“I’ve decided that sober is the new drunk.”
“Really? In THAT case, I am seconds from doing a naked table dance with a lamp shade on my head.”
“Can you put that off for a couple of hours? Because I would totally drive up to Logan to see that.”
“As much as I’d LOVE to see you again, you may not want to do that, Sarah. Women that are almost 6 months pregnant are not usually on the “must see” list for naked table dancing. Lampshade or no. It would make your eyes rupture and bleed and I care about your eyesight, I really do.”
“Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting that you’re all knocked up and growing a penis.”
“Growing penises seems to be a special talent that I have. Take a note: When I die I want to have “Loralee was awesome at growing penises” engraved on my headstone.”
“Well, everyone has to be good at something, right?”
“Actually, growing penises really isn’t that difficult. It’s raising them to not be dickheads that is the real challenge.”
“That totally needs to be a t-shirt.”
“WORD.”
Stumble it!
Filed under: 
Best damn tee shirt ever.
I want one.
Dammit. Your headstone is going to be way awesomer than mine.
nice one. (ones)
I’d put that on a bumper sticker!
That is teh awesome!! I would totally buy that shirt.
Dude, it’s true, you are like the queen of growing wiener inside of you. I bow down to your wiener making capabilities.
Classic Tweets! Thanks for sharing!
Every time a woman births a baby boy, the hospital should hand her one of those t-shirts with the admonition that that become her mantra in life.
Loralee, my husband would love to see that kind of a naked table dance. He can’t wait until I get knocked up :)
I actually feel like I was there for that conversation. But since I wasn’t, may I order that t-shirt in a medium?
Actually, Naked table dancing of someone you care about isn’t damaging at all!
Women always think men only want to see them at their Best… Far from it! That can be the Best too!
Great T-Shirt!
Redneckmommy, Florencia, Jill (CDJ): Seriously, the marketing potential is making me drool.
Kelley: Nah, just engrave those shoes you have on your header and etch, “I died. Fuck, fuck, fuckity-fuck” on it and you are SET.
Dawn: They ARE quite groovy at the moment.
Sarah: “Bow down” and “Weiner” in the same sentence totally has my gutter mind going OVER TIME. heh, heh, heh. (Yes, I am a 13-year-old boy)
Sandi: Hey, I totally tried to find and follow you on Twitter and came up empty. can you unfollow and refollow me so I can see you?
Parsing Nonsense: I kind of think so, too. Having user, hurtful, bastards for adult sons is one of the great fears of my life.
TexasRed: I’ve heard some men prefer it. (Not that my husband shuns it or anything). I WILL say that if you are into massive boobs, I’m SO your girl right now, but that is about all the positives I have at the moment.
susanmercedes: Well, we DID have a massive ‘growing penises’ conversation at dinner, so you might as well have been! Plus, you are TINY. Are you sure you need a medium and not a small? (Unless it’s for the awesome rack…right?) :)
My aunt (who went from no children, to adopting a family of 4 children under the age of 6) used to say that her parenting strategy was to annoy her children more than they annoyed her…I always thought that should be on a t-shirt.
I always wonder how you come up with stuff like this. The way your mind works is so funny and quick. I’m always so slow on the uptake.
Most important question: Are you feeling any better?
yknot: Oh, I would still do it for my husband, but Sarah? I think a hot, single blond has WAY better things to look at. ;)
Gretchen: Dude. I totally want to meet your aunt. She sounds awesome.
Brynette: My fever finally broke today. I’m still feeling lousy but it’s getting better. Yay!
My biggest problem is that I sleep so much. It leads to being awake with nothing to do at 2 or 3 am.
Luckily, I checked out a stack of books from the library, so my 3 am plans are set for tonight, tomorrow and possibly up until Thursday.
Loralee, you could pay for a dozen epidurals if you sold those shirts. Seriously.
Food for thought…
(More like tolerance for pain!) :D
I see your new career as t-shirt entrepenuer happening soon. First “Satan Sucks” and this one? You’d totally have enough to pay a mortgage or five!
Totally should be a tshirt. I agree.
I’d buy that shirt and get a second one for my husband.
Oh please stop… I am laughing so hard right now…. please make it stop…
great post!!!!! even for me…and I grew up to be a dickhead. though I do know how to handle my mighty sword as to not hurt folks!
Oh, good god, that’s AWESOME.
I’d buy two so I could wear the clean one while the other was in the wash. Seriously. Especially after the week I’ve had.
Wait. Is it only Monday?
Crap.
Mother’s Day is just around the corner, I think these shirts could be the must-have gift of the season. :)
I’d buy that shirt.
Didn’t ‘growing a penis’ get you into this situation in the first place?
I don’t have boys but would so buy that t shirt for all my penis growing friends.
That sounded bad, didn’t it. Oh well.
Glad to hear you are feeling a wee bit better.
That WOULD make a great t-shirt! The first line too.
I would totally buy one.
Can you please make up a t-shirt for raising adolescent girls? It is a whole new planet. Wait, that could work. Love reading your blog.
OMG! love it love it. i am so going to tell all my friends so they can wet their pants too!
I hear you sister!
I have no other word except… AWESOME.
That SO totally needs to be a t-shirt!! I’d pay for a t-shirt that says that!!!
I would totally wear that t-shirt – even if it would be a blatant lie. I would also wear a t-shirt that says “I can eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting.” Unfortunately, that t-shirt would be unvarnished truth.
WHEN (not if) that gets on a t-shirt, you just let me know, so I can order one. :)
I only wish more mothers had the abiltity to grow non-dickhead penises. The world would be such a better place.
Love the t-shirt!!
Better than……………
“Penis On Board”