Like the billions and billions of humans that have lived before me, I am becoming increasingly aware of my age. I am not saying that I am “Old”, I’m only 32. Well…I’ll be 32 for 24 more days. Then I turn 33. I am fairly sure that I lose a startling amount of collagen when the clock strikes midnight on my birthday. I’m also fairly sure my ass sags a little further towards the center of gravity on this day as well.
Anyway. Let’s just say that I am aware that I could now co-star in the 80′s dramady “Thirtysomething”.
I have changed quite a bit between my early twenties and my early thirties. I know that this is normal. It would be much more abnormal if I had stayed the same, I think. One thing I have noticed? How young people start looking, well….YOUNG. Baby-faced. Almost too young to be in college, getting married having kids. Did I ever look that young??
My attitude and tastes have changed a lot as well. I can’t pull all-nighters and rebound the same way that I did in high school and college. I don’t eat ice cream anymore. And…I used to love all things wedding. Yup. I was one of “Those” girls. I used to go try on wedding dresses for fun with my friends in high school and flip through Bride Magazine while standing in line at the supermarket. I never got sick of planning my own wedding in my head. I just dug them.
I think having two weddings cured me for life. Actually, one wedding was probably adequate to do that. I offered to elope with Jonathan, but it was his first marriage and he wanted it. While it was all groovy and grand, I really wonder if I will be able to rebound by the time my own children get married. I’m still girlie and like girlie things, but time has dialed my level of “Precious” way the hell back.
A few nights ago, Jonathan and I ate out at one of his favorite restaurants. It’s a yummy Mexican eatery that is cafeteria style. I know, it sounds lame but the pulled pork salad is yummy. It was packed. I was tired and didn’t really want to stand in a huge ass line that could rival Splash Mountain at Disneyland. This place is also hugely popular with high school and college kids for date nights because it’s good, cheap food. Do you know how much perfume and cologne gets worn by young daters wanting to enhance their hormone-induced pheromones to be alluring? Line waiting only seems longer when you engulfed in the scent equation of “Shock and Awe”.
But that is what my husband wanted and I like making him happy, so there it is.
We approached the end of the line to move through the “Corral” and the tiny, petite, perfectly coiffed and manicured blond girl in front of us started jumping up and down and shrieking with glee as she threw her arms around the blushing redheaded boy she was with.
Apparently, for some reason that can only be known to them, he chose a hot, stuffy, crowded and perfume-clad cafeteria line to give his fiancee her diamond ring. Her rapturous shrieks lasted for quite awhile. So did his blushing, but at some point they calmed down and just kept beaming at one another and people around them offered their congratulations.
All I could think is “My FREAK they look so young.”
Then it happened.
The “Engagement Phenomenon”. I realize that this is not something that happens in ALL engaged women. Just SOME engaged women. For example? I read blogs of two perfectly rational engaged women that would rather stick a fork in both their eyes than engage in the following behavior.
Some newly engaged women seem to be able to seek each other out. It’s like a shark smelling chum in the water from miles and miles away or a bloodhound catching the faintest whiff of something.
It drives them and bonds them together: Must.see.and.comment.on.new.engagement.ring. Tonight was no exception. Pretty soon, the PPB (Petite, Perky Blond) was totally enraptured in conversation with two other newly-ringed girls and one “Just Married” girl in line. It was ok, really. It’s an exciting time of life and a big moment for anyone.
Then someone came up behind us in line and brushed up against me.
As fate would have it, yet another perky, petite blond (We’ll call her PPB#2) came in and stood in line directly in back of us and started straining to hear the engagement conversation occurring directly in front of us. She, along with the giggling gaggle of girls with her all had elaborate updo’s worn with snugly fit terrycloth track suits in varying arrays of pastels. I saw the eye of PPB#1 and her chatty co-horts catch the arrival of PPB#2 and her giggling gaggle.
All I could think is: UH-OH.
Once the two gangs of girls smelled “Engagement” on the other, there was no hope. Jonathan and I were trapped. Right in the middle of a perfect storm of “WEDDING!!!!!!! SQUEEEE!!!!!!!!”
PPB#1: Your ring is so PRETTY!
PPB#2: Thanks! Isn’t it? I just got my bridals done tonight with my brides maids!”
PPB#1: No WAY! I just got my ring tonight! Who is your photographer? When are you getting married? Who’s your florist? Cake decorator? Where did you get your veil? Your shoes? Your whosit’s and whatsit’s galore??? Blah, blah! Blabbibity, blah, blah, blah!!!!
As you can tell, at that point my brain began to melt and ooze out of my nostril cavities.
It went on, and on, and ON. It was a stuffy, claustrophobic, headache-inducing situation that seemed to never end. It felt like Jonathan and I were squished right in the middle of a frilly wedding-fest that we really didn’t want to be invited to. All I could think of (Besides “Get me the hell out of here”) was to wonder if I had ever done this to people before and to apologize to the universe with my mind for any zealously fru-fru inconvenience I had ever caused to anyone.
I also felt very grateful to be past this stage of life and appreciated my saggy ass and 32.8 years. I would not go back, no siree.
By the time we FINALLY got to the counter, paid for our take out and were able to leave I literally ran and bolted out of the building and sat there sucking in the fresh, cold night air that was sweetly tinged with freedom.
Jonathan chucked at my relief.
“See? You made it, honey. Besides, it wasn’t THAT long. Just over 15 minutes or so.”
“True, but it was seemed longer. I think those 15 minutes should be counted like dog-years and we should times it by 7.”
“So…This means you’re a dog? You’re calling yourself a bitch?”
“You realize that comment will require the purchase of Diet Coke AND chocolate on the way home, right?”
That is so very funny, wish that I could have seen you guys. You are getting old, but not that old I am 34 now.
We ARE old, my dear! I for one pulled my first all-nighter since studying for finals in college. ONly it wasn’t planned. Just call it a mix of being hypoglycemic and taking cough medicine with vicodin. And you say SPEEEEED all night long?
These days, I laugh whenever I see an interchange like the one you described. I still remember my roommate. When she became engaged, she didn’t say anthing, just walked around, holding our her ring finger. Much more subtle. :-)
How horribly funny. I could NOT have endured that, at all!! I would have opted to leave, and left my hubby to pick up the food and meet me in the car.
Oh, and you are NOT old!!!! I have SHOES older than you are!! So there.
wait till you’re 64—then most everyone seems young
I wonder if I behaved that way, too. It worries me a little now.
Kind of like when I see middle school kids being super-loud and super-annoying and think “I couldn’t possibly have been that obnoxious, could I?” Unfortunately I’m almost positive I was. I feel bad for all the people who had to endure my presence at that time.
I feel for you dear. I’ve never been much on the engagement!squee! crap. I.hate.it. But you most definitely needed the diet coke AND chocolate for the female dog comment.
I find myself hearing about women who are 38, 39 and for a split second think, “Oh, she’s so much older than me…” and then I remember I’m almost 33. When did I change age brackets? I think of people in their thirties as being so much more experienced and wise than I am! I don’t think I have the resume to be in my early thirties…
Oh, and if you are interested, I have the recipe for the pork that’s in those salads and the spicy ranch. Both are easy and yummy. :)
If you ever want to torture me into confessing a murder I didn’t even commit, put me in a cell with those squealing engagement girlies for an hour.
Old? I started feeling old when air stewards started looking young to me.
Hee! SO that’s why Diet Coke was spurting out of your nose!
Also? I am 32 as well. Turning 33 in January. We’re samesies.
And I totally relate to the age thing. Why does everyone else look so YOUNG???
OMG! LMAO!!! I laughed so hard over this one (your descriptions of the PPB’s were my fav.) I thank God daily that I didn’t get married when I was 19 and become like these girls. I also thank Him that I WON’T EVER be like them. :o)
Oh, and the most hilariously fitting thing is that the Google Ads box on your sidebar is currently advertising “Bridal Make-up and Hair” !!!!
Vx
I hyper-ventilated reading this.
Perfect post! The last time I was on campus at BYU my sister and I drove past a couple doing their engagement shots. We totally cracked up at the stupidity of it all. Personally, I’m all for eloping. If I could have a re-do, I’d totally elope, just maybe with a different person when I’d grown up a bit more and could handle marriage. Ahh, hindsight.
I think you need Bridget’s cards. As long as you have to listen to them, you may as well help a friend make some money. hahahahaha
I definately remeber there was some SQUEE!! out of you, but let’s not go there…
He seriously proposed right there in line? No. Way. I might have stopped a propoal mid sentence and told him to pick a better time/place if it had been me.
Being that I was only 18 when I got married, I was the first of my friends to do so. Six years after I was proposed to, I find it hard to get too excited about engagement rings and such as friends experience all of it. I really find it hard to understand all of my husband’s old high school buddies who are in their late 20s and early 30s and still unmarried and out there partying and drinking. I. Just. Don’t. Get. It. Babies? Sure! I guess it’s just where we all are in life that is different.
Duh. I had to come back and put your mind at rest. Whilst reading some-one elses blog right now and noticing their Google Ads in their sidebar (because I’m lame like that), I just realised that -duh- google ads are ‘post-sensitive’, i.e. they relate to the stuff your latest post is (or appears to be) about!
Aren’t you glad I came back to redeem my ignorant self?
No one who white-dances on camera in front of the bail bond office in Logan is allowed this post. Having said this, if you can’t get all excited and babbling and ridiculous when getting engaged for the first time, what the heck IS allowed? Cynicism is highly useful when used in moderation.
Also, you are never truly old until you barge into your son’s room yelling “TURN THAT CRAP DOWN!!!!” Which I, of course, have done … :-)
That is a great story, and the very reason to keep a blog. At least while you were standing there had plenty of time to think “Exactly how do I word this story when I blog about it?”
No? Is that just me?
Squeeeee! Blogging!!! Yeeee!
Kyle-I know you feel Jon’s pain especially!
Amber-Yup. I hear you. Everyone seems way too young to be doing the things that they are. It’s weird. I confess to doing the ring finger thing as well. :S
Sharon-Oh, I know. I’m just starting to clue in to the whole aging thing. Sigh.
t-That is what people tell me. I think it’s just going to get worse from here!
Hairy-Oh, don’t worry if you did. I DID IT, TOO. I really doubt that you would be as oblivious as the girls at that restaurant. They probably didn’t realize how overwhelming they were being…I think they just got caught up in “Mob Mentality”.
Holly- I wish I were you. I know that I did plenty of squee=ing in my day. Sigh.
Cecily-I’d love the recipe, although I always get the vinaigrette dressing. I just like it more!
Vanessa-I’m noticing more and more people that look younger and younger. Sigh.
Angella- Really? ’74 was a pretty good year, huh?
Rachel- Nope, you wouldn’t go there.
Erika-Yup. It.was.very.claustrophobic. :S
Amy-Hindsight is a bitch. You know that I totally know where you are coming from.You’ve handled it a whole lot better than me, though.
Mary Ellen-Actually, the photographer was the only thing I really paid attention to. They were both from SLC, though.
Macpiper-Oh, yes. I admit to the Squee! I’m just profoundly glad that I am not there anymore. :S
Charli-I actually think (From deciphering all the babble) that this is where he gave her the ring. I think that the whole hand in marriage thing was already done. (Hopefully!)
I tried to give them the benefit that maybe that is where they had their first date or met in line or…something???
Vanessa-Oh, worry not. I thought the same thing the first while. I have also done SOOOOOOO much worse! If you knew the levels of my techno-stupidity.
The Brother- I totally understand excited engagement babbling. I just didn’t appreciate being stuck in between it for quarter of an hour with now possible route of escape!
I think Craig should charm you with more opening chords of “Smoke on the water”. Heh
Lisa-No, it is not just you. I often dream about blogging, which is more than a little sad!
Best post ever.
“As you can tell, at that point my brain began to melt and ooze out of my nostril cavities.” And that is the best line ever.
Thank God that was never me.
I hate squealing girls. Insert vomit here.
LOL I never got to do the engaged thing. I think it’s different in same sex relationships. You can’t get legally married so you just wake up one morning and realize you are partnered.
Though this second time around I would like things to be much different. I can promise no take-out line giddyness, but I’m certain that I would squeel from time to time and post ring pictures.
No comment on the engagement stuff, but I know what you mean about getting older. I’m still trying to absorb 27. 24 was really the best year. If only I could relive it in perpetuity.
At 24, I just felt like I was still young enough to be young, but old enough to take care of myself. At 27, I feel like I can’t pass for young-young anymore and it’s only going to get worse from here.
How do we make it stop?
Am I able to use this product together with other weight reduction products?