There is a commercial that is currently running by Medela, a company that produces breast pumps and other baby items. Obviously, they are a pro-breastfeeding company and in the commercial they make the statement that breastfeeding is “best for the baby and best for you“.
But what if it’s not?
Best, I mean?
Who exactly gets to define that statement?
A company?
A hospital?
A league?
Internet groups?
Other mothers?
Or me?
I’m not breastfeeding this baby when it’s born.
I didn’t come to this conclusion lightly and since this is my 4th baby, I feel that I am knowledgeable and seasoned and not making this decision in ignorance or out of inexperience. If anything, it is quite the contrary.
I have always been determined to be a nursing mother, but 4 months is as long as I’ve been able to do it. I’ve struggled to get my babies to latch on and had mastitis each time. Still, I nursed. And despite the problems, I loved it. I loved the closeness and the bonding and that I could give my baby something nobody else could. The positives to breastfeeding are obvious.
The main issue with me breastfeeding and how long I have been able to do it is that I have several herniations in my back and I simply cannot let my babies feed as long as they need to (no matter WHAT position I lie in). Eventually, I have to wave the white flag and supplement and my supply usually dries up.
Still, I have always tried.
This time the scenarios and issues with how I feed are different. Because my last baby died I am already a basket case of worry and anxiety and the kid isn’t even here yet. I’m struggling. I worry about post-partum depression and anxiety. I’m trying to reduce as much stress and “things” as possible because I have no idea HOW I am going to be when he’s here. I think that the worry about keeping this baby safe and alive for the first 6 months are going to be pretty hard on me.
I do not sleep for months with worry over all my newborns-even when I CAN. I literally watch them perpetually to see if they are breathing. When I hear them make the slightest noise I wake up. I was just beginning to chill out when Matthew died. I can’t help but think this will make things worse, ya know?
When I have that much lack of sleep it also really exacerbates negative issues I have, so we are going to try some things to make sure that I get as much sleep as possible to try and be proactive about how I cope when he’s here.
For the first time, I am going to try (try being the operative word) putting the baby in his own nursery next door and use a baby monitor instead of having him sleep in the bassinet next to my bed. I think that this will be really difficult for me but I am still going to try becuase I know if he is next to me I will just sit and watch him.
And?
I’m bottle feeding.
I think that it will be a HUGE help if my husband and I take designated shifts with the baby. Having my husband help out at night should make it easier. He is on board with my decision. He wishes I would try pumping, at least for a few weeks, but I am not going to. It would pretty much nullify most of the reasons why I’m not breastfeeding to do so. (Plus, he is a guy and doesn’t understand the process of milk coming in and then drying up and what an ordeal it is.)
I’ve thought about this for a very long time. Of course, I can’t know everything that is going to happen with this baby or how he is going to be, I can only make an educated guess. But I feel that it is better than putting myself in a situation that I KNOW will leave me more frazzled and stressed out.
To be honest?
I think formula is fine.
I do not think it is poison and never bat an eye when I see someone using it. Speaking of that, I will be on some heavy duty medication for my clotting disorder after he is born that they say should be safe in breast milk, but that makes me a LOT more nervous than anything I see on a package of formula.
I know the arguments are that the breastmilk is best but in my own experience, I can’t say that I have anything but the opposite experience as far as the health of my kids. James, who I nursed the longest, has horrible asthma and allergies and Matthew died of SIDS and he was nursed. In fact, the ONLY healthy kid I have is Christopher and he formula fed because I threw a huge blood clot after he was born and I couldn’t nurse.
Do I think these health issues (or non) with my kids is due to how they were fed?
No, I don’t.
I’m throwing that out there because of a particular internet conversation I had where a well-meaning breastfeeding activist kept throwing out the statistics of better health to me. THESE statisitics in my own family mean more to me, frankly.
I think breastfeeding is WONDERFUL and feel strongly that women should be able to nurse whenever, wherever they need to. I get angered at mothers being asked to leave places due to breastfeeding their babies and I do not doubt that it is the very best option for many moms and babies. I do not mind lactation education in the least and am really glad it is out there to dispell myths and provide support for people who want to nurse, as long as I feel that a contrary decision is respected, if not agreed with.
On the flip side, I also think that the reactions some people have to bottle feeding mothers and what is said to them in the name of breastfeeding advocacy is disgusting. I am weary of the implication that it makes someone less of a mother or a parent. Or that they are selfish if they choose to not attempt to nurse or pump if they don’t have health reasons that prevent it.
I worry about how I will be treated at the hospital when I tell the nurses I am bottle feeding because of the reaction my niece got when she bottle fed. I am hoping I will have that decision respected and will not be hen-pecked to death or pestered by the lactation specialist. I will have enough to worry about without that. I am probably going to be proactive and ask to have it noted in my chart that I just want to be left alone regarding it and hope my choice is respected.
To me, feeding your baby is a VERY personal choice and what works for some does not for others. After all: My boobs. My kid. My life. My choice.
Right?
Still, some of the comments I have already gotten at appointments and reading opinions and comments on the internet leaves me a little on the defensive. One person equated formula feeding TO ABUSE.
ABUSE?
For feeding a baby formula?
SERIOUSLY?
My jaw was on the floor.
I can’t help but wonder why the way a mother feeds her child is the business of another person or why I feel like I have to justify this decision to anyone, including myself.
People who have health issues where they cannot nurse or who have at least “tried” to nurse are usually given a pass on breastfeeding, even amongst the zealous, but what if you just feel strongly that nursing is not for you? Why can’t that be respected as a parenting choice?
I feel that I have plenty of solid and justifiable “reasons” not to nurse.
BUT WHAT IF I DIDN’T?
What if I chose not to nurse just because I didn’t think it would be what was the best option for how my life and parenting works?
OR JUST BECAUSE?
What then?
Would that make me a bad, selfish person or less of a mother? Is breast milk so much better to the point that a mother who chooses not to nurse should have condemnation heaped on her head? I just don’t buy that. I just do not think that bottle feeding makes me or any other woman who chooses not to nurse a bad mother or a selfish one, but I know this is the opinion some have (even if it remains unvoiced) and I find that kind of sad.
Good for you. I totally support you. Yes, breast-milk rocks, blah-blah-blah. I do support breastfeeding, but breastfeeding zealots need to back off. I really really HATE when people try to impose their opinions as being the “right” choice or the “better” choice.
Nothing is definite in this world. People can speculate what they think will be perfect, but at the end of the day who knows.
Millions of babies are formula fed and uh yeah they are no different than breastfed babies.
I wish we could all just do whatever we feel is best and not have to deal with any shit about it.
Oh and the breastfeeding making you and your baby “closer”. I think that is BS. My mom breastfed me until I was one year and we have an awful relationship.
Plus breastfeeding made me gay.
Wait! I didn’t mean it like that.
Because gross.
Forget I even said anything.
Bollocks!
Amen sister! You’ve said everything I’ve wanted to say!!!!! You go!
I have a friend that was still nursing occasionally and her daughter was 4 YEARS OLD. I just couldn’t take it. I have another that has one that is nursing and he is 20 months old. I just can’t take that. It’s just too much. To each their own I suppose but when kids can come up and ask for it and throw fits for the boob, it makes me want to vomit.
Oh, and one more thing…I don’t believe it makes babies any healthier AT ALL. Every child I know (my friends that have kiddos under the age of 7) that were strictly breastfed are the SICKEST children I have ever met. Ear infections, tubes, etc, etc, etc. Maybe it works for some but I really feel like it’s overrated.
Oh, and don’t apologize for your feelings!
I’m going to be awful here and tell you my truth. Bottle feeding my triplets allowed me to parent them better than I did their two older sisters who I nursed for a year each.The triplets haven’t been sick, except for a cold early this winter, despite being premature AND having a sister in the 4th grade.
I feel bad that you have to defend your choice to bottle feed your baby. It doesn’t make you love your child less because you bottle fed them. You aren’t endangering their lives. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a complete …. I was going to swear there, but I won’t.
You gotta do what makes you feel comfortable. I hope you don’t feel any guilt from any one else over your decision.
I think in general, we as mothers have all these expectations put on us and thats why we worry and fret over being judged for what should be our, nad only our business. Do whats best for you, because whats best for you is what will be best for Asron.
Aaron*
If I could do it over, I would not have breastfed Thomas. I think I would have avoided a lot of unnecessary stress on our family – between the PPD definitely stemming partially from exhaustion (he nursed every damn hour until he was 10 months old), the yelling at my oldest who was only 5.5 at the time and the stress on my marriage?
Totally not worth it. But in 2004, pressure was high to BF for AT LEAST 18 months. I cried when I weaned him at 10 months and the guilt omg the guilt…
So not worth it.
I fully support the decision to make your own decision as a mother. Good luck and make no more apologies (the ones here were unnecessary!)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
My Friend had her third last year. After dealing with mastitus and severe post partum depression (w/her second) she decided she was not going to breast feed the third. She told the nurses about her decision, and added that if the “nipple nazis” bothered her there would be hell to pay.
they gave her no trouble at all.
Stop apologizing and if people give you crap tell them to shove it. I agree wholeheartedly with your post.
Hmmmm….
Being a certified doula and a huge breast-feeding advocate, I actually really enjoyed reading this……
I don’t think you need to apologize at all. At first (when I started practicing 7+ years ago) I was totally Nazi about it, but after helping so many different women with so many different circumstances, I realized, IT IS YOUR CHOICE! IT IS YOUR BODY, YOUR BABY, YOUR CHOICE.
I also know that you are not the mother that is going to prop the bottle in the car seat. Whether you breastfeed or not, does not determine if you are a good mother. And I know that you are a fantastic one.
With that said, I nursed both of my kids. My oldest for 25 months and my youngest for 19. Yes, I nursed in public, but not after about 4 months. We did it in the privacy of our home. I was also one of the moms that nursed while sleeping and I didn’t lose any sleep or roll over onto my babies. I struggled with the first one with Thrush and everything. The second was a breeze. My kids were never sick. Still aren’t. But I also know kids just as healthy as mine that were bottle-fed.
You are the mom, so it is your decision, and it is the right one for you.
Congratulations on everything. You are a rock.
I am a new reader. I couldn’t NOT leave a comment. Good for you deciding what is best for you and your family! I too experienced babies who were tough to nurse and I also developed mastitis. My second and last baby I ended up pumping and bottle feeding for 3 months. I was so okay with formula! And my husband doing a feed each night helped me out so much with my sleep needs.
Also, one of my good friends had a baby March 25. A year ago March 29 her son died of SIDS. She would be able to relate to you. Every time she wakes up in the night she checks on her new baby and her 3 year old. She worries constantly. She has done all she could to avoid her 3rd baby dying of SIDS but at the same time she knows she can’t do anything really. She has removed bumpers etc but still knows she can’t do anything. She lives with worry. She would understand you and what you are going through. I write this because you aren’t alone. You know that. If you are interested I can put you in contact with each other. just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts.
I will leave you with the words of my doctor:
“Breastfeeding does not make you a Mother.”
Breastfeeding is better. It’s cheaper.
You have to just ignore people- we live in an upside down idiot world where the same person who tells you that choosing formula is abuse, thinks abortion is an okey-dokey choice (not trying to start an abortion debate here people- so don’t start with me- just sayin’). Just be prepared for the nipple Nazis, because they will try to guilt you into changing your mind. I happened to love nursing… free, no dishes to wash, nothing to pack or warm up- so basically, it was more convenient for me- but you may need to practice tactfully, but firmly telling people who wish to needle you about it that “it is simply none of your business.”
interesting insight
http://www.child-psych.org/2009/04/breastfedding-may-lower-risk-of-sudden.html
Yup. I know about that study. Matthew was breastfed and he still died of SIDS.
Don’t apologize. TO ANYONE. You’re the mama, and you know what’s right for you and your family. I just had my first and breastfed her until almost a year. It sucked at times and was great at times. (But you know that, you’re not a newbie at this!) But really, I kept doing it because it was just easy. It worked for us. Would I have done the same thing if it hadn’t been easy and worked for us? Um, no. When women tell me about being pregnant with their first babies, I tell them the same thing. It sucked, then it worked. You should try it. If it works, it works. If not, there’s another perfectly fine option. My bro and I were both formula fed–I turned into a pretty successful attorney and he just got offered a post-doctorate position at Harvard studying genetics. :)
Congrats on the new baby!! I just found your site because of Maddie, but I’ll add you to my daily follow list and can’t wait to share in the joy of a new baby.
Leslie
This topic always makes my blood boil. When a bottlefeeding mommy finds out I nursed my kids, they inevitably cringe and start to apologize. WHY? If you feed your baby on a regular basis, you’ve met her needs.
Other thoughts on this, in no logical sequence: remember wetnurses? Women with lots of breastmilk who were available, at a price, to nurse your infant if your milk wouldn’t come in? Somehow, I think that those ms with no breastmilk to speak of and no money wouldve been more than happy to “abuse” their babies with formula instead of watching them slowly starve to death.
I nursed because I made enough milk to feed the entire maternity wing. With enough force to write my name in the sand with one boob while my baby suckled on the other. And because my daughter refused any sort of non-flesh apparatus in her mouth until she was six months old. (Seriously, I tried every bottle, pacifier, and technique in the world with no success.). And because my son practically wounded-soldiered his way across my belly, still covered in goo, to latch on firmly with no assistance from me right after birth. And because…
OK, shutting up now. But my point here is to hold fast to what you know is right for your family, and to hold yourself blameless for any unfortunate mishap that may happen to the overeager lactation consultant, what with all the meds and hormones and such coursing thru your body…;)
Amen. Sure, breastfeeding is the healthiest choice. Just like avoiding all TV, refined sugar, processed food, tap water, chemical-based cleaners, disposable diapers, non-organic milk, and so on. And yet, very few of us (if any) make the healthiest choice 100% of the time. Many of us drank formula as infants and are healthy, happy adults. You have to make the right choices for your family as a whole (including your own health, well-being and happiness).
By the way, I don’t think “missing out” on breastfeeding is like not knowing how fabulous peanut butter is if you’re allergic. I think it’s more like not eating peanut butter because you just don’t like it. You can feel sorry that the other person doesn’t enjoy it as much as you do, but you can’t assume that they WOULD enjoy it, regardless of circumstances. We are all different people.
Anyway, I tried to breastfeed my son with the best of intentions for weeks before I decided that it was actually having a negative impact on my relationship with him. Tried briefly with my daughter (with more success) and decided that I simply didn’t want to. I don’t feel guilty about it and I don’t think it hampered our ability to bond. In contrast, I think it allowed my husband to bond with the kids which has brought us all closer as a family.
I tried to feed my first child for about 4 days. Everytime I tried I ended up crying. My husband woke up in the middle of the night with me sitting on the floor bawling my eyes out while trying to feed my son. That’s when we decided to bottle feed. Later on I figured out I had post-partum depression.
I decided not to even try breastfeeding with my second son. I wanted to enjoy feeding him, not feel miserable every time I tried. How would that help bound us together? The home health care nurse that came to visit saw my boppy and said, “Oh, wonderful! You made the best choice by deciding to breastfeed.” Explaining that wasn’t the case made me feel guilty. Then I decided who the heck was this woman to tell me what the best choice for my child was. I have two wonderful, intelligent, healthy children. Guess maybe they would be geniuses if I had breastfed them! :)
Trust yourself.
XO
Nothing really new to add here. I tried breastfeeding with The Boy. I have problems with my breast, the ducts are blocked. But I was so convinced that formula was evil that I kept trying (I’d supplement.) The Man finally set me straight.
The fact is, that the goal is not breast feedign. The goal is to feed kids. If formula had not been available my monkey would have starved. I just can’t fathom. I remember pulling out a bottle at playgroup, and one of the other mom’s said “Thank god, I’ve been afraid to do that…”, this pretty much shut the boob nazis up…
To paraphrase her, the sun came out the day I stopped breastfeeding.
At the end of day, it should be about choice. Not about breast or bottles. Raising fed, healthy loved kidlets.
I just want to say how much compassion I feel for the person who wrote this post. You are a survivor, and doing everything you can to keep it together so you can be a great parent to your children. Your love and courage in the face of loss is a million times more important than whether or not you breastfeed. What an amazing reminder of the need for all of us to have compassion towards each other.
I just shake my head in disbelief that how you feed your baby is even an issue. (Not you, per se, I’m just talking about the concept at large and the effect of a breastfeeding or non-breastfeeding post can have on the community.)
I mean, you’ll never see anyone rallying because I decided I’d buy nachos for lunch instead of eating the damn Lean Freakin’-Cuisine I brought from home, would you?!? I mean, who gives a shit WHAT I eat? So long as I eat. (I sure as hell HOPE I’d get some bloggy concern from readers if I developed an eating disorder and didn’t eat at all.)
So why, by extension, does ANYONE give two flying flips about what my baby eats?!? I mean, its not like I wouldn’t feed my baby. I’m not injecting the kid with steriods or heroin or [insert really really bad thing here] — just feeding him. I fail to see any reason why it should be an issue AT.ALL.
I say “GO WIT-CHER BAD SELF, WOMAN!” and whatever way you choose to feed your baby, just make sure you love him, period.
As I told my cousin when she had her second: Who cares (breast, bottle, both) as long as the kid is fed and happy.
Great thing about being the Mom is YOU get to decide.
Mostly I want to say….
I have a hard time reading your blog these days….especially when you mention Matthew….I have an 11 day old baby, and I get all freaked out when I read stuff like that or like on your facebook when you mentioned two Internet friends babies died.
I’m way more freaked out with this second baby and reading posts like your “Trauma” one doesn’t help. :) I’m just saying.
DIDO on everything you said! I tried really hard to nurse both of my boys. With my first son, I got mastitis twice and had TONS of other problems including colic with him and him TOTALLY refusing to nurse all together, so after 2 months I decided to bag it. With my 2nd, after 4 months, he wasn’t getting enough because I was loosing my milk. It was hard to quit with both and especially when I have a sis-in-law who nursed all 4 of her kids for their first year. I felt like a disappointment.
I love how they make it seem like formula is poison. And just like those that say kids who crawl longer before they walk are smarter!?! Are you kidding me! I don’t know any adults who were bottle fed or who just stood up and walked mentally slower or disabled in some way. Who comes up with this crap? SERIOUSLY!
The women who try to cram breastfeeding down your throat just haven’t had any problems breastfeeding. In fact, next time I have a baby, they can take one of mine to try to nurse and then we’ll see if they change their opinions lol.
Hi, I don’t think I have commented before, but I love your site. I think I came over from DrowninginKids website, almost a year ago.
I just wanted to say, I completely agree with you. I nursed my last baby until she was 14 months old, but I was a single mom almost the entire time with very little help. I will say, the argument goes both ways. I grew up in the south, and I still remember bringing the baby home at three months old and my ex-mother in law asking when I was going to switch her over to formula. I felt ostracized the entire time and had to listen to many blatant comments that I was ‘hogging the baby’ or ‘not letting anybody help me’. On that note, I call bull****.
For me, because I had no help at home, it was much easier to just nurse her and get it over with.I dreaded it when I started, but I still remember crying when she decided she didn’t want to nurse anymore. And, for the record, she is the most sickly of all three of my kiddos. She is allergic to almost everything, and has a very hard time with her asthma and her allergies.
I have had numerous people ask whether I smoked or drank while I was pregnant or nursing her, and I didn’t. Sometimes it just doesn’t matter what you do, you just end up with a sickly child.
You have to do what is best for you, all the time. That is what makes you a good mama. From reading your site, I would say, you are one of the best around! :)
I really admire you for admitting this on the interweb. Truly.
I bottlefed my firstborn after 4 miserable weeks of trying to nurse and failing. She turned out just fine. It was a very difficult decision to make at the time, but one that needed to be made for me and for my family. Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to make the decision early. Aaron will still thrive, and will still, or course, be very, very loved.
I think women are too judgy now. Shouldn’t women be able to CHOOSE in this day and age what they want to do without getting scorned? I support your choice not to breast feed. I would also support your choice to breast feed. It’s your choice. Totally off topic – but you didn’t forget to answer the whole ‘why I’m not mormon’, right? Because I’m abnormally interested in why. (and not in a creepy way . . . . )
Do you know what I find so funny reading these comments? Everyone keeps telling me to stop apologizing and I had to laugh because I thought I WAS being totally non-apologetic and “So THERE!!!!!” with this post.
(Obviously I need to work on that some more)
Hee hee.
So many interesting and supportive comments. I hope I didn’t scare away the pro-breastfeeders or come across as bashing them because that wasn’t my intent.
I’m just for moms being able to make choices for themselves and their kids without condemnation or more stress.
I’m always happy for moms who figure out what works for them. And I am more than happy that there are so many people out there that can relate to how I feel or my situation.
I think most moms are simlar in we truly want what is best for our kids. Which is a great way to be.
P.S.
Chelsie-I am still going to write it. The internet has been slammed with tragedy and man…it is going to be a very tricky post for me to write.
I have given it a LOT of thought and had many conversations about it with people. I need to make sure I am absolutely comfortable with it before hitting publish becuase it is a very BIG WIDE AND TRICKY topic to try and get into one blog post.
But I have not forgotten and it will happen. Promise.
xoxo to everyone.
I nursed my three children because I thought it was the best decision for me….
But I’m here to say that children who are not breastfed turn out wonderful…they even graduate college. I did!!
Do whatever you think is best for you and your family and throw your guilt out the window!!!
I’m a new/stumbled here from somewhere reader and I sense a theme. I have three children and breast-fed the middle one, guess who has the fatal (score 6) peanut/treenut allergy and asthma? Apparently “studies” have debunked any link but I’m thinking not (seeing how I stuffed my face with peanut butter all the time I was pregnant and b/f).
I too was on the receiving end of the wrath of the Breastapo when I chose to formula feed number 3. And when I fed him in public how were these harpies able to tell from 15ft away that it wasn’t expressed breast-milk in the bottle? Did they smell it or something? I shudder to think.
I attempted breastfeeding with my daughter Gracie. Well, when I say attempted, what I mean is that I stuck my boob near her mouth and when she didn’t immediately latch on, I shook up the bottle that was handed to me and gave her that instead. She’s 4 now and is happy and healthy.
I just had my second daughter Kairi a couple weeks ago, and I decided to give breastfeeding an actual wholehearted attempt this time. It’s working out great for us so far and I’m really enjoying the bonding that I’m getting with my baby.
To be 100% honest, when I decided to breastfeed, a good portion of my reasoning had nothing to do with the bonding or the supposed health issues – it had to do with that I didn’t want to have to deal with formula. I didn’t want to buy it, prepare it, sanitize and wash bottles and nipples, wash formula stains out of my daughter’s collars… the list goes on. (That wasn’t ENTIRELY why I chose to breastfeed, but it’s a good portion – I just thought this way would be easier… and so far I’ve been right.)
I’m loving breastfeeding. But I can see how many people don’t. And I can see where many women choose formula over breastfeeding – even if they’ve done it before. As far as I’m concerned, let the haters be haters and feed your baby however you see fit. And give yourself a pat on the back for it too.
I agree with the others who have commented here: Your baby, your body, your choice. Every woman has the right to decide what is right for them. If God didn’t want us to use bottles he wouldn’t have invented them.
I did not breastfeed any of my three children. They are all three well-adjusted adults. I have good relationships with all three. Giving them that formula in a plastic bottle did not damage them. That I know of. ;)
I’m also with you when it comes to women being able to choose for themselves what they want to do. Sometimes I wish they’d choose bottle feeding – I’ve known a number of mothers in the foster care system who have simply not known how to take care of their child, and bottle feeding would have made it easier to gauge how much food their youngsters were getting.
I have no problem with either bottle or breast – both of my children were bottle fed. I hate, though, the “breastfeeding nazi’s” – the ones who, as you’ve said, think that you’re killing your child by giving them formula.
Sara described my feelings very well, so I won’t repeat except to say that I appreciate you explaining your thought process as it is very educational to me. I wonder where everyone lives that they are meeting “the breastfeeding nazi’s” at the hospital or dr’s office…for me in Sacramento CA they were only at my “natural living mom’s group” and at the UC Davis ob’s & hospital they were very happy to offer me formula and had very little info or support on breastfeeding. However, they did have a great lactation consultant on staff through the GI specialist’s office–just quite obscure to track down!
Totaly off topic, this cracked me up and made me think you might enjoy it.
http://despair.com/lithographs.html
So wish that I had read this on May 25, 2006, when my son was born! I was ambivalent about breastfeeding, and then I was told by the nurses that he couldn’t nurse b/c of how his pallet was formed. They wanted me to pump, but I didn’t have a pump and trying in the hospital hurt like hell. Took a lot of s* from the pediatric interns at UCLA (who, in looking at the baby’s chart, should’ve known why he was formula feeding), but not from the midwives, or his pediatrician. MIL had a few things to say, though. I felt SO bad for NO reason. With my daughter, I gave it a bit of a try, but when the her pediatrician (different then my son’s) said exactly the same things one of your other posters wrote (maybe we’re both seeing Dr. Shulman), I cried tears of relief. I HATE the holier than thou crap and guilt thrown at moms who don’t breastfeed. THANK YOU so much for writing this, and for everyone else who’s commented. I’ve still kind of felt like a pariah for the last three years, and am just so glad that the baby is 15 months, and finally the feeding questions at the playground, the market, the park, Target, wherever–are going away.
I breastfed for the first month (mostly through pumping as I couldn’t get Austin to latch properly) and then I had to stop due to going back on anti-depressants that I had to stop abruptly upon finding out I was unexpectedly pregnant (what a run-on sentence!). Don’t even think about feeling guilty because we all have our reasons.
P.S. I was stalked by the lactation consultant from the hospital where I delivered. Seriously, it was heartbreaking enough, leave me alone.
Very interesting post. I’ve read a fair amount about BF. Glad you are comfortable with your decision, and preventing depression is important, for sure!
I’m pro-BF but since I’m not a mom I generally feel it is not my place to judge.
A friend of mine BF till her baby was 6 months old, got thrush multiple times, and was tired of the pain and sickness from thrush, so switched to formula at 6 months.
Her hippie MiL was SO judgmental about the formula! Goodness, though. That is certainly a whole lot of effort and pain she went through!
Not to say that effort and pain is a pre-requisite to go through before deciding to bottle feed. You obviously know what you are doing.
Wishing you all the best in happiness and lack of depression. ;p
I agree with what you are doing. When I had Monkey doodle in Minnesota I felt the judgment from the nurses and Doctors that I was bottle feeding. I did try with him but my milk was not coming in and he was not latching on properly. After 3 months I gave up. I did want to try again with my second, Pochi, and it went very well. I breastfeed her for 8 months after that I did formula. Supposedly breast milk makes a baby fatter but Pochi’s was and is smaller than Monkey Doodle.
I hate that mothers are judging other mothers for things they do or don’t do. That is just stupidity. No one has any idea what is best for the other family.
You know what is the right thing for your family.
Thank You!
I could be a wet nurse. Seriously, if I was born in another century, I could probably make a living as a wet nurse. Nursing was easy for me. (Other things weren’t – like the giving birth part – both my kids involved over 24 hours of labor and an emergency c-section at the end.) I nursed both my kids – one for 16 months, one for 11 months (when she decided she was done with me and wanted a cup, tyvm.)
So I am pro-breastfeeding.
But I’ve seen so many other moms struggle with breastfeeding. For me, it was the right thing to do. For you or anyone else? How can I possibly make that call? Everyone should have all the information to make an educated decision based on their own circumstances and then they should be allowed to make their decision without pressure . . . especially without pressure from other moms.
while I didn’t read 80% of the comments…I breastfed for nearly 2 years because it was right for us, you choose to bottle feed because it’s best for you and your family. You made an informed decision. That makes it the best imo.
When I think about feeding my little one someday, I’m always on the fence about it. Thanks for weighing in some facts!
Hope you’re doing well these last few months!!!
I stumbed across this posting, and I have to believe its fate. I’m a strong believer in letting women do what they decide is right for themselves, their baby and the rest of the family. My mother chose formula for my sister and me, and not to brag (well, yeah, I guess to brag!) we turned out amazingly–magna cum laude graduates from the top high school in the region, rarely sick, varsity athletes, admitted to Top 25 universities, blessed to have fantastic relationships with both our mom and dad, etc and so on. I have not yet had children, but when I do I know they will be formula babies. Mom got plenty of grief from other know-it-all moms out there. I remember one friend of hers said how glad she was that she “did the right thing” when she decided to breastfeed (what. the. heck?). Breastmilk and formula are both healthy nourishing choices. As much as I know bottle-feeding is the choice for my future family, I’ll fight for women to be able to feed or nurse where ever. I’d like to think all women would stand up for each other’s choices. I wish you the absolute best!!
Never apologize. Never. This coming from someone who’s last two posts have been about pumping and the medela pump. What is best for your baby is what is best for mommy. No one can tell a breastfeed baby from a formula fed baby. Don’t give it another thought and never apologize. Your doing the right thing for you and your family.
It drives me nuts that you need to pick sides when your a mommy. No side is right for everyone. Stop picking on each other and start supporting each other. That is what we really need.
Okay, I know I don’t have children and have never been through this whole “baby” thing before, but I have heard these “Breast-feeding Nazis” go on and on and ON about how it’s been scientifically PROVEN that your children will be smarter, more well-rounded, more emotionally secure and pretty much just better off in every way shape and form if you DO breastfeed. And pretty much, if you don’t, you’re a horrible mother who’s too selfish to care about your child’s needs.
Um… excuse me? Isn’t it about YOUR choice? I’m sorry, but I wasn’t breast fed and I’m pretty much the smartest, most well rounded, emotionally secure and freakin’ AWESOME person I know. So… I just don’t really think it makes that much of a difference. You’re obviously doing the best thing for you and your baby… and he will turn out awesome (Just like me!) because of it. :)