1. MAN CLEAVAGE IS JUST WRONG.
Let’s be crystal clear on this point, shall we?
Man cleavage is wrong, wrong, wrongity-wrong!
Why, you ask?
Well, let’s start with a little visual illustration, shall we?
While I am only 23.7% lesbian, I think cleavage is hot. ON A WOMAN. Ideally, it is supposed to be creamy and lovely and not remind one of Big Foot in any way, shape, or form.
Actually, I am not really sure what the point of men having hairy, subdued breasts and nipples is, unless God was really into the equal opportunity thing.
Of course, there are QUITE a few things about the design of the human body that I think The Creator let us down on just a little bit. Frankly, I am convinced that on the day that final approval occurred for genitalia exterior design, God was out sick and the final decision was left up to Bob the sandwich guy.
2. SOMETIMES MAN CLEAVAGE CANNOT BE HELPED
And that is ok. If you have a weight problem or a hormonal issue, I am not making fun of you. Sometimes things happen that are totally suck ass with our bodies. I was cursed with the worlds fugliest set of legs and tree trunks for ankles;some men have more bountiful pectorals.
It’s just the way it is, yo.
I am not referring to you. This message of specialness is sent out to men who emphasize cleavage or think that it is amusing to create man cleavage with their hands and then flash unsuspecting guests at the annual 4th of July barbecue.
3.JUST SAY NO TO THE PLUNGING V-NECK SHIRT FOR MEN
Just because deep v-neck tshirts for men are showing up on the runways of Paris and New York does NOT mean that you should wear them.
In fact, I am pretty sure that no matter how hot the pecks, how hot the man WITH the pecks are?
No, no, no!
This is just not a good idea. In fact, I’m fairly certain that no matter how “Hip” the area you live in, how uber-trendy the boutique you purchase it from, if you opt to actually don a shirt like this you will pretty much look like a total tool to 90% of the population.
DON’T DO IT.
Because if you do? It very well may cause retina bleeding and I care about the eyesight of the world. I really do.
4. IF YOU ARE DETERMINED TO SUCCUMB TO DOUCHEBAGGERY AND PURCHASE A PLUNGING V-NECK ANYWAY, SHAVE OR WAX YOUR CHEST FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!
Otherwise, you could very well end up being like this (only poorer and probably less of an asshole):
5. IF YOU THINK FLASHING YOUR YETI-LIKE MOUNDS OF QUIVERING MAN FLESH WILL GET YOUR WOMAN “IN THE MOOD”?????