For those who do not have television, Internet, or for those that DO but have been in a coma, living under a rock, or holed up in a hotel on their honeymoon having the most intense, carefree and awesome sex they’ll ever have again in married life, I am going to fill you in on the news and controversy that has occurred this week surrounding Nadya Suleman.
Suleman is a 33-year-old, single, unemployed woman who has been on injury/disability payments since 1999, and just gave birth to octuplets in California. Before giving birth to an additional 8 children, she already had 6 kids ranging in age from 2-7 and all of them were born using in vitro fertilization (IVF) made possible by the same sperm donor and same fertility doctor. When undergoing IVF she and her doctor decided to implant all 6 embryos that were available, even though the recommended limit for her age is 2 embryos. All 6 of the embryos attached and then 2 of the embryos divided into twins and a total of 8 babies were born.
Let me give you a moment to process that information.
You still with me? Good.
This situation appalls me.
And I do not appall easily.
(This is long, so click “Continue reading” to, ya know…continue reading. Hey, it’s a wide topic and I’m in a ranty-rant-rant mood.)
I have had a LOT happen in my life. I also have some big “issues”. It’s not like I keep this a secret or anything, people. I mean, just look at the title of this blog for Pete’s sake. Considering some of the life choices I have made and continue to make, I try pretty hard not to judge people.
(Ok, that isn’t true, I do plenty of judging but it is usually more along the lines of, “Um…What the hell is up with your hair? Did you do that DELIBERATELY? And if so…WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHY?!” type of thing, instead of making moral judgments on people that don’t live and/or think like me. Which is a damn good thing as I think that there is maybe 1% of the population that fits in this category.)
But when it comes to judging in general? Not usually my cup of tea. Probably because I live in THE LAND OF JUDGING THEE AND THY NEIGHBOR and have had plenty of it heaped on my head. (Some justified, some not.) so I feel especially sensitive to it.
Except, um, LATELY. I don’t know what is up with me having all these opinions about the lives of people I don’t know, but for whatever reason, I HAVE THEM this week.
I’m a judgy, judgy Judy lately. (I will think about how this sits with me later. For now, I don’t know how much I care, frankly. I’m in kind of a bitchy, anxious and worried mood. Have I mentioned that???)
The more I find out about the octuplets, the more staggered I become. The icing on the cake was Suleman’s interview with The Today Show.
(I will cop to being shallow and admit some of my reactions may come from her appearance. She is…pretty, but in a freaky “I have had way too much plastic surgery and lip collagen injections” sort of way. Which can pretty much be chalked up to my petty judgy self as I described above. Although, excessive cosmetic surgery can signify some big mental issues. And really, is there anything more painfully abnormal to look at than Goldie Hawn First Wives Club-esque lips that have been filled with so much collagen they barely move? It’s a pet peeve, I suppose.)
Look, I do not believe that we should go all China on people and try to legally regulate how many children people choose to have. That is an extremely personal decision. I am not “Anti-big families”, either. I come from the LAND OF HUGE FAMILIES (It is also the land of Jello and aforementioned judging. It’s also full of pretty great people. The skiing is awesome, too.) so I am rather used to it. Hell, I am the youngest of 6, which is monstrously huge in some parts of the country. AND, I’m a twin.
But I am not pro-litter, either.
I am definitely anti helping people deliberately have litters by irresponsibly using medical technology.
I have ranging thoughts and emotions regarding the famous “multiples” that have come into the world in the last decade.
I will state that I do not give parents flack for choosing not to do selective elimination when they are faced with a high number of fetuses. So, I am not going to make that part of my discussion, though others are free to feel and say what they will about it.
I also want to say that there are people who feel that a lot of the objection stems from people being jealous. Um, I am not jealous of ANY of the situations I am about to talk about. I am struggling having 2 kids and one on the way. If I had 14 children I would suck at it. A good meal would most likely be me dumping 20 cans of Spaghetti-O’s in a crock pot on the floor, hucking a bunch of plastic forks at all of them and then RUNNING FOR MY LIFE, so it is a damn good thing I am not at the helm of a big family. Moms who have big families and care for them well deserve fracking MEDALS.
So, see…I don’t care how many book deals, houses, etc. anyone would throw at me for having a big family, I am NOT going to be jealous of how incredibly difficult that must be.
I.would.go.fracking.CUCKOO.
So, let’s discuss some of the more well known multiples.
The McCaughey septuplets. They had one child with the help of fertility treatments, wanted another and ended up with 7 for a total of 8 kids. They have a yearly interview and have done some TV spots and product endorsement. They have accepted free gifts and I believe their home was built and paid for by donations and that all their children have their college educations provided by the state of Iowa.
Eh, that doesn’t really bother me. Maybe this is because I have formed the opinion after reading their interviews and how they have come off over the years as people that just don’t strike me as remotely greedy.
I think that if people want to be generous, cool. I think that they were thrown a hell of a curve ball and did what they had to to keep their family going at the time. They seem to accept less and less over the years. They turn most interviews and things down at this point and largely keep to themselves. I think that they have done a good job as parents and have managed to walk the thin line of needing to provide for such an instantly large family and benefiting from their instant fame to provide for their kids and protecting their privacy.
Jon and Kate Gosselin: Jon & Kate plus 8-Their story is similar to the McCaughey’s but they had fertility treatments and had twins, wanted another and had sextuplets. They have a weekly TV show on TLC and this, along with speaking and books on their family is how they earn their income. I watch this show. The kids are ADORABLE. (Ok, there is Maddy, who would drive me freaking insane to raise, but that is a whole nother topic). Jon and Kate are amusing and banter and it’s a highly entertaining show.
A lot has been said about their greediness, expectations and how they have virtually cut most of their families out of their lives, usually because of monetary issues. But all of that is also speculation as the family doesn’t ever answer direct questions like those.
Kate can drive me crazy. But then, I think if I had 8 children, I would be rocking in a corner and drooling, so again, to each his own. Unlike the McCaughey’s I do get “The greedy expectation” vibe from the Gosselin’s. They just moved into a 1.4 million dollar house. Jon got free hair transplants and Kate got a tummy tuck and went on a first class vacation to Maui to renew their wedding vows with their family.
Personally, while I kind of go, “Huh?” at some of it, I would also most likely take someone up on the offer to give ME things like that for free. I’m just being honest. Also, they have 8 kids and lived for years in a house that was WAY too small for them, so I really don’t begrudge those little ones some actual space to run and explore and be kids.
I would give it to EVERY kid on the planet if I could.
I think that they probably exploit their kids lives a little too much but at the end of the day I also think that they are pretty responsible with what they have been given and responsible people in general and are doing what they think is best for their family and situation.
The Duggars: Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar just had their 18th child and their eldest was just married.
My main reaction to Mrs. Duggar having eighteen children is an earth shattering SCREAM of empathy from my uterus that makes it want to curl up, die, fall out, and then lay there twitching on the floor like a freshly executed eel.
My second reaction to the Duggars having eighteen children is getting skeeved out beyond reason thinking of Jim Bob and Mrs. Duggear doing the nasty enough times to produce that many spawn. (Something about wide hallways and a hotdog being tossed down it is coming to mind, but that would be bad and wrong of me to repeat.)
Look, the Duggars seem like nice people with good intentions. I think for having that many they have done a very good job. I don’t want to hunt them down and exterminate them like many on the internet. While I don’t believe they are dependent on welfare or anything, it bothers me that their home is tax exempt because it has been declared a church. I didn’t know you could even do that. Can I create “The Loralee Church of Diet Coke?” it would only have a congregation of one, but I can assure you, I am EXTREMELY devout. So, yeah…it bothers me a little. Of course, it also bothers me that all of the girls sport a look-alike-hairdo to Mrs. Duggar which freakishly resembles polygamy hair.
(Again, with the superficial judgments, huh? But in my defense, I will state that this hairdo is sported a lot in my state and having polygamy hair is a red flag that the person and I are probably not going to get along. Now watch-I have probably pissed off The American Polygamy Hair Association or something just now. It would be my luck.)
They seem to have a busy home of harmony that is extremely well-organized. They have a buddy system where the elder children have daily responsibilities to their younger siblings like feeding, bathing, clothing, etc.
I am not going to insist that the Duggars or anyone else with or in a big family “cannot possibly be happy” despite their insistence that they are, because I have heard that more times in my life than you could count. I hate to keep dragging Utah and religion into it but I have heard so many Mormons state that people without the truth of the church in their life cannot possibly “really” be happy and that is WRONG. I have also heard equally vocal opinions from non-Mormons who do not believe anyone in Mormonism is really happy and that is WRONG, TOO. Just a bit of background of where I am coming from.
My biggest beef with the Duggars is that even if they are the best parents in the world, I think that puts an AWFUL lot on those kids. They are pretty much mini-surrogate parents from the time they are born. I just think that it way too much responsibility and there just is not enough time to simply be a kid. They cannot remotely get the kind of attention or one-on-one time from their parents they deserve. (And yes, I realize that can happen in single child homes as well, but for now, I’m talking about The Duggars).
I realize that responsibility is good for kids. I fear my kids don’t have enough of it and they will end up being 30, unemployed, living in my basement playing unending games of D&D and subsisting on a diet of Chocolate Yoohoo and Funyons. But I also think there is such a thing as too much responsibility and that the Duggar’s might be crossing that line with their children.
You don’t have to populate the planet on your own, Jim Bob. We know you are virile and manly and your wife has good childbearing hips. Your place in natural selection is secure.
In another disclaimer-this is a very fresh story and I am reacting to it. I realize more information will come out, etc. and that will highly impact my views and options.
FOR NOW, THOUGH…The more I hear about this story, the more I go “WTF?!”.
I do not understand it. AT ALL. In the interview, Ms. Suleman stated that her one goal in life was to be a mother because she was an only child from a very dysfunctional family. A family that she and her 14 children are going to be living with because she is single and unemployed. There is very little about this woman or her situation that indicates that she has what it takes to be an adequate mother of 14 children.
It seems that she is trying to fill the hole in her soul and life by filling it up with children, and I have to strongly disagree with that. I totally cop to having the same issues and trying to fill those holes with other people and relationships, but that is with consenting adults, not children who have no choice in the matter.
In fact, one of the reasons that we waited as long as we did after Matthew died to have another baby is because I wanted to make SURE that I was not trying to subdue the grief at my loss with another baby. It just isn’t a good situation when that happens.
I do not doubt that she loves her children. However, she seems very, very, very out of touch with the reality of the situation. She says she is “confident she can provide for them” when she gets her degree.
WTF?
Ummmm….YOU HAVE 14 FLIPPPING CHILDREN! Good luck being able to have time to PEE or BLINK let alone go to school and be able to do the hours of studying it requires.
She says she has never been on welfare and never will. I am not sure what she considers the $168,000 of disability she’s collected, but that is a question for another day. She has shopped for PR agents and shopped interviews and has come off about as poorly as possible in the media.
Unlike a lot of people, I am not getting the vibe that she is DRIVEN by money, fame and greed as some suggest. I think that she has some big issues and I have soooooo many problems and worries about how the hell those kids are going to turn out. Memo to the mom: It’s not hard to hold each infant 45-minutes a day when someone else is watching your other 6 children and the 8 babies are in a hospital with multiple nurses for each baby.
I wonder how she afforded so many IVF treatments? It’s something some people save and scratch for YEARS to accomplish. And what about the cost of her medical treatment?
I am a high risk pregnancy that has been declared a pre-existing condition that is not covered by my insurance and I am making peace with thte fact that the cost of this birth will likely mean I will never own my own home.
The birth of 8 children is estimated at 1.7 MILLION DOLLARS.
Who pays for that?
It’s just further illustration that the woman isn’t seeing reality if she really feels she has never benefited from a handout. My husband doesn’t think this woman should get a dime from anyone, government or private citizen. I can see how appealing that sounds given that she was so deliberate in her actions, but I disagree to a point.
Why?
The kids.
I can’t help it. I am horrified at how it all went down but the fact is they are HERE. Why punish them? They are already going to have a tough enough time as it is. Call me a bleeding heart or whatever, I just hope that they have as many needs met as they can. However that happens.
I just never want this to happen deliberately again.
I have a huge issue with the doctor in this situation.
Every single thing about this situation seems like irresponsible medicine. I feel like the woman obviously has some issues and god knows, I of all people know how HARD it can be to see the forest for the trees when you are in the midst of your own neuroses. THAT IS WHY DOCTORS HAVE A GREAT RESPONSIBILITY TO BE RESPONSIBLE EVEN IF THEIR PATIENT IS NOT.
ESPECIALLY THEN.
What doctor inseminates a person with this history THAT MANY TIMES? She has such a severe back disability she gets government payouts for it, but her body can handle a huge amount of births? Seriously?? What kind of doctor would deliberately implant 6 embryos in a 33-year-old when the recommended limit is TWO? When they know she has SIX children already? I know it was a gamble and that it is a “fluke” that ALL of them took, but STILL…
And I know, I KNOW what a touchy, delicate area this is and yet I am still so appalled about it.
Unfit people have kids ALL THE FREAKING TIME. TONS of them. It is beyond our control. Now, how they are treated AFTER they are born is somewhat regulated and I agree with that. The actual conception and delivery process is pretty much left up to the individual and I can see why.
THE QUESTION: When you are giving someone the ability to have children when they could not otherwise, does or doesn’t that hold you to some higher standard or to some level of accountability?
As I said, I am loathe to DICTATE how many children people have or their motives, etc. If doctors can randomly decide who has the right to have children and who doesn’t it can make for a very sticky situation. Someone could turn away lesbians, black people, Atheists, Orthodox Jews or kooky Mormons or left handed people just because they disagree with their lifestyle and because they can.
I GET THAT.
I also get that there are doctors and pharmacists out there being sued for refusing to provide abortions, contraceptives and the morning after pill. Personally I feel it is LUDICROUS that a doctor could be sued provide non-life saving, elective procedures against their conscience.
This is what floors me; people get turned away for “elective” treatments ALL THE TIME. People rant and rave about the cosmetic surgeon that did god-knows-WHAT to Michael Jackson’s face and their medical irresponsibility.
I talked to quite a few people before writing this post who have had in vitro and none of them had to undergo what I had to for both of my elective surgeries. I had to have a psych evaluation for my gastric bypass and was asked very blunt probing questions about my motivations when I had my “Magical boobies” surgically “reclaimed”.
If a doctor can turn away someone who they feel has an unrealistic expectation about plastic surgery are you really telling me that a fertility clinic is under zero obligation to take into account what situation the kid THEY ARE MEDICALLY MAKING HAPPEN is born into?
Getting bigger, perkier boobs and having ass fat injected into your face* gets more review and consideration than a kid being born? SERIOUSLY?
Still, I do realize what a highly sensitive, tricky and gray area this all is. And to be CLEAR: I do not believe that what happened should be deemed illegal, but I absolutely feel that it should be held as unethical (and highly at that, IMO) by the medical community. I think that the board of medicine should at least review this situation to determine exactly what went down and why.
As I go down my thoughts and feelings about multiples and my feelings and how they range so radically, I find that most of it comes down to intent. I cut the families of these huge families that were caught of guard by the way their embryos divided and attached with a lot more sympathy than those that have deliberate purpose producing hhhhhuuuuuugggggeeee families. ESPECIALLY if they feel they deserve a hand out because of it or the children are the primary source of income.
I also feel differently about large families with adopted children in them. That could be a post unto itself, but I don’t see it the same way. Those parents are giving kids that would be in foster care their whole lives a chance.
I feel way less resentment of a family that can take care of itself. Or I don’t mind them receiving help if it seems that is “just the way the cookie crumbled and I was unwilling to kill any of my fetuses once they attached”. It’s much different than “I am going to have a huge amount of children I cannot afford on purpose and you are going to help me subsidize it”.
It makes a big difference to me.
Anyway, this was long as hell and pretty harsh and opinionated for me and quite frankly, I know that a lot of my judgments could be turned right around and used on me. I knew I was high risk, and yet we are having another child. I have been on Medicaid to have children when we were self employed. I am not the world’s best parent. I have bought and paid to have my bosoms surgically reclaimed (and do NOT regret it). I have made life choices that would have Dr. Phil muttering “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” and that would probably have me stoned in some areas of the world.
All that said, yeah. I still have these opinions. I’m appalled and confused and CONFLICTED.
I’m just bitchy enough today to voice it.
So, what about you? What are your thoughts? (Please, no death threats. I had quite enough of that when I blogged about that douchebag from Wife Swap, m’kay?)
P.S. *No. I did not have ass fat injected into my face. I just said that, ya know, for dramatic emphasis. Because that is how I roll, people.
New reader for life, here!
I have very strong opinions about this but I am laughing too damn hard to do them justice right now!
This was so funny from beginning to end.
The entire entry about the Duggers killed me. Literally, I am not typing this because I died laughing at the description of your uterus in pain:
“My main reaction to Mrs. Dugger having NINETEEN CHILDREN is an earth shattering SCREAM of empathy from my uterus that makes it want to curl up, die, fall out, and then lay there twitching on the floor like a freshly executed eel.”
How does a person think of something like that? And, and The American Polygamy Hair Association? Injecting ass fat into your face? bwawha!
I’m not even reading this right this second because I’m all jacked up on xanax. but omfg this is so “honey I can’t go to bed b/c someone is WRONG on the internet” of you. I can’t wait to sober up and read it because I’m sure I’m going to be all “eff yeah! good on you Looney Tune!!!!! w00t w00t Dawn n LL 4evah!”
First of all, I didn’t know you had gastric bypass. Huh! New trivia factoid.
Second, I am appalled as well. I have a big family, and don’t have a thing against them. Hey, I have five kids myself, including 2 sets of twins. But I don’t even feel like I should have to qualify my “I am appalled” statement. I’m appalled because this woman is fucking NUTS.
Like I said, I have 5 kids. They’re a HELL of a lot of work. And try as I may, soemthing always falls through the cracks. Not a one of my kids gets enough one-on-one attention with either myself or my husband. They don’t get bathed every night, they don’t always finish their homework, and they eat chicken nuggets WAY too often. And holy cats, we can NEVER keep track of their shoes.
And did I mention we’re broke as a fucking joke? Like, all the time? Like, we’re paying finance charges on our groceries? And I don’t see dance lessons or soccer or anything in the future of any of my kids, because I can’t even afford to pay for preschool for two at a time? Kids cost a lot, and they require a ton of work. I’m a stay-at-home mommy, with the very best of intentions – but I far fall short of what they need and deserve, on a very regular basis, just because there isn’t enough of me to go around. There just isn’t. I can’t even IMAGINE adding another TEN CHILDREN to my brood. Who will tuck them in at night? Where will they SLEEP?
And who the fuck was the doctor that allowed this to happen?? Why haven’t we seen HIM in the media yet?
The whole situation makes me angry and sad. I feel awful for all those children. They’re going to be seriously neglected – there’s absolutely no getting around it. You just can’t make that equation WORK, even with the best of intentions.
Why are your kids in preschool if you are a stay at home mom?
I pretty much agree with you on everything. That woman seriously needs her head examined for having so many kids as a single woman. How can she possibly take care of them properly? I also feel that the Duggar’s are missing out on a lot, but at least you can tell they come from a loving home. And I love watching JK+8 for the kids. I think Kate is kind of a greedy mean bitch, but I do believe she loves her kids so I can respect that at least.
i swear i want to read every word of this but i cannot get past this
“If I had 14 children I would suck at it. A good meal would most likely be me dumping 20 cans of Spaghetti-O’s in a crock pot on the floor, hucking a bunch of plastic forks at all of them and then RUNNING FOR MY LIFE”
i am just laughing too hard to read past it and without commenting on how funny and how like that sounds like my house with my three kids! heeeeeeeeeee!
That was Rantastic! I thought of you earlier as I saw Larry King interviewing Kate Gosselin (and a fertility Dr and a psychiatrist) about Nadya Suleman. I think that Suleman has a weird Angelina Jolie fixation also.
Now that I’ve read the book up there, I must say I agree with everything. Including the quip about little Mady Gosselin. Could. Not. Be. Her Mother.
Oh my sweet bloggy friend- I so appreciate the email to alert me to your post! I have to agree though with Brynette, How can I go off at you and jump up and down, because I wholeheartedly disagree, when you are so damn funny? I am laughing too hard to argue with you.
BUT I WILL SAY THIS, As a very happy mother of fourteen, and trying for more, on purpose, I don’t have a vagina as wide as a hallway, and I don’t have polygamy hair, but I do have a brood. I hope to exploit them and make millions. I want someone to build me a house. And hell, I will call it a church if I don’t have to pay taxes on it.
I am going to try and make friends with Nadia, She and I are the only crazy’s in California that know how to have 14. I think the poor girl needs a friend, and since I can’t make any that aren’t Mormon Visiting teachers, we may be good for each other.
Oh shit, I forgot to thank you for not adding me to your list of families that annoy! Love you!
I fucking LOVE you.
I say, MAKE THE DOCTOR PAY! He was irresponsible in creating this, the onus was on him. He chose to bow to a crazy woman’s wishes.
I agree with your husband. No one should pay her for her story. Diapers, maybe, like you said, for the kids. But her? HELL NO!
Okay, there were a lot of things I loved about this post, but I most loved the whole giant crock pot of spaghetti-o’s idea. Brilliant! You may have solved my “what to cook for dinner” problem for the next week or two :)
Hope the depression and pregnancy stress improves soon. I would say, hope you feel better soon, but you’re about as far along as I am, and there are about 1 billion months between now and truly feeling better. So, I’ll just say, good luck and hope you get some rest.
(okay, I’ve read it. I’m tty judgymcjudgerson judy with you. And Sandi? I was too curious and went to go be all judgy on you – and girlfriend – based on the pictures in your sidebar, I think what you are doing is a freaking gift from God – and I’d really like to know how you have such great hair – mine looks like butt and I only have one kiddo to keep track of.)
As the oldest of a mere six children, I can say (and don’t get me wrong- this is not meant as a criticism- I have a really good relationship with my mom and she is one of my best friends) that with that many kids, some of the responsibility falls to the older siblings.
I don’t think its right. You have a responsibility as parents to care for your children yourselves. Don’t have more than you can handle (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially). I recognize that accidents happen, as with anything else, but remember those are the exceptions to the rule. Not the norm.
What can I say? I’ve got one child and I recognize that I may not be able to handle more.
For the record? Our family is a huge fan of Jon and Kate and we watch every week. Maddie drives us nuts too- we have to point out to our daughter when we are watching that how Maddie is acting is NOT how WE act. Because we are afraid she’ll pick it up watching the show. But Maddies attitude? She learned it all from her mama. You can see Kate’s mannerisms in Maddie left and right!
One of the original six Suleman children is Autistic! That is like having ten kids rolled into one! I know I work with all types of disabilities Autism being just one. Duggars just had their 18th child but are doing nothing to prevent the 19th or 20th. And I feel really guilty because of the way they make me feel all smarmy, and how they named all of their kids names that start with “J”! I should wallow in their spiritual goodness, and I don’t! John and Kate are real with all of the bickering, and bitching, but I hate that they have gotten a lot of free stuff on top of getting paid tons of money to exploit their children. Like my friend always says “The rich get richer and the poor get pregnant”! The other family have the best interest of their children at heart, out of the public, and I really respect that. I wish you could get your little guy paid for, have you tried Baby Your Baby? Stopid damned insurance company!
I can’t address the Suleman issue, but I wholeheartedly agree about the Duggars. My goal in life is to move in with them for a month and see if they are…like…for real.
meh.
Oh ho ho, have you covered a topic that chaps my hide.
McCaugheys. I honestly feel that when the did their infertility treatments, less was known about how may follicles is too many, so the resulting seven didn’t really bother me. They seem like a humble, down to earth family and they truly seem like they just live their lives normally.
Gosselins. Oy. This woman talks out of both sides of her mouth. On the older version of her website, she wrote of being hospitalized for “OVERSTIMMING” of her IUI cycle (no implantation-just sperm injected directly into the uterus after mom has been dosed with various fertility drugs) This would mean the cycle was cancelled and the couple is told NO INTERCOURSE WHATSOEVER, because their is a huge risk of HOM.
The website went on further to state that a couple weeks later, she found out she was pregnant. So, as a labor and delivery nurse, she knew what she was doing and consciously chose to go for the HOM prize. Then, the fact that they were poormouthing at all of these speaking engagements to get ‘love offerings’ and then selling pictures of their kids for 20 bucks cash a pop was too much for me. Especially since they draw a salary from TLC. Disgusted sums this one up.
Duggars-On a recent show, the oldest daughters went with son Josh to Florida to work on wedding preparations. Jim Bob and Michelle complained about how hard it was to handle all those kids. Well, you shouldn’t have had them, then. You want them, then they should ALL be your charges, not their siblings.
Suleman, I could go on for days about this one. She already had six and implanted ALL her embryos? WTF was the doctor thinking? I think she was thinking she’d get a show like the Gosselins or the Duggars if she ended up with six or more.
I’d love to see a media blackout and no product freebies, but the kids will suffer. I’d also hate to see MediCal and the state of California pick up the tab on raising these kids, which will most certainly happen, since she is not working and her disability recently ran out.
Oh yeah, the disability. She injured her back enough that she couldnt work but she could be PREGNANT for most of the past eight years? Right, her back was really hurt!
Where is the doctor who performed the procedure? If he did all of them, as she states, then he should be held responsible for covering the financial load if Ms. Suleman herself cannot. Why should the people of California, including those who cannot have children of their own, be force to fund this woman to be Old Mother Hubbard?
Okay. First of all, DAMN that was a forever long post. My husband is PISSED at me for putting off sex to finish reading this. HAHAHAHAHA.
So, with that in mind, I want to let you know that I have SO much I want to say about this. I also have every intention of reading all the other comments posted and possibly replying to them as well.
Just a warning.
Anyway. It’s an issue that I have a lot of opinions about, and I haven’t gotten to post any of them anywhere yet.
I’ll be back. Tomorrow. After sex. Be prepared.
Omg, could not even begin to agree with you more…and made me laugh so hard I snorted…so thanks for that…thanks.
I don’t think anything you’ve said is off base. Very well thought out.
i wubz u!! that is all.
rawk on wit yo bad self.
What I dislike the most about Suleman is that she blatantly calls other moms out for being “selfish.” Um. Selfish is YOU, woman. Congratulations.
I hate John and Kate Plus Eight. Usually about five minutes in I start screaming at the TV screen “GROW A PAIR JOHN! GROW A PAAAAAAAAAIR!” and then Eric has to come in the room and change the channel before I explode.
Seriously though, great fucking post!
my mind goes RIGHT to hot dog + hall way whenever I think of Michelle Duggar. Someone on the view asked her “do you still have to push” and she smiled her demure little smile and said “oh yes”. I mean let’s be honest here folks, those children are walking out on their own at this point. They probably send her a morse code message by knocking on her uterus wall and then crawl on out into the waiting arms of whatever sibling is going to be their “buddy”
Have you seen the married duggar son’s website? I worry about the uterus of his new wife.
This entire post makes me want to invite you over for (not drinks, cuz you’re pregnant yo) cake, or ice cream, or a marathon viewing of the duggars new show.
and Oy Jon and Kate. Enna, I am going to think of you next time I watch that show. Which will probably result in me yelling “GROW A PAIR JON” lol. Hopefully my blood pressure can take it.
my god…i LOVE when you get all opinion-y
:)
It is considered, as far as I can tell, highly unethical by most of the medical community. All other issues aside, as anyone who’s been pregnant call tell everyone, our bodies are not meant to carry that many children at a time. They just aren’t.
By the way, the Gosselins did IUI,not IVF, but it was still a similar situation — the doctor should have KNOWN the ovaries were overstimulated and not gone ahead with the procedure.
Also, I laughed right out loud at polygamy hair. We ALL know polygamy hair. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I’ve never commented but your post had me laughing so I had.
I agree with you about Jon & Kate. And Maddie. My oldest sometimes cops an attitude like hers and he gets put back into place REAL quick.
The Duggars.. I had to laugh when they talked about how they’d forgotten how hard taking care of so many little ones was. I will say that I do like them, though. They don’t come across to me as greedy like the Gosselins, and they have been debt-free for years, well before TLC ever came into their lives. I admire that they buy nothing that they can’t pay for right then and there. Actually I’m jealous. I suppose that’s coveting? Oh dear. Anyway. The hair.. where I’m from we tend to think of it as “Holy Roller hair” so it’s not just in Utah. ;)
I have 3 kids and that’s enough to make me cringe so I can’t imagine 19. 18? I’ve lost count.
This other woman – HOLY CRAP. Her back issues are made worse by pregnancy but she went ahead and got pregnant again with so many kids. This woman needs psychiatric help, not a fertility doc.
I completely agree with this post! And it was very well written. From a person who tried for 5 years to get pregnent finally having to do insemination and if that didn’t work would have done invetro, I can’t believe the Suleman women! From what I’ve heard she has some serious mental issues and I agree fertility doctors should do some sort of psych evaluation especially since a multiple birth is so common. They should make sure that the women/couple is ready for what may be. And sure they may only get a single birth like one of my friends but the chance of that is pretty low. And I think the doctor should be investigated for implanting the 6 embryos, especially with 6 children already at home… I could go on but you’ve said exactly what I think everyone else would like to say!
how can she support those children you ask? i’ll tell you – we’re supporting them. what little money i make is taxed so much as it is, and the taxes go to those who are on welfare. and i can understand those people who aren’t making enough money to feed their families, but are trying. but those who won’t work and just expect a handout, i think that’s horrible. and that’s coming from someone who has gotten unemployment and food stamps. although – the food stamps were only $10 a month.
i think there really should be a limit as far as ivf goes. and i’m talking if you’ve already had 6 children via that procedure and you aren’t having one more to help out a friend. that i could understand and appreciate. but that’s just my opinion.
polygamy hair equals pentecostal hair in the south. you can always tell by the hair and the clothes.
jon and kate gives me a headache every time i watch it. i want to smack both parents in the head. then smack some of the kids.
i agree with suzanne on the legal ramifications of her getting pregnant and the disability. are the authorities looking into the welfare of the kids since they know she has no income?
i also heard on the news that she was hoping to get diaper commercials and stuff like that b/c she had so many kids, but those companies wouldn’t even talk to her b/c of the way she went about having those kids and the way it looks.
Like you, this story has appalled me. I just can’t see how you can give that many children the proper attention, especially as a single parent. There is only so much time in the day and just feeding and dressing them will occupy the majority of the hours, much less allow for any quality time.
My husband is the 5th of 6 kids. He is adamant that he doesn’t want a family that large because by the time his high school years rolled around, his parents often said things such as: “We went to your brothers’ football games, so we’ve kind of been there and done that.” or “I’m burnt out on cooking, just find your own meals.”
But I also have an aunt & uncle who have 9 kids. NINE! Yet, somehow, they have managed to give every kid attention and focus on all of their different activities/successes. I will say, my aunt’s whole life revolves around homemaking, in terms of just seeing that they are all fed home-cooked meals and that she attends all of their events. I don’t see that she has any life beyond that, but she seems to truly enjoy her family. But even she says that it takes a lot of hours in the day and any more kids than that would have been really difficult. Plus she has a husband to rely on as well, so they can tag-team this stuff.
I just think this Suleman woman is irresponsible and can’t possibly give those children the care they need. The doctors are irresponsible for helping her get pregnant repeatedly. The “friend” is irresponsible for donating his man-juice so much. I don’t want her to use this many kids for profit and publicity, but I don’t see that this media train will stop any time soon. She’ll have to get some kind of support because the world can’t just turn their backs on these innocent children either.
The whole thing is a mess!
I hadn’t really heard about this story because I have been so busy at work. I WISH I had been having mind-blowing honeymoon sex, though. That would have been better.
I know you say that this is a rant, but really you are not being mean or judgy in my opinion. You state a lot of good things about these people and are much kinder than I would be.
I also want to say to the mom on here Sandi, I clicked on your blog and I agree w/Lauralee about adopted kids not being in the same category because it is giving kids without one a home. You are indeed doing gods work and I think you must be an amazing person full of love! GOD BLESS YOU!
I can’t watch the shows on the multiples, because they annoy me, so I can’t comment on them.
I pretty much agree with everything you said. Here’s my issue: I have two kids, who I love and would have loved to have had more. At least one, maybe two, as my husband comes from a family of four. BUT, we COULD NOT afford it. It’s called being RESPONSIBLE. No one was going to give us anything to have kids.
I know that being responsible and doing the right thing should be its own reward, but the children, the house (yes, we bought at the top of the market, a house we could afford, etc), about paying bills (always on time, good credit score, but does it matter), saving for retirement (lost our fannies). It has been so frustrating to be responsible lately when the only thing that is publicized is the “rewards” for being irresponsible. So I will continue to scrimp and save to pay for what I have, and bail out the people that had the kids I wanted, the house I wanted and all the meals out, clothes and vacations I wanted.
AAAAAAARRRRRHHHHHHHH! I will be the “responsible” one working late tonight to make sure I can keep my job.
I am SO with you on Natalie Suleman. Weird and freaky!
Just as an aside, Kate didn’t have ivf. She used injectables with iui, which is how she ended up with the 6. Big diff between that procedure and the one Suleman had, which I consider to be completely irresponsible (the insertion of 6 embryos). It pretty much violates every bit of professionalism a fertility specialist might purport to possess.
I live in the same town as the Duggars and let me tell ya – everyone around here thinks they’re loopy, too. Very, very nice people but it is possible to be nice AND crazy. My God, your description of your uterus’s reaction – I actually stopped breathing for a short period of time! This justifies my love love love for you!
WHY CAN’T I GET THIS POST TO STUMBLE?!I have tried 6 times to put it on my stumbleupon page and it isn’t recording it. It hasn’t been stumbled yet AND THE WORLD NEEDS TO READ THIS POST. Even if they disagree with it (and I do a little) it is one of the most hilarious things I have read!
Are you having problems with stumbleupon? Can you stumble it? CAN ANYONE ELSE GET IT TO WORK? I am very frustrated and apologize “for yelling”
and why is my post coming up anonymous? my blog link isn’t inserting. it’s me, kristi from ravens. That crazy woman that emails you all the time.
First stumbleupon and now this, I am beginning to think I broke the internet today.
Dunno, Kristi and Loralee-I can’t get it to stumble either, which is a shame. Anybody else want to try and give it a go?
Polygamy hair. You had me at polygamy hair.
I remember when I was little, a woman in our church had her 5th child. My dad (the pastor!) said being birthed by her must be like a water slide… :)
Rant-tazzly! Enjoyed every moment!
I’ve been sitting on this one since the news hit. I watch Bill O’Reilly freak out over it and I have questions before I can really dive into it. Like, if this Suleman woman was married, and/or in a better economic situation, would we be more accepting of her decision to hire a publicist and milk this for what it’s worth? Would we judge her less harshly as we do with Jon & Kate?
I dunno. I think the doctor and the Suleman woman are both irresponsible for bring those children into a situation where she may be teetering on the brink of not being able to provide for them, whether it be with quality time, the basic necessities of life or protecting them from exploitation.
Seems to me? Bitch needs a psychiatrist.
p.s. I need spellcheck – ugh.
p.p.s. Good job tackling this whole shamozzle.
p.p.p.s. I was able to Stumble It for ya.
p.p.p.p.s. That totally reminds me of Culture Club. “I’ll tumble for ya…”
p.p.p.p.p.s. I’m a dork.
p.p.p.p.p.p.s. You knew that.
Best headline ever.
First time reader when a friend sent me the link.
Must say I agree with your well-thought assessment of each of the families you talked about. I live in Iowa so the McCaugheys were quite the news but you’re right, they got the house, vehicle and college educations (from a private college, not the state I don’t think) at first but from then on I think they’re trying to keep it all on the down low.
I have four and there are days I feel guilty have my oldest son babysit even paying him because I was the oldest “built in babysitter”.
Anyway, but you’re right, there are some issues of responsibility here. And her Suleman chick loving those kids doesn’t put food in their mouths. Despite her assurances to the contrary, bankruptcy, workman’s comp and the like does trickle down the the rest of us. I do get the vibe in the interviews she’s hoping for a financial windfall from this and part of my hopes she gets it for two reasons: 1 is that bad choices aside those kids are here now and somebody’s gotta feed ‘em and 2, if some corporate entity wants to feed those kids than maybe I won’t have to because I’m trying to take care of my own four.
Adding you to my Reader, you’re fab and I commend you for the 3 hours it must have taken to write this post, THAT is dedication!!
OMG, I have been wanting to blog about this but haven’t yet. Part of me doesn’t want to give her anymore attention. I also haven’t processed all of my thoughts about her. I am so disturbed. I just cannot imagine what psycho implanted her with so many eggs? Thanks for bringing this up. The Duggars, how does anyone smile that much? It cannot always be unicorns and butterflies.
Here I am, back as promised. …Yes, I know you all missed me. ;)
Regarding the McGaugheys… I had actually FORGOTTEN about them until you mentioned them. I *do* remember them now, but with all the publicity everyone else aforementioned is receiving it’s hard to remember. The fact that they’ve managed to stay pretty far out of the spotlight and try to manage their life without so much help is awesome. I realize that in that type of situation you’re going to need outside help and I’m not going to judge anyone for taking a couple handouts here and there.
Jon and Kate…. I like Jon and Kate. I do, however, agree with almost everything that’s been said here. Kate is a controlling bitch, Jon is a pushover, and Maddy… If my kid acted like that I’d have CPS called on me every night for the screams (but they’d likely be *mine* lol) I don’t know a lot about the situation that got them with 8 kids, but this is what I *think* I get from it: They had twins, and I don’t remember if they had fertility treatments for the twins. Then they decided that they wanted one more and rather than keeping up on trying for a set amount of time, they just went for treatments. While I don’t agree with that, I’m also not exactly the most patient person in the world, and when it comes to completing your family, that’s a pretty big thing to wait for.
And – I wholeheartedly agree with the statement about crying and rocking in the corner if I had 8 kids too… So, whatever works for them. Yeah, I think that they’re milking the fact that they’ve got 8 kids for a little more than it’s worth, but whatever works.
The Duggars. Considering that they have maintained this lifestyle (prior to TLC giving them a show) with no help (as far as I know) I’m trying not to judge too harshly.
But. I don’t know how it is that I’ve never heard them compared like this before – but allow me to introduce the comparison. They remind me of the “Every Sperm is Sacred” family on Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.
I don’t agree with the way that they have to run their household with the older kids being SO responsible for the younger ones, but if that’s how it’s gotta work for them… Ugh.
The Sulemans. This entire situation disgusts me. Absolutely makes me physically ill.
I live in a small, kind of white-trashy town in Oklahoma. Don’t get me wrong, there are PLENTY of respectable, responsible members of society here, but it really seems like we’ve got more than our fair share of drug addicted, ill fit families for such a small town.
That being said, I see families on a daily basis who are leaching off the system – people who are FULLY capable of living their lives and supporting themselves with NO outside help. These people just refuse. And DHS (Dept of human services) lets them. It disgusts me. It REALLY REALLY REALLY fucking bothers me.
So, when I hear about a woman that’s already leaching off the system with her 6 kids going for more? I really want to go on a rampage. And I’ve got *just enough* pregnancy rage to do so.
Anyway. I can feel my blood pressure rising and the steam is about to come pouring out my ears, so I should stop for now. I might or might not be back to elaborate. But for now, just know that I’m pissed.
Okay…weird comment on the Suleman octuplets but no one has said whoe the father is….he isn’t ready to “come forth”. I SERIOUSLY have questioned if the dumb doctor is also the sperm bank! What if the doctor is some freak with it all too?!? That is the ONLY thing that I can think of that would motivate a doctor to help with this!
As for the one child of hers that is autistic. If she has 1 that is autistic, chances are at LEAST 1 of the 8 will be autistic. I do not think she is capable of caring for that many children. To even just hold each new baby 45 minutes would take up 6 hours of your day! Add to that having to take care of 6 other children. You also have to feed, change and bathe all babies.
I would like to believe I am a good mom, or at least try to be. I love my children. I actually think having TWINS would be fun…Triplets or higher – I would run away screaming!
I have problems conceiving. We have only been blessed with 2 children and in order to conceive any more we most likely will have to do IVF or IUI. We have not went forth with any of that because I want to have a high chance of conception if I do it, yet I don’t think I could handle 4 or 6 children on top of my 2.
I NEVER think that the state should step in and take children unless needed but in this case, I think they need to do a SERIOUS evaluation and make sure that these 8 innocent babies are put into a situation of harm. I worry…a lot about this. How often do you hear about the 6 children at home? All you ever hear her say is how she loves her babies. I fear this is a lady that loves babys and neglects children!!!
Honey, I really could not have said it better myself!!!!!
I am SO TOTALLY with you on every single thing in this post!
You know the Duggars claim that they are having those kids to glorify G-D. You know I would have SO MUCH RESPECT for them if they would just take in foster kids and adopt them. Don’t these foster kids need to know about G-D? I find the Duggars INCREDIBLY SELFISH on so many levels. Did they ask their older kids if it was ok to with them to help raise the younger ones? Do the kids get to go to footballs games and prom, or just be kids and have fun? No they are cooking, working and doing the parents job. It is very wrong.
I just have no words about the Suleman case because that woman is just plan crazy!
I have so many thoughts on this, but I can’t get past “polygamy hair.” You killed me.
Maybe I don’t have much to say as I pretty much agree with EVERYTHING you said.
The woman is batshit delusional. In her interview, she makes herself sound like some sweet saint that didn’t have a great start, so she wanted to “fix” the circle of life and create a happy and loving home. Um, how about this: Get yourself a puppy. Having 14 kids to fill an emotional void and correct any wrong doings made by your parents is insane. It’s beyond stupid and utterly selfish.
P.S. The Duggars have ecstasy laced in their drinking water.
P.P.S. God did not intend for Michelle Duggar’s va-ja-ja to become a clown car, no matter what she tells you.
P.P.P.S. Tater-Tot casserole is NOT good.
P.P.P.P.S. No Mom, my polish hips aren’t going to make me the next Michelle Duggar, so quit asking.
Okay, I tried to get through the whole thing, but pretty much stopped when I got to the part about “Polygamy Hair”. Mainly because I fell out of my hair laughing. Seriously, it absolutely IS polygamy hair! It’s so gross! And those DRESSES? Seriously, throw on a potato sack why don’t you?