Dear Volkswagen Passat Seat Reclining Mechanism,
I know that this isn’t really your fault.
I knew that I would hate you.
I knew it from the moment I test drove you.
I have had a horrible back for years and I knew that I needed to adjust the position of my car seat often to alleviate the pain that can happen while driving.
I knew that the sheer WEIRDNESS of having a FREAKING WHEEL THAT YOU HAVE TO PAINFULLY CRANK FOR AGES BY HAND TO GET YOUR SEAT TO RECLINE EVEN A TINY BIT instead of a lever was one of the most asinine things that I have ever seen in a vehicle in my 34 years.
And yet?
I purchased you.
This is what happens when you go against your inner instincts and give in to the pushing and judgment of a bearded guy who goes around with the title of “husband”.
My bad.
Still.
I want you to know that I suffered mightily because of you today.
By the end of my hours of being trapped in you with that medieval torture device that passes for seat reclining, my back was in spasms. It didn’t help that the fetus I am gestating mistook my awkward shifting to get comfortable as a sign that he was being crushed to death and he flailed, twisted, turned and punched out every organ and pulled muscle in my abdomen in protest of my positioning.
At one point I think my cervix fell out.
I made it home, but remain disgruntled.
And when I am disgruntled I write letters of protest! Angst!! Indignation!!! (I also call aforementioned bearded guy with the title of “husband” and remind him in no uncertain terms what a totally NOT RAD choice he pushed for in car purchasing.)
So there you are, Volkswagen Passat.
I hope you’re happy.
Because I?
AM NOT.
Kisses,
The chick who was stupid enough to buy you
P.S. Whoever DESIGNED that freaking stupid wheel system? Should be drug into the streets and beaten.
P.P.P.S. And shot.
P.P.P.P.S. And run over by a tractor.
P.P.P.P.P.S Then peed on by the guy driving the tractor.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And subjected to a slow and bumpy ambulance ride to the hospital on a one lane dirt road.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. That is full of pot holes.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And then be forced to use A WHEEL to adjust their damn hospital bed while they are laying in full body traction.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S Karma can be a real bitch but sometimes using her as a key player in violent day dreams can be awesome.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. If you see my cervix, could you send it back please? I probably need it.
Didn’t the commercial warn you not to have babies just so you could have German engineering?
Sorry as soon as I read the type of vehicle you were blasting Brooke Shields wouldn’t get out of my head.
Ha ha ha ha!
I actually thought of that commercial as I was writing this and thought, “German engineering, MY ASS!”
Do you cut and paste the p.s’s and just add one more, or do you actually type out a while new line? Because I would totally lose track.
Hope you find your cervix. I would hate to see on of those laying on the side of the road.
Germans never do anything the easy way! Proof being the Twister game you have to play to adjust your seat. QUICK! Left hand yellow!
Just saw a mangy dog run by with something in his jaw that looked quite similar to a cervix, either that or squirrel road kill. Will try to hunt the mutt down for you to investigate further.
Owner of several VW’s here and they ALL have that FREAKING wheel. (signed the woman who can’t change the freaking thing because of her mangled, surgery scarred wrists)
my favorite things about your posts are your p.s.-es. i read them twice. and noticed that you missed p.p.s. but hey…who’s counting besides me?
not that i didn’t love the rest of your post, but those p.s.-es make me smile. because i never know what i am going to get!
I always love your post scripts. :-)
Damn woman! Everything seems to be falling out of you these days!!
Did your warranty just expire? ;-)
Maybe they love that wheel-i mean it was such a rocking invention eleventy billion years ago-maybe the design department hasn’t gotten the memo that that new thingie called the lever is all the rage now!
O.M.G. too funny. Sorry about the back spasms. I love having the babies after they are born, pregnancy, uh not so much.
I’m laughing about the cervix comments. Seriously… You’ve got some funny readers.
If I see your cervix, I am most likely going to be in a WORLD of trouble with SWMBO – if not beaten to death by the bearded person in your life.
I’m just sayin’.
Loralee you know I love you. And I have a funny thing to share with you about VW a dear friend of mine is a car mechanic, and when I was looking to purchase a new car here’s what he said about VW “while they are well put together and have nice design they (VW) are an engineering nightmare both in engine design and ergonomics I think Germans enjoy body contortion while driving and repairing vehicles” So there you have it. :)
How do you really feel about it? :)
Can’t say much for American vehicles, either.
Sigh.
We used to have a different brand of German car and it had a wheel too, resulting in severe distractions because wife liked far different angle than I, causing much wasted time whenever we shifted drivers. We now have a Japanese car with these magic buttons on the side of the seat, just push them and all kinds of changes happen! wow!
I am sorry.
I’m going to suggest this to my younger brother, also a Volkswagen driver, as the reason his shoulder is jacked up. He’s a big boy in his little Golf, that contortion has to have repercussions.
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