We all have moments from high school that we remember with perfect clarity. Moments that are still so close to you that you remember everything about it-the smell, the outfit you were wearing, and the feelings that corsed through your hormone-addled body. Hopefully, some of those moments were times of triumph or joy, but often they are moments of failure, embarrassment or stinging disappointment. I have been on both sides of those feelings and know vividly what each feels like.
Tonight I was responsible for deciding some of those moments for a good many teenagers and I am not sure how I feel about it.
I was asked to be a judge at a vocal competition for high schoolers.
It is a huge deal for these kids.
It’s a big deal to me as well.
It is a lot of responsibility.
A lot of self-worth can be tied up in a trophy and I am not sure how well that sits with me.
Every time I am asked to judge something like this I take it very seriously because I know how much it means to them. I truly enjoy doing it. I have worked hard to be qualified to judge someone vocally and I love working with the kids.
I also needed this responsibility right now.
I have been overwhelmed with life suck. I know that it is necessary and so I am really trying to stay positive and upbeat, but I have been having a hard few days and have been a shut in this week. Getting out of the house to go somewhere that I need to actually bathe and brush my hair was very, very needed.
The fact that I got paid is just a bonus.
Sure, there are frustrations when you judge a competition of this sort. Some of the performances are so godawful that all you can write is “You have a very pretty dress on and your hair looks nice”, they are THAT bad.
After you are done siting through two long hours writing so fast and furious on judging forms that your hand feels like it is falling off, you have to go in a little room and determine who wins and who loses.
Luckily, most of the winners were apparent to us.
Sometimes when the winners are announced, there is some confusion in the audience as far as placement. That is not an anomaly. Audience favorites are often not the people that are selected by the judges. For example, in the male placement tonight, there was one singer that was so adorable I wanted to put him in my purse and take him home. His voice was more suited for musical theater, but he had such a playful and outgoing presence that the audience loved him. He did well on his piece (I attempt from love’s sickness. Not an easy piece to sing) but we picked another boy that did not quite have his presence and popularity of the other boy, but his training and sound were just better.
Plus, there was no way that the adorable kid would not have oodles of accolades in his high school career. He was a grade younger and I don’t know if I can describe it, but it was a gut instinct that the other kid NEEDED it more. I wouldn’t have awarded it to him just on that alone, but it cinched my decision for me.
I feel good about how the evening went, but I admit to having a moment of self doubt.
The third place trophy in the female vocal division.
It was between two young singers, both were ok, neither remarkable (Truthfully, no one in the competition was remarkable) and both were of similar skill.
One of the girls sang a flashier piece than the other. It was the song that landed me a full-ride vocal scholarship to college and honestly? I think that it colored my judgment against her. I feel I was a little more critical of the piece than the others.
I cast my vote for the other girl and while the judges agreed with me, I also think that they may have been just following my lead as I had more classical experience than the other judges, but I’m not sure.
I walked back into the auditorium feeling fine about it.
Then?
I saw the face of the girl I voted against when they announced and she realized that she hadn’t placed.
She was devastated.
I felt a bit like six shades of suck.
I have failures from high school that I can still remember because they have stayed with me. They were excruciating. Sure, it doesn’t sting as much now that years have passed, but I have certainly played and replayed the moments time and time again and critiqued what I did wrong, and what I would do differently if I had a do-over.
I still stand by my decision and know that guess what? SOMEONE had to lose, but seeing that moment was hard for me. I know that she is utterly confused and probably bewildered at the decision we came to. I have been right there where she was at that moment and I really wish that I hadn’t been one of those responsible for handing it to her.
I know I’ll get over it.
I really hope that she does.
all you can write is “You have a very pretty dress on and your hair looks nice”, they are THAT bad…also could have been written, “Or Paula Abdul thinks they are THAT good.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Resignation
I can understand feeling a bit bad about having to make a decision like that, but would you have felt bad voting a different way just to protect her feelings?
Perhaps it’s justification to remove guilt, but when I’m in these situations, I tell myself that by being honest, those who didn’t win will use the experience to further perfect what they are trying to achieve, or perhaps it’s not for them, and you just saved them a lifetime of frustration that could be better spent on another pursuit.
I always hated losing (still do actually, a LOT) and just like anybody I have feelings too, but once I’m done being pissed I can usually see how the situation made me, or my life better in the end.
That is, after I’m done crying myself to sleep on the shattered shards of my only dream… (ok I threw that on the end to be an insensitive smart ass).
jasonthe’s last blog post..Questions for Liberals (Republican Guest Blogger)
Oh, that’s so tough. Judging would be a lot easier if there weren’t real people involved.
Janssen’s last blog post..In Which Life Rocks
we all get over disappointment, that what helps us grow and progress. She’ll either practice more and try again or she’ll develop another talent. It sounds like you went to great lengths to be an impartial judge.
heather’s last blog post..Distracted
I think you’ll live with it longer than she will. I could be wrong, but she is probably pretty confident in her ability if she chose a difficult piece and did it farily well.
It’s tough to be a bad guy, but in the end I would rather someone be honest and have my feelings hurt for a short time. Nothing is worse than going through life thinking you’re great at something only to find out that nobody wanted to hurt your feelings. No? Maybe that’s just me.
calicobebop’s last blog post..ANTM – Where I learn what HIMYM means…
Oh honey, this post hit me in my tender bits. I too have had both experiences of winning and losing. Both have colored my life in music. You’ve been there with me a couple of times when I’ve been on the losing end. But I don’t think you would have done her any favors if you had voted differently. (Although it probably would have been better for you if you hadn’t seen her reaction.) She may go on and do a better job next time because of this situation. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You did the right thing.
Rachel (Louisiana)’s last blog post..Tentative hope
I think there’s no reasoning or rationality with high school kids anyway. There will always be drama, there will always be disappointment- it wouldn’t be high school without it. She’ll either get over it, or will write about it in a blog sometime in her future. She’ll have you to thank for giving her some adversity to be stronger for. Pat yourself on the back!
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Mr Lady: OMG! I am Paula Abdul!!! I wonder if I could get away with her raging drug habit and bat shiz crazy behavior???
Jasonthe:
“That is, after I’m done crying myself to sleep on the shattered shards of my only dream…”
You always have such a way of making me feel better. ;) Seriously, though…I usually am ok with these decisions, it’s just that it was such a close call, and I wonder how much my protection and preference of that particular aria played into my decision.
Janssen:
It’s true. The human aspect of it just kills me sometimes. It’s one reason I knew I couldn’t hack a professional career. I cannot NOT take rejection “Personally”. Sucks.
heather:
I did try, but I have to cop to not being impartial when it came to her song selection. That is what I keep coming back to. In the end, though, her ornamentation was just odd and too flashy and over the top, so I still feel the best decision was made. Definitely a gray area, though.
calicobebop:
She was good for this group of kids. In total honesty? Maybe, MAYBE one of them would get past the first round of scholarships for a vocal program. It’s a fine line, though because you don’t want to kill their love of singing. Most people don’t go on to serious study of voice, but have a life-long love and enjoyment of singing. I just hope she doesn’t get too discouraged. She will never be a good singer, but she could certainly do more with her voice than most.
Rachel (Louisiana):
Yup. I wondered about staying to watch the awards, but I really wanted to see some of the kids that I knew were the long shots up on the platform. For as devastated as she was, some of those kids probably got a life-long boost of “I CAN DO IT”, so in the end? Totally worth it.
Erin Evans:
I know. I STILL have problems when I fail. The way it ends up being taken can be such a crap shoot and that is what is so “EH!” about it. I have had failures that totally ended up helping me and then failures that in some ways STILL cripple me (I don’t hang on to shit WAY longer than necessary or anything).
I am just hoping that hers is one that ends up being ok.
All that fun and you got paid for it? wow. Did you go all Simon on anybody and drive them to tears? (didn’t think so, don’t know how anybody can do that)
JoeInVegas’s last blog post..Blood donations
That’s a tough but necessary job, and I’m glad a sensitive person such as yourself got to do it.
I read an article recently about how the generation currently entering the workforce is so used to receiving praise and being called special that they are feeling really unsatisfied with the relatively low amount of praise compared to criticism in the workforce.
I think we’ve done ourselves a disservice by raising a generation in which everyone feels equally special, even if they haven’t done anything remarkable. How much more valuable praise is if it’s based on hard work, dedication, and talent! What we really ought to do is teach kids how to handle criticism and use it to better themselves.
Simon Cowell may be nasty in his delivery, but he’s right most of the time in his American Idol critiques. Someone has to deliver the hard news. Preferably people who package it better than Cowell, though!
Sra’s last blog post..Noncents: Makes sense to me!
I know what you mean about shut-in, needing to leave the house. I’m glad you did.
Ugh, yeah it’s hard to disappoint the young! I’m glad you participated. You were compassionate and honest, not mean. That’s all one can hope for when it comes to these kinds of decisions!
Occidental Girl’s last blog post..I Can Read Your Mind
Oh, they’ll be FINE. I always was, and so are you. If she has the right personality for the industry, she’ll use the failure as fuel for the fire of ambition! It would be fun to judge a competition! Next time you do it, can you bring me along? I’ll just sit quietly in your purse and observe. ;)
ps…If you get hives thinking of my surveys, then you’ll get BOILS thinking of how long it took me to find a picture for each one, center, resize font, link to the quizzes… NEVER AGAIN.
Melain’s last blog post..Pure Narcissism
That would be SO HARD. I am such a people pleaser and hate to hurt anyone’s feelings that I would find it hard to do that.
But then…I am a teacher and have to critique student submissions, so I guess it’s the same idea. Only I get to hide behind the computer, and not see them face to face.
You are a strong woman, my friend :)
Angella’s last blog post..No Touchy*
Um. That’s why I perfer to stay in my house with my sewing machine.
Glad to hear you got out – and paid!
Gretchen’s last blog post..What do I owe you?
this is how i felt when i judged the reflections contest this year… it’s really hard to choose ONE good winner when there are so many good entries. plus i was judging very small children, so any artistic effort they put forth is amazing.
HEY! My mom says I sound real good.
At least liked my dress.
Erika’s last blog post..Hello? Is This Thing On?
um, that was supposed to be:
“At least you liked my dress.”
So much for trying to be funny
again
Erika’s last blog post..Hello? Is This Thing On?
Oh, that’s hard for everyone, all the way around (except yay! Paycheck for you!) But you know what? You wouldn’t be doing anyone any favors by awarding them when they are not 100% deserving. Those lessons are SO hard to learn, but they are worth it in the long run, I think.
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JoeInVegas:
Yup, I was compassionate. It’s a fine line. You need to state your professional opinion, but not be overly blunt because they are very young. I don’t coddle, but I do try to focus on the positive while also letting them know what they need to improve on. TOUGH to do when you have 8 categories and only 3 minutes to write everything out. I thought my arm was going to fall off by the end of the evening!
Sra:
I have worked with people like Simon. They may be “Right” but damn…you don’t have to be so cruel to people.
I do agree with you about everyone being “Special”. (You would not believe the number of people who think that they can sing remarkably well.)
I believe in competition and that it is good for people. It’s why, even though I worry about when I have to disappoint kids, I do believe in the end it is for the best. (Still sucks a duck in some ways, though)
Occidental Girl:
Oh, yes. It was very needed. I have been pretty pathetic lately so it was nice to be accountable to others to pull me out of suck. I’m scheduling things here and there to keep it going.
Plus, I totally washed and detailed my car today which has given me the bug to muck everything out and start spring cleaning.
Melain:
I certainly hope it turns out ok and that she keeps using her voice. In my opinion, it will not take her anywhere but for the average person she had a nice sound.
Angella:
It IS hard. The plus is that you know that you are giving some of them an AMAZING moment. I try to concentrate on that, but sometimes…arg.
Gretchen:
I wish I could sew. They took away my scissors in home ec. and made me use a roller and mat because I kept snipping the edges of my fingers when cutting fabric. Sigh.
jess:
I know. I actually forgot we did that together, but for me it was a little bit easier when they weren’t standing right in front of me. :S
Erika:
You are ALWAYS funny. For a little person. (HEE HEE HEE. Running away in terror!!!!)
Rima:
You and I were typing at the same time! :)
With the 3rd place girl, it was so close, it’s hard to feel 100% good about it, but that’s life, right? Somebody had to make the call and that’s what they paid me to do.
GAH.
I’m sure if she had sung it amazingly well you would’ve been just as fair in your judgment. Isn’t all judging based on prior experiences and what you know? And who knows, maybe you will ultimately help her sing better in the future?!
180/360′s last blog post..No ifs, ands or butts…
Last Friday the kids both participated in their very first talent show. Sure they weren’t even close to winning and sure there were others who were even more painful to watch than my two, but I was just so darn proud of all of them.
For conquering their fears and putting themselves out there for others to judge, appreciate or mock.
It takes balls. Balls I have never owned.
The whole evening made my uterus hurt. Even when that thirteen year old boy sang “Sweet Child of Mine” and forgot the ALL of the words and just stood there paralyzed with fear.
Heh.
180:
Very good points.
Redneck:
OMG. I would have LOVED to have a kid sing “Sweet Child of Mine” at one of these thing. Thing is? I’m not a vocal snob where all I appreciate is classical. God made different voices for different styles of music.
All too often I see kids put down in programs for having rock or pop voices. Sure, Classical training benefits everyone but seriously…There’s room for everyone musically.
I know, TOTALLY not even what you were writing about, huh?
And?
It takes big, huge balls to get up there. Even when you have a kick ass voice and know it, it is scary as hell.
I STILL get vomit sick with fright before every damn audition and performance and I’ve been in hundreds of shows and performing for almost 30 years. GAH!
You have a kind heart, L. It’s a tough situation to be in, period.
And please, please tell me someone sang “St. Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion).” And please tell me that I call you right now, sing that song, and have you say, “Yeah, well, your dress is really pretty.”
Melanie’s last blog post..Tickled Pink
Ugh. I can feel the heart drop in that. High school was the worst. A roller coaster of unimaginable proportions with the failures causing the coaster to stop abruptly. I would have had the same reaction seeing her face. But you have given her something to blog about in a few years…and I am sure that you made the right decision but that doesn’t always make you feel better.
HRH’s last blog post..I have a winner…
Oh no, that does suck. She seems like a confident girl, I’m sure she will take this and build on it. I give you a lot of credit, I don’t know if I could make a decision like that!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..My Hard Work Paid Off
How stressful! I hope you were as drunk on Diet Coke as Paula is on Paula juice.
Sarah’s last blog post..Possibly TMI, if Related DO NOT READ!
I have an extremely hard time judging people and just could not do it in a pressure situation. I would totally be Paula Abdul on American Idol. Even back when I was teaching, it was so hard to give poor grades, even when it was obvious the person put no effort into an assignment. Maybe the years will harden me…
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Oh Loralee you are a kind hearted soul. If you hadn’t seen her face afterwards, I think it would have made it easier.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing.
Also this reminds me to NEVER judge any type of HS competition.
And you should so dress up as Paula Abdul for Halloween this year! ;)