I am very happy for you that the decision you made is one that you stand by and the one that was best for your family – *every* *single* *woman* (family) is entitled to make whatever decision is healthiest (and by that I mean emotionally as well) for their family, their child and MORE THAN ANYTHING themselves. No one who has never been pregnant (and especially not men) can understand the pressure women have on them to be “perfect” mommies and make the “right” decisions… unfortunately, all too often what other people think is “right” gets shoved down our throats. Had my circumstances been different with either one of my daughters, I may have chosen to bottle feed as well. I *absolutely* do NOT have any ill will toward women who make that choice. Nor do I harbor any ill will toward you.

I can deeply sympathize with you for the loss of your child in ways that are hard to put into words and harder yet to talk openly about for me even after many years. Just know that I understand your pain and fears in ways that… well… I just do. I will simply tell you this – there are many nights I wake up sobbing because I had one of those dreams where everything is so real you can smell the smells and touch the textures… where you can feel the warm weight of your baby in your arms… and then you wake up… and then you remember…

As I stated in my previous reply to your reply to my reply (ha), I did not intend by any means at all to “write off” your entire post – and probably should have been more clear that what truly upset me was seeing post after post (replies I mean here) that lumped all breastfeeding women together as radicals who are running around spitting on women who bottle feed. I *hate* to see all breastfeeding moms labeled as radicals and all bottle feeding moms labeled as lazy… I hate to see breastfeeding moms labeled as saints by groups like La Leche or whomever else too – we are just moms… just humans… and we make mistakes too. ALL mommies do.

I think we disagree on much less than it may have initially appeared… my biggest point, as I said prior to this post,is that the smartest thing we can do as women is not allow anyone’s opinion sway us from what we feel is best (except maybe our significant other – haha) and we certainly shouldn’t let commercials or articles or segments in the news or whatever else make us feel badly. Like my mom used to tell me – when you *let* someone make you feel badly about yourself or question yourself you are giving away your power. That little nugget of wisdom has gotten me through a lot of nasty stuff in life… it still does.

I hope that your family will be well soon and able to enjoy the changing of the seasons, this is always my favorite time of the year…. except for the allergies… and the flu… and the back-to-school-lets-all-swap-our-germs illnesses… *sigh*

When your last infant died things like this tend to stress a person out and you caught me at the worst possible time.

Your comment here has me steaming but I am walking away from it because I know that I am pissed because I am not myself and in a highly stressed out situation. And am about to take a whole lot of frustration and anger out on you that is not your fault.

You caught me when highly emotional and compromised and I did not react well. I am not sure that ANYONE would react well to being called beyond antagonistic and not forthcoming with facts, but it was a stronger reply than should have happened.

For someone who got invited to The White House to talk about health care and stressing that people can make a civil argument without getting ugly a huge part of that, my response makes ME a hypocrite here as well.

So, I will practice what I preach that it is never too late to apologize and get back on track with civil discourse. I did not appreciate what I took as a personal attack, but I absolutely apologize for letting it get out of control. You did not deserve a lot of my words.

So, I deleted my reply to your comment and will end this by apologizing again, stating that I absolutely stand by my post, that it ABSOLUTELY was the best decision for my family and that we’ll just have to agree to disagree on some things.

My comment about the formula commercials was made to point out that *your* commentary about commercials for breastfeeding is moot, my dear. It has been proven medically, whether we like it or not, that breastfeeding *is* best for an infant. There are properties in breast milk that simply cannot be reproduced in formula – they haven’t figured out how to do it yet. That is unfortunate, but true. I’m sure one of these days they’ll figure it out, but until that time groups like La Leche or whomever else are going to boast the benefits of breastfeeding as being best for your baby. The point I was trying to make is one that my mom made to me as I was growing up and I make to my children now. No one, not even a commercial, can *make* you feel ANYTHING unless you LET them. If a commercial is disturbing to you because it says that breastfeeding is in the best interest of your child, that is your own fault. What I was saying was that I saw commercial upon commercial extolling the virtues of formula while I was breastfeeding my children (not to mention the numerous people who told me I’d “never make it” as a breastfeeding mom because it’s “too hard”) but I never, ever let anyone or anything make me feel badly or upset. I didn’t allow it. Just as I didn’t allow the fact that when it was time take my babies home I was sent with baggies full of formula bother me.

I am entirely for each and every mother having the comfort of making whatever decision suits them best. What bothers me is folks who are radical in one direction or the other and decide to lump breastfeeding moms or bottle feeding moms in a group without realizing that we are all individuals with our own personal decisions to make.

And by the way, while I appreciate your alliteration, my comment was neither snooty nor snotty – and I’m hardly hypocritical. I think that because you’ve had bad experiences with people who don’t agree with the decision you have made you read a comment that is critical of some of (not all of by any stretch) your points in a tone that comes out of that experience rather than the tone in which is was intended.

I’m terribly sorry I didn’t pad my criticism with commentary on the wonderful points you made (like the fact that breastfeeding women should be able to feed their children in comfort anywhere without the worry that they’ll be tossed out). I had made the assumption that wasn’t necessary in order to carry on an intelligent argument. Wow – you know what happens when you assume. In your own words… BARF, woman.