I know, I know. Lately this blog has sort of reeked like 3-day-old milk that’s curdled up in the bottom of a cereal bowl still sitting in your sink with fossilized bits of Lucky Charm’s sticking to sides. (Wow. I just made myself hurl a little.)
I have had a lot going on.
Some good things, some bad things, some “Meh” things.
Why don’t we just do some bullet list thrown into a few categories and call it good?
THE GOOD
- I had a great time speaking to an online journalism class at USU. It was a little freaky to be speaking in a classroom I spent hours in well over a decade ago. The really ironic and hilarious thing? I went back and checked my transcripts and I got straight A’s the semester I took Online Journalism. Oh, except for THE “C” I RECEIVED IN ONLINE JOURNALISM! (HEY! Did you not hear the story about how I suck at all things computer related and just how long it took me to clue in to this whole blogging thing? How if I tinker with my template I end up randomly flushing Dick Chaney’s toilet and shutting down the power grid of San Fransisco???? Back in 1998, I was lucky to know how to turn the damn monitor on.) The professor and I had a great laugh about it, so it’s all good.
- The most important thing on the list is that we had an ultrasound of the little one and SHE (fingers crossed on getting a girl, people, fingers crossed) looks PERFECT. She’s has a strong heartbeat and everything looks really good. OK, so she also looks like a fuzzy kidney bean but it is the cutest kidney bean on the planet! (Her head is to the left.)
- I have yet to be violently sick. With my other three pregnancies I had hyperemesis to the point of hospitalizations and anti-nauseants developed for cancer patients. So? This is a very good thing.
- I start rehearsals for a Dickens-esque caroling group soon. Any time I get to sing makes me happy. Any time I get paid to sing makes me even happier.
- I was interviewed for a story about the internet in the paper that should be out today. It was a lot of fun to do and I was honored to participate.
- I think that Cache Valley in the fall has to be one of the loveliest places in the world. I love it.
- I had a great night curled up with my kids and Jonathan. We watched “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”. I freaking love that show. One day I want to cut a lot of holes out of a sheet and pin a paper to it that says, “I got a rock”. Heh.
- My mom made peach pie and brought it to my house. Which was the bee’s knee’s people. (Seriously, I blame my genetic impressionability to marketing and the fact that I just finished watching all 14 episodes of Pushing Daisies. Don’t judge. I dare YOU to watch 14 episodes of that show of awesomeness and NOT want a piece of pie!!!)”
THE BAD
- I have been trying not to panic at the overwhelming and escalating cost of my medical bills. Holy, holy cow. I have to have injections of blood thinners in my abdomen and my 20% monthly cost of that medication is as much as what it costs to house my family. I have multiple doctors and high risk insurance to the tune of about $500 smackers just for me. Jonathan has been wonderful to me during this pregnancy and it really helps me to have him put it in perspective. We’ll figure it out, but man…it is so, so much more than I thought it would be.
- I’ve had a hard time coping with the stress that comes with my medical issues. For those just tuning in, I have a clotting disorder and I threw a huge clot that almost killed me after having Christopher. I was very sick for a very long time. Because I am pregnant, and because I have thrown a clot before, my chances of a clot in my lung, heart, or brain is elevated and also increases the chance of miscarriage and still birth. It’s very difficult knowing that you have a disorder that can kill you at any moment. It makes me feel panicked and claustrophobic in my own skin sometimes. I’m not trying to worry anyone, just trying to explain what’s going on in my head. I’m doing everything I can, but man…I have had definite moments of high anxiety. When we went in to the doctor he told us, “You’re about as high risk as they come”. Having lost a child just adds to it. I don’t have that naivete that protects a lot of people by thinking that it won’t happen to them. Still, I’m coping, I really think it will be find. I’m just…scared.
- My friend, Jessica, (Of the blog “Balancing Everything”. Formerly “Kerflop” and designer of this webpage) has had a very scary time with her husband. He had a blood clot in his lung. At this point everyone is hoping it is the clotting disorder that I have and not cancer. (Because as much as it sucks, cancer is worse.) He seems to be doing well and all my good thoughts go out to them.
- I have an internet connection that goes the speed of slow tar. It sucks. It can take 10 minutes to load a page. It has really cut down on my online life. That combined with other fugliness has taken a lot of the “Glow” off the my love of internet. BTW-in case you didn’t know? The internet can be the foulest, sickest place on the planet. It makes me sad.
- Along with the cold as tar internet connection I am not able to have a DVR. If you have ever HAD a DVR then NOT had a DVR, I am sure you can feel my pain.
- I’m tired. I could spend all day in bed and still feel tired to my toes. It doesn’t ever seem to go away.
- I’m in full-blown “Hermit” mode co-mingled with a fierce streak of lazy, tired and overwhelmed. I don’t really see or communicate with anyone. This happens from time to time. I don’t really know what gives with that. I used to hate being along. Seriously, seriously hate it. Now? I must really love myself because I’m alone an awful lot of the time.
- A lot of very sad, very bad things have happened in my family lately. Some of them I cannot blog about, but I will say that my sister lost her 16-year-old nephew this weekend to brain cancer. It’s been hard to see everyone hit so hard by it. It brings back a lot of tough memories. I feel so bad for everyone. (And that? Is the thing I CAN blog about, so ya know…)
- James and I were looking forward to auditioning together for, “The Sound of Music”, but they cancelled the show today for a lot of really good reasons, but it bummed my kid out and I was looking forward to one more show before getting large and rotund.
THE “MEH”
- I swear that the wait time at Taco Bell has gotten weirdly long lately. To the point that I think I could go and harvest the damn corn and beans and slaughter a cow myself in the same amount of time it takes me to get a taco.
- I like string cheese.
- It’s been so long since my last pregnancy that I keep asking myself the same question over and over. “Dude. Are my boobs REALLY going to hurt the whole freaking time or WHAT?”
- I wonder if the obnoxious guy in Bow Flex commercial who says, “I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends” still HAS any friends at this point.
- You know? I think I really like vanilla…
bethany actually says:
I like vanilla too.
That always happens to me: I read a great, long post and think of things to say in the comments all along the way, and then I get to the end and something in the last sentence makes me forget all that went before.
Except for the part about your sister’s nephew. I was so sorry to hear about that, and still am. Prayers all around.
October 29th, 2008 at 3:31 am
Kristi says:
So sorry about your conditions and those injections. I had to take Lovenox during my last pregnancy, but luckily they let me inject into the fat on my thighs. I have some weird genetic mutation called MTHFR, which always makes me giggle a bit to see in print. I throw blood clots too.
I tried to make an apple pie with gruyere cheese crust after watching Pushing Daisies. Clearly I needed a real recipe because the crust wasn’t so exciting.
And the Bow Flex guy - I’m assuming he never had any friends because cleary he’s a total jerk!
October 29th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Kristi says:
Or clearly, but I think you knew what I meant.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Jim says:
Sending good thoughts your way. There’s a lot of good in this post; focus on that. Just know that the bad stuff will pass and all that will be left is good.
Well, except for your DVR…you’re sorta screwed there.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:51 am
shamelesslysassy says:
Pushing Daisies is sooo awesome. We have a local Taco place that is way better than Taco Bell. Also, I had something else to say, but I forgot.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins says:
I’m like that first commentor (or -er?) - I get distracted by the last line of a post and forget everything else I was going to comment about.
But my thoughts are with you - I had no idea about your clotting problem (new reader).
October 29th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Connie @ Young & Relentless says:
What is a Bow Flex?
So sorry about your Sister’s Nephew and your medical costs. Can we do a 5K walk for you or something? I’d donate/walk for you! I love you man!
LOVE the picture of Mini Loralee!
This might cheer you up! My hubby has agreed to let me have another baby!! He said his ‘friends’ said it was up to me not him. Where have I heard that before? BUT….I only have six months to get knocked up. After that he doesn’t want to do it anymore because I will be too old.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:33 am
lceel says:
I’m on thinners too, but for a different reason and I take a pill, not injections. Gee, see how much alike we are? Twins!! - separated at birth. Except you got the boobs. :)
I’m saddened to learn of the death of your sister’s nephew. 16 is too young. It’s really got to be tough on the parents. No parent should ever have to bury a child. It’s a really, really hard thing. Something I live in fear of every day. Once was enough. But as a parent - it’s something that’s always in the back of your mind.
I remembered your clotting problem - I’m just surprised that you must take injections. Have they no pill (Like Plavix, for example) that would manage it properly?
October 29th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake says:
The good: Yay! On all of it!
The bad: Oh my goodness. That is bad. And some very sad stuff. Thinking of your sister’s family and your friend’s too.
The meh: Taco Bell? Really? That makes me want to gag.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Maria says:
That’s a lovely little bean you’ve got there!
If we ever decide to try for a third the “this better be a girl” stress is going to drive me spectacularly batshit nuts.
Your “Bad” list is some kind of shit, lady. Don’t ever feel bad about being scared or needing to vent–especially here. I’m impressed at your ability to focus on the beautiful good things and keep everything in perspective.
*hugs!*
October 29th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Maria says:
OH and Pushing Daises is my favorite show ever right now. Except it makes me want to eat the Pie Man slightly more than it makes me want to eat Pie.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Cricket says:
I swear the day I got pregnant I could finally sleep. Until then I had to take sleeping pills to make it through the night. I also took 2 naps a day and still was able to go to sleep at 9pm. I also slept so hard that I drooled more than ever. At this point I say just enj
October 29th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Cricket says:
sorry Kitty attack keyboard. Enjoy the nappy naps as down the line you will never sleep as wonderfully as you do now. Also, paper plates are your best friend. I am sending pink thoughts in your direction. So thrilled for you!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:06 am
sandi says:
Loralee-
What can we do to help? I am serious about this. Will you email me and let me know if we can help you guys out?
The stress is hard enough, but add financial burden to it and it just plain sucks!!!!
sandibenson at gmail dot com
You don’t have to post this, but I want to help you out if I can.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
martha says:
I really hope it is a girl.
Sorry about your sister’s nephew. I also love Pushing Daisies, and I wished that I could make pies that look like those. I think I would die if I couldn’t have my DVR.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:42 am
ali says:
a wee kidney bean baby!
i mean, you posted a lot of other stuff too…but i have my priorities, yo.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:47 am
sizzle says:
I wonder if the obnoxious guy in Bow Flex commercial who says, “I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends” still HAS any friends at this point.
Totally doesn’t.
:-)
October 29th, 2008 at 9:56 am
georgia says:
Just as I was reading the line about it, I was eating my last bite of my breakfast of string cheese. What?? String cheese is too breakfast! Fine, I’ll have a piece of fruit with it…happy now?
Hope everything starts to look sun shiney soon.
xo
October 29th, 2008 at 10:12 am
georgia says:
Just as I was reading the line about it, I was eating my last bite of my breakfast of string cheese. What?? String cheese is too breakfast! Fine, I’ll have a piece of fruit with it…happy now?
Hope everything starts to look up soon.
xo
October 29th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Suzanne says:
Woohoo, a picture of your (fingers crossed) daughter!
I feel your anxiety about the baby. I had a DVT seven weeks after my oldest. At the time, the doctors were baffled. Cut to 2.5 years later, gyn appointment, where I asked if I am considered high risk, because we’re going to try for a baby. “You’re fine!” says the midwife.
Three months later, newly pregnant, call the office at 5weeks to make my appointment for 10 weeks (their M.O.) I got a call back an hour later, askimg me to come in ASAP. “You’re high risk and have a 40% chance of losing this baby.” WTF?
I went on Heparin injections right away and went through a lot of tests. Factor V and a lot of markers for Lupus. Ended up taking 6 injections of Heparin a day. Like you, we paid out a lot and got 80% back. Scary times. We didn’t tell anyone (including family) that I was expecting until I was 11 weeks and a little more relieved about the risk. Imagine working in an office of therapists, having anxiety attacks about your baby, and not telling them.
He’s nine now and I’m glad I went through what I did. That experience convinced me not to have any more. You are a brave woman to know what’s ahead and still go for it! My husband and I later said we probably would have been fine about more kids, had we gotten the news when we weren’t already pregnant.
Thinking good thoughts for you. If you ever need an ear of someone who’s been through it, feel free to pop me an email.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Katie says:
That is totally awesome that you and Jessica are already friends and you can maybe help her navigate this disorder, if that’s what it is.
I’ve always been a (typical LDS) anti-socialism, anti-liberal, etc. kind of person. But the extreme stress that people go through for health care costs has changed my mind on a lot of things. I know it’s impossible to talk yourself down sometimes, but try to remember that it’s only money. It’s meaningless, really. (SO easy to SAY but not DO, haha!)
October 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Suzanne says:
Just saw Lou’s comment and figured I would butt in.
There are a lot of meds that are considered risky in pregnancy. For instance, I was on Coumadin for a year after my DVT and it’s considered a class C tetrogen (is that the term?) during pregnancy here in the states.
My perinatologist was from Britain, and he said that it was used over there without incident. It sits in some women’s system for a looooonnnnngggg time, though, leaving you with PTT of over 60. Aack!
I guess we’re triplets, then!
October 29th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Kitty says:
Terribly sorry for the bad times your family went through.
The baby looks great though. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this whole pregnancy will be without any additional problems. Once the baby here all the worrying will have been worth it.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
rachel says:
Fingers crossed and thinking pink.
I love the workings of your random rambling mind. You’re such a joy to visit, whether it is good, bad, ugly, meh or just blech
October 29th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Headless Mom says:
Yes there is some seriously crappy things on the internet.
Here’s prayers for your health/pregnancy/finances. Muah!
October 29th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Julie says:
A girl!!!!!!! I just had a feeling it was going to be a girl!
October 29th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
suedonym says:
No DVR?!!!!
Oh, the humanity!
October 29th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Invader Trent says:
Peach pie huh? I guess that’s ok. It’s sure no pumpkin cheesecake.
I would also like to remind you that you are speaking for two now, so I wanna hear twice as much vulgarity.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Becca says:
Hey Lor!
I just found your blog! Yippee! I just wanted to chime in and let you know that I had to have heparin shots during my pregnancy too AND I also have a clotting disorder (Factor V Leiden–not sure if thats what you have too). Crazy huh?
Hugs!
October 29th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Erin W. says:
So, I discovered a few months before I got pregnant that despite the problems I’ve had in the past with Burger King, they had vastly improved their service and times… Not two days after I find out I’m pregnant does that all fly out the window. I ordered a mushroom swiss burger the other day - no onions, light A1… Not only did it take them 30 minutes (IN DRIVE THRU! COME ON PEOPLE!)but when I got home, it had extra onions and no A1. WTF?
Anyway… I’m really sorry to hear about your family’s loss. And I’m sorry for all the other bad stuff… But I hope that you can see the good through it all. :)
October 29th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Mysticnocturne says:
I think you just gave a very enlighrening blogisode today! I can only say you are in our prayers and I do cross my fingers it’s your girl =)
October 29th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
I don’t know what I will do without my DVR if a time ever comes. It is so bad that when we are driving in the car sometime I want to rewind something I just heard on the radio. I pull out the imaginary remote and all. that is sad.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
kirsten b. says:
I, of course, had to check out your website after reading the article in the HJ. I am so excited about your pregnancy…and a GIRL! I hope she has red hair…as I remember it you’ve always wanted a red headed girl. Keeping my fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy!
October 29th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Haley says:
Pushing Daisies is the freakin’ shiz.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Missives From Suburbia says:
I don’t know if this gets to the bottom of things for you, but I’m at the tail-end of this pregnancy and not only are the bills piling up, but my 2-year-old and I are having our own major medical issues, and with all of that, I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Very few people can say the right thing, and people saying the wrong thing (every single damned time) just irritates me now. Hormonal? Maybe. I’m also tired of chasing doctors and diagnoses and pestering professionals for answers when people in my life are pestering me for answers. I need a nap. Like a 20-year-nap. I hope it’s the same for you — stress — and you get some relief soon and the ability to reach out again.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
metalia says:
Glad to hear that the sonogram went well! And I also like string cheese. And vanilla. But not together. Because…ew.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Michelle says:
Such a cute bean…and I’m praying all will go well with the pregnancy. Glad Jonathon and the boys and you all enjoyed curling up together. Have fun with the caroling group. Slow internet sucks…and it doesn’t help when my husband is a computer tech and says he can’t do anything about it, it’s the server (or something). Though I have learned not to read blogs when he’s playing games (Call of Duty etc, good war games) as he complains I lag it out. Sorry to hear about your sister’s family’s loss. Death is hard to take at any age, especially the young. Haven’t seen Cache Valley in the fall, unless that’s when you did the Cache Valley Dance (which I love and occasionally go back and watch). Have I covered everything? Probably not, but I do have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Karen says:
I really hate that guy in the bow-flex commercial. And I wonder every time I hear it if he has any friends left, too. What a jerk!
October 29th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Melly says:
I hope you get a girl…and I hope you don’t have a hard pregnancy…its hard enough without all that other stuff…
On my blog a while ago, a long while ago I had all the girl readers try the gender predicting Chinese lunar calendar on previous kids to see how accurate they are. There are two different charts, one where you put in the month of conception and one where you put in the exact date of conception.
The one where you put in the exact date of conception was usually more accurate.
It didn’t always work, but it might be fun to try, or not fun I guess, if it predicts a boy and your really hoping for a girl.
This is the link to the ones that I used in my post;
http://www.thelaboroflove.com/chart/index.html
Wow, I didn’t mean for this comment to be all about that.
I read your thing in the paper today, great stuff. Isn’t it fun to be interviewed and have your name in the paper?
October 30th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Julie says:
I am still so excited for you about the pregnancy!
I’m sorry about the BAD stuff. You are in our prayers!
October 30th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Amber says:
Just getting caught back up on the good, the bad and the “meh.” The bad? Well, it’s no doubt stressful but it can be overcome. My hubby just got knocked down to 20 hrs/week with his contracting job until the economy picks up. Bummer? Yes. But we’re all healthy and blessed. Money comes and goes.
October 30th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
little miss says:
Yeah!! “SHE” is beautiful but I’m tellin ya- you just jinxed yourself right there- I’m still crossing my fingers for a GIRL, I’m just sayin…
Glad to hear you’re still managing alright despite the curveballs being hurled your way.
(hhee, heh, I said BALLS)
October 30th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Memarie Lane says:
it’s weird what you forget from pregnancy to pregnancy. i totally forgot how hard it was to twist in the seat to look behind me when backing out those last couple weeks. and now that i’ve had the baby i’m having to remind myself that it’s okay to bend over now, and it’s no longer necessary to ask for help with my shoes.
October 30th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Denali's mom says:
Loralee,
I don’t know if you remember me from The King & I. I am so excited to hear about your new baby. Congratulations! I had Denali 13 years after my other last baby and I was 40 and I was miserable. It was awful. (All of mine were. But hers was really differently bad.) So I pestered my doctor constantly with a million questions. Worried a lot. Delivered a beautiful baby girl…finally. I hope all goes well for you. I’ll be thinking of you. And reading your blog.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Holly says:
You “think” you like vanilla? I thought you could tell which region of Mexico the beans were grown in based on the smell alone! (BTW, the way you feel about vanilla is the way I feel about balsamic vinegar.)
Holly, still thinking pink
(pink, pink, pink . . . )
October 30th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Aspen says:
Holy cow… I stop reading your blog for a bit and look what I miss!
Amazing!
1st - Congratulations!
2nd - I’m sending loads of happy-healthy-thoughts you way.
3rd - Baaaaby!
October 31st, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Rhi says:
I’m no expert, but that is a totally feminine looking kidney bean.
October 31st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Kerri Anne says:
I’m sorry about the list of bad. So very sorry. But your good list of good is pretty great, too. Loving you and sending good thoughts always.
October 31st, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Jane says:
Praying that everything goes well with your pregnancy. It doesn’t take much to make you realize how fragile life is (and you’ve had a lot).
November 1st, 2008 at 11:17 pm
just me says:
I am so crossing my fingers that it’s a little girl! I can’t wait!!!
November 1st, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Sarcastic Mom says:
Awwwwwww @ Yaaaaaay @ your ultrasound! I haven’t even CALLED my doctor yet. That’s how afraid I’ve been to actually believe.
And I’m with you on the tired and blaaahhh.
Let’s sleep in together.
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:57 pm
falwyn says:
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister’s nephew. The crazy thing is, I think there’s some kind of connection - it’s Marcus, right? He is also my friend’s nephew - his mom is her sister. ANYWAY. Sorry.
Yay for pie though. And you’re in my prayers.
November 2nd, 2008 at 11:06 pm