My husband is a lecturer.
I suppose he can’t help it, because the man literally knows almost everything that there is to know about how things work and grasps the mechanics of things that make my head spin in the blink of an eye.
He is scarily intelligent.
That said, if he tells me one more time that I have loaded the dishwasher incorrectly I will take my super-sized box of Cascade and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
Sometimes he treats me like I am two and it pisses me off.
THAT said, sometimes I ACT like I’m two, so I don’t know how much I can really blame him.
THAT THAT said, if he decides he wants to get down and jiggy with his wife at bedtime and if that wife happens to put her laptop on the floor next to the bed in a not-so-gentle manner to accommodate him, it probably isn’t the best idea to start the lecturing process at that exact moment.
“You know, you really shouldn’t ever set your laptop down like that. (INSERT much BLAH, BLAH, BLAHING on proper laptop storage and placement here). If you don’t take good care of your things it will lead to a very poor outcome for it and you.”
“You know, you really shouldn’t ever lecture your wife when you’re trying to cop a feel. It will lead to a very poor outcome for you and your manly bits.”
**Did you enter to win an Amazon gift certificate? If not, click here and leave a comment! THE GIVEAWAY WILL CLOSE MONDAY, JULY 14th at SIX PM (MST)
sarah bean says:
umm, first things first, why are the posts (and comment box) showing up in the right hand column and the space in the middle where they should be, is just a huge blank bunch of whiteness? Could just be me I suppose, but I did refresh a couple of times…
Anyway, onto the business - HAHAHAHAHHAAA - this is sooo my hubby and me. And as if to prove my very own point, after a I read it out to him, instead of laughing, he gave me a little lecture (about your hubby being right and blah blah blah). Frick.
sarah beans last blog post..Bad Good and Beautiful
July 14th, 2008 at 2:20 am
witchypoo says:
I wanted to wish your youngun happy birthday but wanted to wait until a more appropriate post title would show up in the feed.
witchypoos last blog post..Horny McSlutty and Stoopid
July 14th, 2008 at 5:18 am
lceel says:
Would you like me to take him under my wing? Teach him a thing or two about respect, and just general sucking up? ‘Cause I can, you know. I am the best suck up to a woman that I know. Back rubs, foot massages, compliments, unexpected gifts, occasional help with dishes - you name it, I’m right there. You just say the word, I’ll whip him into shape in no time.
We’ll discuss a fee … later.
lceels last blog post..So starts the week
July 14th, 2008 at 6:36 am
HRH says:
I love this. I might even identify with it a bit…
HRHs last blog post..Monday Potluck: Where’s the fruit?
July 14th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Angella says:
The title is classic
Angellas last blog post..Three Posts In One
July 14th, 2008 at 7:52 am
4 says:
I would love to hear what my husband thinks about romancing a teacher…elementary teacher at that….dare I ask??
4s last blog post..http://4myownworth.blogspot.com/
July 14th, 2008 at 9:03 am
loralee says:
@Sarah Bean
FREAK! I hate Internet Explorer! Every single time there is a problem with how this site looks it is in IE. (It looks fine in Firefox).
I have no idea why it is having weirdness. I’ll try to find out, though…
July 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am
loralee says:
@ Witchypoo. Hee. You could always just uncheck commentluv to disable it.
@Iceel THAT is hilarious
HRH: All women (and men) that are married to a lecturer relate to each other at some point.
Angella: True words, no?
4: THAT would be interesting.
July 14th, 2008 at 9:29 am
In the Trenches of Mommyhood says:
I get the “you’ve loaded the dishwasher incorrectly” lecture all the time. So now, I kinda sorta load it all haphazardly on purpose just to tick said lecturer off. Works every time.
In the Trenches of Mommyhoods last blog post..Miscellaneous Monday
July 14th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Camille says:
OH MY GOSH. Your husband and mine would get along famously. Because they’re quite alike in that way. And yet, PK does not understand when I say “Don’t treat me like a kid.”
And he also doesn’t like the way I use my laptop.
Camilles last blog post..My Year in Review: Happy Birthday, Little Blog!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Rachel (Louisiana) says:
Poor laptop, poor Loralee, poor husband. Lecturing is never a turn on.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Ellynn says:
My husband acts the same way, but fortunately (unfortunately?) for me, he rarely ever sees the inside of the dishwasher, so he could care less how I load it. He takes care of laundry instead, which I hate, and when I do a load I always get chewed out for overloading. Like I have time to do two loads, right?
July 14th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
HeatherPride says:
Also leading to frigidity? When your husband wears a size “small” shirt and the shirt you bought yesterday is an “extra large.” I tell myself it is because of the size of my bodacious ta-ta’s, but…..
HeatherPrides last blog post..Just A Little Off the Top
July 14th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Kyle Johnson says:
That is so funny Loralee. I can just see that. LOL
July 14th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Backpacking Dad says:
Just dump him and let Satan sweep you off your feet.
Backpacking Dads last blog post..GoogleHer? I don’t even know her
July 14th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Backpacking Dad says:
Dump him and let Satan sweep you off your feet. You know he would never lecture you.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Backpacking Dad says:
Yay! Site is fixed in IE!
Backpacking Dads last blog post..GoogleHer? I don’t even know her
July 14th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Backpacking Dad says:
And now I’ve left 4 comments in a row! Get a life BPD!
Backpacking Dads last blog post..GoogleHer? I don’t even know her
July 14th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
loralee says:
I know! AND I FIXED IT ALL BY MYSELF!!!!
(That cracking sound would be hell freezing over. Just so you know.)
July 14th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
loralee says:
I should clarify, The I KNOW! Was about me fixing my webpage! Whee!
And? Dost thou not remember last week when I linked to you like FOUR TIMES in as many days? My blog was in danger of becoming the I HEART BACKPACKING DAD BLOG!
July 14th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
jen says:
at first I hit the “stumble it” thing, and I must’ve been away for that, so, it kind of freaked me out.
THAT said…YEAH, why oh why do they always pick the most INopportune times to wax poetical about all that is in their knowlege noggins? Does your husband repeat things two or EIGHT times to you because he is sure that you are some kind of idiot who wouldn’t have understood it the first thirty times he said it?
Yeah. Im married to That Guy.
Sweet.
jens last blog post..You like me, you really like me!
July 14th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Backpacking Dad says:
I totally do remember that! It was awesome! And I can’t stop checking back here to see if you’re talking about me again because I love that about you!
And exclamation points!
Backpacking Dads last blog post..GoogleHer? I don’t even know her
July 14th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
loralee says:
In the Trenches of Mommyhood:
I have tried that technique. It backfired on me.
Camille:
They are definitely interesting creatures, no?
Rachel:
The good thing about Jon is that he gets over things rather quickly.
Ellynn:
I have been banished from most laundry. As bad as I am at the dishes the laundry is worse. Sigh.
HeatherPride:
IT IS TOTALLY THE TA-TA’S! Don’t doubt it. (And I’m sure he loves it that way. Grin.)
Kyle Johnson:
I’m sure you appreciate this more than most as you KNOW him!
Jen: it is so freaking good to see you, sweets.
Backpacking Dad: Exclamation points are my world. See? STILL TALKING ABOUT YOU!!!!
July 14th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
jess says:
paul loads the dishwasher 27 ways from wrong so he never has to do it. he saves his lectures for when i’ve really done the donkey, so to speak. and then i don’t just HAVE to give him love, but i usually have to, well, you prolly know. it’s rated R. maybe even NC-17. LOL.
tmi? sorry.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Mik says:
Here via Stumble Upon!
I usually do laundry here but the wife gets uptight when I load the dishwasher as apparently I do it wrong. Hey I’m a Brit, we tend not to use dishwashers.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Julie says:
“Many bits”…too funny. I will have to use this phrase on my hubby.
Julies last blog post..22 Months Old
July 14th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Julie says:
“Manly bits”…too funny. I will have to use this phrase on my hubby.
July 14th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Melain says:
NO HE DI-INT! He really shot himself in the manly bits with THAT overreaction now, didn’t he.
Melains last blog post..One Hundred and ME
July 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
The Over-Thinker says:
HOLY Lord. I totally hope you shoved his manly bits in the disk drive. **she says sweetly**
The Over-Thinkers last blog post..Everytime I post, an Angel gets its’ wings…Poor, poor Angel. My bad.
July 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
seven says:
For a know-it-all, he doesn’t think too hard, does he?
July 14th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
seven says:
Oh, and also: Thank you so much for the gift certificate! I never expect to win anything. I’m squeeing inside.
sevens last blog post..The Poster List.
July 14th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
jasonthe says:
Well, is there carpet on the floor? If so, your husband was correct to get all up in your grill over proper laptop care.
Heh.
Loralee, your posts still entertain. Easily my favorite personal blog. Are you coming to the Illuminati lunch tomorrow?
jasonthes last blog post..Radio Free Utah
July 14th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
loralee says:
Probably the last Illuminati lunch!!! HELL YES, I am there!!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Adventures In Babywearing says:
OH too funny. I’d feel the same way!
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Hello From The Depths Of My Suitcase
July 15th, 2008 at 4:13 am
Kate says:
Manly bits! ha ha ha ha ha!
Just when I thought I couldn’t laugh anymore, I read “manly bits”..
You are hilarious!!
Kates last blog post..Doing what I love…
July 15th, 2008 at 6:55 am
Kate says:
Oh this would annoy me too. But I have to admit that I’m guilty of lectures regarding proper dishwasher loading… Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on the night) this doesn’t seem to induce frigidity in my husband. Hilarious post.
July 15th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Erin Taylor says:
Ha Ha Ha!!!! I soooo get this! Try getting a lecture on how to use the correct amount of toilet paper, or when to flush the toilet, or how to remove the water from your body after you shower….. I am older than my hubby, and I still get lectures on these basics of life. I tell him I was kissing boys long before he knew girls were “different”. It usually shuts him up!
Erin Taylors last blog post..Bannished
July 15th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Melitsa says:
July 17th, 2008 at 6:24 am
Deb (Missives From Suburbia) says:
Is this where I admit that I’m the lecturer in our house? Interestingly enough, it doesn’t seem to deter my husband from wanting sex. Maybe your husband can give me tip on how to quash your spouse’s libido?
Congrats on the post on Blog Nosh. I was delighted to see you there yesterday.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)s last blog post..Sometimes I’m Here, Sometimes I’m There
July 17th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
kate says:
ooh, and who would have thought that lecturers were into extreme sports? any man that carries on like that and expects some sweet loving is taking his life into his own hands…
July 18th, 2008 at 4:20 am
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says:
OMG. You are married to my husband’s long lost TWIN.
Example: If he can’t find his phone I’m all about helping the poor man. If I can’t find mine - I should really be more responsible for my things. They aren’t cheap you know.
It makes me want to scream the scream that will melt his face.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..BlogHer?
July 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Doug says:
Marco lectures, so I just agree then do what I want to anyway. And he knows this and accepts it. So really, it works out for the both of us.
Dougs last blog post..Hiatus
July 21st, 2008 at 12:18 am