It’s a boy.
Healthy? Yes.
Vagina? No.
I’m a cluster of emotion right now. (Thank goodness I have cupcakes.)
Please don’t feel hurt if I didn’t call or email to tell the news personally. Frankly, I decided after two phone calls to just post it here and not further subject people to what I’m feeling right now. It would be a hell of a pressure to feel like I had to make me feel better right now. Because really? No one wants to try to make up kumbaya-esque bonding songs about penises to help me look on the bright side as I’m sobbing and snotting out that it’s a boy.
I am not going to pretend to be one of those parents who rise above it all and pretend that it doesn’t matter as long as my baby is healthy. (Do I really HAVE to qualify here that that is the most essential thing or how nuts I am over my boys and boys in general? Good, I didn’t think so.)
It mattered to me very much. I knew it would, as did everyone within a 5-foot radius of me also did, but even I underestimated how this would feel.
I wanted a daughter.
A girl.
My Lily.
It would have helped a lot of things right now.
This is our last child and I am being sledghammered with the reality that I’ll never have daughter.
it’s profoundly difficult and sad for me.
I will have a lot of time later to rejoice in my son.
Right now?
I just want to mourn my daughter.
I’m so sorry Loralee. I’m glad that your little guy is healthy, but I can’t imagine your disappointment. It’s okay to mourn. Just a little glimmer though, ultrasounds HAVE been known to be wrong.
I have three boys and, although I didn’t find out the gender throughout the pregnancies, each time I hoped it would be another boy and was secretly relieved when it was. I say ‘secretly’ because, each time, everyone around me was frantically hoping it would be a girl… For me, for them? I don’t know. But I do know that their hopes were dashed each time and, although mine weren’t, I felt so bad for them. Bad that I couldn’t ‘give’ my husband a daughter, ‘give’ my father a grandaughter…
Your sentiments come from the deepest and sincerest of places.
Long, warm hugs to you.
Vx
You are very brave for expressing your feelings. I think MANY woman feel this way but wont say it out loud!
Although he isn’t a Lily, conrgats to you and your family. He’s going to be awesome!
When I found out our second was a son, I cried. I knew, in my heart, he was my girl. I had to mourn the loss of my daughter before I could celebrate the fact of my son. It felt like she had died – I had so many dreams for her, she was so real.
I love my son, and I went on to have two more (four boys, total, no girls). Sam was the only one that affected me that way, because I had so many plans for ‘her’.
I’m so very sorry you ‘lost’ your girl, I still cry over mine (and she was never real anywhere except my mind!)
Chris
By the way, I love my boys and wouldn’t change a thing.
Big hugs to you, Loralee. I completely understand and really admire your honesty. I get it. I really do. We’re still deciding about the 3rd and I really know Bill wants a boy — and I do too, though they scare me! — but I’m not sure whether the unknown of not having another baby is better than the disappointment should we have another girl.
I agree with what some of the other posters said about the fact that there still may be the possibility of a daughter in the future through other means. That probably seems a remote possibility right now, but just remember that we have no idea what the future holds. A year ago I couldn’t have guessed where I’d be now. And a year from now you’ll be in a completely different place too, holding the sweetest chubbiest little cherub anyone has ever seen. A little chub who will be adored by all your readers, who will beg for pictures of him daily. :)
Well, there’s always a chance the ultrasound was wrong!!! If not delete this post before your son is old enough to read it!! lol
Sorry your hopes & dreams of a daughter were dashed :(
Hang in there…
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to want something that badly and not get it.
I understand that you will love your son, and that’s wonderful. It’s to be expected. But right now, it’s just as fine to be mourning the loss of a daughter you wanted so badly.
Take your time to be sad. *hugs*
and mourn is the right word. I sobbed through the end of the ultrasound. I wanted my Katelyn Emilee. I had to mourn not getting her.
advice – DO NOT go looking for baby clothes or scrapbook stuff. it won’t help.
doooooood. (leave it to craig to say something hilarious!)
i’m sorry. i know how much you wanted a girl.
honestly, maybe this is god talking to you. he knows you can handle a boy and that there is no way in hell jon could manage a girl?
LOL – ok, maybe not.
crap, i left out the hugs. HUGS.
I’m sorry, hon. :( *squishy hugs*
I totally understand how you are feeling babe.
And it is TOTALLY OK.
Those people that say ‘I don’t care as long as it is healthy’ make me want to punch them in their smug little faces.
It is perfectly OK to be disappointed. We all know you will love that baby with every ounce of your being.
Sending you a huge hug across the ocean.
<3
SO sorry you’re hurting, dahlin’.
I specifically got my ultrasound b/c I didn’t want to be disappointed by the sex when s/he was born.
(((HUGS)))
Wait, is it time for the anger stage of grieving yet? Can we blame Jon? ;)
I’m sorry babe, relieved that baby is okay (my heart skipped a little when I read your twitter), but sorry.
I burst into tears when I found out my second was a boy. I wasn’t dying for a girl but I couldn’t stand the thought of having another wild child like my son. Turns out personality has more to do with it than gender. My 2nd? He is the light of my life these days. Now that I’m pregnant with boy #3, even strangers apologize about me not having a girl and my in-laws are devistated. Personally I wanted another boy because at least I know what I’m getting. And as trite as it sounds, you really get what we need. Which sucks right now. :-(
Sending you some e-love. Honoring your mourning, and blessing your new son. He’s a lucky little dude to have you for a mom.
xo
p.s. Just sent you a friend req on FB. :-)
Oh dear. My Lillian was a boy too and I know exactly the disappointment you’re feeling. So sorry.
You don’t have to pretend with us here. We know how important that little girl was to you. Take your time to mourn her loss.
Then, when you are ready, we will be there for you to talk about all things “boy” and his wonderful healthy everything.
I’m sorry that you didn’t get the news you wanted on this. It’s more than okay to have a preference.
You have been so sad lately. I hope that when you are done being pregnant and sick that your life starts to look up. Plus, you are scaring me about getting pregnant!
Oh…Loralee I am so sorry. I agree with Mrs Wilson though. When my mom was pregnant with my sister they told her she was having a boy. The baby shower was all boys stuff. We were all very surprised when it turned out to be a girl. My poor sister had to wear boys clothing for the first 4 months.
Take all the time you need to mourn.
I have 3 little boyz. And couldn’t imagine my life without them.
But she would have been named Lydia (each time). The little girl I’ll never have.
I know how you feel.
Haven’t quite been there yet myself, but I can sympathize.
Even with one of each, I totally get it.
And you are ok and nobody thinks any less of you…hugs…be sad and then be happy…
We know….
I was a bit sad when Adam was Adam..mainly because I had grown up surrounded by boys..but he is my gentle soul…
Caity was a surprise…and while yes I can dress her up and brush her hair (sometimes)..I honestly cannot see her being as close to me as Adam.
But again..totally understand.
This time I don’t want a boy because I really don’t want him to replace Scott.
@Crunchy.
You have nailed one of the proverbial nails on the head, so to speak.
It definitely goes into my list of why having a girl was so important to me. I don’t want another boy. Matthew was my baby boy, you know?
Plus, the sheer worry after this one is born is not going to be easy. Having it be another boy is going to be brutal.
Plus, plus?
I’m lonely.
It’s really lonely being in a house of all boys.
Plus,plus, plus? In so many ways? My life is a list of “Things I need to make the best of”. I know everyone has things like this, but mine is a little overwhelming when you stack them all together. I was hoping this would be different.
Bah. I could go on all day, I suppose. I know that there are a million people who have it worse. I can HAVE children, I am not living in a mud puddle in Africa and have a roof, food, and a family. People have it worse. However, loads of people have it a hell of a lot better, too.
I suppose if we walked around comparing our pain to other people’s we’d never feel like we had a right to feel sorrow, right?)
I’m just really sad. It does not even come close to losing an actual child,(Please god don’t let that happen again) but it is honestly in the same kind of realm-if that makes sense. I’ve dreamed of this kid for years and she’s gone.
Gah. This comment is longer than my post, huh?
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive and kind and understanding about all this.
And to those who may NOT be supportive? THANK YOU for keeping your opinions to yourself. I have not had one moment of asshattary regarding this and I really, deeply appreciate it.
Oh, that’s tough.
I wanted and had a girl the first time, and wanted and had a girl the second. I had 9 nephews before my first daughter was born, and just wasn’t interested in having a boy. If I had a third, I would want another girl. I’ve had friends say the same when they gave birth to their 3rd sons.
A sister-in-law of mine spent tens of thousands of dollars on gender selection techniques trying to have a girl after her 3rd son was born. She had a 4th son. A few years later, she adopted a daughter.
You can still have a daughter if that’s what you feel you want. It worked for the Sis.
Regardless, I think looking down at a healthy baby of any gender is a reward. I don’t have a third of any gender because my husband died and I’m a bit too aged to risk another pregnancy. I understand your disappointment, but you’ll be nothing but happy and relieved when your next little guy makes it into the world whole and healthy.
When I found out I was pregnant with my third child, I cried for months because I did not want to be pregnant again. Not that I didn’t want the child, I just didn’t want to be pregnant. Then, when I got over that, I was so sure I was having a boy that I gave away all the girl clothing I had for #2, and only picked out a boy’s name. So, instead of Eric Andrew, we welcomed Emily Ann into our family. She was naked for the first 6 months.
She is now 33 years old, and we do not have a good mother daughter relationship. We never did. She is and always has been a difficult child. Yes, I said it. Yes, I mean it, too. I still love her, but we just don’t have the relationship I would like for us to have.
Having a girl child will not automatically make you have a good bond, is what I am trying to say here. I understand completely how you feel, and you have every right to feel it.
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
I am sorry you are not seeing pink.
I thought my son was going to be another girl and I felt sucker punched at the ultrasound. I didn’t want a boy, I wanted another girl. My hubby’s family is awash in boys.
You have every right to feel what you feel.
I’m sorry you’re not getting your girl. :( It’s ok to mourn that fact. It’s ok to be sad. And I’m proud that you posted it honestly.
Hugs to you.
HUGS!!
I hope the cupcakes made it to you safely, I knew Kari was sending them. She’s such a good person!
They.were.so.freaking.good.
Seriously, I contemplate moving to Vegas just to be able to get them regularly with the icing in a swirl on top. MMMMM…
Hey Loralee,
Just wanting to let you know I’m sorry about your disappointing news. It’s all very understandable. I had to mourn my “daughter that never was” back in August, and there were plenty of tears for me too. Just so it’s not news later, turns out BOTH Paul and I are fertily-challenged and the likelihood of another pregnancy is VERY slim.
Love ya and hope time will do it’s work for you!
Diana
I’m pregnant with my 6th son, no daughters. I am obsessing over the ultrasounds…..it is so distinctly a boy. I want a daughter so bad :( I understand your pain, the dreams of having a little girl to show things to; to paint their nails, do their hair. I am in mourning with you…
I totally get this… I’m sorry. I know it is hard, and even though you’ll love him with all your heart, you wanted her so bad. I do too, and if I manage to get pregnant again and it’s another boy, I’ll mourn my Abby. (HUGS)
That’s how I felt about my youngest, daughter. I wanted her to be a boy. My husband is the last of his family, and now, unless my children never marry and adopt, or hyphenate their children’s names, we won’t have anymore of my family’s last name.
Plus, I wanted to have some balance in my house.
Mourn all you need. Many of us understand. And I hope you can come to terms and be happy with the son you will have to complete your family.
HUGS.
i totally wanted josh to be a girl. i thought…perfect, 2 girls 20 months apart. best friends! i didn’t find out what i was having….when they told me he was a boy after he was born, i was SHOCKED. my dreams of having another daughter shattered…but that lasted for exactly ONE MOMENT. and then i saw him.
and it was perfect. and it was how it was meant to be. OF COURSE HE WAS A BOY.
it’ll likely be that way for you. once you see him. once he’s in your arms. it’ll be how it was meant to be.
but, mourn now, love. hugs.
Well first, of course, congratulations on the healthy part. But I can also sympathize on the boy front. I watched my sister-in-law’s disappointment earlier this year when she found out she was having her third boy. Also their last child. She even had her tubes tied while the doctor was in there for the c-section. Her silver lining? Girls are daddy’s girls, but boys are mama’s boys. So she’s got three kids who, if her theory holds up, will all prefer her over their father. Ha!
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel,,,, I just found out yesterday that my 3rd and final child is another boy. I was so upset I have balled all day and night. I love my boys, don’t get me wrong, but it kills me to see them wanting to be with dad more then me. This sucks! I know I should be thankful, I am , but I cry because I fear that my boys will grow up and never look back , Like their dad did! I was so hoping I would have that sweet little girl who would become my friend when she became a lady. Oh my heart is breaking as I type…sorry… I feel for you!
Oh, I’m so sorry babe! I would feel the same way. My heart goes out to you, and I’ll pray for you tonight.
I understand totally.
My husband and I waited 14 years for our girl to arrive. Imagine our surprise when a boy was delivered! With the fertility issues, another child will not be born.
I still mourn our Lily, but it is now a fond memory not an ache. My reality of a son is by far the most wonderful truth I can experience.