Do you ever have moments that happen to you as a kid that you review in your head as an adult and suddenly the light bulb of maturity goes on and you are filled with embarrassment, guilt, or you just have a major “A-HA!” moment?
Or, if you haven’t actually had those moments, was there a movie you used to love as a kid that is just totally different when you watch it again as an adult?
I used to love the movie, Hello, again with Shelly Long and Gabriel Byrne when I was about 11-years-old. It came on TV the other day and I had a moment of major nostalgia and decided to watch the whole thing.
My first thought was, “Holy FREAK this is a horrible movie. Dude, WHAT was I thinking?!”
My second thought was, “I CANNOT BELIEVE I USED TO WANT TO LOOK LIKE SHELLY LONG IN THIS MOVIE! WTF?! WAS I THINKING?!”
And my final thought was, “That line Shelly Long says when she is struggling to put on a ultra tight, fringed tube dress that goes, ‘I feel like I’m trapped in a Trojan! A pleated Trojan. With fringe’! suddenly makes WWWWWAY more sense than it did in the 6th grade.”.
For me, it doesn’t just apply to media, but life experiences as well.
I was in my 20′s when I had two epiphanies that I want to share with you because this is a blog! And you love me!! AND I MUST SHARE THE EMBARRASSING AND MORTIFYING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE WITH THE ENTIRE WORLD BECAUSE I.AM.SUPER.IMPORTANT!!!
Where was I?
Oh, yes. Epiphanies and mortification.
I love all things cute, round, fuzzy and beady-eyed. No, I’m not talking about my husband. His eyes are totally not beady. I am talking about wee hamsters! Chinchillas!! Itty-bitty mices!!! Oh, I could watch them forever. One of my friends used to own a pet store and I would go hang out with her and look at the little fuzzballs and squee for hours.
She asked me one day if I had ever owned any.
I immediately launched into incessant, nostalgic chatter, not really even paying attention to what I was saying.
“Sure! When I was a kid we used to always have hamsters. They always had the same names, even if we replaced them. Camillia Anne and Max Herman. Man, we seemed to have a LOT of Camillia Anne’s and Max Herman’s. We owned them when I was REALLY small, like 3 or 4, but I loved them so much I totally remember them. I used to take them and play with them all the time and they would make this really cool sound when my brother and I would throw….them….against……the……airduct……
on………the……….ceiling……..and………and………OH,NO!!! GAH!!!!!!!”
I burst into tears as it sank in that my throwing my little fuzzies against the air vent had most likely been part of the reason we owned so many hamsters. I ran home to call my mom sobbing to ask if I had REALLY thrown my hamsters repeatedly against the air vent and killed them. I was desperately hoping that it was a mistake and it was just a memory planted by aliens after they abducted and anal probed me.
The phone call did not go well.
“Oh, I didn’t think you’d remember that. You were so little.”
“WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Well, you didn’t know what you were doing. At least you didn’t leave the cage open and let them loose and then turn on the garbage disposal on Max Herman like your sister did.”
“WWWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I was devastated and I really haven’t gotten over my homicidal hamster spree to this day.
I believe it was also around that time that I was sitting in a class in college and dropped both my jaw and my pen as I reflected on a day in the first grade.
My mom started my brother, sister and I off walking to school as she went to her job as a teacher. My brother and sister were good and walked to school. I was naughty and when I saw my mom’s car turn the corner I told them I forgot a book and ran back home because I wanted to roller skate with my new skates for a few more minutes.
I put them on and started skating. I didn’t dare do it for long. As I was going up the concrete steps to put my shoes on, I slipped and hit my forehead on the edge of the stair and cut it.
Head wounds bleed a lot.
I put on my shoes and went inside to look for a Band-Aid. There were none to be found.
AND THEN I HAD A REVELATION!
I’d use the “BIG BAND-AIDS” my mom and sister kept in the drawer by the sink.
Those “Big Band-Aids” were AWESOME. I used to have so much fun peeling off the back strip and sticking them to the bathroom walls and then pulling apart the white, fluffy filling.
It made my mom so mad.
“THAT IS NOT WHAT THOSE ARE FOR!”
“Well, what ARE they for then?”
“We’ll talk about it when you’re older!”
(No one I know EVER says THAT to their kids. Ehem…)
So, I went into the bathroom, mopped up the blood the best I could and took out a “Big Band-Aid” and stuck it to my head.
By the time I got to school, I was a MESS and very, very late.
The teacher took one look at me, hurried over and asked what happened. After I told her she hurried me to the nurse, the “Big Band-Aid” was removed.
(Dude. “Big Band-Aids” back in the day had adhesive with the strength of cement because that sucker was STUCK ON MY FOREHEAD and it hurt like a mofo to remove.)
I don’t remember if they called my mom or if I went back to class. I have actually never asked her, because I think that my mother’s mortification that I went to school with a Maxi Pad stuck to my forehead would be traumatic for her.
I guess since she reads my blog I’ll find out soon enough.
i had the “hello, again” movie poster in my room. i don’t even remember where i got it.
you stuck the adhesive side to your head? duuuuuude. lol.
“South Koren Chicken ball???”
And dude, there was no other way to make it stay on my head. I was 7, yo. ;)
Okay, that story trumps any funny story I can think of. I mean, it trumps it by a landslide. The whole “putting a maxi-pad on like a band-aid” story was always an urban myth, so I thought.
You’re an Urban Legend, I guess.
And those hamsters? I just keep laughing at that story. I sure hope no PETA people freak out and lay into you. Just tell ‘em to kiss your cute, round, fuzzy ass!
Texan Mamas last blog post..Got Snark?
REALLY? It would have made me feel so much less stupid and alone had I known that other people had done this to the point of myth-dom. It is a mortifying recollection, I assure you. Heh.
Actually, I can’t imagine it NOT happening more often because sooooo many of my friends thought that was what they were when they were little, too.
Oh. My. HAHAHAHAHA! I think I needed a laugh at this time of the night. But also? Sad about the hamsters!
I do love the giant bandaid one, though. Maybe this next little one will be a girl and you can tell her all about it “when she’s older”!
elizabeths last blog post..Small fry
You win. Hands down. I don’t quite have anything near as embarrassing!
Suzannes last blog post..Tangentially Yours
I am totally laughing and remembering the maxi pad story. HAHAHAHA. This is when I should say I am proud to be your friend.
/still laughing
Max is asleep… I’ll let you know tomorrow about Halloween after I talk to him.
Bridges last blog post..i watch too much HGTV
Dude, my revelation ocurred when I remembered an incident in grade 6. I was snooping in my parents closet when I found a shiny metal torpedo. Being EXTREMELY naive, I honestly was scared so I went and asked my sister and her friends what it was. They started shrieking with laughter, and I was sooo confused. They told me to put it back and not tell my parents I ever found it. Many years later I had an A-HA moment that quickly turned to an AAAH moment when I realised that it was a dildo. So much for my theory that my parents never had sex.
I’m so sorry your theory didn’t work out. MINE is JUST FINE. My parents have NEVER had sex. We were all left by the stork and left on the porch by disheartened Gypsies traversing the rugged terrain of Utah.
And so it shall remain until my dying breath.
This is a great post. I’m just sorry that it took your humiliation to make me laugh this hard!
Rachaels last blog post..My Brain is Total Mush
dude…i want to know what was wrong with your parents that they kept buying you hamsters to kill? you would think they would have learned after a couple of times.
made me laugh though. poor hamsters. i am trying to imagine the cute little sound they made when they hit the air vents. hee hee…
natalies last blog post..Wordless Wednesday/Caption this!
I’m thinking it would have been good to wrap the hamsters in the big band aid before launching them. Padding, y’know.
witchypoos last blog post..Boring Much?
What a great story! Thank you for sharing them and for the huge laugh…I shall never look at hamsters OR band-aids the same way!
Connies last blog post..Sixth of the Sixth
I can not think of anything in my life that was quite like that. I did have an epiphany once though, because when I was 29 years old it dawned on me that my mother is 1st generation American and that fact explained a lot about her.
and yeah, my first thought was “why did you Mom keep buying hamsters for you???”
Karens last blog post..Getting Ready To Go To Flagstaff
That maxi pad story was priceless! Thanks for the image and the laugh!
Sharons last blog post..Service Project…
That is the funniest thing I have ever heard.
I still totally want to do Gabriel Byrne as a result of that movie.
Marias last blog post..nothing to worry about unless it’s something to worry about
Loralee I overloved a baby chick that I won at a county fair when I was little. By over-loved I mean squeezed and suffocated to death. I was three. WTH were my parents thinking letting me take that home?
KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post..You May See "L" for Loser
That’s NOT what those things are FOR!!
lceels last blog post..Number 326
Bwahahaha. That is too funny. That was the most absorbent band-aid ever!
Jims last blog post..Memed Again
I am deeply troubled by the image of the poor hamsters being tossed about or near the garbage disposal. AAACK! I can only imagine how bad you must feel reliving that childhood mistake.
When my Uncle was young he used maxi pads on his knees as knee pads for sports practice. He is 50 now and has STILL not lived that down.
sizzles last blog post..Life Over Blogging
HA! See! I knew I could not possibly be alone in odd usage of Maxi Pads.
As for the multiple hamsters and blaming my mom. I didn’t kill ALL of them. In fact, I think it was probably just one for SURE that died when it hit the vent. And then I vaguely remember one of their legs being hurt and it dying, which I am thinking I probably caused, probably by the air vent.
Some of the hamsters just died in their cage and I just wonder if it contributed to some of them dying, you know? My mom couldn’t have known it was me if they were just dead in the cage. Hamsters are tiny and fragile. And the garbage disposal thing happened because they got out and escaped. It happens.
So, my mom wasn’t running out just randomly buying hamsters for me to kill, people.
She was a good mother. And she gets “Mom guilt” easily. And she reads this blog. (If you get my drift) :)
Classic. I wish I had a memory of wearing a sanitary pad on my head.
But that, my dear, are what drugs are for.
:)
Liannes last blog post..Mail Key Saga… now with a great ending
Dude! Between you and Tamn, I’ve laughed my freaking butt off today. Thanks so much for that.
I never could have hamsters as a kid because I was holding my cousins’ hamster one time, and my mean older cousin Chris told me that I was squeezing it too hard and its little beady eyes were going to pop out of his fuzzy little head. I was paranoid after that, and never would hold an animal again. Sad loss, I guess.
But, dude, I’m still laughing at your story.
Rachel (Louisiana)s last blog post..Shout out
My 3 year old son was concerned about mommy’s boo-boo when he saw me get a pad from under the sink. That’s when I started locking him out of the bathroom. I was just glad he didn’t want to kiss my boo-boo like he usually asks to do!
hi loralee’s mom! i certainly don’t want you to have mom guilt. you didn’t know. that loralee…she was a sneaky 3 year old. sneaking those cute little hamsters out to play with them. aw…she couldn’t help it. they were so cute!
we love you!
natalies last blog post..Something and Nothing
I don’t think I have left a message before. But lets find out if you get the test.
Testing comments, per request.
That? was awesome.
The maxi pad part. Not the murdering hamsters part.
Testing
Saw your Twitter and am commenting. I love those stories. I had a bunch of hamsters when I was growing up, too. So many in fact that my mom finally got sick of the maze of hamster cages and the smell and let them all go in a cornfield. I’ve always wondered what happened to those hamsters…
Jen Ws last blog post..I’m guessing this song might be called, "Your eyes are locked. You can’t see me." (sub title- "Don’t touch me.")
Thanks to those helping me out via Twitter with testing. Some have gone through, some comments are still getting eaten.
(If you’re confused look to your left sidebar in my “Sideblog”. I have lost hundreds of comments because something is wrong with WordPress and I can’t figure it out.)
I want to go all “Don music” and slam my forehead repeatedly against the keyboard.
Of course my comment WOULD get eaten, because I left you the longest comment in the history of all comments. Well maybe not the LONGEST, but it was a doozy. Wow, it’s fun to say doozy. I don’t even know if I’m using the word correctly, but I’m gonna start saying doozy more often. In the time it took for me to type that out I could have just gone ahead and re-typed my original comment…MY maxi pad story. I’m gonna run to Starbucks and then come back and tell you the story, ok? OK. Doozy.
SEE? SEE WHAT I HAVE MISSED? DOOZY MAXI PAD STORIES, PEOPLE!
Man. I am trying really hard not to be bitter but I am pissed off. I have people getting feelings hurt thinking I deleted their comments on my post about Matthew or their congratulations on being pregnant.
Plus, the honest-that-I-have-a-narcissistic-streak part of me is embarrassed that my comments have been kind of low lately after I was just on the radio. (It’s not a HUGE concern, but still…)
Seriously, it has sucked.
I had to leave my comment twice yesterday for it to work. Wonder if it’s a glitch with CommentLuv?
The maxi-pad story is hilarious.
threeundertwos last blog post..Finished for Friday: What have you done this week?
I wonder if my comment will work this time? I’ve been trying for days and was happy to read that it isn’t that you banned my ip from commenting. I am sorry for your tech troubles and your hamsters!
I never thought about Comment Luv. I’m going to delete it and see what happens. I’m desperate at this point.
Ok I have my Starbucks in hand…and I’m not even ready to tell you the doozy maxi pad story yet. I have ANOTHER story for you right now. Then I’ll come back for round 3 with doozy maxi pads…or something?! ANYWHOO, I just went to make a Starbucks run, but I got in the car and looked in the rearview mirror and saw my eyebrows and thought “WHAT THE?! I cannot go one more second with my eyebrows looking like this” so I drove to the nail place…and since I was there, I thought “might as well get a manicure” sooo they told me to pick out my color. Now, picking a color depends on ONE main thing to me…the name of the polish. Guess what the VERY FIRST ONE I picked up was? “It’s a Doozi, Says Suzie”. I busted out laughing.
I remember the movie Hello Again. I thought it was cute 80′s fluff that is more like a made for tv movie than anything else.
I have been trying to comment as well,but all my posts since the one about your son keep getting eaten. I’m going to try again because I know you are frustrated. And you should be, it’s annoying for everyone trying to talk to our beloved Loralee.
And don’t worry about your low comments. Anyone who knows anything about blogging will tell right off the bat that you are an extremely talented writer that is well loved.
And if that doesn’t work, just show them this comments section because any blog that “The Bloggess” notices is a high honor.
OMG. I always luvvvv’d Hello Again..I loved the dress that she was buried in..Morbid I know..True story.
My mom refused to discuss periods, maxi pads and tampons with me. I basically started for the first time not knowing crap. The first time I put a maxi-pad on, I put the sticky side UP. That was how clueless I was. YOWWWCH!
The first time I put a tampon in was even worse. I don’t even wanna to go there…
Thanks for nuthin mom.
Hey Loralee – Good post… I had a few nice, hearty laughs.
Can I tell you a secret??? When I was lactating after having my first child (pregnant with my second, and will no doubt use this same technique if I can’t breast feed again.) I used panty liners as a bra liner… Tear one in half and stick the sticky side to the inside of your bra. For some reason, without that, I would absolutely soak a teeshirt in 20 minutes, but I could wear one panty liner in my bra for a couple hours with no problems. Honestly, I could have gone longer I’m sure, but for sanitary purposes I changed more frequently.
It’s actually quite a bit cheaper than those bra liners that they make for that specific purpose. And they work better.
But, then again, I don’t stick them to my forehead either, so… yeah.
Thanks for the laughs though!
So I was listening to UPR and had to come check out your blog – totally love the maxi pad story. takes guts to make that public, but thanks for doing so, definately made me laugh!
I tried to tweet the ‘wiener’ test before I sent it. Sorry for the confusion ;)
No worries! It totally made me laugh.
Thanks for the good laugh!
When my sister was little, my mom put her in the kitchen sink while she was cooking dinner. She had a blanket around her to help her stabalize. The dishwasher was running and my mom didn’t realize that the water drains through the disposal. My sister started screaming BLOODY murder and my mom ran to her trying to figure out what the heck was going on. The blanket had trapped all the hot water…poor little thing. Anyway, my mom used a maxi pad around her burn wounds to help protect them until she got her to the doctor. The doctor told my mom that it was a great idea because they are sterile and made to not stick to skin…I remember my mom being really embarrassed when the doctor came in and saw the pads.
As for parents sex thing…when I was little my sister and I were going through my mom’s drawer. We found these “pretties” (lingerie). We proceeded to play in them then layed them on her bed. My grandparents came over and we left the room with all the lingerie on the bed. For some odd reason, my grandma (my mom’s mother-in-law) refused to use ANY bathroom in the house except the one in my parents room). My grandma promptly asked to use the restroom and went into my parents room. Later when my mom went into her room she was FURIOUS that her mother in law would go through her drawers and lay all her lingerie out on the bed. My sister and I have never been able to bring ourselves to the point of telling our mom. My poor grandma was probably mortified by the fact that the lingerie was all over the bed…and my mom has spent her life mad at the completely wrong person for that incident. SHHHH…don’t tell… Now I look back and can see why my mom would have gotten so mad about that!
@Tauni
YOUR MOTHER’S STORY WINS.
Hands down.
Your mother-in-law pawing through your naughty drawer???!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be horrifying (and yet SO entertaining for us all. Heh.)
i actually saw “hello again” at the theater! yes, i’m rad. it was one of my favorite movies back in the day (i was 10 at the time so my taste level was low) i remember going to my friend diane’s house afterward and using her mother’s hot rollers and giant aerosol can of aquanet to try and achieve the hairdo that shelley long sported in the film. and i wonder why i didn’t have a boyfriend til i was a freshman in college….
I’m still peeved to learn my favorite lipstick is hot pink.
This is absolutely hilarious.
And I, too, LOVED Hello Again. Gabriel Byrne. Those eyes.
It really did suck though, didn’t it?