Do you ever have moments that happen to you as a kid that you review in your head as an adult and suddenly the light bulb of maturity goes on and you are filled with embarrassment, guilt, or you just have a major “A-HA!” moment?
Or, if you haven’t actually had those moments, was there a movie you used to love as a kid that is just totally different when you watch it again as an adult?
I used to love the movie, Hello, again with Shelly Long and Gabriel Byrne when I was about 11-years-old. It came on TV the other day and I had a moment of major nostalgia and decided to watch the whole thing.
My first thought was, “Holy FREAK this is a horrible movie. Dude, WHAT was I thinking?!”
My second thought was, “I CANNOT BELIEVE I USED TO WANT TO LOOK LIKE SHELLY LONG IN THIS MOVIE! WTF?! WAS I THINKING?!”
And my final thought was, “That line Shelly Long says when she is struggling to put on a ultra tight, fringed tube dress that goes, ‘I feel like I’m trapped in a Trojan! A pleated Trojan. With fringe’! suddenly makes WWWWWAY more sense than it did in the 6th grade.”.
For me, it doesn’t just apply to media, but life experiences as well.
I was in my 20′s when I had two epiphanies that I want to share with you because this is a blog! And you love me!! AND I MUST SHARE THE EMBARRASSING AND MORTIFYING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE WITH THE ENTIRE WORLD BECAUSE I.AM.SUPER.IMPORTANT!!!
Where was I?
Oh, yes. Epiphanies and mortification.
I love all things cute, round, fuzzy and beady-eyed. No, I’m not talking about my husband. His eyes are totally not beady. I am talking about wee hamsters! Chinchillas!! Itty-bitty mices!!! Oh, I could watch them forever. One of my friends used to own a pet store and I would go hang out with her and look at the little fuzzballs and squee for hours.
She asked me one day if I had ever owned any.
I immediately launched into incessant, nostalgic chatter, not really even paying attention to what I was saying.
“Sure! When I was a kid we used to always have hamsters. They always had the same names, even if we replaced them. Camillia Anne and Max Herman. Man, we seemed to have a LOT of Camillia Anne’s and Max Herman’s. We owned them when I was REALLY small, like 3 or 4, but I loved them so much I totally remember them. I used to take them and play with them all the time and they would make this really cool sound when my brother and I would throw….them….against……the……airduct……
on………the……….ceiling……..and………and………OH,NO!!! GAH!!!!!!!”
I burst into tears as it sank in that my throwing my little fuzzies against the air vent had most likely been part of the reason we owned so many hamsters. I ran home to call my mom sobbing to ask if I had REALLY thrown my hamsters repeatedly against the air vent and killed them. I was desperately hoping that it was a mistake and it was just a memory planted by aliens after they abducted and anal probed me.
The phone call did not go well.
“Oh, I didn’t think you’d remember that. You were so little.”
“WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Well, you didn’t know what you were doing. At least you didn’t leave the cage open and let them loose and then turn on the garbage disposal on Max Herman like your sister did.”
“WWWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I was devastated and I really haven’t gotten over my homicidal hamster spree to this day.
I believe it was also around that time that I was sitting in a class in college and dropped both my jaw and my pen as I reflected on a day in the first grade.
My mom started my brother, sister and I off walking to school as she went to her job as a teacher. My brother and sister were good and walked to school. I was naughty and when I saw my mom’s car turn the corner I told them I forgot a book and ran back home because I wanted to roller skate with my new skates for a few more minutes.
I put them on and started skating. I didn’t dare do it for long. As I was going up the concrete steps to put my shoes on, I slipped and hit my forehead on the edge of the stair and cut it.
Head wounds bleed a lot.
I put on my shoes and went inside to look for a Band-Aid. There were none to be found.
AND THEN I HAD A REVELATION!
I’d use the “BIG BAND-AIDS” my mom and sister kept in the drawer by the sink.
Those “Big Band-Aids” were AWESOME. I used to have so much fun peeling off the back strip and sticking them to the bathroom walls and then pulling apart the white, fluffy filling.
It made my mom so mad.
“THAT IS NOT WHAT THOSE ARE FOR!”
“Well, what ARE they for then?”
“We’ll talk about it when you’re older!”
(No one I know EVER says THAT to their kids. Ehem…)
So, I went into the bathroom, mopped up the blood the best I could and took out a “Big Band-Aid” and stuck it to my head.
By the time I got to school, I was a MESS and very, very late.
The teacher took one look at me, hurried over and asked what happened. After I told her she hurried me to the nurse, the “Big Band-Aid” was removed.
(Dude. “Big Band-Aids” back in the day had adhesive with the strength of cement because that sucker was STUCK ON MY FOREHEAD and it hurt like a mofo to remove.)
I don’t remember if they called my mom or if I went back to class. I have actually never asked her, because I think that my mother’s mortification that I went to school with a Maxi Pad stuck to my forehead would be traumatic for her.
I guess since she reads my blog I’ll find out soon enough.
when i was young and messing around with model airplanes we would use the “pads” to filter the fuel.
i do know first aid kits that have “pads” in them to use on large wounds
so be Not ashamed —you were just ahead of your time
BAHAHA! That’s awesome.
And if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one to play a little rough with your pets. When I was about five or so my dad brought home two fluffy little chicks. I have distinct memories of my little brother and I jumping on the bed, each holding a chick and throwing it in the air, trying to teach them how to fly.
They didn’t fly but they sure did bounce. And they disappeared soon after.
I just finished listening to you on UPR and had to read your blog! I love it and can’t wait to read more!
Loralee,
This post has me laughing so hard…OMG, too funny. And, it reminds me a lot of myself too.
I had a lot of hamsters too …all named “Hammy”. There were many “Hammy” hamsters in my days. I would hold them and love them, and drop them by accident. Well, they very rarely survived “the drop”. Mom would always say they were sleeping, and then we were off to the pet store to buy another one.
I did the same things with pads too, but did not go to school with one on my head!
You are SO what the doctor ordered! You cheered me right up.
I’ve been trying and trying to think of something that now embarrasses me – and I can’t think of any. On the other hand, I’m totally there with you on the movie thing though mine is more like “How could I have ever thought it was a good idea to watch this when I still have functioning brain cells?” (i.e. before AT LEAST 11:30 pm and preferably later/earlier)
i just remembered a pad story to share. when i was in 6th grade…the fact that i am admitting how old i was shows what a totally immature kid i was…i played with the girl across the street. she was a couple of years younger than me. we used to play this spy game all the time. pretend to be spies. we would take her older sister’s maxipads and used them like secret microphones. we bugged her whole house with them. we would stick them under the kitchen table, inside a book cover, behind a door, pretty much all over the house. i don’t remember ever going back and picking them up either. i can just imagine what her mom did when she found them in those random places. or what if guests found them? hahahahaha…makes me laugh just thinking about someone opening a book and finding a pad stuck to the page!
My God. A lot of blog stories make me giggle to myself, but that was the best gaffaw that I’ve read in weeks. I literally cackled out loud.
Thank you, that was awesome.
I AM SO GRATEFUL TO LEARN THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY HAMSTER MURDERER!
I used to think it was fun to throw them up, up, up, until they bopped the cieling and then let them fall down, down, down, onto my bed or into my hands, or, unfortunately, sometimes onto the floor.
The sad thing was that I really thought it was PLAYING and I honestly did NOT understand that they felt pain and could die. Mortifying to remember that now and realize that I was torturing the poor things unwittingly!
Okay so the cute ADULT exterior hides a sociopathic murderer maxi pad wearing freakazoid!
Hmmmmmm
I once tried to shave my face with my dads razor.
Lips bleed a lot too. A lot. Like PANIC a lot bleed because you don’t want your mom to know what total knob you really are.
I can think of a few things to blog about based on these awesome memories – too funny! I’ll link back to ya when I do.
And hey, if you want help with WordPress, I’d be happy to do so!
I lived with my sister when my neice was about 9 years old and she played the chello at school. I remember one day her dad was yelling at her to practice her chello and she yelled back at him “But my G string is broke dad”. I started laughing so hard I had to leave the house and the look on his face was priceless!!
(I *think* that’s my url … I never type it, I have it bookmarked!)
My brother had a friend when they were preschool–they got into his mom’s OB supply to procure “bullets” which they proceeded to throw at each other.
I also think I killed a newly acquired guinea pig when I was 9 by pretending to baptize it (no complete immersion, I wasn’t THAT stupid, but I dunked it’s back in a sink of water). I was so embarrassed a day later when it died, I told my mom I’d tried to give it a bath. She thought it was sick when we got it, but I was never sure.
Heard the blogging interview NPR feed on the net. Great site.
Perhaps that’s why my folks never let me have hamsters, hmmm. And I never went through my mom’s underwear drawer, guess I led a deprived (depraved?) childhood. Thanks for sharing yours.
lmao!
I refer to hamsters as “Bic Disposable Pets”, because they really do die if you just look at them wrong. Or throw them against air vents, apparently.
We — okay, me — used to use tampon applicators as finger puppets until my mom caught me one day. Feminine hygiene products are FUN!
Hey I’m not about to share my most embarrassing moments from elementary school– go you! but I can relate to these stories. Sweetie nearly killed a hamster by putting it in a sock and swingin it around and around and around…she was 4. and Tiny? well she seems to like undoing all the tampons under the sink and spreading them all over the room.
AND I’LL MAKE SURE THEY REMEMBER THOSE MOMENTS– PROBABLY AT THE INAPPROPRIATE TIMES TOO! hahahaha!!!
HAHAHA! Thanks – you just nearly made me wet my pants laughing while at work. Fabulous stuff.
this is me still laughing outloud.
As kids, all of my siblings thought Howard the Duck was hilarious. I was so excited that my husband actual knew what it was when we met. Apparently it is universally acknowledged as the worst movie made in the eighties (which counts as EVER). Some scenes definitely made a lot more sense as an adult.
Thank you really. This is the information that I’ve been looking for.
I think you need to stay away from air ducts! I had a cousin who did the same thing when we were kids. I think I was about 12 and he was about 9. Except, he used cats, curtain and walls. The cat never died but eventually he learned to stay away from my cousin.