My friend, Chelle and her family have a nightly dinnertime ritual called “Three things”. Everyone goes around the table and talks about three things that happened to them during the day. I loved the communication that it created, so about 2 years ago I adopted something similar with my own little family.
My oldest son is always hesitant to verbalize some of the things that he struggles with and so I needed to tailor it to get him to talk about something that was difficult during the day as well as things that went well. We started calling it “High’s and Low’s”‘ but it has mutated into “High Low’s”.
(Sidenote: Do any of you have a ritual like this at dinner? Or something different? I’d love to shake things up a little and try something new.)
Often when we talk about the boys highs and lows we contrast them and try to help them put it in perspective.
Today is one of those days when I need to do this for myself.
THE HIGH:
Last night, I went to my first coaching for my soloist role in “The Messiah”. Last year I trained like a MANIAC for this role. I rehearsed and rehearsed, I took up running and dieted like crazy so I could look HAWT and sound awesome.
It worked.
I was thoroughly pleased with my performance.
This year?
Not so much.
I have been a little down about the whole thing. They split the soloists this year and the way that it was done created some bad feeling. I just haven’t felt as motivated this year as I did last year. It kind of took the wind out of my sails. Still, I need to just suck it up and deal because it is in a couple of weeks and as I have written, I can’t quite fit into my dress.
And?
Here is a major confession: I have not even picked up the score to look at my arias.
Not. Even. Once.
Horrible, isn’t it? Granted, I don’t own a piano (no room) and it makes it harder, but that is also an excuse. I’ve been very lazy about it all. So, I was more than a little nervous going into my coaching session.
I opened my mouth and what do you think came out?
AWESOMENESS, THAT’S WHAT!
It was flawless.
Perfect.
Amazing.
It startled the hell out of me and pretty much left my coach with his jaw on the floor. I felt so happy. Tony the freaking Frosted Flakes Tiger gave me a Hi-Five and waves of “You’re GR-R-R-EAT!” washed over me. The thousands of hours and dollars invested into my voice showed.
Woot!
THE LOW:
Fast forward to today in bootcamp.
It was bad, people.
I don’t want to go into detail, I’ll just say that Doris not only beat me, she pretty much whipped me with her granny panties and wiped the floor with me.
It was really humiliating. At least on Monday, I wasn’t sooooooo far behind everyone, but today?
I was.
My muscles are so fatigued I could barely lift them. I am a freakishly weak person. I’m not remotely joking when I say that. I have a lot of injury, asthma, and it takes me forever to gain any kind of muscle mass. I’m also spectacularly uncoordinated, so I have always been lousy at anything physical.
It’s tough to not only pay big bucks to do something that you are poor at, but also have to do it in front of people.
It’s worse when you are working in a team and you bring everyone down because you can’t keep up by a long shot.
45-minutes into it I was feeling horrible. Both emotionally and physically.
I collapsed on the bench and sucked water into my mouth and felt a wave of “I suck” wash over me. I felt as bad as I had felt good the night before. It wasn’t just the working out that was discouraging. I KNOW that this is not my talent and I haven’t been working at it.
I just felt like crap in a lot of areas. I have been thinking a lot about my life lately. The good and the bad. I’ve been trying to LIKE ME more. I am very hard on myself. While I am very good at looking at things involving me honestly, I am not very kind to myself. I know I do not give myself enough credit and I am so unforgiving about my flaws.
OUT of the suck of the moment I can be proud of myself. Kinder, more appreciative and supportive. I would never rail on anyone the way I rail on myself and when I don’t have a bunch of emotion thundering around the issue I can see those things.
IN the moment is different and it’s harder to keep perspective.
At that moment on the bench, it was all too easy to be overwhelmed and start thinking about how easily I quit and get discouraged in my life. Whenever there is a choice or a problem, I almost always take the easy way out of it. Even areas that I have hung on WAY longer and harder than I should is no show of strength because I am scared of the difficulty and pain involved in letting go. In that moment, I just felt like a really weak person ALL around.
I knew I was going to cry.
Luckily, everyone else went upstairs to finish the last 15-minutes and my son called from his school and needed his asthma medication, so I grabbed my jacket and went into my car to drive and snot and blubber.
I know that a lot of this is just the moment. The burning pain my body is in doesn’t really help matters. I just need to lighten my mood and move on.
So, I am just going to lay here for a bit and watch things that make me laugh out loud on youtube.
Like this: (Hello, this is so funny. The black guy SLAYS ME at the end. “Save yourselves!” I can’t even think about him running in the maid outfit with the plunger without SNORTING.)
So, there we are. A high and a low.
At least I didn’t eat a donut, right?
Stumble it!
Filed under: 
That video was AWESOME.
And YOU are awesome.
As someone who also likes to be the best at everything she does, it’s hard when I cannot get something perfect on the first try.
But dude, you didn’t just sign up for a regular class. It’s BOOT CAMP. It’s SUPPOSED to kick your hiney :)
Big hugs to you!
xoxo
That video rocks. Maybe you could turn boot camp into an aria singing contest. Then who would be wiping whom with whose granny panties?
Because you have so much going on and I have been so not around, I won’t even give you the “cheer up” speech.
And even though I think Hummers SUCK A$$, that is a funny commercial!
:)
Love the video! It made my day. Honey, all I can say is that “bootcamp” is the operative word and i would probably sit down and cry too if it makes you feel any better. Just keep thinking of how frieaking AWESOME you’re going to be in the Messiah. I have a really bad feeling about how much you think you suck (because you SO DO NOT SUCK!) Do I need to text you about it?
Ditto-ing everything Angella said.
And at your next boot camp class, fall down real dramatic-like and yell, “Save Yourself!” to your campmates.
I will pay you a donut if you actually do it :) and two if you film it with your camera phone.
You are a strong, beautiful, hilarious woman. Thank you for always sharing the tough stuff–I think it gives a bunch of us strength to know that we’re not alone in our daily struggles for peace and happiness. Keep on truckin’, Loralee!
at least they still make cheetos. you should eat some of those. right now.
hang in there…
Seriously, have you ever considered yoga?
No pain.
Yay.
Yoga, and spanx.
No-one is harder on me than I am. I can honestly say that I hate myself I’m so disappointed in me too and thatis so hard to overcome. I don’t get those highs like you did with your singing but I would suggest that whenever you feel down you remember just how good you were and YOU DID IT WITHOUT TRYING.
That’s an awesome video!
I can somewhat understand your frustration of being last in your bootcamp. I’m in a training clinic for a 10k run right now, and I this is my first time doing something like this in about 15+ years. I’m always one of the very last people at the end of the run, huffing and puffing away.
I like to be the best at everything too, so it sucks to be at the very end, if not dead last. But I can’t give up. I know how awesome it will be when I finally do run the 10k next month and can cross that finish line.
Good luck! I know you’re doing an incredible job!
Congratulations on your voice sounding so beautiful when you needed it to.
On the excercise front, if it makes yuo feel any better, that sounds exactly like me. I am not coordinated and have absolutelu no stamina. Mrs. Grannie Panties would beat me to. Maybe we should work out together to make each other feel better!
Let me just say, I don’t know you very well yet, but my overall impression of you from reading your blog for over a month and watching you at live blogging thingy is very positive, and even a little envious in some respects. Like, I really really wish I could sing beautifully. I can fake it a little, but I want to be like Imogen Heap, you know? So if you can nail the Messiah — hello, arguably the most beautiful piece of music ever written — then that is enough to make me a little green. (And P.S., what if I want to see your performance?)
As for boot camp. This was day 2, right? So don’t be too hard on yourself. I remember the first time I tried a spinning class a few years ago, and I hated it for the first two weeks. HATED IT! But after that, all of a sudden, it wasn’t as hard and I kind of got a kick out of the chemical high you get from exercising so hard. Now I love cycling so much. So stick with it, it will get better.
Finally, it’s ok to cry. I’m sure you know that, but sometimes, even though there may be rational not to cry, you just need to let your emotions take the lead for a bit before you can let your brain take control again.
Chin up, then.
we should go to the gym together, I bet you money we’d be wimping it together! Doris can kick both our butts, but at least neither of us would be the sole wimp!
You are warped! I was so proud of you for stickin’ in there, meanwhile you were pounding yourself in your head. I guarantee that every single person in that class sucks major at something, they just don’t have the guts to pay to do it in front of others (he, he). You rock! (Oh, I am speculating that the “uber-fit” people in our class signed up for it at that particular time slot so that they could guarantee themselves first position, knowing full well they’d be running against Mom’s with lives and Doris. I’m just saying… I think they stacked the deck. Oh! And tall guy with the long legs – this is like his third camp, and he’s lost 21 pounds. Do you really believe that he was first in everything ten weeks ago! Not!) Hang in there. All I can promise is that it will get better, then one day you will astound yourself with what you do and I PROMISE it will be worth it!
this is why i can’t do bootcamp…
Maybe I can join you at sucking another month. Hopefully you will do it again. We did great last year!
On another note… I am sucking as well. I haven’t dropped any more weight and I am almost about to give up.
/sigh
Next time you are getting your butt kicked in booty camp, start singing your sweet face off. Everyone will be like DAUUM! and bow to your greatness.
Here is a web hug. \O/
Does that look like a hug? It kinda does.
I think the hardest thing to do in life is to learn to love yourself. I highly recommend the book “The Four Day Win” by Martha Beck. She talks about the psychology behind dieting and has a HILARIOUS writing style. I followed some of her mental excercise suggestions last year and lost 15 pounds without breaking a sweat! I sh*t you not!!! So much of this stuff is psychological. Buy that book IMMEDIATELY then go home and DEVOUR it. (tehe. punny.)
I just watch that video three times, and laughed uncontrollably each time.
funny, we do the same thing at dinner (all the way down here in new zealand!), we call it little high little low, named after the greeting in the movie stuart little
sending you aria-vibes!!! X
I can’t even imagine doing a workout in front of all those people. I think that fact that you are doing it at all is worthy of mega praise. I used to get winded at Curves. CURVES, Loralee! The place where little old ladies are supposed to be able to have a relaxing work out. It was mortifying.
I’m so THRILLED to hear about your voice. You are going to rock that performance. I’m so glad you are continuing to preform. I think it is amazing.
That commercial cracks me up. I remember when it first aired. I hate Hummers, but it is just hilarious.
LL,
Sometimes you just need to have a good cry. Seriously. Today was your day.
Love you.
LL2
Oh yeah. And Chelle is right. The “super fit people” all have to suck at something. Ask one of the “super fit people” to sing an aria from the Messiah. You KNOW that none of them could. AND they wouldn’t take on “For Good” like you did. So there. Wink.
I will come to Boot Camp with you so that you can finally beat someone. Dude, I carry the laundry up the stairs and my legs burn.
I bet you sounded like an angel, and I know you will rock it.
And I think you’re super fabulous.
(I say that, pretending like I do laundry or something.)
(Or put it away.)
(Ever.)
My dinnertime ritual? Sitting in front of the computer in my underwear, trying to not spill rice onto my chest. I then pass out and take a two hour nap, waking up in a pile of my own drool.
You asked.
However, I don’t think you’ll be using my idea to shake up the dinner ritual. But wouldn’t it be interesting if you tried it for a night?
No?
Oh well. There’s nothing else I can offer. Sorry.
Was that really JUST a hummer commercial? Funny.
I signed up for bootcamp and lasted less than a week. I got tired of the little grannies kicking my ass. I’m growing comfortable with my jiggly rolls.
At dinner time we play a game called Rose and Thorn. We each take turns telling each other about something good (the rose) and then something bad (thorn) that happened in the day.
It can be pretty funny with the kids sometimes.
But I’m a good mom. I never laugh at them.
Only with them.
Snicker.
That is one of my most favorite commercials ever! I haven’t seen it in so long. The toilet plunger guy just slays me.
I used to play high/low with one of my ex boyfriends!! We had a long distance relationship, so we would do it when we talked on the phone every night. =)