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To answer a question to the curious: I didn’t drink at BlogHer because I don’t drink.
I did have a wee bit of a “Drinking phase” after my son died and I went inactive from the Mormon church. (Because when many of us Mormons go inactive we run around like crazed idiots a smokin’ and a drinkin’ and a sinnin’ , guzzling coffee and basically screaming to the heavens, “LOOK AT ME, GOD! I’M BUYING NAUGHTY, LICENTIOUS, THONG UNDERWEAR FROM VICTORIA’S SECRET!”, to prove just how inactive we are to everyone around us.)
Once I got over the whole “Bite me, God” phase of my grief process I realized that I am just not a drinker. I don’t like the taste, I wasn’t raised with it, and I certainly never built up a tolerance because I skipped all the younger drinking years where most people get it out of their systems.
My “Wild child” phase (or rather, “Wild advancing-aged woman” phase) did provide some interesting entertainment for my seasoned drinking friends. They took SUCH good care of me when I was plastered off my ass:
EVERY 30-year-old should wake up with a Sharpie mustache and penis drawn on their face. It’s awesome.
I also get very, VERY affectionate when drinking. The more plastered I get, the more affectionate I get. See this photo? I was pretty much drunk off my ass and must have thought my friend, Brigitte had a ball of mistletoe on her ho-ho-HO-ness somewhere.
Besides all the Tomfoolery with Sharpie markers and making out with people, I am also a TOTAL LIGHTWEIGHT. One whiff of alcoholic fumes and I do things like slide up to my male buddies and spew forth such enlightened phrases like, “If you were a Hobbit I would totally have sex with you RIGHT NOW!”
Yeah. I will NEVER live that down. (Nor am I sure that I should.)
(Side note to my beloved Jenny, The Blogess, just know that many years before the whole mythical Hobbit hub-ub, your friend Loralee’s Looney Tunes had Hobbit embarrassment as well. Hugs, you cuddly bundle of adorableness.)
Since I really didn’t want to chase Y,Oh! The Joys! and Backpacking Dadaround BlogHer yelling, “FRODO! SAMWISE!! GANDALF!!! SCREW THAT STUPID RING AND COME MAKE OUT WITH ME!!!” I thought abstaining from the booze would be best for everyone.
Instead, I gave my drink tickets to Heather B. It was totally worth it because 1: I got to touch Whoorl’s hair when she picked them up and 2: Dude, anyone who can drink wine from a Starbucks cup while getting serenaded by a chick from Utah and not run screaming from the premises is just cool. Angella and Ali didn’t have any wine when I sang so I don’t know what they hell THEY did to help them cope.
I gulped down diet soda the whole conference so I can’t really blame the demon liquor for what happened here:
(Redneckmommy)
Or here…
(Mr. Lady)
Now, can I?
Hot women with nose rings that live in Canada must just have a major thing for me and my dorky awesomeness, right?
Seriously though, I lurve these two ladies. When I met Shannon (aka “Mr. Lady” of “Whiskey in my sippee cup” fame) she backed up, squeeled and hurled her tiny little body at me so hard I threw my back out. It was the ultimate of all BlogHer tackles, believe me. I don’t remember who had “Blog Love” first, but I do know that it was hard-core, with hearts and flowers shooting out of the screen every time we typed out each other’s URL.
And then there is my beeeeaaaaauuuuutiful pierced buttercup of awesomeness from the north country.
Tanis made me retake this photo because “Her hair was shitty” in the first photo. When Redneckmommy says to do something, DUDE…You DO it. Not that it was difficult. I adore Tanis with the power of a thousand burning suns. I’d adore her endlessly even if she wasn’t a mom that shared a lot of grief with me. Because of that, though? She’s my forever friend and in my heart always. I don’t mean to get all cheesy on you, but finally getting to meet her, talk to her about our boys in person and wrapping my arms around her (and her and her) was every bit as wonderful as I knew it would be.
Plus, there is that whole “Nipple piercing” thing she has going on. (Which I can now TOTALLY verify. Hee.)
There is so much that I didn’t document about BlogHer here. I figured people would start throwing things if I didn’t write a story that everyone could enjoy. (Ok, my family and inlaws will probably NOT enjoy this tale of debauchery penned by their relation Slutty McSlutterson. I’ve warned you all not to read me. It’s bad for your health, yo.)
Please don’t get owied feelings if our photo isn’t here or you aren’t linked to. I LOVE YOU ALL and if I ever manage to get more coverage out here on this ASS LONG TRIP I am in the middle of (Currently somewhere in the wilds of Idaho) to publish this drivel, I am planning on writing detailed captions and links on my Flickr photos because there are people and stories I want you to meet and read.
I’ll leave you with something kewel, though…
One of the best things that I ever did to prepare for BlogHer last year was to read blogs where they posted a list of every business card they were handed at BlogHer. And I am so going to do it myself this year. I added the list of BlogHer business cards to my linky love page and will leave them there until BlogHer ‘09. Go check it out.
While I loved all the making out, the cuddling, the groping and the laughing, I loved bringing home my swag to my sweet boys. (Including my husband, who is now wearing the sweet Zivio headset I snagged. This had better mean I am forgiven for being crappy in the wifely duties lately or I am SO taking it back!)
P.S. I am so sorry for this craptastic post. I am typing it on a phone in the middle of buttfreakingnowhere Idaho with horribly spotty internet connection. Please forgive errors, bad links and any of the other suckage that you would expect to find in a post typity-typed in the conditions.
And?
If you take this post or these photos too seriously, I may have to remind all y’all that you may not be reading the right blog for your temperament and sense of humor and/or morality. There was no tongue involved so get thine knickers out of a twist, ok? I’m just sayin’…
tjk says:
well llc
sounds like a good time was had by all…
have a fun vacation
July 24th, 2008 at 6:20 am
SparklieSunShine says:
I love it! Sounds like you had a really good time!
I quit drinking around May for reasons I haven’t blogged about yet, but lets suffice it to say I was at a party with a bunch of Kasey’s friends and was drinking way too much and I get the same amount (if not more so) of affectionate as you seem to. Uh oh. It was baaaaaaad. So I drink water at the bars now. (Well and champagne at special occasions)
I love the business card idea. Fun!
July 24th, 2008 at 7:13 am
lceel says:
No tongue? Well!! THERE’s a waste of time for ya!!
July 24th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Chrisy says:
I found your site through Melanie Beanpaste who has consistently great links. LOVE your writing - funny person! I’m on vacation, so I’ll explore more of your site in a few days. Looking forward to it…
http://www.csquaredplus3.typepad.com
July 24th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Heather says:
Yea, I don’t drink either. I was concerned that I might try it if I even went to BlogHer…but I am glad to know that others might not be drinking as well.
Great shots.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Charli says:
Damn. You are one lucky slut. The Redneck Mommy?! Seriously?! Ugh. I am so jealous. Of both of you!
Charlis last blog post..Vacation 2008
July 24th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Charli says:
ps- who’s the condom from?
July 24th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Tim says:
Wow Rubik!!!
Love the pix! (What guy wouldn’t?)
July 24th, 2008 at 8:41 am
ali says:
Loralee kissing girls = HOT.
the end.
alis last blog post..mother.of.the.year. (7 years running!)
July 24th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Smilf says:
THis looks like a fabulous time!!!
Smilfs last blog post..SMILF: Male PMS?
July 24th, 2008 at 8:49 am
sizzle says:
You so don’t need alcohol- you’re a party sober, girl. I loved when we were in the hallway and you were recounting when the talk radio came on and the audio guy, Kirk said to you, “Are you always this dramatic?” and you replied without missing a beat, “Yes!”
Just another reason to adore you.
And where in the hell was I when all the making out happened? I would so have gotten in on that action!
sizzles last blog post..Maybe I Am Not The Joiner I Thought I Was?
July 24th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Sharon says:
Hee. Love the pictures! Looks and sounds like you had a fantastic time!
Sharons last blog post..From A-Z
July 24th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Connie says:
Love the pictures!
I have been known to kiss some girls and I liked it! I had no idea you could get away with that shit in Utah. OH wait! You were in SF!
I hope you are having a great trip. By the way, my new favorite restaurant is in Logan!
July 24th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Sarah says:
Darling, I will need to read this post in two parts. Yes, I’m THAT person, but you knew that.
So this comment is directed to the first part of your post. I’ll comment about you making out with women after sleeping in my bed and telling me I’m the only girl for you later.
But for now…
I have decided Heather B. is my new favorite Internet stranger. Drinking wine from a Sbux cup is fantastic. In fact, it pretty much is exactly what I did the entire night of last year’s Halloween party. It was awesome. I’m digging this Salinger reading, wine queen.
Sarahs last blog post..That’s What She Said–In Utah This Week
July 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Rhi says:
YOU DID NOT KISS ME AT BLOGHER!
Hmmph!
Rhis last blog post..Because you were hoping for another BlogHer Update Post, and I always deliver
July 24th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Jennifer A. says:
Another reason I’m semi happy being Catholic. COFFEE!!!!! ALCHOL!!!!
and yes, there are mormons in my family. Who eat chocolate.
Now I gotta work on the business cards for BlogHer ‘09
July 24th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Queen of Shake Shake says:
I’m claiming it now….I get dibs on your drink tickets next year!
Why do I find myself disappointed that there was no tongue action?
July 24th, 2008 at 11:16 am
heather says:
You typed this on a PHONE?! Well, that definitely makes me feel bad about bitching to you a couple weeks ago about my blackberry! Damn, Loralee!!!
PS Thanks for not posting any pictures of us kissing. What, we didn’t make out? Crap. Who WAS that lady, then?
July 24th, 2008 at 11:16 am
To Think Is To Create says:
So I came here ready to say “remember me!?” from when we met in the bathroom while you waited for Scribbit to be done with her interview (and I was sitting on the toilet, but not in THAT way)…but my card isn’t even on the list, so I’m thinking you most likely don’t remember? You are hysterical and it was fabulous to meet you, even if it’s a figment of my imagination.
To Think Is To Creates last blog post..nn404 Not FoundnnNot FoundnThe requested URL /commentluvinc/remoteCL5.php was not found on this server.nnApache/2.2.3 (CentOS) Server at http://www.fiddyp.com Port 80nn
July 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Melain says:
Whore.
It’s been a while since I got my lesbian fix on. Maybe I should pencil in Blogher next year.
Glad you had fun babe. You should make this a habit.
Melains last blog post..nn404 Not FoundnnNot FoundnThe requested URL /commentluvinc/remoteCL5.php was not found on this server.nnApache/2.2.3 (CentOS) Server at http://www.fiddyp.com Port 80nn
July 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Kyle Johnson says:
The girl on girl action must have been awesome there Loralee……lol J.K. It looks like you had a lot of “FUN” there.
For anyone out there that didnt know Loralee when she had been drinking, you missed some very, very funny things. She is the funniest drunk that I have ever met.
Good thing that you didnt drink while out there, you may have never came back
July 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Kerri Anne says:
Seriously. Just when I think I can’t possibly adore you more, you bust out with the best pictures of the conference. (BlogHers gone WILD. Heh.)
I want more time with you! Come to Portland!
July 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
threeundertwo says:
Must have been good. You closed your eyes.
threeundertwos last blog post..Vintage Thingies Thursday: Cast Iron Stove
July 24th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
rachel says:
It’s so on next year! This looks like so much fun!
I adore Tanis and ‘Mr.Lady’ and you! Fabulously adorable pictures!!
July 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Maria says:
I can’t believe you did all that on a phone. That’s friggin’ awesome.
Marias last blog post..[Edited] BlogHer ‘08: Lost in the Midst of 1,000 Recaps. And a Give Away.
July 24th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Robin says:
BAHAHAHAHA! You and I are SO from the same tribe!!!
Jill and I had coffee this morning. She said you were a bundle of excitement and so much fun to hang out with! It’ll be ME next year yelling and tackling you at BlogHer (in..a..totally..non..stalkerish..but..somewhat..lebso..way..)
July 24th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
serf 'rett says:
Don’t think I’ll try the bacon mints.
Have seen your comments over at Amber’s Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck and then when I read that ya’ll were roomies at BlogHer, I became concerned for your mental health and emotional welfare. If a fraction of the stuff Amber writes about her vacations is true, then you were in peril. Now that I’ve read a few of your posts, I’m not sure who was imperiled?
Have a blessed day.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Bridge says:
If I go to BlogHer next year the drink tickets are MINE!!! Lol. Either that or Loralee has to buy me a drink. You hear that Lo?
Loralee + liquor = Ho
Bridge + no liquor = Ho
HAHAHA.
Bridges last blog post..is it just me?
July 24th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Redneck Mommy says:
You totally slipped me the tongue.
I liked it.
*wink*
There are no words, my new friend, for how much I love you.
But next time we see each other, try and keep your tongue to yourself, m’kay?
July 24th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
loralee says:
I’ve heard that there is some trouble with the comments here, so I’m testing it out (Again, from my stupid phone)
To think is to create: DANG! I knew losing a few cards was inevitable. I totally remember you! I will try to remedy it when (IF!) I actually get a computer.
AND?
The condom was sooooo from Mrs. Flinger. It said, “Save a pee stick”. (She has this obsession with thinking she’s pregnant and repeatedly peeing on to sticks to relieve her mind. Hilarious card, no?
July 24th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Backpacking Dad says:
So, taking that picture of you kissing Redneck Mommy was, seriously, one of the highlights of the weekend.
Sure I made and met lots of friends and blah blah blah…
But for about 5 minutes I had the best seat in the whole City.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Backpacking Dad says:
And you rock.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Mr Lady says:
And *sigh* I am STILL not good enough for BPDad. What do I have to do, BLEED?
Oh, why didn’t we get one of ALL THREE OF US? PS: My husband printed and framed this. Just sayin’.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
VDog says:
I didn’t get a Loralee kiss!!! WHAAAAAA!!!!
At least ya felt mah bewbs! hee
July 24th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Heather B. says:
Ok first of all I feel honored that I’ve seen a photo of you kissing a girl before. Second of all you kissing Mr. Lady AND Redneck Mommy? I mean, I met both of them and I got to hug Mr. Lady but dude, that’s pretty hot.
Oh and when you serenaded me (while I was drunk) I wanted to cry. Your voice is mind blowing, L.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
BusyDad says:
May I start campaigning now to be part of this series next year?
BusyDads last blog post..Still Reeling
July 24th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Camille says:
Tongue or no tongue, Loralee–I can’t wrap my prude head around that.
But if it works for you, it works for you.
Sicko.
Camilles last blog post..I’ve Just Thought of an Excellent Plot for a Horror Film…
July 24th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Camille says:
I should have added a “:)” after the word “sicko.”
July 24th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Tootsie Farklepants says:
There’s nothing craptastic about this post. It’s fucking awesome.
Tootsie Farklepantss last blog post..The Post Where I Get All Philosophical on Your Ass and a Bit Lengthy
July 25th, 2008 at 1:03 am
Zip n Tizzy says:
Oh, and I thought our hug was special…
It was great meeting you last weekend. You are a joy to be around.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:08 am
kirida says:
These pictures are so rawr!
kiridas last blog post..67.15.255.18
July 25th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Ktgreen says:
awww, I love that our crazy GCI card made it into what I am calling ‘the mommyblogger business card orgy’!!!!
I adored meeting you and my heart hurts for the horrible trolls that cause you pain. Keep truckin little lady! (PS: who doesnt have a picture of themselves drunk with marker drown on their faces?!)
Ktgreens last blog post..Twitter Does Maintenance During BlogHer 08
July 25th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Adventures In Babywearing says:
You forgot my card, too!! You were one of the 1st bloggers I met at BlogHer and I know it was super crazy with the 5 Minutes twins circling about in the makeup room. But, you are lovely!
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Hands
July 25th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Kimberly says:
Two my favorite bloggers locking lips?!?! How did I miss this?
Kimberlys last blog post..My BlogHer Doggie Bag
July 25th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
metalia says:
AWESOME.
metalias last blog post..Thoughts from the 10:30 pm Showing of THE DARK NIGHT, or: Why I am Not Yet Fit to Re-Enter Society, and Should’ve Just Stayed Home and Had Some Wine*
July 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Mrs. Flinger says:
A little bummed you didn’t tongue me. Going to try to slip some in while you’re in town.
Mrs. Flingers last blog post..Inappropriate Question Submittals
July 25th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Julie says:
It looks like you had a great time. And, I cannot get over the picture of your two boys. They have gotten so big so quickly!
Julies last blog post..22 Months Old
July 25th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Amy says:
Did you wear cherry chapstick??
July 25th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Jack says:
Woohoo. Someone had quite the time.
Jacks last blog post..Goodbye Randy Pausch
July 25th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says:
Okay - I TOTALLY missed all that kissing stuff. Girl! Y’all were getting crazy!
I did not know you were an “inactive” Mormon. And I am so not up on Mormon lingo, I didn’t know the title was “inactive.” Hmm. learn something new everyday.
SO, meeting you was a definite highlight of BlogHer for me. You are a freakin riot!!!!
I see the corner of my business card there. How cool is that! My stash is sitting next to me here. I hope to get through it, but right now it is looking VERY overwhelming.
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)s last blog post..Janice Interviews Alice (FinSlippy) On Video At BlogHer08
July 25th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says:
PS - I can barely type a three sentence email on my phone. How on earth did you get all that written - links included??? that would have taken me the entire vacation.
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)s last blog post..Janice Interviews Alice (FinSlippy) On Video At BlogHer08
July 25th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Black Hockey Jesus says:
Hot.
Black Hockey Jesuss last blog post..Guests/Wii/Burritos/Eggrolls
July 26th, 2008 at 3:02 am
andi says:
That’s it! I’m calling Jesus and telling him to unsubscribe from your blog!
(You know I’m kidding, right? Hot mom-on-mom action can never be wrong.)
andis last blog post..Common sense and impeccable timing: I have neither
July 26th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Angella says:
How did I not get a smooch?
Angellas last blog post..Permanent Vacation
July 26th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Just Me says:
Looks like you had a lot of fun at Blogher!
Just Mes last blog post..Finally
July 26th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
willie says:
May I please buy you a drink???
Looks like a blast. What a great sense of adventure you have.
Have a glorious day!
willies last blog post..golden gate
July 27th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Deb (Missives From Suburbia) says:
I really have to stop reading everyone’s posts about BlogHer. It’s just making me seethe about not going. YOU MADE OUT WITH MR. LADY?! Crap. CRAP. CRAP!!!
I’m off to wallow in jealousy. I’ll be back someday.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)s last blog post..Hair of the Dog
July 27th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Melly says:
Still reading just not sure how to respond. Speechless I guess.
Mellys last blog post..It’s hard to eat a snickers for the sake of art.
July 28th, 2008 at 12:01 am
gwendomama says:
SO. JEALOUS.
sRsly. was i just too much woman for you?
gwendomamas last blog post..Blogher 08 in a (Very Large) Nutshell
July 28th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Moose says:
I’m definitely getting in the Smooch Loralee Line next year.
Mooses last blog post..Power of the Semicolon
July 28th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Sarcastic Mom says:
I think you are hilarious, wonderful, and all around “the shit.”
But DAMNIT I’m seething with jealousy at you getting to kiss two of my favorite ladies, while my paper bewbs just looked on from inside of Tanis’s bag.
July 28th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
gorillabuns says:
i seriously missed out on a LOT this year.
July 30th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Elizabeth says:
I’m also getting in the smooch Loralee line next year, mmkay? My husband keeps asking why I keep going to BlogHer if I can’t at least do something naughty while I’m there? lol
And Mr. Lady did that same thing to me when I introduced myself - backed up, squealed, and hurled herself at me! She’s adorable.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:01 pm