Dear cute college boy with a green backpack and cool hair that I ran into in the hallway of the student center of Utah State University after my blogging lecture to an awesome online journalism class (hi, awesome online journalism class!!) and TOTALLY VOMITED ON because I didn’t QUITE make it to the ladies room:
Um…yeah…sorry about that.
Sincerely,
The old, vomiting, pregnant chick who spewed on you
P.S. I am totally embarrassed.
P.P.S. If it is any consolation, your jeans and shoes probably got a better deal than my scarf and hair.
P.P.P.S. Although the fact that it wasn’t your vomit probably made it a bit more icky for you, huh?
P.P.P.P.S. It probably didn’t help that it was almond-biscotti-decaf-coffee-barf, either.
P.P.P.P.P.S. On the plus side, I’m pretty confident that there there is no sin regarding coffee consumption by barf osmosis category in the Mormon church, so you can put away your ‘For the strength of the youth” pamphlets and stop clutching your CTR ring in horror.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok, that was rude and assumptive of me. Just some lighthearted mocking going on from a wayward heathen with no real malice. Besides, there is no certainty that you were a Mormon. And I can’t say that you were ACTUALLY wearing a CTR ring, although you WERE wearing a Brigham Young University sweatshirt, which is a fairly good indicator of LDS status.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And, HEY! At least the sweatshirt of The Lord was unscathed from demon coffee-barf! (I think) So, hallelujah n’ stuff!!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Which leads me to wonder why you were wearing a BYU sweatshirt on the campus of Utah State, anyway? Are you a bitter BYU reject who is in Logan as a second choice? LAME. We don’t need BYU cast offs, dude!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok, again- that was rude and further assumptive of me. Although, I totally stand by my Aggie pride! I mean, I turned down BYU and went to Utah State and look at the bloggity awesomeness I have become!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. In fact, I’ll take on any BYU blogger any day of the week! Bring them on, yo! I’ll crush them!!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Fuck. I forgot about Dooce.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Um…never mind?
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Not only does Dooce TOTALLY kick my flabby, bloggity ass (I have the muscle tone of head cheese) but I am also fairly confident that she could break me in half with her pinky if she wanted to.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I’m freakishly weak.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Plus, I have a bad back.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And?
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I’m a total realist about my weaknesses and failures.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Great.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P,P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Now I’m thinking about all my weaknesses and failures, dammit.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. It’s all your fault, cute, barfed on, college boy!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Thanks to you, I’m now bitter!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And feeling failure-ish!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And nauseated!!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Umm…If you’ll excuse me?
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I think I’m going to go hurl. I’ll try to miss your shoes.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. (A møøse once bit my sister….)
Filed under: 
PLEASE tell me someone gets that last bit.
P.S. I know. Lots of “Letters” lately.
P.P.S. And post scripts.
P.P.P.S. It’s a curse.
P.P.P.P.S. Sigh.
I’m not much of a movie person.
ps-lately anyway.
pps-meaning since kids.
pps-unless you count animated.
ppps-I don’t think that’s a movie you’d quote in this situation, so I’ll go back to my lurking now.
no, seriously! (and damn, how do you do the o’s with slashes through them)
Holy Grail is the best movie ever. Especially when you listen to the directors commentary while watching it.
Barfing, however, does not. Sorry cute college student. Lemme buy you a coffee to make up for my bloggy friend’s weak stomach. Oh, wait, maybe I shouldn’t tempt you with caffeinated beverages…
Oh, NOES! You poor thing.
P.S. OF COURSE I got the Monty Python reference! :)
Monty Python’s Holy Grail, darling.
And ew. Glad it was some young handsome boy you puked on and not me.
Yeah, but he totally didn’t have nipple rings. Which was a complete let down.
If you puked on me, I’d collect it and sell it on eBay for big bucks.
What. You couldn’t swallow it?
*what do you mean? african or european swallow?*
Well, as you were on your way to the ladies’ room at the time, I’d have to go with Yer-a-peein’.
*The producers of this comment have been sacked.*
I’d didn’t get the reference, but GOOGLE did, so there is hope for mankind.
And hey, I know I’m not a threat, but I AM a BYU blogger.
You know? I totally love you guys. Seriously. You can always count on the dudes who hang out here for a giggle.
@Jane:
You. Me. The parking lot.
I’ll thumb wrestle you for college awesomeness.
(Ok, you may totally win. Freakishly weak includes my thumbs, unfortunately. Sigh.)
One more note in general due to snarky email I just received: I am not saying I am the queen of awesome blogging or anything superfantastic.
BUT.
Since I don’t play sports, and really don’t even LIKE sports, and have relatively little talent outside of the opera and blogging arenas, I had to have SOME way to represent for USU. I couldn’t very well issue an internet throw down about Italian arias, now could I?
thanks, you just made me pee my pants
p.s. I’m in bed
p.p.s. Do you know how hard it is to get out of bed when you’re this pregnant?
p.p.p.s. and these were clean sheets
p.p.p.p.s. do you know how hard it its to change the sheets when you’re this round
p.p.p.p.p.s. hope you’re feeling better
p.p.p.p.p.p.s. hope someone makes you laugh so hard you pee your pants when you’re obscenely pregnant
p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s. although a mild giggle would probably do that too
meh. Dooce can bite me. Oh, I meant moose.
(deflecting the snarky emails to me, cause I totally love em)
You are funny.
And you are still on the list. Bumped up a bit cause you said Fuck.
just had to scroll up and check that you actually did say fuck.
And you did.
Phew.
On the list.
At first, I was shocked to see you commenting about gunts, then I was all oh no, she dinint when I saw the cursing. And now, I realize that I want to hang around her a lot more. You just became an idol of a sort, for me.
PS, my right thumb, though very strong, was dislocated in 10th grade and you would totally win a thumb wrestle if we went rightsies.
PPS. That was ‘hang around HERE’
PPPS. You don’t vomit due to typos, do you?
PPPPS. I’m ducking. Just in case.
PPPPPS. Does it annoy you when people do the exact same thing as you?
PPPPPPS. No really, I want to know.
@Judy Email me in three months you can have pee revenge. Of this I am certain.
@Kelly I think one of the highest compliments is being on your list of chicks you don’t want to punch in the face. Heh.
@Zoeyjane I appreciate a good curse word. I made a new year resolution to cut down when a group of innocent 4-year-olds accidentally heard me say “bastardly crack whore” because I didn’t see them standing there, but since my life has kind of gone to hell in a hand basket since then it’s not really high on my list of priorities.
And?
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So says Anne of Green Gables and her bosom friend, Diana Barry. And in my book you do NOT mess with anything those bitches say.
(Great. Reason eleventy hundred and five that I am going to hell. I just blasphemed Anne of Green Gables and bosom friend, Diana Barry. Am going to go prepare for lightning now.)
Hey, if it comes down to a rumble, I’ll totally be the 5’11″ amazon at your back. We’ll show that Lord’s university our heathen karate chop action.
(p.s. I’m glad that there are other people in the world who chose not to go to BYU even though we could have got in and rocked it if we wanted to. Some of us enjoyed wearing pajamas to class like normal college students)
You know what- just think of the whole situation as being a very very good inspiration to that young man to use birth control.
Love the Monty Python reference. I might have to watch my Holy Grail DVD later today. Such a great movie.
Dooce SUCKS, you could take her boring, LOVE ME bloggity ass on any day. In fact, I dumped her blog from my daily reading list, but kept yours, because I’m a completely devoted fan like that.
As for the throwing up, totally normal to throw up when you see/smell or feel the presence of BYU paraphernalia. It happens to me all the time and I’m not pregnant. GO UTES!!!
um, i’m just saying…if you barfed on me…i don’t know if we could still be friends.
but since it wasn’t me, i can sit back and laugh at this poor dude’s expense. hahahah.
(and obviously, i totally got the reference. love)
I have to say it again
All hail “Ralph the Wonder Llama”! Yes, I’ll be watching the movie tonight. With Gilliam and Jone’s gut busting commentary.
Post Script extreme!
…um…BYU grad blogger here…and you could kick my ass.
“you can put away your ‘For the strength of the youth” pamphlets and stop clutching your CTR ring in horror”
Where do you come up with this stu…. Oh, never mind. I know.
You continue to slay me. Who else could make a super embarrassing vomit story hilarious?
Further evidence that you *do not want to get on the cart.* hang in there.
OH! I forgot to mention than I can appreciate this from the inside of the “I shunned the Y intentionally” club and laugh and laugh and laugh. Poor boy.
Now that I think about it, I do feel slightly nauseated whenever the husband sports his ridiculous zoobie sweatshirt…
Oh my gosh! Poor college kid.
I really hope that the hurling stops, for the sake of everyone in Utah that you might across.LOL!
OMG dying!!! *wipes tears*
That was the best post I’ve read in a while!
I’m pretty sure decaffeinated coffee is not going to get you in trouble with your religion. Although, the kid does have grounds to charge you for physically assaulting him. I’m not sure I could ever recover from that, personally! You could have at least aimed for the sweatshirt! Come ON!!!!!!
I’m not even pregnant and I peed a little. You’re fucking hilarious!
Oh god, I love you so hard right now!
pretty sure that set a world record for p.s.’s on a blog. YOU RULE!!!
hehe.
you are funny and an awesome blogger.
Oh my god, that was hilarious. At least you’re laughing about it. The sweatshirt must have been what subconsciously pushed you over the edge.
Dude. That was a whole lot of P’s.
Whoa!
Far too much info!!!
“Far too much info!!!”
You’re new around here, huh? (hee)
My bloggity boundaries are not for everyone, I know.
Oh noes. That poor boy will never get married now.
Responding to Loralee in the comments: “bastardly crack whore.” Oh, I just about died laughing reading that. If it makes you feel any better, I was talking on my cell to my friend and I called her a “slutbag whoreface bitch.” She laughed. The sweet Southern girl next to me did not.
OMG, you barfed on a poor college kid? That is too freaking funny.
Now why didn’t you snap a photo in the process? Geeze shows how committed I mean psycho) you are about your blogging… LOL
I remember when I threw up in my girlfriend’s mouth while we were making out. Well, she’s not my girlfriend anymore, she broke up with me after that.
Actually, none of that ever happened. I just made it up cause it was funny… it was funny right?
Puking in public, so fun. I remember with my first pregnancy, having my husband pull over on the side of the road in a nice neighborhood. I was puking on someones grass in front of their big picture window. I don’t know if anyone saw me, but boy wouldn’t that be fun if someone looked out their window and saw that.
OK that was the funniest post I’ve read this month.
Sorry its at the cute college boy’s expense – that makes it more funny tho.
Oh, and I thought my 13 yo barfing on a car next to us in a parking lot was bad. Hubs just moved the car and they watched the owner come out and step in it before she realized her passenger door was dripping.
Eww. You win!! :)
[...] This is both ICK! and totally funny. That poor college kid. [...]
I hate to throw up, so I don’t one of the lucky ones I guess!
That was really good for me…
I know this is not very Christ-like, but if the dude was wearing a BYU sweatshirt on the campus of MY Utah State University, he deserved to be puked on. Do not feel remorse, L! I hope that you soaked him good!
You are so frickin’ weird and hysterical. I heart you.
This is awesome onine journalism class saying hi back! Thanks for the shout out!
PS yes i am completely aware that this is two days behind but what can you expect from me a busy college student that barely has time to eat?
PPS i published something in the statesman and in my magnificently mundane blog, which hopefully won’t be mundane for too much longer, and posted the article. i would really like your thoughts if you can get a minute to read over it.
PPPS thanks for coming in and talking to us. you were great, even though you think you sucked it up :)
PPPPS i hope poor puke guy finds your blog apology
PPPPPS why am i still awake… it’s 440 am and I have class in three hours. CRAP!
Jon
Yay! Someone from USU commented! I feel all super special inside!
Sure, I’d love to take a look at what you wrote…I’m assuming that this links back to your blog.
If it’s any consolation, I’ve been awake since 3 am, but unlike you, I can take a nap today. (That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, huh.) :)
Dood, freakin’ lols. :P