At what point do you pick up the phone to report bad behavior to the parents of a child?

I know that parents cannot oversee everything that their children do. I also know that their are things that adults enjoy that are big no-no’s in the kid department and despite precaution, kids WILL NOSE AROUND and find those things.

I have some guilty moments in this area.

Years ago, at a hideously early hour of the morning, my brother-in-law came over right after I got out of the shower. I stumbled into the kitchen in a robe and mumbled a ‘Hello’, to him and went to the fridge. My kids were in the living room making a ruckus, when my son said, ‘MOM! We’re playing with lightsabers!!”

“Ok”, I mumbled back without looking, thinking that they were playing with the lightsabers we got them for Christmas.

My brother-in-law started laughing his head off.

“NO, Loralee! They really ARE playing with some INTERESTING ‘Lightsabers’”

I turned around and about died right there on the spot.

Seems like while I was in the shower, my nosy boys found “The naughty drawer” of our nightstand and took two of its more interesting items out from it to play “Star Wars”.  I guess I can understand how they mistook them for lightsabers, although the last time I checked, Luke Skywalker never owned a hot pink lightsaber with rotating glitter beads in the center.

I have never lived it down and frankly, I’m not sure that I ever SHOULD.

So? I don’t usually cast stones at people. I know that stuff like this happens sometimes and kids see and hear things that they shouldn’t.

BUT.

There are times when things like this are not just cases of slipping up. What do you do when your child is friends with someone who is chronically unsupervised by their parents?

I was helping Christopher with his Wolf merit badge for cub scouts and there was a section on being courageous. We talked about what courage meant and then we talked through some scenarios that involved being courageous. One of the questions asked the scout to think about something they have done that requires courage.

Christopher looked down at the ground and said, “Well…I don’t want to say it, Mom. You will get real mad.”

That isn’t a very good sign.

Here is the thing. He has a point. About the whole “Me getting mad” thing. Ever since Matthew died, I do not handle certain things with my children well. I can’t stand it when they are hurt, sick, or are in any danger whatsoever. It scares me to death. I do my best to cope in situations like that, but trying to cope with my fear and anxiety in those moments turns into me being “Short” with my kids and they think that means that I’m mad at them.

It sucks.

I have tried to explain my reaction to them and that it is because I am scared, not mad, but they don’t understand. I am trying my best to not react negatively in those situations because it is vital that my kids are able to come talk to me about things. It has not been easy, but it’s starting to get a little better.

This was obviously going to be another test. I told him that it was very important for him to trust me and that I am his mom and it is my job to know things that are important and that are going on with him.

He was still hesitant, but he sputtered it out.

“Well, Randy (Not his real name) was over here and really, really wanted me to go to his house…to…to…look at…P-0-R-N. I told him, ‘No!’”

OMG. MY CHILD IS ONLY EIGHT YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, from what I was able to get from Christopher, Randy looks at p0rn a LOT. Magazines and computer. It is not a one time “Whoops” as far as I can tell. I also draw this conclusion from our previous experiences with him. We have had problems with Randy in the past. I do feel bad for this kid. I may not be the most “Together” parent but this child will be out at 10 pm or later some nights and his parents never seem to come looking for him. Christopher also added that Randy swears and hits him when they are playing out in our backyard a lot.

There is a lot more I can say, but the kid is also only 9 and he isn’t my child, so I will move on to how I handled this tidbit of news.

To my credit, I managed not to scream, drive to this kids house and pound him and his parents into the pavement, or have the blood vessel that started pounding in my head EXPLODE.

I took a breath and told Christopher how very, VERY proud I was of him. I also talked with him about why pornography is harmful, and I told him that he was not allowed to go to Randy’s house again and if he does things like swear and hit my children out in my yard then he is no longer welcome in it.

So.

Here is the thing.

Would you say anything to Randy’s parents?

I have met them before and honestly? Jonathan and I don’t think it would make ONE bit of difference. They live in my neighborhood and while I truly doubt that it would do any good there is part of me that wants to let them know that their lack of oversight is getting their kid into heavy stuff at a really young age and that it came “This close” to dragging my son down with him.

What would you do? Say something? Leave it?

Give me some advice internet.