It’s a boy.
Healthy? Yes.
Vagina? No.
I’m a cluster of emotion right now. (Thank goodness I have cupcakes.)
Please don’t feel hurt if I didn’t call or email to tell the news personally. Frankly, I decided after two phone calls to just post it here and not further subject people to what I’m feeling right now. It would be a hell of a pressure to feel like I had to make me feel better right now. Because really? No one wants to try to make up kumbaya-esque bonding songs about penises to help me look on the bright side as I’m sobbing and snotting out that it’s a boy.
I am not going to pretend to be one of those parents who rise above it all and pretend that it doesn’t matter as long as my baby is healthy. (Do I really HAVE to qualify here that that is the most essential thing or how nuts I am over my boys and boys in general? Good, I didn’t think so.)
It mattered to me very much. I knew it would, as did everyone within a 5-foot radius of me also did, but even I underestimated how this would feel.
I wanted a daughter.
A girl.
My Lily.
It would have helped a lot of things right now.
This is our last child and I am being sledghammered with the reality that I’ll never have daughter.
it’s profoundly difficult and sad for me.
I will have a lot of time later to rejoice in my son.
Right now?
I just want to mourn my daughter.
You have every right to feel what you’re feeling.
It’s okay.
I didn’t find out the sex with either child, opting to be surprised. Because of the high risk and Factor V making my life so hellish with my second, I decided to have my tubes tied.
In the delivery room, the doctor said “It’s a boy” and it took my breath away. I though I was having a girl, based on how different the two pregnancies were.
I took a month or two to accept that there would be no girls. However, I came to realize that I was meant to just have the two boys.
It’s understandable how you feel. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting a girl and being disappointed that you’re not.
I wept huge fat snotty tears when my ultrasound said girl. Turns out, it was exactly the right thing. But I totally get where you’re at right now. PS: Lily is a great name. And maybe you’ve got a little foster baby coming your way later?
Oh sweetie. I know how you feel. With Nathan I had really hoped for a girl, and was a little sad when he turned out to be a boy.
Now? I cannot imagine life without him. You will love your boy the same, but take the time to mourn the dream.
Love you.
When I was pregnant with the youngest, I wanted another boy, but that was my mother-daughter issues – I did not want a girl. Now, 4 years later, I wonder. I hope that feeling doesn’t stay with you long.
Glad to hear health is good. That’s a huge blessing. xoxo
Loralee, I get it. On many levels. I have two boys and we didn’t find out before either were born what sex they were. I have mourned not having a daughter for the last 4.5 years…there was on and off about rying for one more but we aren’t going to.
It’s hard but you will mourn now and then when he’s born perfect and beautiful, you will rejoice!
De-lurking to comment..
I completely understand what you’re feeling. No one has the right to make you feel bad over the way you’re feeling. It will pass, I’m sure, but it’s a sort of grieving process and you have to get through it.
Oh Loralee…I’m sorry that you are sad. It’s great that you have this time to mourn your daughter, take all the time that you need. :) That’s why we have ultrasounds!
I’m sorry that you’re not getting your girl. :( I understand completely. My first is a boy and when I was pregnant with #2, I went out of my way not to find out what I was having. I was afraid I’d be disappointed if I found out I was having another boy and thought the surprise would be easier (how can you not be anything less than thrilled when a baby – boy or girl – is placed in your arms?)
Big hugs to you.
Hugs to you, babe.
I think many, many moms have experienced exactly what you are feeling right now. Don’t feel guilty. So glad to know the baby is healthy..that rocks. Hugs to you Loralee…and thank God for cupcakes.
Lily is a beautiful name—it reminds me of The Secret Garden, and her hazel eyes and whatever else that song was talking about. I’m sorry you don’t get to use it.
Chin up darling. I know you are hurting.
Losing that girl you dreamed of is a big deal so cry all those tears now. Because once that baby boy is placed in your arms, you won’t have time to feel the sorrow of a lost dream.
My heart hurts because I know how much you wanted a girl, yet I am so profoundly thrilled to know all is good with the baby.
Just as I imagine you must feel.
I love you doll face.
I think it’s pretty brave to admit that you are disappointed (at the very least) that you are not having a girl. I’m so sorry. Give yourself some time to absorb it all.
<3 u
Sending lots of hugs your way. We found out that our second was also a boy thanks to needing an emergency amnio. I too had my dreams of mother/daughter bonding crushed and with the hormones cried for days. Enjoy your cupcakes and please have one for all of the rest of us that have been there with you before.
Oh shit!
shit
shit
shit
I was crossing my fingers for you!
I am sending good vibes, not happy ones, just good ones! We got your back girl and you cry about all of it here!
My sister said this to me the other day, and I think it fits perfectly here, too:
It’s OK to feel sad.
*hugs*
But I am rejoicing that you and the baby are healthy. I know you are, too.
*more hugs*
Sorry, dear. I would be disappointed in your shoes too.
I admire people who are unapologetic for how they feel. You get to feel how you feel. You own those feelings.
I wish you a healthy pregnancy. There will be time for happiness yet.
I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
I think you’re brave for sharing your feelings.
I cried when I found out my first was a boy. So I kinda get what you’re saying. I echo what the other posters are saying — it’s definitely OK to feel sad, and you are very brave to be upfront about this.
(hugs hugs hugs)
I’m really sorry Loralee. I know how much you wanted a girl. I love you. I also love that you aren’t being fake about your feelings.
<3
Oh honey, I know exactly what you are feeling. When I found out that I was having a boy, I cried so hard on the US table that the tech alerted the doctor, and they made me see a psychologist because they were afraid I would harm myself or the child. I wanted a girl so badly, so I know exactly where you are coming from.
I think this is so much more common than people admit. I do! You have a right to feel this way. You do. It doesn’t mean you’ll love your son any less, it just means you’re mourning what could have been. I get that.
xoxo
*hugs*
I really wanted a girl for you. :( I’m so sorry, sweety. Go aheadand grieve, it’s your right.
*hugs* That’s one of the reasons I so desperately want to try for another, but I’m afraid. I want a girl so bad, I don’t want my heart to hurt if it’s another boy.
I understand. Mom of three boys myself. And if I kept having babies? I’d keep having boys.
But you know what? My husband and his mother have an incredible relationship. That has made it easier. I just wanted a daughter so I could have the kind of relationship I have with my mom.
The thing about boys too…they LOVE their mamas.
Hang in their sweet cheeks. You know there are a lot of hormones swimming around in there right now too. Besides, as my husband likes to say, “no weddings to pay for.”
*smooches*
Ugh I used the wrong spelling of there in my comment.
I hate that!! Please pardon my lapse in grammar.
There are little girl babies that come to this world every day that need a good mom – and didn’t get one in the lottery of available mom’s. And they’re out there waiting for a good mom to come along and say, “Come along. I’ve been looking for you. I will be your Good Mom.”
Have your son. Birth him and nurse him and get him started. And then go find your daughter.
I know it must have been hard to voice this, knowing that people might judge you. But I can wholly sympathize. I have two boys and am FINE with two kids but absolutely achingly wish I had a daughter–but I’m so scared of the pressure I would put on myself if “went for a girl”.
With all you are going through and all you have been through, I think it’s totally understandable that you’re disappointed. I’m glad he looks healthy- hope you’re doing better with the vomiting and all the other pregnancy complications. Hugs to you.
I understand completely, totally and wholly. You have my address and Facebook, if you fell like venting, I am around.
XOXO
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I’m sorry Loralee. I wish I knew something to say, to help you feel better.
Can I also echo Iceel? I know it is SO not what you want to hear right now, but maybe it’s possible there is a future girl out there meant for you.
I completely understand. Been there.
xxx
sorry, um, not been there with all the hell you are going through on so many other levels. Didn’t mean to sound so insensitive. What I meant was – been there with mourning the daughter you will never have, and I understand that. I’ll be quiet now.
xx
Just hugs babe. Lots and lots of them.
Thinking of you with big hugs in my heart.
Oh, I was so hoping for a girl for you! I can’t imagine how disappointed you feel. And you shouldn’t have to justify your feelings to anyone. You’re human for crying out loud, you’re allowed to have your sadness about this. Many hugs to you Loralee.
They do have surgeries for that type of thing. (S)he would never know.
Awe, sorry to hear that. We are finding out the sex of ours on the 29th and I am hoping for a boy… I suspect I’ll feel the same as you if it is a girl. We could trade… I am kidding!
I agree with Iceel. Mourn the loss of a daughter right now, but know that one day you’ll find her. She’ll have three older brothers to love her and another to watch over her.
I cried when I found out we were having a boy. Already had 2 boys. I wouldn’t believe it until, well, until he was born. Then there was no mistaking it. One year later, we became guardian to my 13-year old niece. And over the next several years, I became very, very grateful for my boys. ;-) I still feel guilty about wanting my CJ to be a girl, but you know what? He is exactly who he was meant to be. Mine.
I think you should still call him Lily.
I’m with Nooncy. Lily it is! ;)
Anyway, in all seriousness, I’m sorry. When I first found out I was pregnant this time around, the way the pregnancy felt SO DIFFERENT than my last, I was CERTAIN that I was having a boy. And I was NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. Of course, first and foremost I wanted a happy, healthy baby – hell, I’d settle for a pissed off but healthy baby. But I did NOT want a boy.
This will be our last child as well, and I have *actually* been called a failure as a wife and mother for not giving my husband and his name a son. I *actually* almost got into a fist fight with a 50 year old MAN over this. People are so weird.
Anyway – all I’m saying is that I understand where you’re coming from, in that you don’t want a boy. OF COURSE we know that you want a healthy baby, and certainly will be thrilled when he is born, but for now it’s perfectly okay to shed those tears for the pink ribbons that just aren’t meant to be.
I’m so sorry, babe.
I’m sorry, we all know how much you wanted a girl. I have 3 boys, and had been hoping for a girl with the last 2, but, nope, all boys for me. There’s no doubt that you love this child, boy or not, and that’s the most important thing. It’s perfectly fine to be sad that you’re not having a girl. You are, and will continue to be, a wonderful mother to your children.
Oh I want to give you a big ole fat hug! You have every right to mourn not having a girl on tons of different levels. I know you’ll love this boy so much when he is here!
It’s okay to mourn. And all the cliches will be true in the end – that you’ll be head over heels in love with your baby, that you’ll love being the princess in your house, etc. But even though you know those things will eventually come true, it’s okay to be sad now, to feel loss over what you won’t have but wanted. It’s okay. You’re still a good mom. You’re still a good person.
Of course it goes without saying that you’ll love this boy to pieces regardless- but that fact doesn’t take away the sadness at knowing you’ll never have something you desperately long for. I’m so sorry. I think it might be good that you know now rather than waiting though- so you have plenty of time to come to terms rather than getting surprised in the delivery room and having that disappointment on top of the usual post-partum roller coaster. So sorry