1. MAN CLEAVAGE IS JUST WRONG.
Let’s be crystal clear on this point, shall we?
Man cleavage is wrong, wrong, wrongity-wrong!
Why, you ask?
Well, let’s start with a little visual illustration, shall we?
While I am only 23.7% lesbian, I think cleavage is hot. ON A WOMAN. Ideally, it is supposed to be creamy and lovely and not remind one of Big Foot in any way, shape, or form.
Actually, I am not really sure what the point of men having hairy, subdued breasts and nipples is, unless God was really into the equal opportunity thing.
Of course, there are QUITE a few things about the design of the human body that I think The Creator let us down on just a little bit. Frankly, I am convinced that on the day that final approval occurred for genitalia exterior design, God was out sick and the final decision was left up to Bob the sandwich guy.
2. SOMETIMES MAN CLEAVAGE CANNOT BE HELPED
And that is ok. If you have a weight problem or a hormonal issue, I am not making fun of you. Sometimes things happen that are totally suck ass with our bodies. I was cursed with the worlds fugliest set of legs and tree trunks for ankles;some men have more bountiful pectorals.
It’s just the way it is, yo.
I am not referring to you. This message of specialness is sent out to men who emphasize cleavage or think that it is amusing to create man cleavage with their hands and then flash unsuspecting guests at the annual 4th of July barbecue.
3.JUST SAY NO TO THE PLUNGING V-NECK SHIRT FOR MEN
Just because deep v-neck tshirts for men are showing up on the runways of Paris and New York does NOT mean that you should wear them. 
(Photo credit)
Even the hotness that are Gerard Butler and Jonathan Rhys Meyers? SHOULD NOT WEAR THEM.
(Photo credits aashare andGerard Butler Gals)
In fact, I am pretty sure that no matter how hot the pecks, how hot the man WITH the pecks are?
No, no, no!
This is just not a good idea. In fact, I’m fairly certain that no matter how “Hip” the area you live in, how uber-trendy the boutique you purchase it from, if you opt to actually don a shirt like this you will pretty much look like a total tool to 90% of the population.
DON’T DO IT.
Just don’t.
Because if you do? It very well may cause retina bleeding and I care about the eyesight of the world. I really do.
4. IF YOU ARE DETERMINED TO SUCCUMB TO DOUCHEBAGGERY AND PURCHASE A PLUNGING V-NECK ANYWAY, SHAVE OR WAX YOUR CHEST FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!
Otherwise, you could very well end up being like this (only poorer and probably less of an asshole):
(Photo credit-Suze-glamour.com)
5. IF YOU THINK FLASHING YOUR YETI-LIKE MOUNDS OF QUIVERING MAN FLESH WILL GET YOUR WOMAN “IN THE MOOD”?????
Think again.
/SNORT
/SNORT /SNORT
WOW.
I absolutely just laughed out loud. I kept thinking of all the guys we know doing this. The image wasn’t pretty.
I think I should send the squirrels over to get lost in that first man’s chest. That completely freaked me out… I need to see something nice and friendly before I go to sleep… EEEEEGADS!
I concur!!!
here’s my vote for worst “man cleavage” – oh joey lawrence, all i can say is “whoa!”…
[IMG]http://i485.photobucket.com/albums/rr215/missmae31/joey_lawrence_cbbjpg-1.jpg[/IMG]
maes last blog post..genius is born, not paid -oscar wilde
eek, well that didn’t work. try this…
http://www.celebrity-babies.com/2008/07/joey-lawrence-c.html
maes last blog post..genius is born, not paid -oscar wilde
I don’t understand what is up with men and their man cleavage but I so glad that you decided to tackle this issue. Someone had to do it!
Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Random letters
I think I just threw up alittle.
Thank you for shining a light on this issue. Perhaps now Oprah will do a show on it!
As a man, I had no idea this was happening. My apologies for any mental scarring you may have as a result of my fellow “men” (and I use that words very loosely) flashing the valley between their peaks at you.
(And my thanks for understanding the hormone thing. It does suck.)
Wills last blog post..Spit up on my shirt, and bottle in my hand.
“Yeti-like mounds of quivering man flesh” is going into heavy rotation in my personal phrase cache.
And to be fair, I’m pretty sure Simon Cowell is a tool even WITHOUT the plunging neckline.
Claires last blog post..Nimbus Verbum
All I have to say is … “No grass grows on a playground – no hair grows on my chest”.
lceels last blog post..I hate it when that happens
I agree with you about the man cleavage… however, I happen to like a hairy chest on a man.
Sharons last blog post..Go Figure…
On the plus side, during mardi gras, you’d be amazed how many beads I can get to make me put my shirt back on.
Froyds last blog post..State of the Arcade Machine
You are crazy. My Irish lover man with his crazy rapist eyes can do NO wrong. Take it back! I demand it! He looks hot on his plunging neckline, although I’d much rather he went to the grocery store naked…
Everyone else though, yes – not attractive and I totally agree. Gerard could pull it off if he was in front me though, being as it’d be easier to rip it down the middle in a classic Hulk move, but still, he’s pushing it.
It is suddenly extremely fucking hot in here.
*in his plunging neckline.
**I hate typos.
***watch, there’s probably one here that I’ll only see after I submit this thing.
Marias last blog post..Even the most perfect couple isn’t perfect.
Not Simon Cowell too! He wasn’t satisfied with the 2-sizes too small t-shirts he subjects America with? Too modest, I guess. I can’t say I approve of the new look!
HeatherPrides last blog post..WORKIN’ LIKE A DOG MOM
Hahaha! This is so true. Few things are nastier than men in those V neck shirts.
SparklieSunShines last blog post..The Most Craptastic Semester Ever
I’m with you on all of this. But I really could have done without that first picture.
slynnros last blog post..In Which My Dentist Is Not Quite Sure What to Make of Me
STOP IT! I just DIED when saw the first pic. Ughughugh. So with you. Man cleave is b-a-d. Thanks for the linky love. I’m blogrolling you, too!
Ok that first guy was just nasty it looked like a hairy ass.But I have to disagree about that second guy he kinda got me a little wet down there.Some men just can’t carry it off but some can and those who can make it look oh so hotttttttt!!!
tina Ls last blog post..Oh Happy Day
I think I just lost my appetite for the rest of the day…
Angellas last blog post..Four Years Ago. Today. And Everything In Between.
Ugh… the photos are just not right, yet they perfectly illustrate the point you’re making. Preach on sister!
Jill – GlossyVeneers last blog post..Work Trip: Twitter Style
couldn’t agree with you more- well said!
heather hales DESIGNSs last blog post..Hope & Faith
Down with body hair say I!
Sras last blog post..Tasty Phonology
How the hell did you get a hold of that first picture? You said you deleted all the photos of my hairy boobs when I showed them to you.
heh.
Actually, contrary to the rest of the female population…I love me some man cleavage. So sexay. Makes me want to just rub up against them and purrrrrr.
Wink.
@Redneck Mommy
“How the hell did you get a hold of that first picture? You said you deleted all the photos of my hairy boobs when I showed them to you.”
I lied.
Heh.
While I’m not down with dudes in vneck shirts, I gotta admit, seeing Jonathon Rhys Meyers up there flaunting his big baguette made me a little hot and bothered! Damn my love of carbs!
foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..shall we play a game?
no. no, no, no. ugh. nasty. men with hairy chests are one thing, but when a dude has bigger boobs than i do – that’s just wrong. and i’m far from being flat-chested.
Ok, personally? I think on the right guy the plunge V neck looks awesome. Joey Lawrence? Yummy! Hairy man boobs in a plunging V? Notsomuch.
But it’s like spandex. It’s a privilege, not a right.
TSMs last blog post..Music Sunday Episode I
Man cleavage is like ass cleavage, just wrong.
This made me nearly choke on my popcorn, holy hell woman. You are spot on with this one.
Hairy Chests, especially when it looks like a 70′s shag rug trying to escape through the seems or the V, give me the heebie jeebies!
YUCKY!!!! ;-)
Am I the only person who thought that first picture was a hairy ass-crack? BECAUSE I SO DID, and I admit, I was more than a little scared. Hold me.
I couldn’t agree more!
Except for Gerard Butler. Mmm-mmm…
I couldn’t agree more!
Except for Gerard Butler. Mmm-mmm…
falwyns last blog post..checking in and out … for a while
There are no words. Too funny!
Jamies last blog post..The Weekend, In Quotes
ha…i’m still laughing. just as good the second time around…
i just wrote about joey lawrence’s v-neck + skinny jeans + flip flop disaster.
men should NEVER wear vnecks.
alis last blog post..self mock. again. #932
Masn cleavage is right up there with plumber’s crack. It’s a DON’T!
Seeing as I’m not what you’d call “well endowed” I take issue with men displaying cleavage that outdoes my own attempts. And the visuals for this post? Glad I saw them AFTER lunch.
Dude the only man that can pull the hairy v-neck shirt off is Magnum PI.
DROOL.
Kimberlys last blog post..Don’t Make Me Smack You Right Here on this Escalator
when you say man cleave, i think of plumber butt. so seeing a HUGE GINORMOUS HAIRY MAN CLEAVE when i clicked over here was…. disturbing, to say the least.
Alices last blog post..weekend: FAIL edition
Now, here’s my thought. You attribute all the photos in this post but the first one… Does this mean that the first one came from your very own camera? Does this mean that you know someone with that man-cleavage??
@Jennie
Heh. You wish I would reveal that one, don’t you? ;)
Poor Simon. It was too much a long time ago.
Camilles last blog post..{Guess My Secret and Win a Prize}
I don’t care for those v-necks on men at all. But King Henry?! Yummm. He can wear (or not wear… please?!) anything he damn well pleases if you ask me. I’d still want to lick his glorious man cleavage if he was wearing a turtle neck.
Charlis last blog post..Aprons
Okay what I want to know is, are women as guilty albeit for differing reasons (a man’s to gawk a woman’s to gag) at looking at a man’s cleavage instead of his face when they have opportunity to see them?
“Uh, Buddy….my face is up here,that’s it…up… up okay good. I promise you, those gorgeous “D’s” are not going anywhere and if you don’t start looking at my face, they certainly won’t be going anywhere with you!”
4s last blog post..Gosh, I have resorted to quoting Britney Spears…what next?!?!?!?!?
Those pictures made me nauseous.
Mellys last blog post..Transition to soccer mom, without the soccer.
Dude, if that brilliant war you fought today on my blog didn’t make me love you enough, THIS post has surpassed all expectations. Though you forgot the hottest combination of all: man cleavage + gold chains.
Ambers last blog post..Career vs. Stay at Home: How Did You Decide?
I’m saddened by your lesbian scale. I’d have guessed much, much higher.
Also my boyfriend Matthew McConaughey would look quite dreamy in a v-neck shirt. Even you couldn’t deny that sexy piece of ass a little love.
Sarahs last blog post..Kids in the Office
apparently “girly” colours are no good either..according to my husbands co workers..
http://mikebrowne.com/2008/08/26/i-work-with-a-mad-man/
and yeah dh once had a v neck sweater and it just wasn’t right
I was just debating whether or not it was time to pour bleach on my eye balls. Then you delivered.
Tootsie Farklepantss last blog post..Then I Hurled Myself Off the Nearest Skyscraper
HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THIS POST????
Is that first photo really a hairy ass-crack? Seriously, it could be one. Is it? You know, kind of like one of those photos where they show it really close up and then they pan out showing it for what it really is? I think they did it on Mr. Wizard’s world or maybe on 3-2-1 Contact. Hmm…on second thought, I’m guessing PBS and Nickelodeon wouldn’t jump on the ass-crack bandwagon. (At least before 10pm.)
P.S. My September 1st post is gonna be all about our meeting! Nothing like making them wait for it…
The Over-Thinkers last blog post..Figuratively Mark Your Figurative Calendars!
HAHA omg that was simply amazing. You, my friend, are simply amazing.
Aarons last blog post..Dieting Is Like Life: If I Don’t Bleed or Cry I’ll Do It!