Save to draft

I think that most bloggers are familiar with the “draft” folder.  I know I am.  Currently, there are 167 blog entries that are sitting in my draft folder. I know, I know…it’s a horrible number and totally embarrassing. They have been accumulating since I started blogging in 2005 and like other areas in my life, I am totally horrible about cleaning it out. You should see the state of my underwear drawer.

Bejewell posted something on her blog that started an idea churning in my head. I wonder what the hell it would be like to just make one long-ass post with all my draft blog entries?  People would probably either go, “WTF?” or assume that I finally had enough money for that lobotomy I’ve been saving up for.

So, I delved into my draft folder, brushed off the cobwebs and started poking around.

First off, I discovered that there are REASONS WHY THESE POSTS NEVER MADE IT TO THE INTERNET. Some are just so boring I had to restrain my self from taking a fork out of a drawer and sticking it in my eye.

I guess I thought that the world would die of excitement over this blog post:

“I kicked ass at Mexican Train at Game Night. Check out the score of 243!”

Or how about this little gem?

“I read a thought-provoking post on eyebrows today and it really got me thinking seriously.”

Wow. I am so glad that I wasn’t provoked into thought by world hunger, or saving Africa or the state of the world’s economy. (Because everyone knows that those things pale in comparison with a good wax and tweeze job.)

Some of my drafts aren’t bad, but they just didn’t seem funny enough. Like this exchange with my husband.

“I need to come and pick up the debit card at some point today, Jonathan.“

“Ok.”

“I hope you are having a good day at work.“

“It’s fine.”

“Good. You’re my sweet Baboo.“

“Uh…Ok.”

“HEY! I will have you know that there are guys who would kill to be my Sweet Baboo, Mister!”

“Yeah, but since you don’t know any straight guys, they’re probably gay, right?”

“Maybe.“

Then there are the times where I don’t publish something because of a technical issue. Like the time my browser read in German for a whole week.  I was new to Word Press and so I didn’t know what to push to publish the post I wrote about it. (Obviously, I got the problem fixed.)

“After all my computer SNAFU’S, you would suppose that I would not be surprised at anything that happens when I turn on a computer, walk by a computer, breathe in the same room as a computer, or even THINK about doing any of the above.

Sadly, I was completely unprepared to log into WordPress and discover that MY ENTIRE ACCOUNT IS NOW IN FREAKING GERMAN!I did NOTHING to bring this about. I hit my bookmarked and logged in. That is IT. End of story. No tweaking, fussing, hitting buttons, zilch!

This German-thing is a problem.
I have had two years of German DICTION. I have only had 2 quarters of practical German where you learn about congegating, verbage, and how to string a sentence together n’ stuff.

My German basically boils down to being able to say things like Pamina’s virginal bosoms are heaving and that some Duke’s maid is really his tuberculosis-ridden courtesan lover in disguise. (Gotta love Opera-speak).

What the hell does all that mean, you ask?

It means that my German sucks and I want to shoot Blogger or myself in the head right now.

And honestly? I wouldn’t care which one at the moment. My computer just wants it fixed too because I am sure it is tired of me going all “Don Music” on the keyboard and repeatedly banging my forehead on it in tortured frustration.”

Then there are the posts I started writing that quickly became irrelevant because I was lazy and didn’t finish them in a timely manner.

“Alright, alright! It is no secret that I live in Utah and am an inactive Mormon. Even though I love politics, I hate talking about them on the internet. However, since I get at least one email daily asking about my opinion of Mitt Romney and questions about the whole Mormon thing, I am just going to state my opinion so people will stop asking me about it!”

(HA! Did you think I was going to finish that thought? Like I would really publish what my opinion is of that NOW!!!!)

This one also didn’t make the cut because I didn’t immediately publish and now I have no frickin’ idea what episode I was even talking about.

“I have come to a difficult conclusion. I don’t think I can watch Law & Order:SVU anymore. This weeks episode about made me hurl in the toilet. I’m not a prude, but this show is getting to the point that I can’t stomach it. This sucks because Detective Stabler is my boyfriend.”

That last thing is totally true. Elliot and I are meant to be and I will totally bitch-fight anyone who stands in the way of our love.

Some things in my draft folder actually show some promise and I may finish them one day.

“I am not a detail oriented person. Seriously, I’m just not.To clarify, there are times when I completely throw myself into a problem and I am VERY into the minutia of the thing. Every.small.thing.has.to.be.perfect.

Obviously, no one without severe OCD can maintain this for very long, and mine lasts exactly 13.45 seconds after the task/project/relationship/whatever is finished and then I’m done. Kaput. Fini.Translation? I run out of steam and the discipline and order go out the freaking window.

This frustrates me. I am the hare that yearns to be the tortoise. It sucks to know that my personality is the “Example” portion of a fable, my friends.  It sucks six ways from Sunday.”

I also have lots of post “Ideas” in my draft folders.  I wanted to find photos of dogs and animals and compare them to celebrities.  I actually think this would have been rad if I had finished it because DUDE, David Caruso TOTALLY looks like a Chinese Shar Pei.

David Caruso- Chinese Shar Pei

Amy Winehouse-Schitzu with crazy puffed hair on top.

John Travolta-Black Pappilon

Dog Chapman-mangled mutt wearing a spiked collar.

Liza menilli or Cher at oscars -ostrich/emu?

And finally, there are those posts that just make me scratch my head and go, (“WTF?!!!!”

“I want cheese! I want cheese!! I want CHEESE!!!”

What can I say? I am a completely odd person.

At the end of the day, I’m glad to have my pile of odd, half-finished ideas. Sometimes I think that it is more telling of who I am as a person and how my mind ticks than the posts that end up going up on here.  It’s kind of like how you can tell a lot about someone by going through their “Junk drawer”.  The bits and bobs that make up their life tell volumes about what makes them tick. Some people have junk drawers that are actually fairly neat and tidy and other people have drawers that probably resemble mine: cluttered, random, full of totally useless items like uncapped markers, broken calculators, the world’s largest twist tie collection, a tire gauge, a plethora of rulers and several stale, half-eaten, jalepeno Cheetos.

I don’t really want to know WHAT that says about me, come to think of it.

(Yup. I used this as a guest post at Immoral Matriarch last week, but I needed to publish today and was frazzled prepping for the radio show. So? If you’ve seen it before, my apologies. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO COMMENT! I know a lot of you already did over there.)