I love it when I hear people comment that gastric bypass surgery is taking “the easy way out”.
Can you see the sarcasm dripping off your screen yet?
Quick, long-lasting results?
Yes.
Easy?
Um…no.
Actually, HELL no.
This is me:
Many of you have seen this photo in black and white on my “about” page.
There WAS really good photography involved, but it’s pretty much how I ended up.
I?
Did not always look like this.
(And still don’t. Again, REALLY good photography.)
14 years ago, at the age of 20, I had gastric bypass surgery . This is my story. Well, a tiny fraction of it, anyway.
I get quite a few questions about this and a lot of people wanted to know more about it when I called for questions to be answered, so I figured it was time to write. Keep in mind that this is mainly about my life before surgery and what led to it. I do touch on long term recovery and my life since but the main focus is living with obesity and things I wish I had known about gastric bypass before undergoing it.
I was a pretty normal looking child but I was TALL and big boned. I wear a size 10 shoe if this gives you any indication of what I mean. My twin sister was always a little bigger than I was, but normal until about first grade and then she began to put on weight. A lot of weight.
Kindergarten:
First grade (I am on the right in both photos):
2nd grade:
My parents were understandably concerned about my sister’s weight. I think she was on every diet known to mankind and so were we all to an extent.
Home life could be very…volatile. It didn’t help.
I will be blunt that I am not a very active person, even post surgery (and I know it contributed and still does.) It was not always like that .
I loved to run as a kid. I won lots of races and was pretty fast. It came at a huge cost, though. I would cough and spit up ropes of mucous for hours and hours afterward. Childhood asthma was not as looked out for as it is now, but that is absolutely what I had. It went untreated. As the years passed, the pain of running won out over my love for it. I started to equate physical exertion with little oxygen and crushing chest pain. I still do.
This doesn’t help control weight gain.
My childhood was kind of tough and very lonely.
I got a lot of grief being attached to my twin sister. She was not only obese but very emotionally erratic and unpredictable. We didn’t know what was wrong with her. We know now that most of this was because she has brain damage and a serious seizure disorder that has worsened over the years.
It was a fairly miserable way to grow up, though. I really think it contributed to how I looked at food and coped in later years.
It wasn’t just her. I wasn’t “Fat” but I WAS BIG. I was 5’7 and 120 lbs in the 5th grade and far bigger than any boy in my grade. It made me very aware of my size and a lot of shame and ridicule was heaped on my head.
Middle school came and along with it? VENDING MACHINES. Finally, I had a way to get my hands on food that was bad for me that I could also use to mask what a lonely kid I was. I would use my lunch money to have 2 ice cream sandwiches and a cherry Coke every day. I was still Ok at the end of the 7th grade but started putting on weight.
My nickname was “LardassLee” and because the movie “Stand by Me” was huge, I had a devoted group of assholes people that would follow me down the halls at school saying, “Boom-bamba-boom-bamba-BOOM!” when I would walk.
I just got heavier through high school.
Being an obese teenager was much rarer then than it is now. And it was pretty much hell. To say that I had less than zero self-esteem is putting it mildly. Shopping for clothes was bad. I could never find gloves or pretty rings and bracelets that fit. Lane Bryant was the only real option for clothes at the time and they were not exactly hip on junior wear.
I shopped in the men’s section a lot.
Thank god for Grunge, is all I can say.
I still faced a lot of teasing. One was particularly memorable:
At the final senior choir concert, someone (I don’t know who to this day) thought it would be hilarious to change my size 18/20 dress with someone that was a size 0/2. At first, I couldn’t figure out what was going on…until she came out DROWNING in my green taffeta sailboat cover while people stood around laughing at me.
I had a solo that night I had worked very hard for, but that is the thing I remember the most…the feeling of my cheeks burning and feeling like I wanted to disappear into the earth.
My social life sucked. I was extroverted and did have some good friends but the love life area was pretty sad, desperate and icky. Any crushes I had were unrequited to say the least.
My first kiss at was PERFECT and totally unexpected. It was at girls choice Christmas dance and we kissed by a Christmas tree. I was in heaven. I liked him so much. I thought that it meant we were going to date. That someone wanted to be with me.
I called. I gave him a Christmas gift. I wrote him notes.
Nothing was reciprocated.
I was so confused and heartbroken.
He did kiss me. He liked me…right?
Finally he sent a friend of his to talk to me because he was dating my best friend at the time. He told me (in a crude, blunt, teenage boy way) that the guy was just trying to give me a good date and to sum it up…he “felt sorry for the fat girl” so he made out with me, even though “he thought I (and it) was gross and kinda scary” and that he really didn’t want anything to do with me. I wasn’t his type and it was true. His girlfriends were half my height and the size of my pinkie.
Devastated is a kind term for how I felt.
I did get asked to one dance in high school-homecoming. It was probably the very best, most magical night of my teenage life and I will never forget it. Even though I had to buy my dress in the “Mother of the bride” department, HE thought I WAS BEAUTIFUL. You could just tell it was sincere.
I had one perfect, normal, exciting and wonderful date that every single young person should have the privilege to experience.
I will be grateful for it forever.
It was the ONLY date I got asked out on.
The rest of my dates were definitely in the “girl’s choice” category.
I did go to prom senior year with a decent guy who agreed to go with me, but I paid for everything. Nobody knew because I was too embarrassed to cop to wanting to go to prom so much I basically paid someone to take me and he was too nice to tell anyone. It was all too “Can’t buy me love” for words.
I had one on-and-off-again boyfriend through the years that I was totally, freakishly, destructively obsessive about adore and love to bits and pieces.
He didn’t seem to mind my weight and we had amazing chemistry.
He made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life.
(Yup. He was the sweetheart who took me to homecoming. The kid took me despite having no job, car or money from his mom because she didn’t approve of me. He took me anyway and got grounded for life for coming home hours after a curfew I didn’t know he had. He gets many brownie points for giving me that memory.)
But it was a complicated relationship. We were best friends and he was the sweetest boy in so many ways but both of us also had huge issues. Two very damaged kids don’t have a lot of potential for making something work well. My total lack of self-esteem and need to have someone love me at any cost did not help. Every breakup was horrible and though it wasn’t true, I blamed a lot of the repeated failures we had on my huge disgusting-ness.
On never being good enough to keep.
When you are completely starved for love, affection and being desired, it is a difficult, if not impossible thing to let go of when and if you get it. It set a lot of really bad patterns, expectations and things in motion. I was an emotional mess. (My issues are NOT all due to weight by a long shot and I need to be very clear about that, but man…IT DID NOT HELP. )
My need for approval and love was so bad I probably would have been a total whore by the time I left high school at 17 if I wasn’t so ashamed of my fat nakedness.
Shame is profound and key in my life if you didn’t pick up on it. Heh.
I did let 2nd base happen, but that was IT. I would have died of shame to let it go any further and luckily…no one really tried.
Food was always reliable. It never left me, cheated, laughed, mocked, screamed, yelled, cringed or ran away.
It made for a good companion on many lonely, sad nights and after school hours.
By the time I left high school, I weighed about 180-190 lbs.
College came (along with 2 car accidents and being trampled by a horse that left me with permanent back injuries that added to my natural slug-ness and inactivity) and I put on a huge amount of weight.
It certainly didn’t help my health, the way I looked at myself, relationships or ability to handle things very well. College was kind of a repeat of high school only with more serious repercussions and with harder classes.
This was me roughly 2 years before my surgery. I *think* I was around 220 lbs here, which means I added an addition 60+ lbs to my weight. I wish I had more photos to show you, but most of them were lost in a flood. (Some might comment that they don’t think I was “that” heavy. I WAS. I don’t have photos of how bad it got or I would post them. Also, keep in mind that I did not keep horrible photos of me so these? Are the best of the best. I look smaller than I was.)
I take FULL responsibility for the weight I gained. There were lots of “Reasons”. The main being, um, I LOVE FOOD. My inability to drop the weight was mainly due to severe asthma that was heart rate induced. I would walk up the stairs and need to suck on an inhaler. I landed in the ER many times the first two years of college due to it. I tried for several years to take the weight off on my own.
Summer was usually my “Gung ho” time because I didn’t have school and performing, etc. to deal with. I always hoped that if I worked hard core in the summer, I would be able to continue during school. One summer I dropped 40 lbs because I worked out twice a day, drank 2 liters of water and ate no more than 1,000 calories and 10 grams of fat per day. I hated working out. It just left me aching and with lungs full of fire, no matter how many inhaler puffs I took. When the colder weather came? I ended up with pneumonia that would linger for months. End of work out efforts. Hello, weight gain.
It got to the point that I was sick and tired of feeling…so sick and tired. And putting my heart and soul into something and having my body give out.
I think I have adequately illustrated the emotional and psychological toll it took.
My sister was in the same boat. It was really tough on my mom…she wanted so much for her kids to have a good life and be happy. So, she took me to see an internist who reviewed my files and questioned me extensively. He told me that I had gallbladder disease and stones, my joints were under tremendous stress, I had bleeding ulcers and one of my lungs was partially collapsed. The biggest problem is that I would work my lungs to a point and then they couldn’t DO anymore and I would develop pneumonia and the cycle repeated.
I needed help getting more weight off so there was less stress on my lungs and he was very clear about that and that this would ONLY happen with surgery.
So, I had gastric bypass and my gallbladder removed. (As did my sister. She outweighed me by about 60 lbs. but had many less weight-related issues, surprisingly.)
It SUCKED.
I was in a lot of pain.
I had a very difficult recovery.
I think some of this was due to not having laser surgery. It wasn’t common when I had it done and I was left with a huge, stapled incision that hurt every time I moved for weeks and weeks.
Stepping on the scale a week post-op to a weight loss of 30 lbs. did a lot to cheer me up, though.
I lost weight pretty quickly. Which is no surprise as I went weeks and weeks just sipping on a little lemonade or water through a straw I would bite down on. It was the only way to monitor the speed of liquid consumption and not vomit it back up. I still bite on my straws when I’m drinking liquid to this day.
This is me in transition. I believe I was about 180 lbs and this was taken sometime in the summer (3 or 4 months post op)
By October of the same year I weighed in at 150 lbs on my wedding day to my first husband.
(And yes…I totally think that all of this history led to bigger mistakes in my life. I am just not free to write about them. I would write on and on and ON about some times if it were just me involved in the story but I don’t because well…things are rarely JUST about US.)
Christmas Day we found out we were pregnant and it ushered in a vomiting hell that even I, seasoned to barfing from the surgery, was unprepared for. Many people asked if my surgery added to my hyperemesis and the honest answer is that I don’t know.
I know that I am much more fatigued because of mineral absorption problem. I also think that my severe weight loss with James was because of the surgery but I have managed to pack on 20 freaking lbs with this pregnancy and I’m just entering my 3rd trimester. So, while I still get horribly sick all through my pregnancies, it does seem to be better than years ago.
When James was 2 weeks old about 16 months post-up, I hit my lowest weight at 125. I look awful.
I ended up averaging between 150-155 lbs and am fine with that.
My health is so much better (I know, I know…but can you imagine me now with an additional 120 lbs on me?) I think I have used my inhaler 10 times since I got to a normal weight.
I ABSOLUTELY believe that this surgery saved my life and I would do it again in a heart beat.
However, there are many things that I wish I had known before my surgery because it would have been much easier to problem solve and deal with some of these issues and side effects if I had the information beforehand. (This will tend to be looking on the negative side. Forgive me for that, but honestly? The positives are SO OBVIOUS, I don’t feel the need to dwell on them. People can get so desperate for this surgery the very real negatives can be glossed over, skimmed or thrown in the back seat.
If you are considering having gastric bypass there are some things you need to think about and consider:
• You will still have problems, just different ones. I got very tired of people telling me this, but it is true. You will still have problems, they will just be different. Frankly, I found those problems easier to deal with because while I still had all the problems that come with life, I didn’t have to have add being morbidly obese on top of it.
• You will have an extremely restricted diet for a year and it could take many years before your eating resembles anything “normal”. The first year is tough and the regime is strict: liquids and then soft foods for a few months, very low-carb meals, no soda or carbonation, and required water consumption, though you cannot drink liquid right before or during your meals. You will only be able to eat 2-ounces for quite awhile. I still eat light, but I am now at the point that I can go to a restaurant and not have the waiter keep asking me if there is something wrong with my meal. It took years to get there, though.
• You will not be able to absorb minerals and nutrients easily. Anemia is a big problem with a lot of gastric bypass patients. You will need to take vitamins daily for the rest of your life. With some it is a supplement, with this surgery it is a necessity.
• There are unpleasant side effects. You subsist on very little calories and nutrients after the surgery and it will take its toll. You will probably have Irritable Bowel Syndrome symptoms that swing from cramping and diarrhea to constipation. You may lose hair from the lack of nutrients, be anemic and exhausted and then there is “Dumping Syndrome”. Because your digestive system has been rewired, sometimes the sugars from food will “Dump” too quickly into your intestines and send you into a bit of insulin shock. It will make you feel shaky, sweaty, nauseated and ill after you eat. Fortunately, if you take your vitamins and once the weight starts dropping off, your energy will often skyrocket, your hair will grow back and the effects of “Dumping Syndrome” will lessen and the IBS symptoms often get better after a few years.
• Hydration is a big issue and it is difficult to maintain. The most difficult thing for me was not being able to drink during meals or fast enough to quench my thirst because the surgery doesn’t let you gulp water. You have to take tiny, slow sips of liquid. There were some days it drove me so crazy that I would stand by my sink and gulp ice water knowing it was going to come back up but I DID NOT CARE.
• You will throw up. A lot. You cannot eat or drink quickly or you WILL throw up. If you eat something too fatty or sugary, you will throw up. Sometimes if you eat NOTHING, you will throw up bile or dry heave. Thankfully, this gets better and usually stops. You will also learn what triggers it for you and so you can do some things to help.
• You will have saggy skin. Skin sag is a BIG issue. Because I was very young and had not been morbidly obese for a long period of time, I did better than most in this area. My skin rebounded fairly well, but I have very jiggley underarms and thighs. Others are not so lucky and are horrified by the massive amounts of loose skin that they have to deal with. Working out helps, but there really is no cure for it unless you undergo more surgery to have it removed. Tissue loss in the breast is also a huge issue. Every woman I know lost their chest with their weight. (Think post-nursing only much worse.) Losing my breasts was one of the most traumatic things for me. I went from lovely mounds of awesome to looking like a Caucasian cover model for National Geographic. 
I had little confidence in the bedroom. I chose to have breast augmentation to surgically “reclaim” the girls and it was the best decision I could have made. It changed everything for me. (Boobies are magical, yo.)
• There is emotional fallout for you and those around you. Not everyone is going to be thrilled for you. Some may feel threatened by your weight loss, or are scared of change and this may cause trouble in your relationships. Your relationship with your spouse or significant other may change. You may resent the fact that they find you more sexually desirable now that you have lost weight. You may not gain the confidence in the bedroom you thought you would and worry about being attractive to your partner because while you no longer have rolls of fat, you have saggy skin and breast loss. You will probably still have body image issues, just different ones. It’s important to have a strong support system and to make sure you communicate openly about struggles and issues you may have.
•It may be a struggle to see how differently you are treated and dealing with your old vs. new self can be hard. It is sad that it is so obvious, but it is the sad truth that I am treated a million times better now than when I was heavy. My husband would not have asked me out and knowing that is difficult to swallow. (He would still love me heavy and he isn’t an ass, but yeah…he was not into big girls.) It took well over a decade before I could cross a cross walk and not feel that the people in the cars were thinking how hideous and fat I was.
It can take a very, very long time to heal from the scars of being morbidly obese. If they do heal. I still have plenty of things I am dealing with from my past that weight played a huge part in.
• YOU CAN GAIN WEIGHT. And you WILL if you do not monitor and make lifestyle changes. Many people gain a lot of their weight back. Keep in mind you can’t eat much at a time but you can eat OFTEN. So what you eat DOES matter. After a very stressful period in 2006, my weight crept up to 172 lbs. I freaked out, and dieted and worked out like mad until I the weight was gone. I had the extra incentive of having a big solo role and needing to look killer in this dress:
Despite the drawbacks I have just listed, I would have this surgery again. If you and your doctors truly feel like surgery is your best option, the go for it. Just be as informed as you can be and know it is a long, but worthwhile journey.
Wow! Really, you ARE beautiful!
This is my first visit and what a great post to come in on.
I have always battled my weight also. I was at 232 at my heaviest and now stay at 150-155. My biggest fear is gaining that back. And, when I look in the mirror I still see the heavy me (although when I climb into my size 8 jeans it puts a smile on my face).
I did not have surgery but my SIL and I have an aunt that did. I know it is NOT the easy way out, they just made a different choice in how to go about losing it (to be honest, had the doctors let me I probably would have had the surgery…but I was not 100 lbs over weight).
You are right, no matter how you lose it, you will still have some issues. The older I get the easier it is to deal with those.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, your honesty is so brave and inspiring Loralee! Especialy the first kiss…my details are different but the sense of desperation to be accepted and wanted at that young age is very familiar. It has been over 15 years since high school and I still cringe and feel so ashamed of some of things I did then and in college days. Boy that’s more than I admit to anyone but my very closest lifelong best friend. Learning to love myself has been a long journey and a new chapter has opened now that I have two little boys and I want them to grow up with a healthy sense of what love is. Your blog inspires me (and often makes me laugh!). I am jonesing already in anticipation of when you are so busy with your little baby boy that you won’t have time to blog here. Can you maybe write a few now to stash and dole out later?
another reason for me to love you.
I didn’t think that was possible.
wonderful, honest, brave, inspiring post.
Thanks for sharing your story. Its tough to write like this. Keep it up and yes I am planning my surgery next month at lap band San Antonio. Thanks for sharing what to expect after the surgery.
Great post. I really read the entire thing. One of my SILs just had this surgery in November and I think she’s amazing!!! And yes it is so not easy. She even had to lose forty pounds before they would clear her for the surgery. I’m sure she has a lot of the same issues you discuss here and I haven’t ever really thought about how she must’ve felt growing up. I had my own issues of geekiness in high school to be plagued with. I’ll hug my SIL even tighter the next time I see her.
It certainly doesn’t sound like you took the easy way out! People who say that are idiots!
You are awesome! Thanks for being brave and writing about your experience.
Wow. What a great story. Thanks so much for sharing the good, the bad, and the beautiful you.
That was deeply honest, and very much appreciated.
Seeing how this is your blog, and it’s not about me I wont go too much into it, but I can relate to alot of your life even though I haven’t had surgery. Who knows, maybe I will. I’ve had asthma brought on by exercise my whole life and it blows big time. It makes losing weight HATEFUL and desperate for me.
People always tell me I never look my weight, but I truly feel it – every day. It’s amazing how when I became pregnant again (27 weeks along now) I felt the pressure I was constantly putting on myself to lose weight ease up. I didn’t know how much pressure and everything I was putting on myself to “get skinny” until there wasn’t much I could do about it anymore.
Anyways, I find myself soon at a crossroads. I will be done having kids, and want to be healthy and lose the weight. I’m scared, and I hate being scared.
Oh well, I guess I ought to just not cross that bridge til’ I come to it.
Do you ever read “shapely prose” blog? It’s awesomeness, pure awesome.
http://kateharding.net/
I am going to be the bad guy here and say what many people are probably thinking abut are too chicken to say. I don’t think that the surgery is easy physically or emotionally but I do think that it is the easy way out for fat people in most cases.
You probably have a better argument for having it done because of your asthma. I have a kid with bad asthma and we have a hard time controlling it to fit a good fitness routine, but most people I just want to say “gimme a break”.
Life is about daily choices. Yah I feel bad for people that spiral out of control and find themselves with hundreds of pounds to lose and that can be a lot to face but they made the CHOICE to eat that extra BigMac or order two servings of fries.I want to sit on my butt and eat bon-bons all day but guess what? I DON’T. I CHOOSE to curb my excessive habits, work out, eat healthily and make good choices. The gluttony in this country is disgusting and people want what they want when they want it and it sickens me. I know that people have issues and so on but I would be no more indulgent to someone who used those issues to excuse drug abuse or alcohol abuse.
I think before demanding insurance companies, and everyone else, to pay for these expensive fixes for bad life choices more overweight people need to work on their issues, work out, and put down the damn Hagan Daz.
Well, OUCH.
You are actually in the majority of mindset, Healthy Choices. I have run into many, many people like you over the years.
You do realize that every single heavy person walking the earth has heard this again, and again, and again to the point that they probably want to scream…right?
You aren’t saying anything new.
Over weight people can bring a great deal of disgust to many. The fat are one of the last acceptable discriminated groups, in my opinion. They are seen as lazy, uneducated, stupid, or as you keep stating…lacking completely in self control.
There is responsibility in ending up obese. I am not saying that someone put a gun to my head and MADE ME EAT AND EAT AND EAT.
No. I did that all on my own.
But you vastly oversimplify the problem. And the “fix” for it.
I am not saying that there are people who don’t use this surgery as a way to not have to work to get weight off, but most do not. I know I didn’t.
Could I be less lazy? ABSOLUTELY. I hate, loathe and dispise working out and I probably always will. I still make crappy life choices and health habits, but it is much, much better since the surgery.
It gave me the help I needed to get it managed.
I guess I look at it like AA or rehab (to quote your comparisons) would you make a heroin user feel bad for getting intensive, radical rehab help to kick their addiction? I mean, jeesh…just stop putting the needle in your arm you idiot!
It’s not that simple in most cases. It seems so to those who don’t have that addiction, but to addicts, it’s their world and their struggle.
As for insurance, well…I think that you have no clue the huge medical costs associated with obesity. I do not understand why insurance companies would not pay for a surgery that is much less expensive over all, but there may be things I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense to me, but what do I know?
I’m sorry that fat people upset you so much. I am really glad that you do not have to deal with this issue and that you have it so together. I guess the only thing I can say is to try and look at areas of your life that are difficult for you to manage and try to show a bit more compassion.
I’m sure that there are people (and people that I know and love as well) that agree. They just have some respect to stay quiet because really…it’s just not helpful to anyone. At least that is how I see it.
Because honestly…these words of yours help overweight people very little and probably do more damage. And they already go through more than enough in their lives without them, ya know?
Such a brave, honest post! Thank you for sharing.
(Loralee I hope you don’t mind cursing on here. If you do I SUPER apologize and feel free to edit them out, my love.)
PRO HEALTHY CHOICES you just pissed me the fuck off. Oh and yes I am leaving my blog and my email because I am not a pussy. (*AHEM* Like YOU)
I have been reading this site religiously for years now, but I didn’t respond to this post because I am larger and I actually love my body and find it beautiful so on matters like this I like to sit it out and let everyone else talk.
However, the fact that in your twisted mind all fat people are binging on fast food and ice cream sitting around all day is ridiculous.
What is wrong with you? Being fat is not at all always an indicator of how a person eats/moves and I don’t know why it is so hard for people to understand that.
There are very thin people that eat junk food all the time and are very unhealthy. Then there are fat people that eat right and exercise, but just naturally are heavier.
Sure some people lose control and things happen and some people binge eat and gain weight that way.
Do you know what? Usually something happens to those people emotionally whether it is feeling lonely and retreating into themselves or something horrible like sexual abuse. And those people? They don’t need your shit! They need someone to help them out of it. They need support and encouragement and if weight loss surgery is the only option that works for them (this from someone who doesn’t really believe in it) then I am happy for them.
For many others? They are NATURALLY larger. I eat (mostly) healthy and I (usually) exercise. I have been around the same weight for about 10 years now since I was 16 and every year at the doctors office they remark about how healthy I am and how terrific my blood pressure is.
So shut the fuck up.
(And thanks again Loralee for letting me flip out a little.)
Pro Healthy Choices,
Do not presume to speak for me.
Do not assume I am heavy because I can’t stop eating. Or that I don’t exercise. I CAN. I DO.
Do not think I am less valuable as a person, that my feelings don’t matter, or that I am less capable of success because my number on a scale reads higher than yours.
I can feel the sarcasm and disdain dripping from your post, and I wonder why that is? You don’t even know me, or anything about me, and yet you feel perfectly comfortable making blanket statements and lumping overweight people into one undesirable category, of which, according to you, I would be part.
Maybe it’s best you don’t know me. I already beat myself up enough about my weight. I certainly don’t need your help.
Yeah, uh, that comment above? (Healthy Choices)
Applying that attitude to all obesity situations is about as stupid as saying that a depressed person can just CHOOSE to feel better.
A blind person? Can just SEE.
A person with an allergy should really just get that reaction to peanuts UNDER CONTROL.
Get a clue.
That seems to be just a reflection that comes from someone who has no ability to comprehend that everyone’s eyes see the world differently, all minds cope in their own way. What works for you and is a choice, may NOT EVEN BE POSSIBLE for someone else to choose.
Remember. The way you perceive and experience the world is a small, small thing. You are one drop in the bucket – your experience and feelings are yours uniquely. It takes some doing, but try to open your mind to the idea that other people have different struggles than do you.
Of course, I’m sure it’s hard to get that, since you are not naturally gifted in that whole understanding and compassion thing.
But maybe tomorrow you could wake up and just CHOOSE to understand what it’s like to feel things differently, to face different challenges.
Or not. It might be harder than that, right? Hm.
Healthy choices,
It would be interesting to see how you’d handle it if your thyroid or adrenals went bonkers someday and you gained 40-60 pounds in a manner of a few months. That DOES happen to folks. Or you could develop some condition that requires you to take steroid medication and then you’d feel like you’d blown up overnight.
If I were you, I’d be careful…karma is a beeeotch.
A post like this is what makes the blogosphere great. Thank you Loralee – you’re an inspiration.
I love you.
I love the fact that I can one day be as beautiful as you.. Thank you for sharing.
I have also had WLS and do feel I have to justify all the whys to people, like the Pro Healthy Choice commenter, who I assume has no bad habits, addictions, history of abuse, depression, autoimmune disorders, nose picking and is obviously perfect. I would LOVE to you to live in my one year post-op shoes and see how EASY it all is. It must be easy to sit on your perfect ass and judge people who have made a difficult choice to lose weight in order to NOT DIE and then live with the restrictions and difficulty of post operative weight loss surgery. It is HARDER than before, at least for me. I should not speak for others.
I love you Loralee.
This should be assigned reading. For everyone.
Good work on your blog, I love to see the effort and I am just saying keep up the good work.
Brava, Loralee. BRAVA. This was fascinating, poignant, and so YOU. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. xoxo
Loralee – great post. I read it earlier and didn’t have time to comment. Then I read your tweet about the comment and I have to say…
ProHealthyChoices – heart disease and cancer can also come from choices people make. And yet, when people have these conditions, no one argues with treating them medically. Their lives are in danger. They need aggressive treatment, and they usually need it fast. Certainly they need lifestyle changes; they need to make better choices in the future. But sometimes they won’t be around long enough without treatment to have the better choices of the future show any effect.
Your comment showed a significant bias against fat. Yes, obesity is usually a result of choices. But once it’s there, that’s mostly irrelevant. What *is* relevant is how the person can best combine medical interventions and behavior changes to heal their bodies and prolong their lives. No judgment needed.
I am an overweight person, and have been on and off most of my life despite eating vegetables and whole grains and homemade meals, being a runner, and chasing my daughter around for the past four years. My mom, who is the hardest-working person I know and who walks for an hour four times a week, has been overweight her whole life too.
Did we get that way because of personal choices? Partly. Does your telling us to get off our butts and stop eating bonbons help us (or any overweight person) in any way? No.
Despite being overweight myself and seeing my mom struggle with her weight over the years, I used to think that weight-loss surgery was the “easy” way out. That was before getting to know people like Loralee and my friend Jamie who actually had the surgery. That was before I went out to dinner with Jamie when she was four months post-op and watched her eat about a cup of lettuce and two tiny pieces of chicken, stopping so she wouldn’t throw everything up, and heard her sigh over not being able to drink soda anymore. Ever.
Loralee, you were brave to write this post. You rock. xo
Ack. I meant to direct that comment at Pro Healthy Choices, but forgot to mention that. Duh. So it sounds like I was haranguing Loralee, but I wasn’t. :-)
Wait! I guess I missed this. After surgery a person can never drink any soda again? Not ever? I am flabbergasted!
AJ: well, there are different schools of thoughts on it.
Some dr.’s think it isn’t a big deal some are VERY against it and say you are not “supposed to” because it can stretch out your stomach and because your stomach is small, you really need the calories to be useful and nutritious.
You will also notice the wee diet coke can in my url bar. EHEM. ;)
When I was pregnant, I was so sick that coke slurpees were the only thing that would stay down for any length of time and my doctor and i were to the point of “WHATEVER YOU CAN NOT BARF UP YOU CONSUME!”
I became horribly addicted to it.
I have cut way back while pregnant but it also stays down better than anything else (and doesn’t taste horrible coming up)
So, yes. It is better to not but it is NOT in the same arena as giving up all alcohol. THAT is a big no no. (I forgot to address that because I don’t drink. OOPS!)
This is a wonderful post. As someone who struggled through adolescence and early adulthood with being overweight, I have experienced some of the same sorrows you describe (though most certainly not all). Being terrified of being cut on as I am, I chose not to go the surgery route, but instead tried to accept my body as it was. That led to positives (feeling better about myself) as well as negatives (joint pain from excess weight). Many people don’t realize what kind of bravery and courage it takes to even effect a life change like the one you did.
It’s like my mom said when she described her own experiences with weight and social life: “Until you are fat, it is nearly impossible to understand what it means to be fat.” One’s body shouldn’t mean a thing to someone else, but unfortunately it does, and people judge without thinking about how the person they are judging might feel. I’m joining the choir that praises you for your ability to talk openly and precisely about these issues. :)
For the record?
Comments calling me a fat bitch will be deleted. (And they’re really juvenile, so really…just give it up.)
p.s. i drink soda/pop now, a year+ post op. Generally not with food and not guzzling, but I have some everyday. The more recent medical advice is, if you CAN tolerate (a food, a beverage), go ahead.
Beautifully written, Loralee.
I know we all have issues we have to deal with all our lives, and if we’re able to leave some behind, all the better. But we all deal with things in different ways. I get the feeling that Pro Healthy Choices has a major need for ‘control’ in their life, as opposed to a lack of control in, say, mine.
Loralee, I hope that writing this out, even though you had to revisit/re-live a lot of stuff, brings some healing and peace to your life/mind in respect to these issues.
WOW.
Just wow.
Thank you for sharing your story. It affects me – not personally – but it does affect me in a way I can’t really express on-blog.
I don’t have anything useful to add, but since you are apparently getting some negative comments, I wanted to send in my positive one! Thank you for writing this. I have not struggled with weight, so it’s something I would not be able to understand without the insight of someone who has gone through it. I think that having articles/posts like this out there is amazingly beneficial for the human race. It helps us all (well, most of us apparently) have a little more understanding, empathy, and compassion.
I walk everywhere possible. I eat well (not perfectly, but few people do). I swim, I bike, etc, yet I am still “obese.” I don’t like bon-bons, big macs, or Haagen Daaz. Give me a choice, and I will choose salad over ice cream (not because I am trying to loose weight, but because I like it better). Go away “healthy choices”, you don’t know me, and I hope never to meet someone so judgmental about something they obviously do not understand.
I love honest people, therefore, I love you. Not that I wasn’t already developing a serious girl crush on you already…
thank you for this. Really.
Thank you som much for sharing your story and being so vulnerable. You are very correct when you say that, for some reason, people who are obese are one of the last groups that it is socially acceptable to target with hate, disdain and biggotry. (Which was proven so quickly by “Healthy Choices”. I so wish it was as simple as they seem to think it is. Like you I experienced an injury and since then developed a chronic pain condition. There are not many moves that I make that do not cause me pain, but I still walk everyday and swim 3 times a week. Despite this exercise and moderately healthy food choices I am still over weight. It is so hurtful to have to deal with people like “Healthy Choices” who assume that all heavy people are lazy, stupid and lack any form of self control. “Just put down the Hagen Daaz”, I wish I could remember the last time I allowed myself more than a spoonful of one of my children’s ice cream. AJ took the words right out of my mouth when it comes to the cowardice of “Healthy Choices” Karma is a Beeyotch and it will come around your way. Maybe not weight, but something where you will be judged and looked at disdainfully as you do to others.
Again Loralee you are amazing and I love you and your writing. Hugs!
I am not overweight, but I was gawky and awkward, and know about bullying in high school. I was miserable for much of it.
This took guts.. great post and I just stumbled it and shared it in my reader.
T.
I am actually currently looking into this. I found out that my insurance DOES cover the surgery. I have hormone inbalances that really hurt with trying to loose weight. I stayed average until I got pregnant.
The hormones in pregnancy caused me to beef up, a LOT. Loosing the weight after was hard and I didn’t loose 30-40 of the pounds.
When I got pregnant with my second my weight again ballooned. Taking off the extra 30 lbs on top of the other 30 lbs was hard and soon viewed as impossible.
I went through depression, causing more weight gain. Then self loathing…more weight gain. I finally hated myself enough to try something. After loosing 50 lbs my hormones went out of control again and weight loss was the last thing I could worry about much less do.
My decision for surgery has been several years in the making. I am once again trying on my own. If I can loose 50lbs by October I will not do WLS…if not I have a doctor on board to help and we will go with it.
This is NOT an easy decision! I wish that I could loose the weight, more than anything!!!!! I know that when I weigh 140-150 I will not suddenly be rich or beautiful beyond measure.
I DO understand that I won’t be judged instantly in my daughters school. I know that kids won’t say, “man you mom is fat” to my daughter which causes her to defend me and feel hurt.
THANK YOU LORALEE! I needed this post. I think in many ways you were inspired to share this for me. I needed it!!!!!!
This is an amazing post. I hope so many girls/women who need it find it as they look around online. You are a strong and beautiful woman inside — where it matters most — and your honesty about all of this is really inspiring.
Thank you.
I’ve been on a list (several, in fact, doctors in my neck of the woods that perform this surgery are few and far between and seem to leave every few years) for years now.
I wrote up a spread sheet for my insurance company that detailed what the costs would be for them if my (already arthritic) knee gave out and needed to be replaced, if my asthma worsened, if I was diagnosed with diabetes, etc. It was sobering.
I’d just like to be healthy, and not so damned tired all the frigging time.
This was so inspirational. I am amazed and impressed by your dedication and wis the very best for future :-))
Your story is both heartbreaking and inspirational. I’m so glad you shared.
Pro Healthy Choices,
The overweight can lose their weight, but you are STUCK with your small mind.
I guess you’ve never had people pick on your for something to the point that you’re miserable, had an abusive spouse, moved away from everything you knew because the abuser wanted to?
Been the source of ridicule in your school for being the ‘new kid’?
Had your parent tell you that you couldn’t leave the table until you ate everything on your plate, despite the fact that you were FIVE and given the same adult size portions that the four adults at the table were eating. As a result, as an adult, you have no sense of when you are full?
Had a health issue unrelated to your weight that depressed you so bad that the inactivity made you gain weight?
Had an undiagnosed health issue that no one can figure out that despite consuming a reasonable 1500 calories a day, you’re still gaining weight?
Had a new step parent dub you ‘fatso’ because you still had chubby cheeks at 5 years old? And used it in public-often.
The things I mentioned? Happened to me and those around me. While I’m not obese, I still could stand to lose 30 pounds. Personally, I would love to spend a day with you and learn how one becomes so perfect that they can bash those who deal with shame and embarrassment because the world is like you, telling them they just need to exert some more self control.
Tell that to the three friends who have had bariatric surgery, and the one who goes in for hers in 5 weeks.
Tell them that the insurance companies shouldn’t pay for it, because they’re lazy. That they didn’t deserve the multiple medications they were on prior to surgery for multiple issues (asthma, allergies, type ONE diabetes, heart conditions) that miraculously, they don’t need any more.
I count over 65 meds between the four prior to surgery, and now, five years post for a couple, only allergy meds and insulin are needed (and a fraction of what she was using before).
We’d all love to see your website on how imperfect people can become perfect, like you. Interesting how you didn’t share it.
And before you go off assuming that all those who commented are a bunch of fatties (I’ve already admitted I am, so don’t even bother going there), I can tell you of at least a half dozen that I know of that are within the realm of normal weight. There are probably a bunch more, but I haven’t encountered their blogs yet.
I can see where Healthy Choices is coming from. They didn’t say it in the best way, but the fact is that many overweight people are that way because of the way they live their lives. I think many use addiction and have a defeatist attitude as a cop out as well. Many situations can be improved or eliminated through means other than surgery it is a matter of getting to the problem before it becomes out of control. I think that rather than condemn them though, more education and support is needed than making them feel bad.
I also think that people are being too hasty to discount the view point of HEalhty Choices because they were harsh.
Thank you for sharing your story, it is very inspirational. I’ve struggled with weight over the last five years and even though I am not in a position where I could or would have surgery, I still relate to your feelings. I’ve known a few people who have had the surgery and I’ve never thought they took the easy way out.
Loralee, thank you for this post. This was my first visit to your page, and I am blown away. I have dealt with being obese most of my life. I know how it feels to have your heart broken because of it. I also now, after many years of doubt and low self-worth, know what it feels like to love yourself in spite of it. You are so brave to share this story.
What a great post yet an agonizing journey. I so felt for you during every step along the way. And it never leaves you. I once dated a guy who was a super hip, cool outdoorsman who had the world at his fingertips. But he was a fat kid and even though he had lost all the weight, he still carried it with him emotionally.
Thank you so much for this very open and honest view. I have been thinking about having the lap band procedure as I weigh 280 and have a very hard time losing weight and keeping it off.
This post made me think, and I know now that I will take my time making my decision.
Wow, what an amazing read! Reading that, I realized how much of my life was reflected in your story too. (taller, 180 at HS graduation, even higher after college, size 10 shoe)
My peak weight was 250 at college graduation. Had I ever had the option, I might have considered gastric bypass. I lost 80 pounds after college, but after 2 kids have put 40 of it back on and now am trying to get rid of it again.
Thanks for sharing your story. You’re right – you’ll always have some problems at any weight and through any option you take. No path is easy.
Thanks for sharing! It’s time more people started speaking about the pros of this surgery, not as the “easy way out” but as the “last resort” for some people.
Thank you. Once again you are so educational (I learned all about Brazilian waxing from you too!).
I am contemplating this surgery, and frankly the only thing preventing me from doing it RIGHT NOW is $$$.
Thank you for all the “heads up” on the aftermath, as well.
You continue to be absolutely amazing.