I have another post that will go up tomorrow but I had a situation come up that I could use some input on from Ye Internet Peeps, like, um, now.
My 12-year-old came home from school and told me he made a friend that lived near by and asked permission to go play at his house. He lives 3 blocks away, but James had no phone info for them, he said he thought the parents “would probably” be home and didn’t know this kids last name.
I panicked.
You would think that since I have been mothering for almost 13 years this situation wouldn’t throw me, huh? I will be up front and say that I feel embarrassed and inadequate that I didn’t have a better idea what to do here and want to improve, so I’m talking it out with y’all.
I have quite a bit of social anxiety. I’m extroverted as all get out, but my anxiety is a whole ‘nother party goin’ on under it all. Since I have a lot of feelings of inadequacy as a mom, it tends to rear its head the most when I am dealing with other parents and mothers. I feel very uncomfortable contacting mothers I don’t know to set up playdates and while I am really happy when my kids get invitations places (birthday parties, ect.) because it makes THEM so happy, I have some dread mixed in as well.
As a result, and because of where we have lived, that we are inactive from church and the school our kids go to, my children have not had much of a social life. They don’t seem to overly mind because they are each other’s best friends, but I have also fretted and worried about it because of my own feelings of loneliness as a kid.
However, we have talked about it a lot and honestly, they don’t seem to have the same feelings that I did or the same feelings of rejection and isolation that were my companions when I was growing up. Still, I know that they wish they had more playmates that live around us. It’s why we are putting Christopher in a new scout troop soon and having him go to the nearby elementary school.
Coming home with an announcement of a new friend and a spontaneous invite to play RARELY happens.
My son has been doing better in his new school but there is a gang of 7th graders that give him trouble on the bus. According to him his new friend “isn’t a bully but he is friends of the bullies and because of that they have been leaving me alone. ”
Thing is? I know NOTHING about this kid. Or his home environment, or his parents. Or if there are guns in the house or if they have supervision, blah, blah, blah.
It was 4:00. He REALLY wanted to go.
I told him if and ONLY if a parent were home he could go, to not be too loud and wild, to make sure he knew and respected any house rules, to clean up any mess he made and if there was NOT a parent at home he was to turn his heiny back around and come home because he wasn’t old enough to hang out at a friends house unsupervised and that I was trusting him a huge amount in the situation.
(I also told him that, despite the fact that I hung out with my friends EVERY SINGLE DAY after school at his age, this was not going to be a regular thing in his future. He’s still to young to be doing that, IMO.)
So here I sit with an hour-and-a-half left before he comes home wondering if I did the right thing. Am I freaking out way too much about this? At 12 do you have to call the parents and feel out the situation or is it acceptable to ask your kid? Or if I should have freaked out more and not let him go until I could (painfully) call the parents and talk to them first?
It may not help me in this situation but you all were so helpful about the grocery store situation and if I should let him shop occasionally on the way home from school, that I wanted some further advice. It helps me sort out how I feel about everything to get input. (BTW-it’s going well. He is going to make his first purchase this week and make dinner after some “trial runs’)
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
P.S. Reminder-I live in HAPPY VALLEY. Not a gaurantee of safety, but it is seriously the safest metro area in the country for like, 3 years running. The people here for the most part are kind, honest and trustworthy. Living in a safe place is no gaurantee of safety and at times may create a false sense of security, but I do have to throw that out.
P.P.S. After publishing I felt I need to include that at this moment there is NO FREAKING WAY I could drive to drop him off and check the situation out. I ran out of my barely effective anti-nausea meds today and have been hurling almost non-stop waiting for Jonathan to get home with my refill. I doubt I could back the car out of the garage safely. Think what you will, it just wasn’t an option. (This also would be why I rarely leave my bedroom lately.)
Filed under: 
I probably would have done the same thing, or I might have walked to the kid’s house to say Hi, introduce myself and check things out, make sure a parent knew about the playdate, etc.
Hopefully this is not premature, but congrats on his new friend!
At 10 I was biking across a bridge into a smelly, industrial, depressed town to hang out at the mall or go to friends’ houses and then smoke next to the McDonalds or steal sunglasses from Zellers or skateboard around the neighborhood until it was almost too dark to bike back across the bridge.
Latch-key kid, yes?
But, I’m not broken. I did fall through the ice once, and I did wreck my bike riding down a hill with no hands and hit a curb and I wasn’t wearing a helmet but somehow rolled properly and didn’t crack my skull or break my neck. I did get into trouble. Trouble is out there.
Maybe wonder to yourself if your kid can handle trouble, not whether there is trouble out there.
But what if?????
Yeah. I know. But that’s crazy-making.
I would check out the book Free Range Kids (forthcoming in May) to give your anxious heart a rest about letting your kids venture out of the nest, and also read Good-Bye to Shy to help you with your social anxiety (which I too have, and I’m using this book to help me deal with it).
Babe, you are perfectly normal. Most mums feel inadequate. Most mums HATE HATE HATE calling women they don’t know to set up playdates. And most women freak the fuck out with EVERYTHING their first born does. Cause it is a first for you and them.
I tell Moo to tread carefully with me. That I have to get used to her doing new things too. She has to ‘break me in’ so to speak. She gets it.
He will be fine. He needs to spread his wings, but you need to feel comfortable too. And from what I have read, he will respect your needs.
<3
It helps to get perspective because I know that I DO NOT have a lot of it right now w/anxiety, barfing, hormones and fear about kids in general and something happening to them.
Crazy-making, indeed. ;)
I get it. Right down to the “OMG HE HAS A FRIEND!” bit (hello, guilt over moving your kid 1400 miles away from all friends).
Here’s what I did:
I told him he could go but that he could only play there if a parent was there. I took it a step further and wrote down our number and had him make the parent call me when he got there to prove that he was there.
I empathize with you wanting to keep your kid safe. But spending time with friends alone, and even without any supervision, is normal. Your child is almost a teenager. Not quite, but almost. I think you’re overreacting. The important thing is that your kids can contact you when they feel like they’re in danger, but they need to be able to learn to judge for themselves when they need help. Kids must become independent.
My mother was insanely over-protective. I wasn’t allowed to to be out of the house past 10pm as a 17 year old. I wasn’t allowed to play at the park that was next to our house (in plain view from the window) when I was in jr high.
Please, remember, that your kid will grow to resent you and feel stifled and suffocated if you don’t let him have some freedom. I’m not saying don’t have rules, rules are VERY important. But your kid’s growing up.
Let ‘em have some fun on a regular basis. Spending time with friends, after home work, every day is healthy! Social bonding is very very important. You don’t want to pass on your social anxiety do you?
When my oldest was 12, I let her go to a friends house that I didn’t know the parents. I found out the next day they had dog that they had to lock up while she was there. Obviously, I wouldn’t have known this with just a phone call, but it was sort of a wake up call. Even having the kids parents call would have helped some. But you know your son, and at some point you have to trust them. Good luck!
I am a freak too. Because he is a boy, i would have let him go. If it was Hadley, my female 12 year old. She would sitting right here crying to me about what a sucky mom I am.
He is going to be fine. But if he’s not, you will know and he will never go there again!
He sounds like a kid who is ready to take on this new adventure. He’s obviously comfortable enough to go, which tells me that on some level, he is ready to go do this. If he has a cell phone with him, a way to reach you, then I would think that might reduce your anxiety about the situation a bit.
As to whether the new friend is a good influence (my inference into your question, not yours), some of my friends whom my parents were least pleased to have me hang out with turned out to be some of the best, lifelong friends I have. They would do anything for me.
So, don’t judge a book by its cover, and all that good stuff. If you feel confident your son is the kind of kid who makes good choices the majority of the time, then you have made a good choice in letting him add this new level of independence to his life.
Good job, mom. You’re just taking off your training wheels. That’s all.
I’d have let him go too.
I might have made him call me from their house with the phone number when he got there – or asked him to have one of the parents call…
First off, you are SUCH a good mom!! I have the same social anxiety about talking to my kid’s friends’ parents. I hate it. I think that I would use this as a trial run. From what you’ve written, you’ve done a great job in preparing your son to be responsible.
I’d let him go, especially just three blocks away. Maybe give him your cell phone to call home if something bad happens.
Something that may work for you: I have a friend whose parents would invite the parents of a new friend out to (or over for) dinner if this new friend wanted one of their daughters to come over for a sleepover. The fellow parents always appreciated this – and they ended up making new couple friends.
Would have done the same thing as you. There comes a point when you just have to put the reins in the kids hands and trust that they will do as you have told.
I think it was great that you laid down the ground rules and trusted him to do what was right after laying it all out for him.
I would have told him that this was a HUGE test of our trust and allowed him to go–as long as he called me as soon as he got there to make sure I had the home’s phone number. Any hint that I had that he wasn’t being honest, or that it was an adult-free zone, would have been grounds for “Oh well, we’ll try this again when you’re 14.”
There would have been a thorough debriefing when he got him (and maybe a sniff test of his clothes when he wasn’t looking.)
Hi-
I probably would have sent a cell phone with him and before he entered the house- had him call you and put the other kid’s parent on the phone (my kids friends sometimes invite them over without getting parental permission first- so I always confirm that my kids are actually invited first!)- and see if they sound psycho and make sure they know how to get ahold of you- I am a freaker-outer too-
I used to have those same fears about my kids, not so much our son, but our daughter…. she had issues! Grew out of them, thank goodness.
Anyway, from what you have written about your boys, they sound very reliable and trustworthy. But I do like the idea of him or the parents calling you to say it was OK.
*rocking back and forth in the fetal position*
*rock*
*rock*
*rock*
I have two girls who are 3 & 4 now and to imagine them going even across the street to a house I’ve never been to freaks me the FUCK out.
You’re a strong woman.
I think children bring up our own insecurities. My daughter is 12 and I have to keep reminding myself that her reality is different than mine was. I would have worried as much as you. I would’ve called the parents if I could have. I would have worried about guns, drugs, porn, etc. I think that is part of being a mother. It is like our minds are a bad neighborhood when we think of all the dangers facing our children. Actually, my mind is like a bad neighborhood I shouldn’t go into alone most of the time. (That is a shout out to my favorite author Anne Lammott). The reality is we all do the best we can at any given moment. The beauty of being a mother nowadays is we don’t have to be alone, we can ask each other for help and input in any given situation.
Even when my kids are going to houses where we know the parents – houses on our very block – I make the kids call me from the other house if they’re going inside to play. I’ve discovered that kids are like vampires, once invited in, allowed to pass at will…BUT will always ask to use the phone. So, if they call, I know that they’re there, nominally following the rules, and probably with an adult present or there’d have been nobody to ask about the phone. I figure this will be a workable strategy for a few more years, until they all get their own cell phones – then I’ll have to rework the plan…
I say, if he’s the kind of kid you can trust, then letting him go was the right call. If he got there and the parents weren’t there and he knew that meant he would have to say, “Sorry, I’ll have to come back another time or I will get in trouble,” then you’re good.
I was pretty darn trustworthy as a 12-year-old, and I bet your son is too.
p.s. You’re a good mom. Just sayin’. :-)
If you werent feeling so sick, then I’d have suggested you walked with him over there but given you are so sick, you could have perhaps given your phone number on a piece of paper and told your son that as soon as he got there he was to pass it over and have the parents ring you. That way you know a parent was home and you could probably guess a little about them by how they sound on the phone. Next I’d be inviting the child to play at my house so I could judge what he was like.
I am not a parent, so I think I know exactly what a parent should do in any situation. My first reaction was no way is my kid going to a house if I don’t know the people. But I would have said, hey tomorrow get his phone number and I’ll call the mom and introduce myself and you can invite him over here. (Assuming your up to having a guest) After reading the comments from actual parents, I’m inclined to agree wth Heather. Tell him to have the parent call you when he arrives. Then when the parent calls say I was just wanting to make sure you were prepared for company which will make the parent think you are a) considerate; and b) don’t think they are bad people.
This would ease your worries, give you some idea of what kind of people the parents are and also send a message to the parent that hey if your kid gets an invitation to my house from my son would you check with me first?
As a side note…you know your social anxixety is completely unjustified don’t you? Any person worth knowing would be thrilled to have an honest, funny, completely normal in a quirky way friend like you.
Hey Lor…
You have another Bridge. I am no longer unique. WHAAAAAAA.
Anyways, I think I would have let him go with the rules. I’ve let Mason go with those same rules and he is only 9. I just keep trying to make our house the “cool” house so the kids will play here.
I wouldn’t have let him go without talking to the parents first. I do like the idea of sending your phone number with your son and then making the other parent call when he gave it to him. That’s the only acceptable option IMO. BUT- I have younger boys than you so its hard for me to imagine 12 year olds. Its a scary world out there and I’ve had to learn to not be afraid of looking like an ass in the other parent’s eyes. If it keeps my kids safe, so be it. :)
I’d have walked/driven over there to check out the situation, meet the other parent and so on.
Seeing as that wasn’t an option, I’d have explained to him that as much as you want him to go, you need to speak to this kid’s parents first, and at this time you’re unable to do so. Explain that he should bring home phone details for his friends for next time.
Of course I say all this now, but in years to come when I’m facing similar situations myself, my response will probably be along the lines of ‘oh hell no!’
Let us know what you decide.
The only thing that worries me about this situation is the ‘friend of the bullies’ thing. Of course, by now the whole thing is over and you’ve moved on, and I hope it went well for him, but I would advise him to be cautious, nonetheless, until the quality of the friendship is better identified. There is no bigger trauma in a young life than a traitorous ‘friend’. Of course, kids aren’t Machiavelli – some sometimes they do things that give you pause.
I completely understand about the phone thing. My daughter has been dating this boy since last August. He has spent enough time with us that I know him rather well, but I keep thinking that I really need to become acquainted with his mother. I have meant to call her for months now, but I just can’t work up the courage to do it. I feel like a wuss.
I agree with everyone else that your son is old enough to make new friends and spend time with them without your supervision. I was also a little more relaxed with my sons than with my daughters. One thing I would do is have a discussion with my son and strongly encourage him to trust his instincts. If he is ever in a place where he feels uncomfortable(for ANY reason or even no reason) he needs to understand that he should call home immediately. You can even come up with some code between you that he can use. Let him know that you or your husband with come get him at anytime. There was a book that came out years ago called The Gift of Fear. It talks about our instincts and how many crime victims “knew” something was amiss right before it happened but they chose to ignore those feelings.
If you believe in prayer, then pray when you are feeling anxious about your child’s safety. I do that all the time because I get very uptight about my daughter. She is my youngest and for some reason I am extra paranoid with her. She is 17 and needs to have a life…so when she is out of the home and I get scared, I pray for her safety. I have even gone so far as to request that angels be deployed to protect her! That may sound crazy but I feel a lot better after I do that. That doesn’t meant I would allow her to do something seriously dangerous. I am just talking about normal teen experiences when they are out of the house with friends and mom(me) is sitting home worrying.
Let us know how it all went down yesterday. Did your son have a good time? Was everything okay?
I think you received some very useful ideas for the future. You have smart readers. *wink*
The only thing that gave me pause was the “friend of the bullies” thing. I HOPE the new friendship isn’t a set-up, but that’s the cynical, 34-year-old me talking. When I was 12, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.
I want to commend you, Loralee. Letting him go and TRUSTING him to be safe was one of the best gifts you could have given him. You showed him that you think he is capable and responsible, even though it meant you chewed your fingernails to shreds while he was gone :)
You? Are a SERIOUSLY awesome mama.
I’m glad you’re back. I missed reading you.
Wow. That’s big, important stuff. I think I would have told him to ask to use the phone when he got there so that he could call you. You would know he was safe, and you could have a short convo. with the other parent just by way of introduction without it being the full-on face to face type, and then that parent would have your number, you would have theirs in case you needed to reach him in an emergency.
I totally freak out about this kind of stuff too. Our neighborhood is only 1 street- 19 houses, and when my girls (ages 7&9) ask to go on a walk (just down to the cul-de-sac and back), I literally time them and then start looking for them if they’re not back within 3 minutes of when they should be. I don’t consider myself over-protective in general, but it only takes something going wrong one time to completely alter their lives.
It was a deer in headlights moment for me for certain. It wouldn’t have been for most people but I struggle with common sense in general.
The logical answer isn’t as obvious to me as most people. I’m not sure why this is, but sometimes I can be Captain Oblivious and be staring at a problem and it keeps computing as 1+1=3.
Add pregnant hurling brain and there are times I am just screwed.
Parenting James catches me really off guard a lot of times simply due to not having faced a situation before because he is the eldest.
Also? In many ways my boys still seem little in my head. Giving them these new freedoms is really difficult sometimes.
And for the moment of embarrassment…
The phone and calling thing.
YEAH.
This would be a moment where I am tempted to fib and say, “Oh, I TOTALLY told him to call when he got there.”
But I didn’t.
I thought about it about 3 minutes after he left, after it was too late to do anything about it. Had it occurred to me 3 minutes earlier I probably wouldn’t have even written this post as most of my problems would have been solved.
Nothing more I can say but “Duh” and feel sheepish that I was so off guard that the natural conclusion that was obvious to 90% of you didn’t even occur to me in the moment.
(Blush)
As for the “friends of bullies” thing. Well…I don’t know if there is ANY kid who isn’t a friend or acquaintance of someone who has hassled other people in middle school. In talking with my son it seems like this is a good kid, and I’m hoping that is the case.
As it was, he had a good time and glowed the rest of the night. I told him that I had to speak to the kids parents before he played over there again so not to ask permission to play without phone digits and address info in hand.
I guess in the end, I had to go with my gut about what would have been the worse situation in the big picture. I definitely went with the more difficult option for me.
I wish I had handled it better but in the end I think it was a REALLY good thing for me to have some faith and trust and let him go.
Ugh… yet another situation it would really be nice to have a handbook! My son doesn’t have many friends that live nearby. He comes home all the time asking to go to so-n-so’s house from his class. I finally made a hard and fast rule: No friends that don’t live around here, or who’s parents I don’t know. Period. I really don’t think it will ruin his life if he doesn’t get to go to some kid’s house.
I’m with you on the no friends every single day thing. I’ve made that same rule, and I think it’s a good one. I don’t want his friends raising him.
Maybe for your peace of mind, next time have him invite his friend over to your house and you can get to know what kind of a kid he is. Then you can get his number and info, and you’ll have a way to get a hold of your son if he goes over there.
The firm rule works great for me, though. My son no longer asks to go over to random kid’s houses.
Dont ya just love these parenting decisions?!
I am a fan of the hard and fast rule. For example, my kids know that, with very rare exception, there are NO sleep overs allowed. We decided this when they were little and they know not to even ask.
This was such a weird, gray area. Because they have gone to a charter school with kids coming in around the valley, they haven’t ever asked to play after school with someone I am not familiar with.
If they do, it is more of a play date situation where I have the number of the parents and we can set something up with more notice because they usually don’t live near by.
This is honestly the first time that he has come home with the ability to walk to the house of a friend, so it was a new experience for me.
Now that it’s happened I’ll be better prepared. He knows I have to talk to the parents next time, even if it’s just a phone call when he gets there. I wouldn’t have allowed the kid over here yesterday. I couldn’t have embarrassed James like that. I was PUKING LOUDLY very often and man…I would have been mortified if I were him. I would have probably let him over today since I got some meds yesterday. It’s “Meh”. I still throw up a lot (and feel totally stoned and sleep all the time on it) but it makes the vomiting bearable.
And, yeah. My mom worked till about 5 and so I hung out with one or two people after school every single day. I just don’t think it’s a good thing or expectation to have. Especially at this age.
Besides, it’s totally when I started watching Days of Our Lives. I want better for my children. (Hee)
So I have to ask, because you bring it up quite a bit in your posts…
I’m curious about your beef with your church. You say you’re inactive, but is that the same thing as not belonging anymore?
I’ve wondered how far removed you are, because you dont strike me as someone thats not spiritual.
-curious
I am of the mindset that knowledge is power…so I give you some more to obsess over. (as if you don’t have enough) I worry about hazards like guns not locked up, alcohol, dogs… because my son has high-functioning autism and really is easily led (but still has friends) I worry he will go along with things he doesn’t really want to do, simply because others do. So, because of that, I would need to talk to the parent, make sure the parent will be home. I am not overprotective or paranoid, I just want to make sure my son, at 10, will make the right decisions.
I think you did well under the circumstances. I have been flummoxed in situations with my oldest as well. LIke when the boy who liked her had his MOM ask me if she could go out with him. In the SIXTH GRADE!
T.
Jenny
No problem asking at all.
Being inactive means “I do not go to church and opt to not follow a lot of the rules of Mormonism”. (Like drinking coffee). I state that status more for those who know the structure of the church so that they know that I have not been excommunicated (kicked out by them) nor have I asked to have my records removed officially so that I am no longer counted as a member. To simply stop attending is a far different thing than feeling passionate enough to petition to have your records of membership expunged. I’m in a bit of gray area. A lot of people who leave the church have VERY strong feelings against it. That isn’t me.
My break with Mormonism was mainly due to issues/anger/bitterness I have at life and God, not necessarily with the LDS church. (Though there ARE things I take issue with.) It is also a pretty stressful religion for me to live and having a dead child really compounded aspects of it for me.
I just felt less pressure and anxiety when I didn’t attend. This is more to do with me and how I process things more than anything. It was too much for me and the way I think/feel. It brought stress rather than comfort and peace. (Again, mainly my hang ups.)
I talk about it a lot because Mormonism is still a HUGE part of my life whether I really want it to be or not, simply because of my geographical location.
I live in an area that is probably 90% Mormon. It is an all-encompassing religion that has an extremely high cultural impact on the community that I live in. It isn’t just a religion, it is a lifestyle.
When you are not active it can be fairly obvious to a Mormon by a million different little things. Do I walk down the street with a big “A” on my head? No. But can an active member discern that I am either non-active or a non-member within a conversation with me (without talking religion), they probably could. Sometimes people like me more for that, sometimes less. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but that probably happens less than the others.
So, it is not like I live in a diverse place where no one gives a crap WHAT religion you are and could just not attend and leave it at that. Most of my family and friends are Mormon. Most of the children in my kids school are Mormon. Mormonism touches just about every area of my life.
For example, in this post, I mentioned that the social life for my kids is harder because we don’t go to church. This is totally true. Kids that are not Mormons or active have a harder time with friendships. They just do. Sometimes it is because the parents have rules that their children cannot play at the home of a non-Mormon. I’ve been there. It hurts. However, most of the time it is just that they don’t need to extend outside their church to find friends and relationships. Most kids hang out and play with other kids in their wards (Congregations).
Even if parents and kids are not being deliberately exclusive they normally just don’t have the need to expand and seek out new people when a ready made posse is already made to order in their neighborhood because of church.
I HAVE had spiritual moments in my life, but I don’t know if I am a spiritual person or not. I do have moments of touching, high EMOTION, like when I listen to achingly beautiful music or am alone in nature, talking with people, etc. but I don’t know if that is the same thing.
I have pondered my spirituality a lot. I do not know if I would have been involved in a religion if I wasn’t raised by the family I was in the place I was. I feel no need to seek out another religion at all.
Also? I tend to talk a LOT about subjects that I am still working through and that don’t feel settled. I can’t quite say “I’m not a Mormon”. I still identify with them a lot. If I do return to a church it will be The Mormon religion. I just don’t know if that will ever happen, but I also don’t know if I will ever feel completely comfortable being in or out of it.
Does any of this make sense?
(Wow. Totally long and probably way more than you want to hear.)
I will start by the fact that I have an 8 month old son so I am totally unqualified to have an opinion. However, amazingly, I do have an opinion! I am also a teacher, so I will talk about what I would do with one of my second graders. My class is split into two parts, the majority of students I can’t trust 100% of the time. If they know they did something wrong or they think they’re going to get in trouble, they may fib or omit a little. This does not make them bad or unusual. I believe it’s called being a kid and figuring it out.
However, I also have a small number of students who I know will tell me the truth unconditionally and so if they ask me to go get something from their lockers or they need to go to lost and found or whatever, I let them go.
In my opinion you should know your kid well enough to know if you can trust them. It’s less about the other kid and his parents and more about your son. If you can trust that he has a pretty good sense of people and wouldn’t want to go play with a bad apple and would come home if the parents weren’t there and/or if the situation took a turn for the worse then I say, by all means, send him on his way.
I don’t think his safety would be in question and yea, maybe it wasn’t the best choice but that is a great learning experience for him!
That’s my two cents, from someone totally unqualified to have any change in her wallet!
Hi Loralee,
As far as I am concerned you are superwoman. Raising 2 boys and being a wife while puking your guts out and keeping up this blog is a feat in and of itself! Combine your anxiety, with parenting anxiety in general and you are a heroine!!
Your boys are very lucky. You are a great mom! I have a 2 year old daughter and your parenting questions and the advice your readers gave are tools I’m storing for the future. I’m a mellow, independent mom, but the thought of my girl going to preschool 5 days a week is both exciting and terrifying. And she’s only 2! I have years of terrifying things ahead of me I’m sure. I think as a parent sometimes you have to let go and trust.
And btw, when our nanny wanted to set up play dates I always called the parents before my daughter went to their house, or their kids came to my house. Just wanted to be polite and seem efficient. Luckily, no one thought I was a paranoid loser, and I now have 4 sets of parents I know and like. And we all have no worries when the kids play, no matter whose house they are at. I went so far as to meet the nannies too, and that gave me 4 new babysitters!
Good luck and get some rest mama.
I just wanted to say that you ARE a spiritual person, every single person ever alive is a “spiritual person” because that’s how we’re created. :-) Whether we choose to ignore it or embrace it, that’s the part that’s up to us.
Also, babe, anyone who loves and responds to music as much as you do is most definitely NOT ignoring the spiritual part of her nature. :-) You might not be actively going to church or seeking God, but each time you find yourself lost in a song (or a dance, or a painting, or a poem, or even laughter) you are responding to echoes of God’s grace and love! I firmly believe that.
I want my kids to stay little and need supervision forever.
By the way, thanks for posting the link to redneck mommy on the side. She is hilarious!
If you raised the kids right they know when to say no. At 12 – time to loosen up, especially since it’s hard for him to make friends. But yes, you could have told him to phone home as soon as he got there, so that at least you would have a phone number. (time for his own cell phone?)
I am still in the playdate with a parent group so I have zero advice except to say that you sound like a great mom with great instincts and you should trust them.
I mostly want to comment about your honesty about anxiety and inadequacy in the parental dept. I share in that feeling and have been wanting to blog about it so thank you. I think there are ways in which we could all be a little easier on ourselves and each other when it comes to raising our kids. Our intentions are good even if we all didn’t get the same How To Raise Your Children Handbook. I didn’t get any handbook at all so I wrote my own and it’s called By the Scary Seat of My Pants!!
IMO you did the right thing. My nephew is about the same age and he is allowed to hangout with friends as long as his homework is done. There are some parents my sister knows and some she doesn’t, you need to trust your son and know that you raised him right to make the right decisions. Plus doesn’t he have a cell — just in case?