheer hell came reeling back in. I’m also hormonal as hell and it just made my chest ache and ache.

It took a few minutes after I hung up the phone with Casey for the shock to wear off and then, well…I just cried and cried for EVERYONE.

And haven’t really stopped.

I had been offline so long I didn’t even know she was sick. I am so grateful to everyone who called to warn me of this news before coming back online. It would have been beyond shocking to open my computer to this tomorrow, Hearing it from friends that love Heather and Maddie was easier.

Please know that I am not trying to make this about me, I’m not. It is just that EVERY mom who has lost a child hears news like this in a very personal way. It is not our child but it is not far from it. They ALL seem to be “our children”, if that makes sense. It rips open old wounds and the compassion felt for other parents with lost children can be acute. Especially when you know and love them. It is a horrible, heartbreaking club we are all in.

I wish beyond anything that Mike and Heather did not know the pain that they do tonight.

But there are a couple of things I want to throw out there as a mom who has been there if you are wondering how to help a grieving family:

It is hard to be the friend of someone suffering through such a huge loss. Everyone feels inadequate with how to help and what to do. Nothing will make it better but support is vital. Especially down the road.

Please if you know Heather and Mike, just continue to be there. They will have so much love and support right now and SO MUCH TO DO, but down the road is very…tough and lonely.

Please remember them in the coming year and always.

Remember Maddie on her birthday. Christmas. Thanksgiving. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. Her “anniversary”. These holidays can beat the hell out of grieving people.

Don’t ask if you can do anything, just DO. THEY probably don’t know what they need and probably do not have the energy to figure it out.

Send an email in a few weeks. Drop by with bread or see if you can take them to lunch or just sit with them and let them talk about their daughter. Offer condolances in the best way you can. A simple “I am so sorry for your loss” goes a very long way. (Personally-I would try to avoid making them feel better by offering reasons of “why” or looking for a silver lining, telling them they can try again or that God has a reason for this. People can be sensitive to things like this. Just my 2-cents.)

At the end of the day though, speak up and don’t shy away from them because you feel awkward. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT TO SAY during times like this. Even me and I have been there. You can only do your best.

And remember that everyone grieves differently. Just…allow them to do it the way that they need to. Their way may be different from how you expect it to be.

Maddie’s parents request a donation to The March of Dimes to honor her memory and help research to stop the premature birth of infants.

I can’t type more, my heart is full and my eyes are leaking too much to see the screen.

Goodnight sweet Maddie. I’m sending my sweet little bug to come and play with you. I know you’ll look out for each other.

Filed Under: Adventures, Every Day 30 Comments

Not dead. Nor in labor.

April 5, 2009 By loralee 21 Comments

I’m stealing a few seconds on a borrowed computer to say that my lifeline laptop went and died on me last week, which is why I have been totally absent from online life. I don’t even have a snazzy enough phone that has internet.

Replacing it has been an issue (as tends to happen with, um, everything when you’re looking at medical bills of large proportions looming in front of you). Jonathan has been under a lot of time crunch at work, but I’m hoping he can Frankenstein something I can actually use in my state VERY SOON.

It’s been kinda lonely and weird not being online. On second thought, maybe it’s best that my computer died. I’ve had funky depression occurring and we all know how much fun that is.

I don’t pretend to think that any of you were dying without my weird little posts or going through withdrawl or anything, but I also know that long absence of internet people can be concerning, especially when someone is close to a due date or have other medical issues going on. So, I tracked down a computer I could use for a minute today to let you know what’s up.

I DID try to get a guest post up with notification that I had no computer to communicate with y’all, but dood, life gets in the way so I totally understand. (Although, if you want to go bug JON OF RANSOM NOTE TYPOGRAPHY you totally can. And tell him he should finish his guest post and post it here anyway BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO BE HILARIOUS. For reals.)

Seriously, Jon. Put it up. You know you want to.

I don’t have time to check my email today and man…I am sure it will be ugly when I do, but know I’ll be back and start working through them. I just hope when I do that I don’t find out that I won the $10,000,000 Nigerian lottery and that I missed the deadline to send my $5,000 earnest money in to claim my prize, cause that would totally bum me out.

So, I’ll be back. Hopefully, soon.

Kisses n’ stuff…

Loralee