Holla!
I’m Metalia. When I’m not hanging out with my husband and toddler son, I fill my days working in Manhattan, making borderline compulsive lip gloss purchases and contemplating just why there is no such thing as Hobo Stab Insurance. (They are drawn to me like moths to a flame, people.)
The wonders of the internet have enabled me–a lemonade loving Jewish girl from New York who tortures innocent bar patrons with her wretched karaoke singing—to connect with Loralee, a Mormon Diet Coke addict from Utah who SINGS FOR REALS ON A STAGE WITH HER BEAUTIFUL VOICE AND BRIGHT LIGHTS AND PURTY DRESSES AND EVERYTHING. I loved Loralee’s writing from the very first post of hers that I read, which is a true testament to her hilarity, as the post was about her cat Wilbur, and I loathe cats. I adore this woman, and was thus obviously flattered when she asked me to write a guest post for her. I’m very sad I won’t get to meet her at BlogHer this summer, but if all goes as planned, I will have just had my second kid, and felt that a cross-country plane trip complete with a newborn, crazy postpartum hormones, and no alcohol consumption was not in anyone’s best interest.
Despite our aforementioned differences, Loralee and I actually do have a lot of things in common, one of them being our deep and abiding love of the All-of-a-Kind Family book series, which we both read as kids. The series told the story of a family of five little girls who lived in the early 1900s, and the wild and exciting adventures they had. Like sneaking candy in bed. And making a game out of dusting. And taking out library books.
(How compelling am I making THIS sound? I tell you, my obvious talents as a literary publicist are going to waste.)
But these books were GOOD, dammit, and as I told Loralee in one of our many emails on this very subject, I was so enamored with the whole thing that I actually begged my parents buy me old fashioned high-buttoning boots just so that I could emulate the girls in the book. Shockingly, they obliged.
The one thing that I didn’t love about the books was the fact that people in these books? Got POLIO. And SCARLET FEVER. And I read these when I was really young, so I wasn’t aware that these diseases were no longer problematic, and thus lived in abject fear of contracting them.
This got me thinking about a few other books that I loved, but yet still scarred me as a kid:
The Baby Sitters’ Club - I may or may not have spent time slavishly attempting to recreate certain of Claudia’s more memorable outfits. Splatter-painted stirrup pants, a side ponytail and mismatched socks may have been involved. There are pictures, and they are frightening. As for the fear factor, one of the main characters–Stacey–had diabetes which they addressed sort of simplistically, so that for a good two or three years, every time I was really thirsty, I was convinced I had diabetes.
Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret – Yes, yes, it’s a timeless tome for young girls, blah di blah, but good Lord, the REPEAT MENTIONS OF BELTED SANITARY NAPKINS. I know the book is a classic, but sweet merciful crap, Judy Blume, perhaps give it a tweak or two to fit the times so that a certain impressionable preteen whose name rhymes with “Shmetalia” wouldn’t have needlessly lived in fear of having to wear something like THIS.
Love You Forever-In theory, the book sounds sweet: It’s a picture book which follows the bedtime ritual of a little boy and his mom throughout his life: she holds and rocks him, singing the titular lullaby while he sleeps. She does it when he’s an infant (sweet!), toddler (still sweet!) little kid (cute!) teenager (uh…), and finally, when he’s a FULLY GROWN MAN AND SHE HAS TO SNEAK IN HIS HOUSE AT NIGHT TO DO IT. WITH A LADDER, FOR CRISSAKES! A LADDER! I am not making this up (yes, we do own it. It was a gift.):
What about you, Loralee fans? Any books you read as a kid that, in retrospect, scarred you or weirded you out in some way?
i read christopher pike as a teen, but I think his books were meant to be freaky…
however I remember the scary monsters in “where the wild things are” use to kind of creep me out as a kid…especially those pages in the middle of the book that only have pictures and no words….they were looking at me, getting ready to pounce I know it!
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I haven’t heard any one speak of all-of-a-kind family in AGES! I love those books so so much.
I read Roahl Dahl’s “Boy” when I was a kid and basically lived in fear of getting appendicites for years!
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Not me. I was perfectly normal in every way and I had no childhood phobias. On the other hand, when I was 6 the 11 year old girl across the street and I had some ‘interesting’ playtime activities we used to pursue – which goes a long way towards explaining my current sex addiction.
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I found that “Love You Forever” book at my sister’s house once and paged through it. Holy weirdness, Batman. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be laughing, or just think it was endearing? Endearing it is not. Creepy? Yes.
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I hate “Love You Forever”! So when it was ruined at the public library I work at, I never replaced it. Yes, I made that decision for the good of the community!
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I loved all of the books you mentioned above. I probably read the “All of a Kind Family” series once or twice a year. I still play the dusting game with my kids. (The whole ear-piercing thing made me queasy, but I would have DIED to eat candy and crackers in bed.)
I loved Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary and Sweet Valley High. I (still) own a good majority of “The Babysitters Club” series, and my 8-year-old can’t wait to start reading them.
The “Love You Forever” book doesn’t bother me because I think it’s creepy (although yeah, it kinda is), but it makes me sob at the end when the son is holding his frail, nearly-dead mother. I hate that book because I look like a blubbering idiot when I read it. Even from the first page, my throat closes up because I know what’s coming at the end.
I also adored the book “Mandy”, written by Julie (Andrews) Edwards. On one library trip, in my search to find that book, I happened upon a row of books about sisters who were sort of like Nancy Drew. (No, not the Bobsey twins. More like a blonde and brunette version of the Hardy Boys… only girls.) I checked one out, read part of it, and then screamed (literally) for an hour because my mom made me go to bed with the lights off and I was so sure there was something hiding in my closet that was going to get me. In retrospect, my mom was totally in the right for telling me to suck up and deal, and also for forbidding me to ever check out that series again. (I think I was eight.) I wish I could remember the title, series or author. It would be funny to go back and read it now, to see what all the [completely irrational] fear was about.
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I was given Love You Forever as a shower gift by a fried who, until that point, I considered perfectly normal. She gave it to me very sincerely and told me that she cries everytime she reads it to her three boys and that, in fact, the boys refer to it as “the book that makes mommy cry.” Me? Not so much. Who thought up the story of a mother that continues to sneak in to her son’s room year after year after year? That’s just not healthy!
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I read many R.L. Stein books as a tween until I figured out that they are all basically the same story, just with different character names and different settings. But those always got my heart pumping.
One of my favorite childhood series: Dealing with Dragons by Patricia Wrede. Romance, fantasy, humor, strong female character, all in a great adventure series.
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Are you there God, It’s Me Margaret scarred me as well. The sanitary napkin thing? Could Judy Blume NOT update the book for present times.
But, I still wanted to be a Pre-Teen Sensation. Totally.
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Sweet Valley High.
It’s like cheesy romance novels for the pre-teen set.
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Great list and I would like to thank you for the SNL Kotex classics video. I have never seen that before! I too had a fear of belted sanitary napkins because of that book! But don’t think for a second I won’t be passing that fear on to my kids.
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This is a great post.
I could not agree more regarding that “Love You Forever” book. Someone gave it to me when my son was born 14 years ago and I had to get rid of it. I found it frankly very creepy.
I’m just old enough to remember those bulky sanitary pads with belts. Thank goodness times have changed. It would be great if the books were a bit updated. They have done that with the Nancy Drew Books.
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I Love You Forever? We got 6, yes SIX copies as gifts. Totally creeps me out.
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I don’t recall a childrens book that weirded me out off the top of my head, but I do remember some “issues” I had with the dragon from an old Fisher Price Castle play set that I had when I was a kid. I used to have nightmares in which that dragon came alive and would chase me around in our back yard. Hmmmm, maybe that is why I am the way I am …..
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OMG, I used to love All Of A Kind Family when I was a kid! I forgot all about those books! Remember when they eventually had a baby brother?
I read all of the Judy Blume books, and the Babysitter Club books, too.
I miss those books!
My mom read us All of a kind family each day when we were growing up. I miss it.
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Love You Forever = Creepy. I, too, didn’t know if it was supposed to be funny or serious when I read it. WTF?
Peter Pan.
Creepy.
The end.
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Although the book didn’t freak me out in broad daylight, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe caused one of the most intensely disturbing dreams I have ever had.
I am with you wholeheartedly on the Are You There, God situation… I lived in terror of those belty pads and my mother-in-law brought me an entire box after I had my first child and she tried to be helpful and do some shopping. Uhm… this was in 1995, and I honestly didn’t know they still made those things.
Hi Metalia–I’m a regular reader of your blog so I am super happy to see you post here!
BSC–(I tried to start one of my own. And I TOTALLY wanted to be either Claudia or Stacey, and sometimes Mary Anne b/c Logan was HOT…but NEVER did I want to be Kristy.) I think we had one meeting….but I totally got a hollow book in which to hide my candy!)
I would recommend The Lottery Rose. Definitely not cheesy/funny…a bit more sad/poignant, but truly unforgettable.
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Not familar with “I Love You Forever” but there is a similarly creepy one with a mama rabbit & baby rabbit and she follows him wherever he goes; he turns into a fish and she into a fisherman, etc. We got as gift for son, I discarded.
All of a Kind Family sounds great, I loved Anne of Green Gables BEFORE it was made into tv andd other stories with pastimes such as making preserves and spring cleaning. Unlike Metalia, I thought consumption sounded romantic and dreamed of wasting away. But now that you mention it, maybe those old stories are part of why I do vaccinate my kids although make other “alternative” parenting choices.
I LOVED All-of-a-Kind Family. There were many illicit rereads under my covers with a flashlight.
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Oh! I JUST heard from my book-publishing friend that they have fiiiiiiinally updated “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret” to include regular old maxipads rather than the strange medieval torture BELT. Still, it couldn’t have come soon enough — generations and generations of girls have been scarred for life by the mention of it.
(Ew, I can’t believe I just used the word “maxipad.” I don’t believe I’ve ever typed that before, let alone TWICE! Maybe I should now say “panties” — ewwwww — just for good measure.)
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very cool website. Filled me with a considerably better clues about that financial crisis. Gives thanks mate
“Me and the Weirdos” about a “normal” girl and her “wacky” family. The girls hates her family and tries to change them. But then she realized they are perfect just the way they are.
GAG.
I loved it. (And maybe dreamed about “assisting” my family into being more “normal”.)
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Hurrayyyyyy!!!! Someone else who thinks that book is creepy too! It even weirded my husband out the first time he saw it. I think we own it. I say, think, because if we do it hasn’t been read in a couple of years, and for good reason. :)
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