Musicians are notoriously busy during the holiday season. If you are a friend of mine on Facebook, you will have seen quite a few status updates that pretty much say “Loralee is blah, blah, blah, BITCHING, blah blah, AT REHEARSAL, blah, blah, blah…” or something similar.
This week kicked off the beginning of my holiday performance season in earnest.
I am in quite a few different groups all doing different things. I enjoy all of them for different reasons. I confess that I would enjoy them more if I didn’t feel like an exhausted, fat, sick, infected and gestating whale, but I do love to sing and perform.
And usually I do it well.
All that rehearsal usually pays off.
Unless you try to perform in a room that sucks acoustically.
For a large group of people who are eating dinner.
While on large quantities of cold medication.
For a very nasty head cold.
In a bonnet that directs all the sound out of your mouth back into your stuffed up head and ear so that you really can’t hear ANYONE around you. This creates problems when you are listening for, um, cues n’ stuff from other people.
That?
Is pretty much a recipe for disaster.
It causes people in those situations to do things like start singing at the top of their voice that “WE WON’T GO UNTIL WE’VE GOT SOME!!” and cause the other 11 carolers in the group to look around in confusion BECAUSE THAT ISN’T SAID UNTIL VERSE THREE AND WE ARE STILL ON VERSE TWO AND NO ONE HAS EVEN MENTIONED THE FREAKING FIGGY PUDDING YET!
I rock, huh?
I crumpled my performance cue card into a tiny ball inside my muff in mortification and just prayed in the back of my mind that the audience would just think that it was a really complicated and random arrangement.
Ehem.
I wish I could say that was my only “Oops!” of the evening, but it wasn’t.
When you mess up in a performance it doesn’t help the quell feelings of mortification when you are sick and don’t look your best and are dressed up in Dickens period clothing. The result is that instead of looking like a ravishing Cathy wandering the moors to meet her Heathcliff, you end up looking like a less attractive version of Jane Eyre. Or maybe Grace Poole.
BEHOLD:
I know, I know. You are TOTALLY TURNED ON RIGHT NOW, AREN’T YOU???
Every time I get dressed in this get up, Jonathan takes great delight in calling me, “Ma Ingalls”.
It IS a very well made and amazing costume, but man…it can be a total PAIN.
The worst part?
The hoopskirt.
I used to watch Gone With the Wind as a kid and would dream of being Scarlett O’Hara and wearing big, belle-shaped skirts that would swish and swirl as I sipped gracefully on a mint julip on some wrap around veranda surrounded by Rhett Butler and the Tarleton twins.
Scarlett O’Hara obviously never had to shove her belle-shaped ass into a Volkswagen and drive herself around.
While I do feel quite pretty in it, the costume can cause some embarrassment in 2008 Utah.
On my way to my first performance I realized that if I did not stop and get gasoline I would end up having to whore myself out and hook the streets of Cache Valley to get home.
I was MORTIFIED. The only gas stations were right on the main thoroughfare at the peak of holiday traffic. This was not going to be pretty.
Calling my friend , Michelle, on her cell to share my mortification SHOULD have helped eased my anxiety.
Instead, it ended up causing her and her husband, John to do a honking drive by and viewing of my impersonation of Mrs. Cratchet pumping gasoline on their way to a Christmas party while John yelled out of his window, “WHAT MERRIMENT IS THIS?!”
(I have rad friends.)
I did my best “God save the Queen” wave and yelled back, “BAH! HUMBUG!!”, but he misunderstood and thought I was screaming, “EFF YOU!!!”
Understandable, given the circumstances.
My gasoline escapade ended with the stupid gas pump was beeping at me at the top of its huge, automated BEEP! that I was using an expired credit card and me turning purple with shame before shoving my massive costume back into my tiny car seat and arriving to my first performance.
I get a LOT of stares when I’m in this getup.
It’s not so bad when the 12 of us are all together. Heck, even if there’s only half of us who get there on time, it still isn’t that bad as you don’t feel like you are a dork by yourself. And the dorks I hang around and sing with are the bee’s knees and very musically gifted, so it’s way fun.
When you are dressed up and alone, it is a little embarrassing at times. The worst part is the intensely stupid feeling you get going from your car to the performance destination if other people are milling around.
Last night’s gathering was held at a restaurant in the University. While I was walking into the student center, there was a gaggle of youngsters in their 20′s moseying down the walkway. They did a double-take at my Victorian silhouette and one of them called out in a semi-sarcastic-meets-skeezy-tone: “Heeeey!!!! You going to a PPPPPAAAAARRRRTTTTYYYY????”
“Yup! I’m the stripper!”
I couldn’t help it.
Besides, I was ALMOST a Victorian, Cache Valley hooker to give me street cred, remember? With the way I’m racking up all this experience, I could totally start a business.
I totally think I scarred them for life, but it serves them right for taunting a pregnant, sinus-infected woman in a hoopskirt trying to maneuver the walkways of a university in freezing cold weather.
Most of the performance was really good and I look forward to our other engagements.
And if this whole caroling thing doesn’t work out, I at least know that I have “That other” career path to fall back on, right?
Next up: trying to find a dress to squeeze my expanding belly and bosoms into by NEXT SATURDAY for the Mezzo role in “The Messiah”.
God HELP us, every one.
P.S I am not named Tim.
P.P.S Nor am I Tiny.
P.P.P.S. Like, AT ALL.
P.P.P.P.S. SOB.
You are SO beautiful.
@PattyCake
Thank you! (Blush)
I swear I am not paying her, people. ;)
I love when you have picture posts! Hope your snuffles are better soon!
Bwah! You crack me the freak up! Seriously…
Oh, except for the part where you’re all like, “Oh, no! I look so horrible!” and then you post this picture of you looking ravishing and thus, manage to further illustrate to the “real” people of the world, that they will NEVER look that good when they’ve been bed ridden with a sinus infection and pregnant craziness, and effectively throw them into a spiral of despair. Yeah. Thanks for that.
But you did look so cute!
I think you look rather fetching in that outfit. What’s that? Oh no the barns on fire!
;-)
Seriously though I would love to hear a live clip of the caroling. I love caroling!
@Sue
YOU freaking crack ME up so I suppose we’re even. (I suppose it’s because I know that I have two cold sores and three huge zits the size of boils on the OTHER side of my face that are not showing. I’m sneaky like that.)
@ Sizzle
I’m trying to see if I can get everyone to record the arrangement we do of “The Whoo” song from “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” to post for Neil’s Christmahauhwanza (sp) thingy. It would RULE.
Didn’t someone say that you have to suffer for your art? ;)
Can I get a job with you? You know I can’t sing… so you know what I mean.
If you weren’t my cousin…
Of course you’ll have to put petrol in the car when you’re in costume, because otherwise you won’t have forgotten something and would be totally organised!
You look stunning – bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (or is that the drugs for the sinus?) Just kidding, you do look stunning, and used the first rule for photography – use the best side.
smashing costume really! but it does beg for commments while pumping gas or walking through a college campus. i think you handled them well. and as far as messing up the song…well…i’m sure the crowd was so busy noticing how awesome you looked to notice a little word flub up. and like you said you had quite a few others to cover for you! that’s what friends are for. to make fun of your clothes and cover your mistakes in front of hundreds!
I’m really surprised that you took a chance getting gas in that outfit since you have had a little trouble with that lately.
The part that got me was picturing you shoveling your huge outfit into your little car! LOL!
I would totally wear that outfit all over North Getto….I love the old look!
Should it make you feel any better, I too am donning the hoop and the bonnet with our group of 7 on the 23-25th and wandering the decked out halls of the 4 hospitals we have here in our city. I can assure you, I look nowhere near as beautiful nor sound near as beautiful…but we do it for the deaf old folks. They just turn down the hearing aids and we carry on. Maybe we should do a labour and delivery ward; those little babies would come out in record time.
You make me remember my third grade Christmas program… I had to wear a white choir gown, with a HUGE red bow tied around my neck. OK, everyone else was dressed the same way, BUT, I was chosen to step forward and sing one verse of “The Holly and the Ivy” ALL BY MYSELF! The whole thing became a blur…. my teacher, my parents, grandparents all said I did well and they were really proud of me. However, I noticed years later, that NO ONE took a picture of me in all my ‘glory?’…. go figure….
Those costumes are amazing! And you really don’t look bad-you actually look quite cute!
You are so absolutely, positively lovely. Just lovely. Dirty Old Man stuff aside, you really, really, are.
I am laughing at the Stripper comment. And with that comment you should have shown them a little ankle, just to be “risque” LOL!
You look absolutely stunning! I am sure you will find something to wear on Saturday.
sniff… sniff… I am sooo sad. I miss singing in Cache Valley with you, and being all Christmasy, and I want to dress up in cool hoop skirts and have a good reason to look like a freak in public, rather than just my normal freakishness.
That’s awesome. The beautiful costume, the story, the “rad friends” – and your humor. :)
Um, looks like you did not take pictures to match your mood. I am totally turned on, you are gorgeous in those. Thanks for sharing. (at least we can’t see the red nose)
Hee hee! Once, after a performance I got locked out of my car at the grocery store and had to sit there – inside because it was winter – and wait for someone to come help me out. Did I mention I was wearing fishnets, dancing shorts, a t-shirt, and gobs of make-up? Yeah, I was. It was a bit hooker-ish. When my mom saw me sitting there waiting she laughed and laughed. so supportive. really, it looks better on stage with other people.
And your costumes are so pretty! I wish I was caroling this year. I miss it.
my stepmom has 4 carolers come and sing at her christmas eve party every year dressed all “ma ingalls”y. the women are always complaining about having to drive in the dresses. just thinking about that makes me laugh. :)
I’m neither tiny, nor Tim, either. But at least you have a gorgeous outfit with a beautifully LINED hat to make up for it. And is it just me, or is pregnancy making your hair shiny and rich like a Pantene Pro V model? So pretty.
I know you probably won’t do this, but I am dieing to see your pregnant belly!!!
I LOVE PREGNANT WOMEN!
Ho, ho, ho. I missed the “stripper” comment on campus the other night. See – I maintain you win the clever crown! (Thanks for not soliciting John as you walked out to your car. You were probably feeling less frisky after the performance than before…)
I also meant to say something about how outrageous it was of you to flash your muff at my husband…
You look great in the costume as everyone has said, but I know you won’t believe me. Caroling in costume seems like a fun thing to do. P.S. What is it with you and gasoline fiascoes? :o) Just kidding.
“What merriment is this?” Bahahahahaha!!!!
You look great. You were singing counterpoint, not the wrong verse at all.
Oh, Loralee! You do not look one bit sick! And that costume of beautiful!! Though I CAN see where it would cause issues out and about in the modern era.
Good luck with the dress shopping!!
You may not think you look good, but if we both lived in that time period, I would be totally jealous of you. Promise.
Life was a lot less complicated for hoop skirts before fahrvergnügen.
Ma Ingalls should have looked so fabulous.
Holy Jesus Mary and Joseph Christ on a Cracker!!!!!!!!! WOMAN, you just made me laugh so hard that I totally did a dramatic head-roll and I smashed my ear into my chair. Are you happy? Are you?? Shit–LOL.
So, are you saying that you have pencils all up under that bonnet? Also? Ferris says Hi. Also, you still look hot.
I seriously laughed SO FRIGGING HARD at your “Yup – I’m the stripper!” comment that my husband thought I was going into premature labor.
After I wiped my tears away and assured him that although I may be a smite insane, I am after all fine, I read him that part of the post. He laughed pretty hard too.
Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Hi Hi
Despite being in pain due to having my wisdom teeth removed, I am in stiches (no pun intended) from this post…
… and of course you made me smile with how beautiful you are and you don’t look one bit sick.
Hugs,
Love Toni
Send me that bonnet! OMG! I want to wander around the house exclaiming ‘fiddle dee dee!’
And hopefully I will look half as purdy as you.
The Chicken was complaining about singing last night at her dress rehearsal for the singing group she is in, with a stuffy nose, I showed her what you have to dress in for your singing. She sighed and said “Please tell your friend I know exactly how she feels” So Loralee, my 10 year old empathizes with you.
I think you look awesome. Sorry about the frustrating sick-while-singing part.
I had a somewhat similar experience – the pumping gas part, but I was in medieval garb. But I was accosted by an old dude who berated me and told me I was going to hell for celebrating Halloween. Different time of year obviously. Ah well.
I think you should wear that getup to BlogHer next year…
Thank God I don’t sing in group where a costume is required, although I’ve done my share of “singing for your supper.” And it sucks. Big time.
I’m joining a choir in January and doing the Brahms Requiem, so excited!
Wish I could make it to Logan to hear your mezzo!
You look so totally hot in the costume. It’s beautiful.
I’m not sure how I stumbled upon your post, but it made me laugh so much. I have been there. I also sing with a group that dresses up in costume. Most recently, I was on my way to a show in the middle of nowhere, Wisconsin, when I realized that I would have to stop for gas…wearing a Renaissance dress.
I’ve had the cold while pregnant and trying to perform which is especially lousy because you can’t take anything strong.
And finding performance/dress clothes while pregnant? So stinks. Especially white tops & black bottoms. I was so klutzy when I was pregnant, I couldn’t keep a white top stain free for more than ten minutes.
I was in the same car as it.
How was the BREEEEZE? The WIND in your vagina?
heh.
Well, if you ever choose to let the costume follow you to your life of whoredom, can I make a nice scarlet A to pin on it?