Waking up at 6 a.m. to the feeling that a white hot poker is piercing your boob isn’t fun.
Talking to your father-in-law ABOUT your white hot poker pierced boob at 6 a.m. is even LESS fun.
Yet, that is exactly how I started my Saturday.
All breast augmentations are not equal.
(Dude, just ask Tara Reed.)
There are many different ways breast augmentation can be done and different surgeons have different methods. When I got my breasts “surgically reclaimed” 3.5 years ago, I also had a breast lift done which meant my incisions had to be placed around my aureole. As my surgery healed, the stitches used dissolved and some made their way to the surface of the skin.
That was normal and expected.
I also had two circular stitches that were permanent and put in by my surgeon to provide additional support. As far as I knew, THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY THERE.
As I have gotten more and more pregnant, I have noticed some big changes in my breasts. For one, they are getting freaking huge. As one reader pointed out, they will probably be like WalMart and take over the universe one day. I’m hoping by the time this kid is delivered I’ll still be able to see and breathe. The other thing I’ve noticed is that the girls hurt more than I thought they would.
Breast pain in pregnancy is normal, but I was getting sharp pains in one of my breasts that concerned me.
In the wee hours of the morning, I found out WHY.
One of the permanent stitches broke through my skin. I woke up to a sharp, blue synthetic string poking out of my breast tissue.
FUN!
I moved and it started to go back into my skin. NU-UH! I wasn’t about to go through that whole “working through to the surface and hurting like hell in the process” thing again, so I grabbed hold of it and woke up Jonathan.
The stitch did not seem like it would just “come out”. If I pulled, it created a drawstring effect which hurt and was FUNKY LOOKING. It seemed like we were stuck either letting it go back in (which was a NO, IMO), Forcing it out (which seemed like it could cause a lot of damage), or paying a minimum of $500 just to walk through the door of the ER since it was Saturday and doctor’s offices are closed.
“Why do these things always happen to you on a weekend?”
The answer to my husband’s question is obviously that I am not adhering to the rules of “The Secret” well enough. I should have put a photo of magical boobies that DIDN’T HAVE BLUE SYNTHETIC STITCHING POKING THROUGH THE SKIN on my vision board.
My bad.
However, he did have a point. I really didn’t want to go into an ER about this, but…but…THEY ARE ALSO MEH BEWBS!! AND I LOVES THEM!!! MY PRECIOUSSSS!!!!!
So, we talked and talked about options but we weren’t sure what to do. I really wanted more input over something so important.
So?
We called Jonathan’s dad.
I know, I know.
Not what one would expect.
However, I think my father-in-law has forgotten more about emergency medical treatments than most people know in a lifetime. It’s his hobby and passion. You could perform surgery with one of his many medical kits.
It was highly embarrassing, though.
He didn’t pick up the phone when we first called because HELLO, IT WAS FREAKING EARLY.
So? What does an internet fiend do while waiting for a call back and trying to focus on something other than the pain of boob-suckage?
TWITTER ABOUT IT, OF COURSE!
Luckily, my father-in-law called back and started asking me necessary, but embarrassing questions. Suddenly, I felt a sharp tug and pain and looked down.
The stitch had pulled free and was almost out.
So?
I finished the job.
It was weird because I could see it as it moved through my skin, but after the initial “ouch” it really didn’t hurt anymore.
The size of it freaked me out, though.
Wouldn’t you be IF THIS CAME OUT OF YOUR BOOB?
I did call and leave a message with the surgeon that did my surgery and he was lovely to call me back on the weekend. He said where it was so long afterward, I would be fine. It was most likely caused by growth due to my pregnancy. The strength of the pressure basically caused the stitch to explode and come to the surface.
Great.
So, my boobs are not only like WalMart and growing to take over the universe but now they are also like Lou Ferrigno as The Incredible Hulk and they will be ripping my t-shirts apart with freakish strength, turning green and growling at everyone in the process of doing so.
The plus side of “The Great Boobie Gate Caper of ‘09″ is that I was up early and full of adrenaline and ENERGY.
So?
My in-law’s and my parents (who ask me daily if they can help me. I decline because I don’t usually believe in people working on my stuff when I can’t pitch in) came over and we TACKLED my house. Full on nesting took effect and I spent almost a solid 12 hours microscopically cleaning, rearranging and organizing every room in my house and getting started on my nursery. I’ll post photos of the progress on the baby’s room later. I also have to answer “The Great Mormon Questions” post at some point. I’m behind, I know.
There doesn’t seem to be any negative effects to my little breast escapade, which is good. Hopefully after this kid is delivered “the girls” will stop being weird and Hulk-like and can go back to being like Doctor David Banner-Awesome, but harmless.
Until then, I wait.
And pine.
(Cue“Sad Hulk Walking Away Hitchhiking Music”)
P.S. Yes. I know how weird I am.
**After entering all the tweets, linkbacks, eliminating my comments and putting it in a number generator, the winner of the Amazon gift certificate giveaway is Cindy! (Cindy-I emailed you to double check where to send the certificate, but it came back. Can you either send me an email or recomment with the email address you want it to go to?) Thanks for entering, everyone!
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Oh now you have to post all about your BA. I want one so badly and would love some advice! I would freak the fuck out if I saw something coming out of my boob like that. Glad all is well in ta-ta land now and I hope it stays that way!
P.S You should paint your bewbs green for tomorrow! You can be a Hulked out leprechaun smuggler!
That was one of the funniest posts EVER!!!
You’ve so put me off having my boobs done now!
I’m suddenly super afraid of my boobs, and mine don’t even have any stitched in them. Glad yours are ok! (seriously, though, that is that freakiest thing I’ve read in a long time!!)
I’ve heard everything now!
I am so with Vic on this one. Who decided that boobs should be perky anyway?
Oh my! That post makes me want to inspect my boobs for pointy things, other than nipples. Is that boob hanging lower than the other now? That’d be my worst fear. Lifted boobies are the best!
Love the image of your breasts as the incredible hulk. Made me giggle :)
Great. My aug is scheduled for April 6th…I am afraid now….very afraid:) Maybe I should have been afraid before!
I’m starting with this disclaimer to ward off more emails that have hit my inbox: Cosmetic surgery is not for everyone. Some view it as hideous and anti-feminist and I get that.
I just disagree with that stance for myself, personally.
My surgeon did a GREAT job. Having this surgery was one of the best things I have ever done and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I LOVE THEM. They feel and fabulous. My husband loves them and the confidence it has given me. Dude, just put “Magical Boobies” in my blog’s search bar and you’ll read for yourself.
I have blogged about my surgery before. The reason for my augmentation was UTTER COLLAPSE of them after my gastric bypass. This was no “Vanity lift”.
This is really the first negative that’s happened and it was more scary than anything else. When I got them done I wasn’t thinking I would have anymore kids, so I didn’t grill him on what effect that would have on the surgery. (I would ask if that is what anyone is looking at)
There is no permanent damage so really I wouldn’t worry about having it done if you trust your surgeon.
:)
I’m there with you!
I had a reduction in 2001. I was pregnant in 2005. I just had the reduction and lift with no implants. But I have similar incisions. I had some of the same issues. My incisions were raised and bright red my entire pregnancy.
It sux and so does pregnancy.
Oh, and I’m a puker too. No fun!
My scarring is pretty minimal and I haven’t had any issues with them during pregnancy so this is something I am grateful for.
P.S.
Since I keep getting emails left with different bogus email addresses from one very determined person, I will try to address this here because I have no other course of action:
I KNOW YOU DISAGREE WITH BREAST AUGMENTATION. I disagree and do NOT consider myself an anti-feminist because I chose to do so.
I do have ways of telling me that all of these emails are coming from one computer so you can stop pretending one of your personalities is from New Zealand.
Please stop emailing me multiple times or I will ban you.
Heh. Your boobs are gonna drop to your ankles after this pregnancy.
Wait. That’s not helpful is it?
Take heart. I’ll show you the cool way how to roll up the McGuffies and stick them in the bra so no one will notice how long and hangy they are.
(You are totally going to kill me aren’t you?)
Snicker.
Good thing I can out run your waddle.
(Dying laughing. Gosh I’m mean. I love you.)
I HAVEN’T SENT THE THIN MINTS YET, MISSY!!!!
It’s a damn good thing you are so hot and that I love you as much as I do.
(Am going to TOTALLY figure out a way to put your bra in the freezer at BlogHer so HELP ME! Heh)
xoxoxoxoxo
Duct tape and a staple gun.
See you in July. :)
The photo of the stitch is FREAKING ME OUT. Holy hannah.
I’d say more about the boobs but I’ll wait until after you send the thin mints ;)
I can’t believe you pulled on it, if I’d seen a string sticking out of one of the ladies I’d probably pass out. Interesting to hear about your father in law, though. That’s probably one of the best hobbies to have, isn’t it?
Don’t you be holding the thin mints hostage.
Or I’ll hold my beaver tail rolling skills hostage and let you walk around BlogHer with your tits knocking your ankles with every step you take.
Wink.
Loralee, this post was hilarious – thanks so much for sharing as I’d have no clue about such things if you didn’t.
Hi there! New to your blog (found it after following you on twitter) and I totally loved this post.
I love meeting other boob-modifying women. I had a reduction done at 16, because my boobs were so dang big and pendulous that they were actually causing my scoliosis to worsen, and it came down to either boob job or back brace. But I totally wanted the boob job. I was a freak who couldn’t play soccer or dance anymore, and EVERY boy or man I met just stared at the boobage and didn’t even notice the brain above that big, soft shelf of boobness.
I TOTALLY get that a woman’s self-esteem is all wrapped up in body image, and boobs are a big part of that. I don’t think it’s a feminist issue at all. Truth be told, most men I know don’t care what size a woman’s boobs are (as long as they can get their hands on them, LOL). It’s our own opinion (and, likely, other women’s) we’re thinking about when we obsess over our bodies. And you’re right, plastic surgery ISN’T for everyone, but for some of us, it’s a lifesaver. I haven’t for a second regretted my surgery, even when I had to supplement my first child with formula while dealing with milk supply issues related to the surgery.
I, too had areola incisions, and they’ve healed very nicely with basically no scarring left now. I had an issue with a drain not too long after my surgery that was similar to your stitch. That feeling of pulling something out of your boob from under the skin has GOT to be the weirdest in the world!
Anyway, good luck with your monster boobs – hopefully they’ll behave for you and stay perky post-baby. Mine did (mostly!)
Oh hell. I’m making a vision board RIGHT NOW just so I can put a “photo of magical boobies that DIDN’T HAVE BLUE SYNTHETIC STITCHING POKING THROUGH THE SKIN” on it. Cuz? ACK! {skivvies}
And thanks for the note in your side blog about Kelly. I hadn’t heard and I’ll be sure to stop by her blog to offer a little support later on.
I have had my boobs done, and I am going to continue to have them done. When they sag, I left them up. Why in the hell would any of us not want perfect boobs? Whomever is emailing you has issues.
What I was going to tell you, was this happened to me, but not from my boobs. It came out of my belly button five years after a surgery. I felt like I had a zit in my belly button and got bigger and bigger and hurt like hell and it popped and I pulled out a long freakin’ stitch. I was the strangest damn sensation I have ever felt. What the hell is it with stitches not dissolving after five years? I am now constantly examining every scar from every surgery waiting for another one.
CRAZY!
I would be freaked if that came out of my boob, sure. Just be glad it didn’t happen whilst you had a newborn suckling at the teet, otherwise he might have had his eye poked out! :)
That just made me laugh my head off. It also gave me something to totally be grateful for! Heh.
I think the Hulk was Bruce Banner? Or are you talking about something completely different?
He was both. In the comic strip it was Bruce Banner, but in the TV series, it was David.
Since I was relating to the series I went with David. :)
Now you are all up to date on your Hulk Trivia!
No no no – it’s a breastcapade! Bwahahaha!
Boobs as Hulk = AWESOME.
Someone said you were an anti-feminist because you had your boobs done? Good Lord in heaven, what’s next? Seriously, I hope you got a good laugh out of that email because the sender is full of horse shit.
And poor you – having to deal with all of this pain, floss coming out of your boob and then assholes flaming your inbox. It’s not fair, really.
Glad you are feeling better, sweetie. xo
Is it just me, or does that look like floss? Boob floss! Which sounds like an awesome name for an all female punk band.
Hysterical! Sorry about the pain and fright, though.
Um, I thought that feminism meant women are capable of making their own informed decisions?
Tired of so-called feminists trying to tell other women what is right for them. Hear it in discussions about everything from marriage, childbirth,SAHM moms, medical care to what movies we watch or books we read or clothes we wear. Are there any masculinists protesting men who buy little blue pills or lift weights or get lipo?
A troll with their head up their ass is still a troll.
Totally looks like dental floss – yikes.
glad you had someone to talk to – albeit FIL. hopefully things will stay put long enough to finish the baby-making.
Feminism and the definition of it is definitely a hot topic.
My own personal definition of it is that you are allowed to make your own choices without being forced or pressured to go against them or to have roles and things put on you against your will, simply because you are female.
However, for many, feminism is a much wider umbrella that covers different agendas and women’s movements and issues.
This writer’s point of view is that breast augmentation created a harmful view of women as it keeps us repressed under the highly sexualized view placed on females from the media and males in general. They seem to object to my participation because I should love my body as it is instead of undergoing surgery to create something that is false and that would turn me into an object. Which in turn, hurts ALL women. I should not participate in things that harm women and their progress in society.
In a perfect world, yes I would love my body just as it is. I didn’t though, and I chose to correct it. (It worked).
Mainly, I feel that them branding my choice as anti-feminist and TELLING me what I should have done as a female is taking away my freedom of choice as much as the people they rally against. (IF that makes sense.)How is that better than a man telling me what to do?
My choices are mine. Theirs belong to them. It seems simple to me.
Normally, if people are respectful, I don’t mind differing opinions. If they had posted here, I would have allowed it because they weren’t highly inflammatory in nature.
They just had very strong opinions. Which I totally disagree with. :)
The thing DO object to strenuously is that they were creating multiple emails and hoping to fool me into thinking that the masses were uniting against me. (If you know what I mean.)
Normally, I don’t bring email conversations and comments into the blog comments unless it is a request, but in this case I wanted to issue a warning before banning an ip and none of the provided email addresses were valid.
P.S.
BOOB FLOSS????!!!!!
KILLS ME!
Ha ha ha ha!
Broken Boobies! LOL!
I seriously don’t get the people that object to what you do and say on the internet. You must be a freak magnet!
So….is that one boob going to sag now?
Holy crap it’s hard to type and hold my bewbs in at the same time. Somehow reading your post, I had this instinct to protect them. (shudder)
Boob floss and exploding breasts and one sagging because of it – oh my. What images you have caused dancing in my head. (thanks, I needed that)
I’m dying.
Laughing hysterically.
I’m glad your boob isn’t completely broken, but I’m sad that I missed the twitter about it.
Damn.
LOL!! Love it.
I am the emailer in question. Thank you for not blocking me. I should not have sent multiple emails to you. I was not trying to create the impression of a gathering, I just kept thinking of things to say but was embarrassed to keep sending lots of messages. I didn’t want you to think I was crazy, I just care passionately about the rights and perceptions of women in the media, society and by men. I do believe that being a true feminist means that you don’t do ANYTHING to hurt the cause of women in any of those areas and the push to surgically alter our bodies to be perfect and focused on sexuality is one of the most demeaning and hurtful practices there is. You can love your boobs but I get the sense that the only reason that you do is because they have been altered to fit societies definition of acceptable. Do you really have to keep calling them ta-ta’s? It is putting such a vulgar name on such a beautiful, natural part of our bodies. You are allowed to make the choices you do, I just don’t think that you can call yourself a feminist if you go along with choices that hurt women and their progression in society. I called you out on it because you are a blogger of standing and I think that makes you somewhat of a role model even if it is in a smaller way. I suppose that we will have to agree to disagree?
I will be one to say that I by no means am a feminist, but I have 3 children..(practically grown) and I gained a significant amount of weight when I quit smoking. After I fought to lose the weight I was left with 34 full D’s that were almost like tubes when I bent over. Highly upset with myself thinking maybe I should have just kept the weight on, I opted to look into plastic surgery.It has been almost 10 years and I am sooooo glad I did. I am a 34 DD (only because of the fullness) they are actuall about the same size I was before weight loss… they are not super firm so they move like natural boobs…. My tata’s are very precious to my own self… gotta love em…
Oh for heck! I personally like to call them Ta Ta’s. Dear Baby Jesus…thank you for not making me a feminist.
Okay, I have to go change some diapers, make dinner and fix my hubby a martini!
Dear Anonymous,
I like to consider myself a feminist and I refer to my breasts as tittays, beaver tails, funbags, breasticles, melons, and my personal favourite: chesticles.
Just because Loralee, myself and other ladies in the world use silly names when referring to our body parts on what could normally be construed as a HUMOUR BLOG does not in any way diminish or demean our feminist beliefs and values.
It takes all kinds of people to make this world the wonderful place it is and there is more than one definition of a feminist than just your opinion of what one should be.
Peace to you.
Ow. I don’t even have breasts to speak of, but man, do my nipples hurt now for no good reason.
Still, I’m glad you’re okay enough now to blog about it.
Anonymous: Pretty much what the other ladies have said? Ditto.
Seriously, though…I respect your points of view. I think I have listed my personal views on feminism here. Your beliefs are yours and mine are mine…it’s what makes the world groovy and diverse.
It’s always much better to send a bunch of emails rather than fabricate. The truth is usually the better option even though I know it’s hard sometimes.
However, as the queen of the post script, I would have been ok with it.
P.S. I’m still calling them ta-ta’s.
P.P.S. And thanks to Redneck Mommy, I just may add “Funbags” to the list as well.
Heh.
WOW…maybe we are related some how. Mariah tells me that my penis is like the hulk!
Okay – first of all? When I saw the picture of what you pulled out of your boob, I threw up. ….Granted, it was one of those ‘I threw up in my mouth a little’ kind of things, but I really almost had to take a running start for the bathroom.
Second – I need for you to post another picture of that thing… if you still have it… with something next to it for perspective. Because that? It looks fucking (sorry!) huge. Perhaps a dollar bill or something similar…
Third – I LOVE the way you look at feminism. I personally prefer to stick to being a HUMAN rights activist rather than just sticking to women. Yeah yeah, men have more rights than anyone, especially the WASPs bla bla bla, but excluding men now is just as bad as women being excluded then. Anyway – your views on feminism are my basic views on human rights. So, right on.
And “chesticles?” I can TOTALLY dig on that. Pure hilarity.
[...] still, after reading this, I’m already holding the co-chairs of the itty-bitt-titty committee for dear life in squamish [...]
I must say this post has to a smile on my face, even after the week I’ve had. Thanks Sweetie.
After going from a bare chested, to a fairly impressive 12D {34D} cup over a few months, I’ve considered sugery many times, over many years. I can competely understand both sides of the arguement, for those who want the bigger, perkier and just there “chesticles”, to those like me {it’s runs in our family} who are not happy with such in your face “ta ta’s” {thanks loralee} {Please note I 5,8′ with a size 8AUS{4 US} frame, so rather tall and skinny, with big boobies}
I’ve always made my life decision, not based on what society thinks, but what I think is good for my body and for my mind. I am all about “groovy and being diverse”, and not doing things because someone else thinks you should.
I don’t think the choices we make as women, individual women, should frowned upon by others, because they think that’s hurting women in general. If one woman’s choice is to have surgery of any kind, how is that hurting another woman’s choice not too.
“Always be yourself” there is never going to be anyone like…..
{Loralee – I hope things don’t go bad with the “funbags” HUGS XOXO}
After reading about all the ruckus, I feel the need to clarify. This was part of my comment “Who decided that boobs should be perky anyway?” I was saying that lightheartedly and was not in any way trying to show disapproval for Loralee’s decision to have surgery.
For me, I have pretty much decided not to have plastic surgery for anything. That decision would change if I should ever have a mastectomy or a disfiguring accident etc. Right now, the only thing wrong with me is aging and the fact that I have had five children. Having children does affect the shape of breasts. It just doesn’t happen to bother me all that much. I feel that the breast change is natural and it is wrong of society to tell us that suddenly we are undesirable. However, that is just me. I have other body parts that I wish were different. I am sure we all do. I wear a Victoria Secret push up bra and I’m on my way. I figure it’s a lot cheaper and less painful than surgery. I take good care of myself and have decided that facelifts etc. don’t really make anyone look younger. They just look like they’ve had plastic surgery. However, it is a personal decision what people do and it is not anyone else’s business. I can see where when lots of people have surgery it does sort of put some pressure on the rest of the women. I understand that. I also think it puts unfair pressure on women to be told that they are responsible for the welfare of every other woman in the world and that their personal decisions should be based on that.
If Loralee and her husband are happy with her decision and have no regrets, then more power to them. I won’t make fun of her boobs if she won’t make fun of mine!
That. Is….. disturbing!
Extrusion: Always unpleasant.
I used to be the surgical assistant for a plastic surgeon, so trust me, I’ve seen worse. Glad your bewbs are not ACTUALLY broken, of course.
Holy shit! I mean, just, holy shit!
I Stumbled across your blog. Ordinarily I don’t pay much attention to blogs, but yours caught my eye.
I read your post entitled “Trauma”. On October 24, 2008 my wife and I lost our son at 13 months of age due to complications from a genetic disease called myotonic dystrophy.
Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings and experiences on the subject. Sometimes it’s good to know that there are other members of this horrible little fraternity (my apologies, “sorority” if you prefer) that we belong to.
I am sitting here GRABBING MY OWN BOOBS IN HORROR for you. Your poor ta tas! I–I–OH MY GOD, LORALEE!
(Hope the Girls are all healed up soonsoonsoon.)
xoxo
I’m having empathy pains for you looking at the stitch that came out. OUCH. I am a feminist, but I must have missed the day in class where they said no one could have an opinion different from their own.
I think plastic surgery is a very personal choice. As of now, I would not do it (mine don’t need to be bigger, kids took care of that for me), but if I had cancer and the girls had to be removed, hell yeah I would do it.
The weird shit that happens to you…and your boobs
Seriously!!! That string is huge and it popped out of your breast? Man, I would have videoed that madness for sure.
I love that you tweeted all about it though. Twitter rocks, I am sure you got tons of hits to the blog that day!
Once I tried to tell someone I was afraid my boobs were going to pop and they thought I was crazy. I was like, “BOOB JUICE WILL OOZE ON YOU”
But you? You get it. But you always get it. ;-)
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Oh, MAN. I remember seeing that tweet. Glad it worked out!!!
oooooooouuuuuuccccchhhhh….my boobies shuddered in sympathy pains!! i almost started crying (i’m overly hormonal as i’m gestating two little beings instead of the normal one) and i DEFINATELY shuddered! that string looks as big as the wires in my bras! i hope that after your little one arrives the missing string will not make a difference in the appearence of your breasts!
This same thing happened to me. Got a breast reduction and it had been about a month. Noticed a hole on the incision and could see a blue string. Pulled it out with tweezers and it broke after about 2 inches. After I stood up it got sucked back in a haven’t seen it since. Been about 2 months since then. Went back to the doc but he said he didn’t want to touch the scar tissue and to wait. I go back in 2 weeks and am going to demand he take it out. You can see how swollen it is and I KNOW its there. Might have to do a little surgery of my own!
very late with the comment, but i am a new reader. i had a similar situation that did not end as well. i had a “disolving” stitch poke out of a surgical scar on my hip. when i went to pull it out, it slipped back in. fast forward to my mexican vacation a week later. i ended up in the e.r. with a nasty infection that required 2 months of wound care. and i still have sagging boobs.
on a positive note, i learned a lot of new spanish words that trip.