“Son, before we finish eating, Mom and Dad need to talk to you about the rules regarding our bedroom door. What is our rule?”
“That we have to knock when we come in.”
“Yes. YOU MUST KNOCK BEFORE COMING IN. Now, you have been having a BIG problem keeping that rule. You almost never knock and it’s gotten to the point that we need to talk about it. For example, tonight when Mom and Dad were laying down, and you kept coming in, did you knock first? Even after we reminded you?”
“No, but I am always just tempted to open the door and come in. Knocking takes a long time.”
“Well, here is the thing, son. I need to find a way to explain this so you will understand why it’s important to knock. So, I’ll be blunt. A lot of the time that Mom and Dad are in their bedroom, they are NAKED. Not only NAKED, but Mom and Dad also like to KISS while NAKED. We like to KISS NAKED A LOT. If you are going to keep barging into our room without knocking, I need to let you know that there is a very good possibility that you are going to see a lot of NAKED KISSING. Unless you knock. Then we have time to not be NAKED and stop KISSING. So…what do you think?”
(Blink. Blink. Blinkity-blink-blink.)
“I don’t think that I will ever be tempted to come into your room ever again.”
“Good plan. Finish your carrots.”
-
*I’ll announce the “McWhoorlalee” contest winner on Sunday (Monday at the latest) there were so many freaking awesome entries I need a bit more time and I have back to back shows today.
Ivy says:
LOL. Your straightforwardness makes me really laugh. This is just so funny….hehe. Greets from Vienna (Austria/Europe)
Ivys last blog post..Langsam mag ich nimmer…
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:20 am
Toni says:
LOLOLOL I am soooo falling off my chair right now. Sorry that was damn funny after the week I;ve had. MWA HA HA HA HA
Tonis last blog post..Feeling the love
August 2nd, 2008 at 2:44 am
Sam says:
ha ha, very funny, I bet he didn’t know WHAT to think!!!
Sams last blog post..Six quirky things!
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:00 am
natalie says:
loralee…you are my new hero. wait, i think i’ve said that about you before, so maybe you’re not a new hero, but you are seriously solidifying your hero status. that was awesome! i laughed out loud and my 15 year old daughter wanted to know why. i couldn’t tell her because i think she might actually like the idea of naked kissing. not really, but she is me all over again so it would intrigue her for darn sure!
natalies last blog post..Naked Vacation
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:39 am
Angella says:
LOVE THIS. I am SO using it when my kids get older. Mwahahahahahaha…
Angellas last blog post..Trying To Find My Voice
August 2nd, 2008 at 4:39 am
Julie says:
Oh man! That made me laugh! I think what you said was right on!
One time seeing your parents naked is enough. It was for our daughter, and it was for me! After that, she knocked a whole bunch of times before coming in!
LOL!
Julies last blog post..A piece of ice, anyone?
August 2nd, 2008 at 4:49 am
falwyn says:
Naked AND kissing! Anything but that! LOL - that’s awesome. (Right now we call it “Mommy-Daddy Time” - but I will totally save your explanation for a later date…)
falwyns last blog post..checking in and out … for a while
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:28 am
rimarama says:
That is freakin’ hilarious! I wish my parents had put it to me that way before I scarred myself for life.
rimaramas last blog post..Some Robots are Nicer Than Others
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:22 am
angela says:
LOL. I love it. I don’t know what I would have said if my parents said that to me. hahaha
I’m excited to see who won. I enjoyed reading everyones submissions. They were much funnier than what I could think of so I decided to sit this one out.
angelas last blog post..Gone With The Coach
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:23 am
Stimey says:
I’m new here. How old is this child? Because that’s a really good (and effective) explanation.
Stimeys last blog post..What’s Going to Happen
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:30 am
Candace says:
lol.
we’ve had a few “incidents” here too.
I think I’ll serve up some carrots and do some spainin’ soon!
Candaces last blog post..and then there is this moment
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:40 am
Jennifer A says:
There’s one way to explain it. Didn’t deter my kids. I’m beginning to believe we’ll give the kids our room and hubby with take son’s room and I’ll take the daughter’s room. At least I’d get sleep
Jennifer As last blog post..Mommy Brain, but I’m not pregnant
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:43 am
Csquaredplus3 says:
We had that problem this morning! Our son said he knocked but all he heard was kissing and mumbling. My husband told him we were exercising. I said, “I don’t kiss your father?!” I LOATHE dealing with this…
Csquaredplus3s last blog post..Oh no you di’nt!
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:04 am
rachel says:
Oh my gosh. That is absolutely hysterical. That’s my kind of parenting.
rachels last blog post..Shades of a Memory
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:10 am
Rhi says:
Oh, that is FUNNY.
Rhis last blog post..Oh, right! Friday Bullets
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:51 am
KD @ A Bit Squirrelly says:
Oh my God. That was awesome…and I really hope I never have to have that canversation
KD @ A Bit Squirrellys last blog post.."As You Wish" Auds!
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:17 am
Radio Girl says:
That’s freaking hilarious!… and I SO identify! My hubby and I like to kiss nakedly when our kids are playing at the neighbors and we lock the door. The window may be cracked, so if we get loud enough the neighbors can get out their popcorn, but that’s better than a neighborhood of 5 year olds running in and asking about it. LOL
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:20 am
Memarie Lane says:
When I was a kid we just weren’t allowed in our parents’ room ever, for any reason. Right now I’m just trying to get my kids to let me pee by myself.
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:22 am
Kemi says:
I couldn’t stop giggling. I can totally visualize the blinking that was going on.
hee hee hee… naked kissing. I am going to use that.
Kemis last blog post..To pee or not to pee…
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
heather hales DESIGNS says:
awesome!!
heather hales DESIGNSs last blog post..Yummy!
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:34 am
schmutzie says:
Can you come over here and give this speech to our cats? Because they don’t seem get it.
schmutzies last blog post..I Promise To Use My Powers For Good
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:42 am
Amy @Taste Like Crazy says:
That is classic parenting.
August 2nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
slynnro says:
HILARIOUS.
slynnros last blog post..Scenes From a Yuppie Apartment Complex: Unfortunate Resident Edition
August 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 am
designher momma says:
I think you did it simply, with style and a little dash of funny! Loved it!
designher mommas last blog post..I’m accomplished
August 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 am
foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG) says:
This is a convesation that needs to take place in my house now that my boys have seen every episode of Spongebob Squarepants we used to rely on as a “Mommy and Daddy are sleepy! We’re going to take a little nap!” diversion! My oldest may have figured out before I was ready for him to, though! - http://foradifferentkindofgirl.blogspot.com/search?q=homophone+for+pound
(looking forward to spending some time here!)
foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..it’s apparently fun to stay at the hol-i-day inn
August 2nd, 2008 at 11:12 am
mothergoosemouse says:
I like that explanation. I’m just worried about how to explain naked kissing that’s not lip-on-lip, but lip-on-something-else-entirely…
August 2nd, 2008 at 11:30 am
loralee says:
@mothergoosemouse
You just made me snort Frito crumbs up my nose. Just so you know. (Off to bwaha ha ha ha ha ha! Some more…)
August 2nd, 2008 at 11:32 am
Brighton says:
Wow, I explained it using “penis” and “vagina” pretty liberally to my seven year old. I never thought to just say we were just kissing! Of course my child may NEVER go into our room again- knocking or not.
August 2nd, 2008 at 11:45 am
Jill (CDJ) says:
Oh no you didn’t!! That is too awesome for words!
Jill (CDJ)s last blog post..I am trying to break your heart
August 2nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Headless Mom says:
So Funny!
I may have to use this approach now that my kids are old enough for the “knock before you enter” talk but not quite old enough for the full sex talk.
Headless Moms last blog post..3 days left!
August 2nd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Berne says:
LOL.
Bernes last blog post..Classy…
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
AMomTwoBoys says:
DUDE. We were just interrupted for the first time ever the other night. Talk about killing the mood!
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
HappyCampers says:
That was hillarious! I want to be a fly on the wall in your kitchen
HappyCamperss last blog post..I Love My Point & Shoot
August 2nd, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Jess says:
A friend of mine once was teaching a primary class and they were talking about things they do on Sundays. One kid said they take naps and another one said his parents always take a “naked nap” on sundays. She was trying so hard not to die laughing and had a hard time not busting a gut when his mom came to pick him up. She said it’s hard to look at them and not think of their “naked nap Sundays”!
Jesss last blog post..projects in the works
August 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says:
oh my word! I must say, I never thought of that approach. LOLOLOLOL
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)s last blog post..Have you checked out the photos?
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Christine says:
Genius!
Christines last blog post..An open letter to Kathy Griffin
August 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Danielle says:
hahaha!! That’s an awesome damn way to solve that problem!! so funny!!!
Danielles last blog post..My Hot New Accessory
August 2nd, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Kile says:
If we’re expected to teach them about the birds and the bees then what the hell is school for? Luckily our bedroom door came installed with a lock.
Kiles last blog post..Walmart Day!
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Michelle at Scribbit says:
Way to gross him out
That oughta fix things!
LOL
Michelle at Scribbits last blog post..Zoobies and Kids Fun Cards Giveaway
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Camille says:
If I ever have kids of my own, I will be sure to use that tactic.
Camilles last blog post..{Introducing the Best New Feature Since I Learned How to Post Photos}
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Kristen says:
I put my hands over my eyes in the middle of the post. Something about all the nakedness.
Kristens last blog post..Everyone is a winner here!
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Chelle says:
It’s one thing to have to explain that to your kids, but I know someone that had that conversation with their father-in-law after he walked into their apartment and then their bedroom sans ANY knocking about a month after they got married! Eeeooow!!!
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Davie says:
Funny LL.
I don’t think our kids ever walked in on us but our first apartment might as well have had the neighbor in the bedroom.
It was about 2 months after living there as newlyweds when one night I heard his phone ring. I could actually make out both sides of the conversation through the walls.
Aaaaawwkward.
From that point forward my wife has been much less - um, vocal.
Dammit.
We are currently nine months pregnant and due in only 9 days! I vaguely remember naked kissing. I seem to remember a bunch of it nine months ago.
I really really miss naked kissing.
Davies last blog post..2 weeks
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Jen W says:
This is perfect timing. I’ve been thinking about how to explain the birds and the bees to my daughter. I’d love to get the blinkety-blink-blink reaction!
Jen Ws last blog post..Darn those stupid Jibbits
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Karly says:
Ha! That’ll teach him! Parents and naked kissing…sure to gross out any little boy!
Karlys last blog post..Long And Ranty And Probably Too Many Bad Words. Also? Lots of Caps Lock.
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Mrs. Schmitty says:
OMG…you are a genius!
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..The Dreaded C Word
August 2nd, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Michelle says:
Love the naked kissing. We tell our kids they can have an hour on the computers, and they wouldn’t know if the house burned down around them…works for us parents of young teenagers.
August 3rd, 2008 at 5:46 am
Elisa says:
LOL. I love that like marketing specialists you used the right word repeatedly during your speech to get the point across. Well done! I bet you could sell bridges to people. I wonder if the naked kissing line works on them too?
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:51 am
Nilsa says:
HILARIOUS! I’m filing this one away as I’m quite certain all parents will need to use it at some point or another!
Nilsas last blog post..Bumpy
August 3rd, 2008 at 10:20 am
maggie, dammit says:
Huh. It’s as easy as that! Maybe I’ll unfurl a little blatant honesty on my own sweet cherubs…. Or, maybe I’ll just continue to tell them that rabid fanged fairies will carry them away if they don’t listen to what I say.
maggie, dammits last blog post..Happy 11th Anniversary, Darlin’
August 3rd, 2008 at 10:27 am
4 says:
That is delightful. I think I may have to use that on the teenagers who seem to forget ( or choose to forget) that closed doors mean something in our house.
We used to sleep with the door closed, but since we have had two incidents of molotov cocktails through the neighbour’s (a few doors down) window, I don’t dare close them and miss if that were to happen to us. Gosh if it’s not the kids screwing with your love life, it’s the hooligans. Can’t anyone just give two old folks 3 minutes alone, it’s not like I am asking for an hour, all I want is 3 maybe 4 minutes!
4s last blog post..My sister, my friend.
August 3rd, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Sunday Linky Love | The Bean Blog says:
[…] one way to convince your kids to knock. Too […]
August 4th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Brian says:
I was referred to this post from a friend. Absolutely hilarious!
Brians last blog post..A Tribute
August 4th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Miss Britt says:
I feel like such a fool. Here I have been wasting all this time trying to tip toe around the issue with discussions about “PRIVACY” and “COURTESY” and “SERIOUSLY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST KNOCK ON THE DAMN DOOR.”
I have seen the error of my ways now. Thank you.
August 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children says:
This TOPS my list of conversations I don’t look forward to having with my children.
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for childrens last blog post..How to murder a fly. A tutorial.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
LiteralDan says:
Yay for naked kissing! And yay for you for creating a genius emergency plan!
LiteralDans last blog post..10 ways work differs from home
August 5th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
ingrid says:
Wooo for naked kissing.
ingrids last blog post..reminder! squatter saturday!
August 8th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Missives From Suburbia says:
So. That honesty thing? That really works? Oh, wait. I just read the follow-up on this and now know that it doesn’t.
Missives From Suburbias last blog post..Totally Inappropriate Olympics Commentary
August 9th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
loralee says:
Oh, no. It WORKS. My husband just left the door wide open. It was early in the morning (Like, REALLY early) and we thought they would be asleep for at least a couple more hours.
Poor kid is not going to come within 100 ft of our door now.
August 9th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Dawn says:
and again I have fallen in love with you. like NAKED KISSING love.
Dawns last blog post..Rick Rolled Redux
August 12th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
shonda says:
We just had our oldest son walk in on us doing it for the first time. It was definitely a Freudian moment alright.
shondas last blog post..Grocery Store Prices, Just Makin’ It Up As We Go
August 31st, 2008 at 12:56 pm