I’m posting it here for the people that are too lazy to click over. Just know that you are missing a great party at the blog of my lovely Canadian friend,Angella.
P.S. Skiing was awesome. I.am.sore.
P.P.S. Today marks TWO FREAKING WEEKS WITH NO DIET COKE, caffeine, carbonation, or aspartame!Â
P.P.P.S Don’t get your knickers into a twist, I’ll draw the Itunes give away as soon as I get some sleep. It’s 3 am and I am tired since I am not running on 10 gallons of Diet Coke a day. So, this means that if you haven’t left a comment to enter, you probably still have time.
P.P.P.P.S Did I mention it is that time of the month? And that I’m sore? And that it is 3 am? And that I haven’t had ANY DIET COKE IN TWO WEEKS???
Sigh.
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I pretty much want to make out with Canada.
If you’re wondering who is writing about snogging and procreating with a country on a perfectly respectable blog such as this, my name is Loralee.
This is me.
I’m really much more excited to be here than I look.
I author Loralee’s Looney Tunesand I am a huge fan of Angella. I suppose you could click and run away screaming with boredom at the sight of the words Guest blogger but I promise I’ll try to make you chuckle and I won’t swear. (The things I do for you, Angella!)
Where was I?
Oh, Canada! (Insert the much more singable tune of Canada’s National Anthem here. Get it? Pretty punny, eh? I know, Im a dork.)
I seriously love Canada. (I also seriously love parentheses. Sorry about that.)
I’ve visited my neighbors to the north about a half a dozen time and it just keeps going up in my estimation. I think my love affair with it started in the sixth grade because I love how they follow English spellings and add a “U” to their “O’s” (Like “Favourite”). I tried writing “Cheque” instead of “Check” on a spelling test and when my teacher was really over sensitive about it, I wrote all my words like “Colour” for about three months as a wee form of rebellion. Parent/teacher conferences pretty much ruined my maple leaf party for one.
Canada rocks the house in so many other areas.
For one?
MOUNTIES.
‘Nuff said.
For another, it is just about the most gorgeous place on the planet. Vancouver is my favorite city, I think. It has everything: Mountains, architecture, culture, nature, GREAT Asian food, skiing, water and lovely air that doesn’t smell like pee, onions and “Human gaseous emissions” for want of a better term.
I won’t even go into my obsessive love about Maple Sugar/syrup/candy except to say that around the time Forest Gump came out, I visited and brought back a HUGE box of adorable maple leaf-shaped sugar candy for my sister.
I was so hungry on the plane ride I thought, “She won’t mind if I just have ONE.”
By the time I got to her house there were only three left.
All I could do is look at her, pull out my best “Tom Hanks as a humble idiot from Alabama†accent and say, “I ate some.”
I know a lot of the things I love about Canada may be “Cliche”, but dude! Cliche’s exist for a reason!
Who doesn’t love screaming “Red Ice!” at a hockey game? And who doesn’t love Sarah McLachlan and Mike Myers? And what self-respecting fan of cult classic 80’s films doesn’t love the movie, Strange Brew?
(You DON’T?! How could you not love that movie?!!! Take off, eh. You’re a hoser. Alright, fine.You can stay. But only if you bring me a jelly donut and some beer.)
And?
STAND UP IF YOU WANTED TO BE MRS. GILBERT BLYTHE!
Just admit it, you KNOW you did!
How could you not??!!
I mean, LOOK AT HIM!!
See?
Adorableness.
Except the photo is TOTALLY wrong.
There. That photo is MUCH better.
(You have a built in Foto Friday about “What NOT to do when Photoshopping here, Angella. Two posts for one. I’m such a bargain.)
I think I have watched the first two Anne of Green Gables movies eleventyhundred times each. Gilbert Blythe alone would get Canada mega brownie points in my book. Jonathan Crombie was born to play that role.
The one time I visited Eastern Canada, I went to the Stratford Shakespearean Festival and saw him as Romeo in Romeo and Juliet. I about passed out and died from fan-stroke. He was so close he was practically sweating on me.
I still wonder if it would have been too unseemly to throw a pair of panties on stage during a classical theater performance.
Regret is sad.
Eventually, I realized that I would probably never get to be Mrs. Gilbert Blythe no matter how many times I doodled it into my Hello Kitty notebook.
Which sucks, because we would have made some totally rad offspring.
SEE?
“HAWT UTAH BLOGGER” PLUS “HAWT CANADIAN ACTOR”
EQUALS:
Hmm…Not so much, although I will say that if you cleaned up the photo, put a decent hairdo on it and toned down the pink lips, you would have a pretty decent male. Or if it’s a girl, just resign yourself to shaving or buying a LOT of Nair in your lifetime.
Since we’re talking about procreating with Hawt Canadians, let’s go with one of the Hawtiest.
I wonder what sort of awesomeness Angella and I would create?
Hmmm…
“HAWT UTAH BLOGGER” PLUS “HAWT CANADIAN BLOGGER”
EQUALS:
Well, I guess good genetics are no guarantee, after all.
Hopefully, Angella would get custody of this little darling. She has some freakishly discolored teeth going on there and dental care is much cheaper in the land to the north. I practically have to mortgage my home every time I take my family in to the dentist.
Now that we have covered the important things like candy and cute guys, I’ll wrap up by saying yet again that I heart Canada with the power of a thousand burning suns.
I wonder what it would be like if I procreated with a country?
“HAWT UTAH BLOGGER”vPLUS “AWESOME COUNTRY FULL OF HAWT BLOGGERS”
EQUALS:
Dude.
I REALLY should have stopped when I was ahead.
I better sign off before that thing starts twisting her neck around, levitating a bed and barfing pea soup everywhere.
Sigh.
natalie says:
i laughed until i cried at this post. so funny. you are a photoshop genius! and a morphthing genius as well. great job being a guest blogger. i’m sure angella’s reader will love you!
February 25th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Sharon says:
Hmmm… you may not be drinking Diet Coke, but dear, what were you on when writing this post? Hmmmmmmm……??????
February 25th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Erika says:
Do not forget Barenaked Ladies! Canada always has a place in my heart simply for producing BNL. If they never do anything again, that just fine with me.
February 25th, 2008 at 9:05 am
loralee says:
Thanks, all!
It.was.really.late when I wrote it.
Sigh.
Erika, oh I had a whole LIST of musicians including BNL! It just made the post WAAAAY too long.
February 25th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Rachel (Louisiana) says:
Dude! You are so weird! I second everything you said about Canada, though. I seriously want to move to P.E.I. And I really need to have a discussion with my husband Jonathan Crombie about cheating on me, even if it is with you. :o)
February 25th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Erin Evans Taylor says:
Um……….. I’m a little concerned you may have gotten a bump on the head while skiing. Have you ever heard of the term “snow on the brain”… it’s a lot like a brain cloud. You should get yourself checked out. Seriously!
February 25th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Marilyn says:
Must say OMG YES regarding Gilbert Blythe and anything Anne of Green Gables. Humina.
February 25th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Camille says:
That’s what I thought, too, all my life. Now I live here and it’s every bit as glorious as once i imagined. Ever been to Southern Alberta? It’s fun.
February 25th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Mr Lady says:
Can you cross-guest post this at my site? Seriously? I almost peed my pants over here.
February 25th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Sra says:
This post was incredible. ‘Nuff said.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Melain says:
Good Lord you’re silly. And isn’t it supposed to be PPS..PPPS…PPPPS…etc? Whatever.
Gilbert Blithe rides up with other classic yummies such as Mr. Darcy! HATS OFF!!!
February 25th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Megan says:
I love the morphing photos. I am going to Canada for the first time this fall, and Vancouver, no less. Glad to hear it’s your favorite.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Elizabeth says:
Hi Loralee. New reader from Angella’s blog. Just wanted to say hi and I am adding you to my reader. I hope that you are feeling refreshedly rested and better from your monthlies (ugh).
February 25th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
crunchy carpets says:
Whoot…to Vancouver.
I am sad to say I have not visited the rest of Canada East of the Rockies.
Shame on me.
I hide in the land of the lotus eaters and bitch about traffic on my rush to the beach!
And don’t forget the unhealthy obsession with coffee up here
February 25th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Redneck Mommy says:
I love me some Canada. I kinda have to because I live here. But really, WE ROCK.
Although I may have nightmares after seeing your photoshopped images. It was just wrong what you did to my beloved Gilbert. And back off, woman, he’s mine.
February 25th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
The Brother says:
Two-timer. You were just making out with Scotland. In fact - and I rat you out here - your photo in this post was taken WHILE you were making out with Scotland! Did you seriously think we would not remember?
What gives here???? And what has happened to traditional values?
And btw, you may never refer to me as your weird brother again. Not after this.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Melly says:
We are also big fans of Canada…my husbands side of the family are actually from Canada. His Mom and Dad are from there, and hopefully my hubby will have his duel citizenship soon.
We also love Montreal/Old Quebec and went there for a week before we had our baby. It was wonderful, magical, freezing, and so fun!
We love Canada, and the word “eh?” is often said at our house, we celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving (a great excuse to have two thanksgiving dinners) and miss all of our family there.
If were to move from Cache Valley (which we don’t want to) we’d move to Canada.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
andi says:
You crack me up. I’m sorry to say that we’re not all that good-looking (oh, if only!) If you’re ever wanting to visit - you could see me and Redneck Mommy! - you can stay with me. Oh, but leave your creepy, imagined offspring at home - those were some scary nightmare fodder.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Denguy says:
I’d take Paul Gross over Jonathan Crombie any day of the week.
Nice pro-Canadian ramble, we’re so used to the opposite coming out of your country.
(I saw Strange Brew 17 times, eh.)
February 25th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Katie says:
OMG, i am definitely standing up.
i wanted to be mrs. gilbert blythe for many years - don’t know how many times i’ve seen the movies. i heart gilbert.
unfortunately i have never been to canada. but i really want to!!!!!
really!!!
February 25th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
HRH says:
Glad skiing went well. Has anyone told you lately that you are CRAZY? ha, eh?
February 25th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
KatieBelle says:
LOL.
Oh my gosh…too funny.
Canada does pretty much rule, eh?
February 25th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Katie says:
by the way, i want you to know i heart my husband much more.
also, your offspring with angella looks like daryll hannah from the 80s.
February 25th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
hairyshoefairy says:
*swoons* I love Gilbert Blythe. I’m so jealous you saw him in person as Romeo. I dream of going to PEI someday. And also Vancouver.
February 25th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Painted Maypole says:
but if you were drinking diet coke, would the procreations come out differently? hmmmm….
(I so admire you. i need to give it up, too)
February 25th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Jill - GlossyVeneer says:
I commented on your post over at Angella’s site, but I thought I would comment here. Who doesn’t love the comment love?
So guess what I found out after your post? Strange Brew is available on Netflix Watch Instantly. Since I have a Netflix account, I can watch several of their offerings via my computer, so I half-watched and listened to it this afternoon while I was working. Thanks for the power of suggestion, it was entertaining!
February 25th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Holly says:
Strange Brew is the awesomest movie - ever!
February 26th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Amber says:
I was OBSESSED with Gil as a wee Canadian lassie. Seriously. I cannot count the amount of times I rewound the romantic scenes with him during Anne of Green Gables. Though I can’t say I ever Photoshopped myself with him. Perhaps your love runs deeper and truer….
February 26th, 2008 at 8:34 am
holli says:
Oh, uh, My, uh, GAWD - like - you ARE INSANE!!!
I am laughing so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*snoRt!*
February 26th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Fluent Brittish says:
You and Canada make beautiful babies. You should breed competitively.
February 26th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Jamie says:
You are HILARIOUS WOMAN!
This is your blog. This is your blog on no Diet Coke.
You know I’ve never been to Canada but now I want to go!
February 26th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Lemon Blossom says:
Oh, how many times have I fantasized I was Anne and Gilbert was pulling my braids. Or I was at his bedside with my book and realizing that I really do love him (ok, I knew it deep down all along, but I was a dork about, ok?). Man, I have watched that movie over and over. That and the BBC/A&E version of Pride and Prejudice. Yum is all I have to say.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Doug says:
This post truly brought tears to my eyes. And not just because I’m allergic to crackwhores (damn cheap apartment), but because you, LL, express my love for my country better than I can.
And I’m going to pimp out this video again, since there’s been alot of AoGG talk here (new movie this year, BTW):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7B2LW_NW4&eurl=http://dougsrantsraves.blogspot.com/2008_01_01_archive.html
Anne of Green Gut, the Newfoundland version.
February 26th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
jasonthe says:
Loralee,
Just out of curiosity, have you ever thought of writing a book?
If you haven’t, you should. You seem to have a knack for expression that I think a large audience would appreciate.
Just an observation (I’m forcing myself to sit in the office today and catch up on billing…so I’m obviously avoiding that with random comments such as these).
Jason
February 27th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Alecia says:
Oh, Gil!!!!
You made me laugh so hard I cried. I love it. I was (okay, AM) so in love with Gilbert Blythe too. I know we’ve already shared our love of Anne, but I didn’t know it extended to Good Ole Gil. He could break a slate over my head anytime.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Julie says:
So the second post that I read of yours, and I can honestly say “you had me at Gilbert”. I was so madly in love with him growing up(in Vancouver, are you jealous?). I have now had the pleasure of watching my daughter fall in love with the movies, and announce that Gil is cute! On another note, apparently they are making another Anne movie that Barbara Hershey plays an older Anne, and Shirley Mclaine is in it too. I am leary, I need Megan Follows and Jonathan Crombie…
Next trip to Vancouver, you should go to Theatre Under the Stars in Stanley Park and watch Anne of Green Gables. Phenomenal! And bring your cardigan, it gets chilly.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:29 am
Scatteredmom says:
Omg I laughed so hard it’s a good thing I finished my coffee 10 minutes ago.
The ironic thing? We live very close to Vancouver, and we vacation in Utah every summer because we LOVE Utah. Almost as much as Canada
November 16th, 2008 at 11:50 am