Finally, a reason to use my Facebook account

August 3, 2008

Dear Oregon Trail computer game,

Remember how I spent hours and hours in junior high trying to conquer you? I would skip lunch and spend day after day in the library trying to get my little covered wagon 2000 miles to the promised land of Oregon?

(To those concerned about putting a computer game before lunch, now would probably be the time to confess that lunch usually consisted of one Cherry Coke and two ice cream sandwiches. There was a REASON I weighed 300 lbs. at one point, people.)

Despite all my dedication, I wasn’t very good at The Oregon Trail.

I always seemed to run out of money, suck at shooting buffalo for food when I was lucky enough to have them appear, and the damn Columbia River at The Dalles always managed to swamp my wagon. I knew I should opt to take Barlow Road, but that damn river was a challenge, so I rarely listened to reason. Most of the people in my party usually drowned.

When a member of your party dies, you make a tombstone for them and attend a funeral. There may have been one or two, “Accidental deaths” of my party that may or may not have been fueled by a desire to make juvenile captions on the headstones like “Here lies Anna, a poor, sweet flower. Perished of heart break cuz of stinky Bobby in 2nd hour.”

(Hey, I SAID I was in junior high at the time, ok?)

Needless to say, I attended a lot of “funerals” my 7th grade year.

Death is rampant on your trail, Mr. Oregon: Death by rattlesnake, drowning (the underwater tombstones you can make ARE pretty sweet. I refuse to think that this may be the underlaying reason why The Dalles river wading option was so appealing), starvation, and my personal favorite-dysentery. I find it rather unfair that with my excrement issues I had to die of rampant trots all the time.

From Gaming Fashion courtesy of Taste Like Crazy via Twitter:

Your little AppleII game was the nemeses of my 7th grade year. I find it unbelievable that with all the hours that I played you I only actually made it to Oregon a handful of times. No matter how hard I would try, my party would always perish and I rarely saw the screen shot with the beautiful river and meadow of flowers that was the finish line.

BUT ALL OF THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE!

Do you know WHY?

Because in the middle of all the applications that I find confusing and the pointless Mardi Gras beads and beers that get thrown to me, I have discovered (thanks to a fellow cast member of the musical I am in) that FACEBOOK HAS AN OREGON TRAIL APPLICATION!

So, prepare yourself, Mr. Oregon Trail.

You are about to be my bitch.

Stumble it!

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