Remember this post? The one where I announced that I was cutting out bad habits and going back to the gym to fit into this dress?
Yah. That one.
While I have been Diet Coke, Caffeine, aspartame, and carbonation-free for 4 weeks now, I am sucking a major duck at this working out and weight loss thing.
I think that doing all of those things at once has really been too much to chew.
Granted, I have been struggling with stuff lately, so it seems that everything is a little much to chew.
Not that I haven’t had some progress in the weight loss area, I have.
I have lost almost 6 lbs.
I just…ehem…gained it all back.
(Blush)
Since I had a weight loss deadline, I REALLY should have opted to not try to quell my chain Diet Coke drinking because when I gave it up, my mouth started freaking out with boredom and screeching like the bass-voiced alien plant from Little Shop of Horrors, “FEED ME!”
While I haven’t been horrible about WHAT I eat, I have been bad about how much and how often I eat.
The result is that I have a Diet Coke-free body, but a performance in 18 days and I still don’t fit into my freaking dress.
It called for drastic measures.
My friend, Michelle and I signed up for a month long “Bootcamp” at our gym.
We had our first session this morning at 9am. Which felt like 8am due to daylight savings time. (In case you are wondering? 8 am to a night person like me feels like 3 am to you morning-type people who like to kick the rooster’s ass in the morning for being slovenly and lazy.)
Bootcamp is an hour long session, three days a week and it is HARD.
My friend, Chelle is quite a strong, tough chick and SHE deemed it difficult, so you can imagine what that means for me.
There are lots of people in the class and you can pretty much sort us into three different categories.
First, there is the UBER-fit category. That would be 2 or 3 people that are the type of hard-working, high accomplished people that I look at with a mixture of rabid jealousy and admiration.
Then there are those in the middle. People that are pretty fit but are not sprinting around between sets to keep their heart rate up and doing pushups with their pinkies and one foot suspended in the air like the uber-fit category.
Then?
There is me and Doris.
Doris is a very sweet woman in her 70’s and when we were sent on two “Warm up” laps around the track, we quickly fell behind everyone else. (That may have something to do with me not exercising in a year, but I’m not sure.).
As the uber-fit crowd breezed passed us, Doris just sighed and shook her head.
I decided to take the “Fighting underdog” approach.
“It’s just you and me, Doris! Let’s give them hell!”
Luckily, Doris has a good sense of humor and didn’t grimace overly when I cursed. (Memo to me: Don’t curse around sweet, little, old ladies you have just met. It’s insufferably rude. Sigh.)
Sadly, my tough aspirations didn’t carry much weight with the overall results.
We came in last in everything.
To be frank, a lot of the time Doris was handing my flabby ass to me on a platter. I wouldn’t want to arm wrestle her any time soon. It would probably be a humiliating loss.
Still…I did it.
I made it through the hour.
Even though I came home, ATE A DONUT, and curled up on my bed and slept for FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS in a deep, drooling coma, I still made it through and I am proud of it.
I go back on Wednesday.
I’ll let you know if Doris kicks my ass again.
I’ll try to work on not repeating that whole “Donut and coma” thing.
Sigh…
Stumble it!
Filed under: 
Okay. If it makes you feel better . . .
I will be talking to my Mom on the phone and she’ll ask,
“You’re really out of breath. Why?”
And I’ll catch my breath and answer,
“Oh. I’m walking from the living room to the kitchen.” (Which is like four steps.)
Sigh. Doris would take me down in like two seconds flat. Sigh.
You should be proud of yourself. Go, LL, Go!
You are so awesome it burns.
Hey, one thing at a time. Beating diet coke is AWESOME. And if you find it tough to squeeze into the dress? Have a backup plan. Spanx.
Congrats on being Diet Coke free for a whole month! Woo-hoo! This is a funny post, too bad I am not there, I could keep you and Doris company. By the way, you look superb in the post below!
I’m peeing I’m laughing so hard.
Don’t underestimate the power of the little old lady. Never ever.
As for the diet coke thing? Good for you. Really! Good for you! I’ve managed to cut my intake in half. I’m taking the “slow but steady” approach to reducing (notice I didn’t say quitting) my intake.
gah, I can feel the post-too-much-exercise full body nauseous quivering from here. In sympathy. Be gentle to yourself. The donut was a nice touch.
I will be enrolling in a national bootcamp program on Monday. Before we somehow think it is fun to get our butts kicked and to be reminded just how wussy we are?
As far as dieting, I started a few days ago but am currently PMSing and craving chocolate like nothing else (a rare occurence). I announced this to hubby and he proclaimed I am the worst dieter ever.
And I would have to agree….
Oh Lord, Loralee – I’m so sorry. I think when you need to fit into something in an emergency, it’s hard to try messing around with building muscle and knowing how your body burns calories. You never know what will happen when you change that. But I don’t exactly qualify for health guru of the year, so don’t listen to me.
Those bootcamp classes have always intrigued me. Maybe I should try one sometime. I don’t have time to fit one in with all of my other workouts right now! I just need to quit my job so I can work out all the time! ;-)
And that single little mention of eating a donut, is going to drive me nuts. I haven’t had a donut in years. It sounds great.
My carbonated-beverage store is running low, I’ve been contemplating following your lead and giving it up!
I signed up for a bootcamp that starts in April. I’m going to get my arse whupped!
Good for you for doing what you can to fit into that dress. You can do it! I know you can :)
At my gym, there’s Elna, who is about 98 years old. She walks at a snail’s pace (not the “Neverending Story” snail), and she kicks my butt on the weights! I was sadly comparing myself to her on the treadmill the other day. “I may not have the tiny tight little buns those girls do, but at least I can walk WAY faster than [Elna]!” kind of thing. Then, I saw her getting off a weight machine I wanted to use, so I got on right after her. I had to LOWER the weight so I could even lift it!!!! IT’s true!!!! Pride goeth before the fall!
I still think they should have the paramedics on call whenever she comes…. you never know. Actually, maybe they should be on call for me, too!
Hang in there, I know a great seamstress who can maybe help you alter your dress if need be! (Only because your delts and lats will be so buff, you won’t be able to zip it up!)
Creme Brulee for Food Day???
It made me tired just reading about your work out…ugh-I need to get in shape. Good luck with the weight loss! It’s awesome that you’re sticking to the no diet coke thing…
I just switched over to diet soda cuz the regular stuff was packing it on…
Then I started biking my fat butt (in house of course, no need to subject the outside world to my giggleness).
I’ve been doing it for about a week now, 45 minutes on the bike (2 25/20 sessions) and I think I’ve lost a bit…but I tend to avoid the scale until I really think something’s changed…
I wish I had time for some one on one personal trainer stuffs though…
But I understand the troubles with it…
I’m glad you came to the same conclusion I did which was
YOU DID IT! Who cares if you came in last because at least you got off your ass. It takes me 1/2 hour to run two miles and even though my skinny little co-worker looked at me blankly and asked me if I walked and ran the same speed- I DIDN’T CARE. I was happy that I did.
Just discovered you thru Christine at Watch Me! No Watch Me!
Love your writing.
OOOO booty camp! That sounds fun!!!
I know you can do this. If you can give up diet coke, you can beat Doris. And you will look like a million bucks in that to-die-for dress. Oh yes, you will.
Doris totally rules! I want to be able to do that when I’m 70! Guess I better be able to do that now?!
I recently realized I’ve been drinking more Diet Coke than water…so I’m attempting to cut it out. It’s mostly OK. My other change (cutting out sugar) is proving more difficult…the damn receptionist at work always has the best candy. She makes life so hard!
is “doris” a moniker? or is that her real name?
cuz loralee is a way better name than doris. you better work it out, girl.
WTG Loralee! I have first-hand knowledge of the difficulty of that class and how it is to be the last one across the finish line. I signed up in January and just couldn’t mentally handle it because there seemed to be an overabundance of really young, really fit people in the class and I was always last (that doesn’t usually bug me, but for some reason it did). I’m taking an evening Bootcamp class, so we’ll have to compare notes and sore, achy muscles! Good luck!
You should come to my Jazzercise class. It’s all Doris, all the time.
YOU ATE A DONUT after boot camp!!!
I love you.
Thingy: I heart you so freaking much. I cannot, cannot, CANNOT wait to meet you.
Mr Lady:
IT BURNS US!!!! (HEE HEE HEE HEE!)
witchypoo:
I have a feeling that Spanx and I are going to be like “This” come concert time.
raygon:
Awe, thanks! It’s easy to look good in those aprons. They are freaking adorable.
willie:
Comments like that ALWAYS make me happy!
Gretchen says:
Oh, I am not giving up the DC forever. I just wanted to see if I could set this goal and DO it. Plus, I had to break the “Chain drinking” cycle. It was REALLY getting out of hand.
sarah bean:
Oh, the donut!!!!
It was delicious.
What can I say?
I am weak.
Amber says:
Wussy? YOU? You who climb freaking mountains FOR FUN??????
holli:
I know. I’m totally stressed out about it. I am glad that BlogHer is happening, too because I
Jill – GlossyVeneer:
You are the MOST disciplined person on the planet. I would keep the carbonation because you deny yourself so many other things.
And? I’m not doing the ban forever, I am just trying to break the “Chain Drinking” obsession. Hopefully, it works…
Angella says:
You have WAY more muscle mass than I do (I can tell. You are HAWT) so it probably won’t be as bad, but even my freakishly strong friend was really challenged.
I’m totally impressed you’re doing it. You’ll have to let me know how it goes.
Erin Evans Taylor:
I was kind of an idiot to have it tailored when I was at such a lower weight. Sigh.
I’m glad that I am not the only one to have my rear kicked by the Doris’s of this world.
The Brother:
DAMN YOU!!!
Sometimes I really think you are Satan, you know that????
:)
Cory:
I was so tired I thought I’d die. A lot of it is that I skied the day before and that always wipes me out.
Jonathan Merchant:
My ass is far too flabby to bike. I love having the trainer to tell me what I’m doing correctly and not, but dang…I hope I can survive it all!
Hannah Specter:
It’s true. I was so happy I made it through the damn thing! It was seriously TOUGH and I have to psych myself up for Wednesday.
Right now I am so sore I can’t even breathe.
Kimberly:
HEE! I am so going to call it “Booty Camp” from now on!!!
Pants:
I started to give up sugar, but I just could.not.do.it and give up Diet Coke, too. I have cut WAY back, though. (I don’t even have a receptionist to blame. Sigh.)
Jess:
Oh, it is her real name, which TOTALLY makes it awesome.
Teresa:
Oh, I totally thought about you and Karen the whole time. I cannot believe you did that EVERY DAY. Dang!!!! I always thought you were both awesome, but truly you are just AMAZING.
Rimarama:
“ALL DORIS ALL THE TIME”???!!!
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
That needs to be a tshirt. It makes it better that it’s in your jazzercise class. HEE!!!
LOL… I swear I will do this with you sometime.
Ack! A gym! (she cried as she ran the other way)
I think the receptionist should be punished for keeping a heaping bowl of Almond Joys and Peanut Butter Cups on her desk. SO EVIL!
I don’t even drink DC but I can promise you if I swore it off while trying to do what you’re doing I would WANT IT MORE THAN VAMPIRES WANT BLOOD.
I’ll send you all my extra energy, I don’t need it for the next 18 days.
Here’s some incentive for you: If you fit into your dress, I’ll make you an “ALL DORIS, ALL THE TIME” T-Shirt. Seriously–I kick ass with homemade T’s. Which brings me to the second part of the T-Shirt. The back. It will say, “Don’t swear around me, I’m a delicate flower.” I shit you not; I’ll do it.
I think you are pretty kick ass regardless of donuts and drooling!!
Kick-ass on the gym thing.
And while I give you kudos on the Diet Coke thing…I think you’re crazy.
Course, that’s just the caffeine whore in me talking. (She does speak occasionally, when she’s not busy giving blow jobs)
Stick with it, mama. Pretty soon you’ll be able to take on some whipper-snapper 60 year old and win. ;)
Does this mean I don’t win an apron?
Loralee – you’re glad BlogHer is happening because what? You’re not fooling me – you’re posting current pics and you look pretty damned amazing to me right now. I went back and looked at the dress pics and it looks like you could zip it in that pic? You have a really nice back. I think I better stop now before I say something strange about another woman.
Maybe I need boot camp! Or a Doris. Either way, hope it went well this morning!
I have to cut out the soda. Ok, I cut out most, but not all of it. If I told you how much I drank you’d ask if there is a hole in me.
I just drink way too much.
Soda that is, I drink too much soda.
I love how you ate a donut after working out, sounds like me.
Bwahahaha!
Whew, I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this. I’ve been off Coke for a little over a month now and, while I fully expected to lose weight and bloating and fit nicely into my bikini, I have instead gained weight. I just can’t seem to get full lately. Argh. It seriously makes me want to go back to my meals of a Coke for breakfast and lunch, then a normal dinner.
BTW, if it seems like I’m suddenly commenting on all your posts at once, it’s because I’m way way way behind on all blogs because I took a hiatus from the blogosphere for a while. Now I’m back and, as usual, you’re cracking me up.