Back-to-school.
You wouldn’t think that three little words would get a greater negative response from me than the time the doctor in the ER told my awkward 16-year-old self in front of my high school boyfriend that I had to have my “Sphincter reflex” tested after I was thrown from a horse, now would you?
You would be wrong.
I would rather be back in that ER with people probing my mortified and battered heiny for all the world to see than experience the hell that is “back-to-school”.
Granted, this year has been much more difficult than previous Augusts in my children’s education process. There are many reasons for this, but today I am only going to write about one of them. It’s something that I have been hesitant to write about here because, well…the more people that read this blog, the more protective I am of my children.
I can write about my hoo-hoo and mental state and subject it to the whim of the beast that is the internet all day long.
My kids are another story. I’m much more protective and selective when it comes to them.
However, this is a key moment in our lives and while this blog is often very (ehem) silly, I hope that sometimes my writing and experiences help someone out there feel a little less alone if they are going through the same things I am. For example, I know that a lot of you must have taken a lot of comfort knowing that you are not alone in your opinion of morning sex. (For the record? “It burns us.”)
Our oldest son starts middle school next week at a brand new school. A school that doesn’t have a strict dress code. A school is almost as large as my high school was and is certainly larger than the 40 kids that made up his entire GRADE at the charter school.
I thought that my kids would stay at their charter school all the way up through high school. It isn’t working for James. He has always struggled in the structured setting and with the advanced curriculum. It’s not that he isn’t smart, he is. It’s just that he struggles with academia in general.
He needs bigger programs. Programs that fit his personality. Theater, art, debate. That is where he will excel. Besides, I realized how lonely it’s been for him at that school. He has very few friends.
I want him to have a lot of people to find friendships with and when you are a very unusual kid, that is tough when the pickings are so slim. His personality is very like mine, damn all the Gods above.
So? We are allowing him to transfer to the local middle school.
He will be starting 6th grade.
For the second year in a row.
Do you know the mounds and mounds of paper work and number of meetings and hoops you have to jump through that comes with transferring your kid into middle school and holding him back a grade to boot?
A whole freaking buttload would be the somewhat ungracious answer to that little question.
I know that holding a kid back is a big deal and not something to be taken lightly. I skipped the third grade. (This is NOT the grade to skip. Just in case you were wondering.) Yes, I was reading at a phenomenally high level in the 2nd grade, but I had average math skills. Going into the 4th grade not knowing how to read the alphabet on the wall or knowing all your times tables created big issues for me that continued for years.
In college, when I was really struggling in Music Theory, I went through about 8 hours of testing. When I went back for the results and gave my name the young secretary said, “Oooooooh…Um…We’re going to have to pull in some more people for this meeting…Um….Can you wait in the conference room?”
I sat there, chewing nervously on my fingernails, thinking “OH, MY GOD. They are going to tell me that I have been mentally retarded my whole life and they are JUST FIGURING IT OUT!”
Turns out that I am not retarded. Although, the official statement wasn’t much more encouraging. Apparently, I am either “off the charts brilliant or dumb as a post”, but not to worry because the areas that I struggled in were probably due to “the gaping holes” in my education.
EXACT words, people.
So, to say that I am wary of moving kids a grade would be an understatement. I struggled a lot academically in areas like math and grammar from then on. (Like you couldn’t tell this from reading this blog, right?)
We won’t even get into the social stigma I went through, like getting mercilessly mocked for the rest of the year by Geoff in row 4 for not understanding the advanced 4th grade slam lingo of, “You cut the cheese, didncha?!”
James was born FOUR DAYS from the cut off to start school. I decided, despite apprehension, to start him in school. He didn’t go to preschool because we were too poor and I was worried about his social ability. I have always regretted starting him when I did. What did I know? I was barely 26 years years old and it was my first kid. I knew halfway through Kindergarten I had made a big mistake, but everyone involved was very reluctant to let me hold him back and repeat Kindergarten. Every year I have discussed and voiced my opinion and every year I was vetoed. And every year I regretted it.
James has wanted to change schools for a long time and now that we have moved into a different district, and after a lot of thinking, we decided he could.
BUT.
He had to repeat the 6th grade. I know he is smart, that has never been a question, but socially and responsibility wise he struggles and it hurts his grades. He fails (FAILS! In elementary school!) something every term. If we concentrate extra hard on math, his science slips. When science is in hand, it’s his history that is sucking a duck, etc., etc., etc. For once I want him to know academic success instead of always coming up short. To feel confident about his classwork and to get a chance to find other kids that suit his temperament.
The school structure had a lot to do with the decision to hold him back as well. They attend from 6th grade until 8th grade. When you are a little 6th grader, they really mother-hen you. You are guided closely, watched over and are housed in your own 6th grade wing. Once you are in the 7th grade? They figure you know what you’re doing and you’re pretty much thrown to the wolves.
There was no way I was going to throw my fairly sheltered kid into the middle of a huge middle school when most kids there had a full year to make friends, cliques and judgments.
So? I agreed to let him try this school out as long as he did it as a 6th grader.
He readily agreed. (As did all administration involved.)
I hope I am doing the right thing. Deleting my Google reader was a tiny little pinprick in regards to this sphincter check of a decision.
I am scared as hell that I am making the wrong choice for my child.
And yet, I feel instinctively that I am doing the right thing.
I guess time will tell.
Now I just have to wade through the mountains of back-to-school shopping I have yet to finish.
Dammit.
Michelle says:
I don’t think you or he will regret it one bit.
My daughter repeated Grade 1. Her teacher and I had decided that although academically she was ok, emotionally and socially she wasn’t so good. I had to pry her off me when I left her at school in the mornings. The schools over here (Aust) do a standardised testing in years 1,3,5 and 7 and they just happened to be testing in her grade the day we discussed it. After school her teacher brought her out (only because she was last to be done and was a little late), and I asked her how she was. Her response “I think I should do grade 1 again because I can’t count money very well’! (Her teacher hadn’t said anything to her at all.)
The first day of the next year, she walked into the classroom, gave me a kiss and said ’see ya’. Her new teacher, who knew what she’d been like the year before because he was in the next classroom, just looked and said ‘It’s amazing the difference a year can make’.
Caitlin was 4 when she started school (her birthday is in March and our school year starts in late Jan/early Feb), and I probably should have kept her back a year longer, but she was too smart for me at home - she got bored easily.
She coped so much better as she was ‘older’ the second time around, and more emotionally settled. Now she’s in year 8 and much more on par with the learning. Her school at the moment…not so much, she won’t be back there next year (more the way they are experimenting, sorry teaching, some of the subjects in year 9 than the people there).
So, now you know my life story :-), I think you’ll probably find it is the right decision to repeat rather than play catch up and feel like he’s just behind the 8 ball all the time.
August 13th, 2008 at 2:54 am
Julie says:
Loralee, I have struggled with the same things. Have I sentenced my kids to struggle more than necessary because they are in French Immersion, or am I giving them tools they need? My daughter struggled with reading, and in Grade 2, she barely could read, and one month of assistance helped her bridge that “gaping hole”, now she reads above grade level in French, and 2 grade levels higher in English. Then along came struggles in math, oh.my.word. Her teacher wasn’t concerned, but she wasn’t seeing the effect it had on my boo at home. So again, we got her some help outside of school, and her confidence has soared. But that doesn’t take away from all of the questions and second-guessing we put ourselves through, does it? Your son will blossom, I am sure of it.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:12 am
Jill (CDJ) says:
This sounds like the exact right move based on what you described, but I can totally understand how you’re feeling. But if your gut tells you it’s right and James tells you it’s right… well, at least nobody’s pokin anything up your arse.
Jill (CDJ)s last blog post..WTF? Wednesday
August 13th, 2008 at 3:28 am
T@SendChocolate says:
Sometimes, they have to try on their own. It’s that growing up thing. It isn’t set in stone, you can always reevaluate.
Also (Yeah, I know they’re lame, but if I ignored it, what kind of person would I be…so I am passing the award on to you as well.)
Hey, I feel teh awesome, so you get an award. Come get it. Yeah, on my blog.
T.
Send Chocolate
T@SendChocolates last blog post..You Like Me, You Really Like Me!
August 13th, 2008 at 4:05 am
tjk says:
dear llc
i think you have done a wise thing with school
i was 40+ when i was told that i was dyslexic. but by then i had a ba and ms—but it was hell getting them.
i was told that i was lazy or wasnt applying myself—but i just did “learning” a different way.
when i was tested for for right brain/left brain the dr said he had never had anyone so far right brained as me.
a lot of us need extra time—and then we do well
August 13th, 2008 at 4:10 am
pgoodness says:
Sounds like a good decision for both of you, I’m sure all will be well this year! Sometimes being the parent kind of sucks - sometimes it would be nice if there were someone else just to make the decisions for us, wouldn’t it?
pgoodnesss last blog post..meh
August 13th, 2008 at 6:02 am
Kate says:
You are making this decision because you love him and want what’s best for him.
I think that is what makes it the right choice.
p.s. I don’t know which kid is which but the one on the left in the striped shirt, looks like you :oP
Kates last blog post..Therapy
August 13th, 2008 at 6:42 am
calicobebop says:
Tough choice, but I’m sure you made the right one. Good luck with all that shopping!
calicobebops last blog post..Three Things
August 13th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Csquaredplus3 says:
Congratulations! You’ve put much loving thought into this and made a decision that you believe will contribute positively to your son’s educational experience. The hard work is done (the decision), now move forward with smiles and encouragement for that handsome boy. He’s gonna do great!
It’s not a race - this whole school thing. I’m proud of you Mom!
Csquaredplus3s last blog post..Joe Merlot’s Dandelion Wine
August 13th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Holly says:
I think you’re doing the right thing. I think you’ll both be happier, good luck!
Hollys last blog post..Say It With Me
August 13th, 2008 at 7:07 am
HeatherPride says:
I don’t think you will regret this. It sounds like you’re giving him a chance to excel and gain confidence. Good luck this school year! I hope for the very best for you all!
HeatherPrides last blog post..Headlines
August 13th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Megan says:
Great post. It sounds like you are making the right decision. You know your kid better than anyone so have confidence that you know what is best for him.
Megans last blog post..An Epic Battle
August 13th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Queen of Shake Shake says:
Loralee, you are such an awesome mom. I think it’s great your son is old enough to be able to participate in the decision. If he feels good about it, sometimes that is all that matters.
You know how I’m a total expert in these things and I’m here to say you are “off the charts brilliant”. I think that mostly because you like me so much and only the brilliantest (i totally made that word up I’m so f’ing brilliant) people like me.
Love you and love you as a mom too! You’re doing the right thing and there are no mistakes, only the ride of life. Woohoo!
August 13th, 2008 at 8:14 am
MacKenzie @ BRC Banter says:
Not that you really need my agreement, because obviously you are doing what you think is right and that is what matters, but I too think you are making a good decision.
I know what school you are talking about and have subbed there quite a bit, that 6th grade hall/wing will be so much better for him. And as he gets older and faced even more pressures, academically and socially, I think the extra year will be a benefit.
MacKenzie @ BRC Banters last blog post..Home again, Home again, jiggity jig
August 13th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
What I think isn’t really that important to your child but hon I totally think you did the right thing for all the right reasons. Plus it will help him to make friends. If your middle school is anything like mine it is a dumping ground for several elementary schools and so there are lots of new friendships being formed. And he was onboard so that is great. Lots of Hugs and positive vibes coming your way (and your son’s way as well) for the start of the school year.
Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..I survived the double wedding weekend extravaganza
August 13th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Backpacking Dad says:
Instinct is your friend.
Backpacking Dads last blog post..Guest post
August 13th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Camille says:
Hmm…nothing to say about the school problem, as I am a young-ish, childless person who has no opinion on the matter. I do, however, remember LOVING back to school shopping. All those new pencils, freshly sharpened. All those straight-from-Target-smelling clothes…
Revel in it, Loralee. Revel in it.
Camilles last blog post..{Communism at its Finest}
August 13th, 2008 at 9:17 am
mamalang says:
I had the same angst but for the opposite problem. My PB’s birthday was 3 weeks after the cut off, and she was READY. Her pre-school/daycare teachers were adamant that she go to school. I called about having her tested, and was made to feel like the worst.mom.ever. I persevered, had her tested, and she scored the highest she could score. She fits perfectly in her grade and her class, and her teachers still comment that she would be a “problem child” if she was a grade behind. But sometimes, I still question it. Especially when I realize that she will be so much younger when she gets to middle school. But, like others have said, you have to trust your gut and do what you think is best.
Good luck to you all. I hope he has a wonderful school year. Middle school is some of the hardest years of life, I swear.
August 13th, 2008 at 9:35 am
A.C. says:
Wow…that is a tough decision. I bet you made the right one.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Marilyn says:
This sounds like the absolute BEST decision you could have made. We all know that you didn’t make it lightly. And you included your child in it. That’s the important thing. Best of luck… I hope the school year is awesome for your kiddo.
I was born near the cut-off and even though I was older than a lot of kids in my class, my parents resisted letting me skip a grade. I was advanced at certain subjects (pretty much anything but math) and my mom does regret not pushing me there, but … it is what it is. I was a very lazy student. (WOW, shocker I know!)
Marilyns last blog post..Yet another stolen meme
August 13th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Sra says:
Sounds like exactly the right thing to me, especially since he is happy with the decision himself. The social stigmas of repeating a grade are alleviated by the fact that this is a brand new school for him anyway. Socially and academically it’s a good decision. There’s plenty of time to get through school. Those years are a blink in retrospect.
Sras last blog post..Stress
August 13th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Nilsa says:
From everything you’ve said in this post, it sounds like you are making the right decision for you and your family. And if your son is ok with moving forward, seems to me like he’s confirming you’re making the right choice. Go into it with a good attitude and goal of success … and maybe life will surprise you in a good way for once!
Nilsas last blog post..Lost
August 13th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Mary Beth says:
I personally think your son’s kindergarten teacher should be shot (no, not really people! It’s an expression) as should the administration. Teachers need to listen to the parents a little more.
If your son agreed to repeat the 6th grade, I really think you’re making the right choice. And you’re right - to have him experience being one of the top students does wonders for self confidence, which then translates into a stronger student all around.
Mary Beths last blog post..HOW LONG BEFORE THE REVOLT HAPPENS
August 13th, 2008 at 10:58 am
kirida says:
My husband and I have been having this same discussion and our son is only two. We’re thinking about keeping him out of kindergarten until he’s 6 because he’ll be more emotionally mature to handle school.
I think you’re a great mom. And another thing, when your son’s in college, age won’t matter anyway. I’ve seen tons of students aged 18 to 48. It all works out.
kiridas last blog post..what opens and closes
August 13th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy says:
No decision made thoughtfully and with love can be “wrong.” Good on you for putting your foot down.
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommys last blog post..My Inner Lolita
August 13th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Alicia says:
That’s such a tough decision to make, but I really admire your thoroughness. It’s also great that you and your son have discussed it at length. He seems happy, and I’m sure he will be thrilled to have some extra time to meet new friends.
I went to a tiny school off in the boondocks of MN, and I know my parents considered having me skip a grade. There is a part of me that wishes they would have, but, then again, if they had, I wouldn’t have been able to start college early and had it paid for with the PSEO program. I know this seems off-the-wall to say with regards to your current situation, but I wanted to mention it because no matter what, everything works out. Just think: Your son will be the popular stud with a driver’s license once he hits 16.
Alicias last blog post..
August 13th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Rachel (Louisiana) says:
Follow your instincts. I know you haven’t made this decision lightly. Your instincts seem right on this one. Trust yourself. You’re the mom.
Rachel (Louisiana)s last blog post..Blah
August 13th, 2008 at 11:50 am
slynnro says:
Everyone on the internet is facing real life serious shit today I swear.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Not that you need my verification of that or anything.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Thumper says:
You oughta give yourself–and him–props for being willing to do this. Anything that gives a kid an edge is school is a good thing, especially when it may aid socially as well. Regrets tend to come more to kids who get skipped ahead; kids who stay back reap tons of benefits.
My sister held my niece back a year for pretty much the same reasons, and dang what a difference it made, all the way around–especially when she got to high school.
Thumpers last blog post..
August 13th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Jen From Following the Footsteps says:
As a teacher I feel compelled to comment! That and the fact I love your blog!!Hee
I think you made the right decision! I have seen first hand students who really struggle due to immaturity etc and when held back a year they soar!! The extra year allows them to grow and gain confidence they wouldn’t of had if they had been pushed to the next grade level! I don’t always agree with grade placement due to a child’s age. Children develop at different rates and that doesn’t mean they aren’t smart or that they are stupid!
With him starting a brand new school to me it seems like the perfect time to have him repeat a grade!
Be confident in your decision because to me it seems like the right one!
I’ll be thinking of him (and you) as he starts this new year!!
Jen
Jen From Following the Footstepss last blog post..It gets me everytime!
August 13th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Miss Britt says:
You’re following your instincts and listening to what YOUR child needs.
That’s ALWAYS the right thing to do, even if you have to change your mind or do something differently later.
Miss Britts last blog post..In Which I Discuss My Weight. And Use Real Numbers.
August 13th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
SparklieSunShine says:
I think you made a great decision. I know it must have been very wracking for you. I started doing badly in school in third grade. I just could understand the multiplication. I have always felt if I repeated that grade my whole academic experience would have been better. I struggled all through the rest of school. In 7th grade I failed ALL FIVE CLASSES. Instead of taking the year over I went to a special summer school program. I had to go to summer school for failing something every single year I was in school (including senior year). I also never got to take electives because I always had something to retake. Of course by high school I no longer cared and just skipped classes and did whatever I wanted so that didn’t help. I just feel like if I had been able to take a year over and get a fresh start I wouldn’t have ended up so jaded and behind. Plus the teachers of the lower classes usually don’t give a damn.
I know it must be very taxing for you right now, but I really do think you made a really great choice and I think you will see many improvements in James this year.
Also those small schools can be so damn cliquey and for someone who isn’t liked by whomever is deemed popular right away it can be near impossible to make friends. I can’t imagine having one of my classes of 40 students be everyone I had the chance to meet that year! So I am really excited for James. I think he is going to have a great year and meet some really great people.
SparklieSunShines last blog post..Just A Quickie
August 13th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
loralee says:
I so needed to read all of these this afternoon. It has been a HELL of a day.
(BEGIN RANT)
Nothing about this has gone well or has been easy. N-O-T-H-I-N-G
Even down to having to repeat vaccinations that we got LAST YEAR because they weren’t entered correctly into the system.
The nurse even REMEMBERED us because James is so freaked out by needles that it took SIX people to hold him down but there w
was nothing they could do because according to their computers he hadn’t had shots since 2001. DAMMIT TO HELL.
AND? They were out of Hep A so I get to go BACK next week.
James’ Dad also came by and picked up his birth certificate awhile ago without me knowing it (which I discovered when I was going through my folder with all our certificates at the school office) so it was scurry and more running to get it.
I have spent what seems like YEARS trying to get my son registered. Today? I spent from 9 am until 2pm SOLID on nothing but paperwork, running around and meeting with his vice principal.
In the end they decided to cooperate, but not before throwing out all the statistics on how kids who are held back drop out of high school at a much more alarming rate. (plus there was insinuation that the curriculum that I was coming from wasn’t as “Rigorous” bullshit. They are two academic levels ahead. I know what the curriculum’s are at both schools. DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE I’M AN IDIOT.
Bleck.
Sorry, I am just wanting to put my head down and WEEP RIGHT NOW. NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT.
I haven’t even been able to face school clothes or supplies and to top it off I have to deal with Christopher who is very, VERY upset that he still has to go to a small school with a dress code and his brother gets to go somewhere new and gets wear tshirts and jeans during the day.
If I hear, “IT’S NOT FAIR” one more time I swear I will punch something.
Hard.
So…How wonderful a mom do y’all think I am now? Yah…me too.
BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(End Rant)
August 13th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
maggie, dammit says:
For the second time today, I’m going to say this:
This is the right thing. I can feel it.
Still, the right thing is rarely easy. I’m thinkin’ about you, girl.
maggie, dammits last blog post..the winds of change
August 13th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Dory says:
You did absolutely the right thing.
I know you’re still frustrated, though.
I held my kid back to do Alternative Kindergarten instead of Kindergarten and then Kindergarten when he was 6. I’m SO glad I did. He still needs an aggressive IEP (he’s got Asperger’s and has special ed needs) but I know that he is doing so much better emotionally than he would have if I had sent him to Kindergarten when he was 5. It also gave the AK teachers and the Sp Ed teachers some time to evaluate him and help the K teacher know what was coming.
Dorys last blog post..If I thought it’d make you love me I’d put soup on a stick.*
August 13th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Hiding says:
My son was born August 30th.
He did Kindergarten twice.
He did “alternative” high school.
And he still didn’t graduate.
What would I have done differently, other than bitch slap him on a regular basis? Not much.
I have come to discover through my 24 years of parenting that my children, and frankly most children, do not fit the mold that our educational system in Utah thinks they do. Frankly, Utah schools suck, whether they be charter or otherwise.
You have the greatest element on your side: you are his mother. Therefore NO ONE knows better what he needs than you.
I support you 100%. And more if I could.
Hidings last blog post..Back-to-School Nightmares
August 13th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Heather B. says:
I didn’t know your kids went to charter school. I think you might be the first person that I actually know (though I could be mistaken) that sent their child to a charter school. Never mind my opinions on school choice, I find it interesting nonetheless.
Heather B.s last blog post..Running on empty
August 13th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Margie says:
My oldest is also starting 6th grade at a middle school next month and I am FRIEKING OUT! She is also a smart girl, but has trouble making friends- mainly because she is unique and doesn’t care what other people think- which are great qualities to posess, but don’t always earn you invited to so and so’s slumber party at this age if ya know what I mean. I am hoping she can focus (a challenge for her) in this new environment and I am praying that with the wider pool of peers, she will also find some good friends who love her just the way she is. I am one of those moms that agonizes over decisions regarding my kids- I really don’t want to screw them up- so I totally feel your pain.
BTW, I think your decision is a great one- he’ll be at a new school- so the holding back thing won’t be an issue peer wise and should be a big help academically. Good luck-
August 13th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Mr Lady says:
I was thrown into a school that went from K-6 grade for my 6th grade year after going to a different K-5 school. So, yeah, I was the newbie in 6th grade at a school where everyone else had been together for 6 years.
I got my first F that year.
Then, I moved to Colorado in the middle of my Junior year. I only needed 1/2 a credit to graduate, had done the 12th curriculum in my new school in CO already, in 10th grade, in Delaware. My father marched me in the office and said, yeah, give her a diploma and let us get on our way.
The counselor sat down with me and said the thought that socially, I really needed 12th grade. Even if the work was a repeat. He promised me he was right, and that if he was wrong, they graduate me early.
12 grade was the best year of my school life. It’s the only year I wouldn’t take back for the world.
You did the right thing, dude.
Mr Ladys last blog post..And I Suddenly Don’t Want To Kill Him For Buying That Huge TV Anymore
August 13th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
jess says:
you gots to go with your gut. that’s all i have to say.
jesss last blog post..follow tha leader, yo
August 13th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Jennifer A says:
All I’m going to say is I agree with your choice and I feel it will all work out in the end. You need to be the best and LOUDEST advocate for what you child needs.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Headless Mom says:
If you have wanted to do this for a while, and he’s ok with it then I whole heartedly agree. Moms seem to know best!
I wrote series in the spring about keeping your kid back/out of K if they weren’t ready with tips on how to know, etc. I hope I helped someone that is in the throws of indecision about that-IMO keep them home or repeat, it seems to work out better in the long run.
Headless Moms last blog post..Cop Out Post-But worth it!
August 13th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Bridge says:
You and I already talked about this… I think it is a great decision for all the reasons we talked about. Especially one you didn’t mention here.
Anyways, good luck shopping for non uniform clothes. HAHAHA. Now you know how I feel.
Bridges last blog post..follow tha leader, yo
August 13th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
heather... says:
Aw Loralee. You’re such a good mom. You KNOW you’re doing the right thing - you’ve wanted to do it for a long time. I’m sorry you have to jump through all those hoops to accomplish this, but in the end it will be worth it. MWAH!
August 13th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
4 says:
Every year I do a “from this side of the desk” post to answer the nervous inquiries that parents have. I usually put in a great deal of my own classroom management style which I am sure somewhere down the line some other teacher has gone “Where in god’s name did they hear that shit!?!” Uh, well, that’d be me.
So, let me offer and perhaps (again see comment above) give some suggestions.
First and foremost: Grade 6 is one of the most challenging years for the young ‘uns. There are more hormones swimming around in the classroom air than actual molecules of air quality. That being said…every one is in the same boat. Friendships that have been established for many years take on new roles and dimensions as everyone tries to find their own spot in the world. Now, in Canada, grade 6 is our last year of primary and they were my class of darlings last year. I loved them fiercely. I challenged them to think outside the box. I challenged them to argue with respect and dignity. I let them know that they did not have to like everyone but they sure as hell had to respect them as a student within our class and within the community. That meant no BS outside the class…you are mine from September 2 until June 28 both at home and at school and everything you do both here and home matters to me. If you had a tough night listening to your older brothers fighting and hearing your mom cry, I want to know! “I had a tough night” is all I need to know unless there’s a safety issue and quite frankly, I got more emails from the parents than discussion from the kids. The classroom is a safe haven for many kids. Different isn’t always bad, it is different and it needs to be accepted and even explored. I had a lad who was more than arrogant this past year. He started the year belittling the underlings. I started having him teach part of the lesson while I sat in his desk; lovingly mocking him and making the same kind of call outs he did.. First of all the clown part came out and then he realized that he was using his knowledge (of which there was plenty) to actually do something other than make kids feel little. He took over a great leadership role in the class. Cockiness was gone, helpful (with a dose of silent pride pervaded.)
As for holding kids back, I wish it was something that more parents understood. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It can provide your child with more confidence than ever and again, allow them to fall into a leadership role instead of a fledgling. I wish I had had the balls to keep my son back. From November to January we struggle as his processing ability struggles to catch up with his body and his marks suffer. By February, he is on his own two feet but for those months of struggling, we work damn hard at home to make sure he is feeling valued, supported and above all capable.
Loralee, you are this boy’s mother. You know him better than any other person in the world. Sit down with the admin team and the teacher (primary teacher if they change classes a lot…or even a teacher the admin thinks might step into a mentor role) and air your concerns. Bringing them up and ensuring that you have good home and school communication is not only key for you and the staff, but ALL kids achieve better when they know there is an ongoing dialogue happening with their folks and the the evil creatures at school.
Be patient with him. It’s going to take him a while to find his niche, but he will. There are so many kids to choose from, he will find those you raise your eyebrow to and those you think, “where have you been all my life?” Be patient..with yourself and your sweet, capable, loving, funny, engaging son. He already has it made. He has a mom and a dad who love him. The rest, is icing!
**If you want any specific help or have any concerns you want help to word or present, drop me an email. Your school board can’t fire me for unprofessional conduct against another teacher…we live in 2 different countries.
August 13th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Froyd says:
Damned Geoff.
I never did like that guy. He probably ended up as a middle school assistant principal.
What an ass.
Froyds last blog post..busy busy
August 13th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Jack says:
If you don’t worry now and then about whether you are making the right decision there is something wrong with your parenting skills.
Jacks last blog post..Name A Song That Makes You Cry
August 13th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
merlotmom says:
I am so behind in reading my blogs, but I did want to speak up and say I totally think you are doing the right thing. You need to go with your gut. No one else knows any better than you (although we always like to think so). You know your kid best and from what you describe, it sounds like this is the best decision for him. My sister moved to a new town and held her son back in 9th grade for many of the same reasons. He’s now going into 10th and it was the best thing for him. He has his shit together now and is doing really well. Good luck.
merlotmoms last blog post..Hello! Ingrates! I Know You’re Out There
August 13th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Robin says:
You’re right to follow your instincts. Both my boys were 5 in August so they could have started right away. We held them both back because one wasn’t ready socially while the other academically. Best move we ever made. Don’t beat yourself up for not doing it then though. You’re doing it now. It’ll be a win/win for your son in his new school. No stigma for him repeating, he gets a chance to start over, and he’ll enjoy the fact that he’s taller and the oldest of his friends.
ps. my hubby skipped 2nd or 3rd grade and regretted it as well throughout the rest of his school years. He wished his parents had never done it.
Robins last blog post..Randomness
August 13th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
180/360 says:
I started kindergarten when I was 4 and my mom says to this day that she wished she had held me back a year. It wasn’t because I wasn’t bright enough, because I was a bloody genius (just kidding) but because by the time I got to high school and even during college, I wanted to do all of the things my friends that were a year older got to do (such as drive, stay out later, date, drink, etc.) I was habitually frustrated, which in turn made me rebel even more.
I’m pretty sure she’s trying to say that I might have been more mature had I been the oldest in the bunch. In the end, I turned out fine, but I suppose she has a point.
180/360s last blog post..A Sea of Blue
August 14th, 2008 at 1:06 am
Kimberly says:
For what it’s worth, I think you are doing the right thing as well. Following your mothering instincts is crucial but sometimes the hardest thing in the world to actually follow through with. Good for you, sister. I hope he thrives!
Kimberlys last blog post..Non-Structurally Challenged
August 14th, 2008 at 6:42 am
sus @ wigglerooms says:
I know I’m just 1 of over 50 comments, and that you don’t know me, but just adding to the already long list of supporters here. Good for you (and good for him) for going with your gut and really trying to parent the child you’re given - not somebody else’s idea of that child. That’s what I’m learning every day of this parenthood journey: to listen and watch very carefully, so you can learn who your child is, and in turn, love him/her how s/he needs to be loved.
sus @ wiggleroomss last blog post..First Day of School, Again.
August 14th, 2008 at 7:46 am
Alice says:
i’m not a parent, so i can’t say from experience what will work… but i can say from vivid memories of being IN school that the confidence and happiness that comes from succeeding acadmically is something you really, really can’t get from any other source. so anything you do to let your kid have that success = a good thing, i’m thinking.
Alices last blog post..food for thought
August 14th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Alison says:
I really do appreciate you sharing these thoughts & experiences–it helps me as a parent. My oldest is only four but I think we will be struggling with the kindergarten decision next year because while he leads a year or two verbally/cognitively, physically & emotionally he lags the same couple years. AND he is super shy in new situations, to the point that he freezes up. Having not officially skipped a grade, but having been put in with the kids a grade ahead for most of my classwork for most of my 1-12 schooling, I know well the discomfort and even agony of lagging behind socially plus being a klutz in PE and I hope to protect him from that. But my husband is optimistic to a fault (and has never been a klutz) so he think I am crazy to even consider making him wait.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:45 am
BOTB says:
I’m sure you’re making the right decision. I strongly doubt that giving him an extra year will hurt him and you know your son. I think having an extra year and skipping a year are so different and you can’t let the negative experience you had make you worry about your son. My mom FORCED the school to let my brother repeat a year when he was going from kindergarten to first grade. It was all about the social skills and it paid off more than you could know.
BOTBs last blog post..SMILF: August 19, 2003
August 14th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Geevz says:
From a middle teacher’s perspective, it sounds like you are absolutely making the right decision on all levels. Academically and socially, middle school is rough. I’m still having kids come to my class in the wrong hour etc. Going to sixth grade puts him on a level playing field with everyone else. And especially with his birthday being when it is, no one will know it’s his second time around unless he tells them. Great Job!
Geevzs last blog post..Interesting
August 14th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Sheri says:
You sound like a great mom, you’ve given this a lot of thought and I’m sure you’re making the right decision. It’s a brave one. Both of my boys have June birthdays and we didn’t start them in kindergarten til they were 6. Oh the comments we got, especially from family members who thought we were (are) nuts. But it’s working well for the boys, so far.
Even so, 6th grade last year was tough, and we’re gearing up for 7th grade to be even tougher. I can’t imagine how hard it would be if we hadn’t held him back.
I was chosen to skip a grade in just math too, in 3rd grade. I have struggled with math ever since. High school was literally about finding someone to let me copy their work, I had tutors and extra help, just never got it. Still don’t.
Trust yourself on this one. I’m sure he’s going to have a great year, and hopefully the paperwork mountain will be finished very soon.
Sheris last blog post..Back to school
August 14th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Just Me says:
As a mother you just have to go with your gut. You know your child the best and you know what’s best for you child.
Just Mes last blog post..Finally
August 14th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Doug says:
I love this post because what shines through is just how much you love your kids. My sister should have been held back a grade, but it’s policy here not to fail students (until 9th grade, anyway) and my mother didn’t have the guts. So she quit school in grade 10 and is now a carny. I’m not saying that will happen to your kids, but it’s an extreme example of what happens to kids who are forced through schooling that doesn’t work for them. Best of luck, and keep us updated.
Dougs last blog post..Miscellany from a hammock
August 16th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Julie says:
We decided to hold our son back when we started to homeschool. It was the best thing we could have done. Alex is very smart, but also struggles with the traditional school setting. (No, that isn’t just an excuse, it is true.) He has done much better with one-on-one, rather than an entire classroom.
We had wanted to hold him back, and I think the way you did it was really a positive thing. He won’t be going back to the same school and won’t have to deal with all the kids there.
Let us know how it goes.
Julies last blog post..Nursery Pictures
August 17th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
flickrlovr says:
I definitely think that you know your kid best and it sounds like this really feels right to both of you. I applaud you for making this choice, even though it may be scary (probably more for you than for him)!
As a current college student (sophomore), a former homeschooler (pretty much all throughout my school years, with a couple exceptions), and a kid that never attended pre-school and started late due to my September birthday…I’m doing just fine! I, along with my parents, decided I’d like to try going to a private high school when 9th grade hit, so I did. I went there for about 2 years, a little less. I enjoyed it for awhile. I did excellently, making 4.0 GPA and the honor roll each year. The principal told my parents that I was more prepared for high school than any of the other kids there, and this after homeschooling (mostly ‘unschooling’ during my younger years)! So I’m proof that kids can succeed in many different environments…
The only reason I ever get low grades (and by low, I mean B’s) is either because it’s math or science (I’ve never done well in either without working my toosh off)…or because I’m just not putting in the effort I need to. So I know how to work on my own, get my grades up, use the resources available, etc. and I appreciate my Mom for teaching me those skills. I learned more ‘unschooling’ with her all those years than I learned in 2 years of “real” school (which totally bored me after awhile)…
Sorry to babble!
I think you can definitely rest assured that this decision was the right one. He’s going to do great!
August 18th, 2008 at 12:43 am