I know, I know. I hate it when people drone on and on about being Sick! Or Hacking Up Mucous!! Or having Leprosy of the Vocal Folds!!!
It doesn’t spare you. Nope, I’m a hater today. A hater of those who don’t struggle to breathe and phonate and who haven’t been sick for going on TWO WEEKS. At least I don’t have Whooping Cough. They called me today with the negative results. Still, whatever the freak it is that I am infected with is pretty freaking horrid.
I sound like a freaking dying emu. Ok, I’ve never actually heard a dying emu, (Or a healthy one, for that matter) but I’m sure that I am doing a freaking good imitation of one right now. I’m also sure that dying emu’s also use the word “Freak” a lot.
**Don’t we make a lovely pair? Thanks, Photoshop Dave!
I.sound.terrible.
Don’t believe me?
CLICK HERE. I’ll sing you a little lullaby…
See? That was a GOOD TAKE! Aren’t you totally glad you clicked on that link to hear my sexy, infected tones? You can totally sound like me if you want too. Let’s make out later in the parking lot. You’ll be sounding like a two-penny whore in no.time.flat.
I even look like a two-penny whore lately. One of the few times I have been out of the house was an adventure to the grocery store. I was really too sick to be there. I.looked.horrible. However, I was so dehydrated and kept throwing up and the only thing in the world that sounded good was Dole Bottled Peaches.
I had no makeup on, two days of bed head, and was wearing pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt hoodie. Plus, I was pissed off that Jon wouldn’t go get them for me, so I was wandering the aisles having an argument with my husband. OUT LOUD. BY MYSELF.
The gaggle of teenage boys who were laughing their asses off at the crazy homeless woman talking to herself and pushing a grocery cart can hardly be blamed.
Oh, well. At least I got my damn peaches. And they are awesome. I have to go participate in their golden loveliness now and hack up my remaining lung.
Mmmm…Peaches…
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, <Hack! Hack! Hack!> Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom
Mmmm….
Mmmmmm. Dole Peaches.
An Emu lives behind my parents house. They sounds funny. FYI, they make kind of a low “clug, clug, clug” noise deep in their throats. It’s really weird. This emu always comes over to look at us when we eat outside.
Oh, Loralee, I SOOooo feel for you! This hacking/voice-losing thing happens to me at least once a year. It is horrid, no? And of course in my profession an impaired voice resulting in a lack of speech renders me relatively useless at work!
Get better soon!!
What a pleasant clip that was.
There was a farmer in my hometown that had some emus. But then his barn burned down, and the emus died. I also sampled emu when I was in Australia.
I suppose this means you won’t be singing Sunday night? I was looking forward to hearing you. I guess the Youtube clip will have to suffice.
Hairy:
HA! I should go visit and take my photo with them. They’re probably part of my lost tribe. :)
Sarah:
I know you feel my pain. Your job would be impossible to do when you have this crud. I’ve never had such bad laryngeal edema EVER. And it keeps going and going and going.
Craig:
Oh, I hope I can sing on Sunday. I will be so bummed out. I missed the last two Sunday rehearsals because I sounded so bad. It’s been way fun singing with MacKenzie. I hope that she does The Messiah.
llc
your little song made my throat hurt.
maybe you could use sign language?
hope you feel better soon
i got home from a weekend in barcelona to find two out of my three kids sick :(
and with my own throat rapidly feeling like it’s closing in! the only thing that’s helping is the strong numbing throat spray i’ve been overdosing on for the last 36 hours.
hack! hack! hack!
Vx
The visual of you having an argument OUT LOUD. BY YOURSELF…
Made me howl.
Get better, will ya?
Glitter loved that clip of you singing. Maybe peaches will heal the nastiness.
You sound like crap, lady. Might want to get that checked out.
*ducks*
Awwwww…hugs to you. But like, really distant, “I don’t wanna get too close to you” hugs. Cause, I love you and all…I just don’t love your disease ridden mucous.
Don’t feel too bad… You can now have a rockin’ career as a 1-900 operator – “Hello, what are YOU wearing?? Double knit polyester pants? With the crease sewn down the front?? OHhhhhh that’s so HOT”!!!! (And don’t sell yourself short…you sound like a ten cent whore at least!)
Feel better soon. I hope I can see you sometime during the holidays. I miss you lots!
Tom:
It is pretty sad, isn’t it??? I have had so much frustration communicating because I can’t really use the phone. No one can understand me. Soon, I’m going to resort to things like communication by semi-four flags. UG.
Vannessa:
OH, no! That sucks. Your lovely weekend turned into nasty illness. Plus, the kiddies being sick! At least I don’t have that (Thus far. Knock on wood.) I am the only sick person in the house. I hope it stays that way.
Angella:
Oh, it was SO sad. Seriously, I really was this crazy person who talks to themselves. Saddest? It didn’t even SINK IN until those boys started laughing at me. Then it was like, “Oh, yah. I’m in public and I already look half-crazy. Better not give them any more reason to re-commit me!”
Sigh…
Glittersmama:
Oh, they have helped a lot. It helps to keep me hydrated. I’m downing tons of water, too, but I prefer the peaches. :)
Coolbeans:
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA! You know, it wouldn’t have occurred to me…
Sue:
It is a happy day with Sue comments! Cause you crack me the freak up. But you know that already. If I had any talent I would write you a Haiku of adoration. *Gotta love drugs, right?*
Macpipergirl:
Ten cents? I dunno, man. That’s a lot of pressure. I might actually have to brush my teeth every once in awhile, so I may have to just stick to my 2-cent status.
I want to see you, too. It would be fun to get the families together and revel in merriment and good cheer (Obviously, I have the “Ho-ho-ho” thing DOWN) :D
Oh my Loralee, I love you, but I couldn’t finish listening to that lullaby.
Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry you’re sick, but I’m so glad you make it entertaining for the rest of us. I don’t think you’re a penny or a ten cent whore. I’m gonna start the bidding at 25 cents. And I’ll take anybody in a caged death match who wants to fight me for you…even with you looking like a homeless woman in the store, and hacking up a lung. :o) Feel better soon.
Bahahaha! You totally should! It just wanders around a pasture and would come right up to the fence for a picture, I’m sure. Though I’m rather fond of Photoshop Dave’s version.
I hope you feel better!
Get well soon!