I am suffering from the greatest humiliation I have had in a very, very long time. With about 3 hours notice and really swollen vocal folds, I decided to audition for a musical. To make matters worse, I selected a song I didn’t know well because my other audition pieces were un-singable due to aforementioned vocal folds.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Did I mention that was STUPID?
To clarify, while I have a dramatic, exaggerating nature, it.really.was.THAT.bad. I am not exaggerating. I also don’t want to hear argument about this in the comments, ok? It would insult my experience and intelligence.
I sucked six ways from Sunday.
By the time I got to the theater, I was raspy and squeaky. I should have turned around and gone home, but NO. I didn’t. There aren’t many musical theater opportunities in the valley and since seeing “Wicked” in London, I have been selfishly craving the theater. At the audition, I got up to sing and the alien-sounding, hideous CRUD that came out of my mouth threw me so much that I forgot the words. I stopped, realized that recovery was impossible, said “Sorry…” and WALKED OFF THE STAGE.
For the first time since I was 17 I didn’t even get a call back, and I shouldn’t have.
The worst part? This was in front of people that I have worked with. People I respect. People who used to know me when I was awesome and envy my ability. There were a couple who hadn’t heard me sing, but had heard of me from all these people and were excited to “Finally” hear me.
The pity on their faces was something I don’t think I’ll be forgetting anytime soon.
I don’t care that I’m not in the show, not really. I care greatly that I would throw such shit at people I respect and humiliate myself like this. I haven’t auditioned for musical theater in 5 years. How arrogant to think that I could pull it off with 3 hours prep. I emailed the director an apology. I don’t expect a reply.
I have had great opportunities and experiences in the theater and I should have left well enough alone.
Lesson learned.
Filed under: 
Ouch Loralee. I’m sorry it sucked!
I’ve done the same thing before… to the point my face burns thinking about it years later. I won’t minimize. When stuff like that happens I honestly try my best to just block it out of my mind and move past because everyone does something like that sometimes. You’re a big enough person to laugh it off when you’ve gotten over the sting of it – and you’ll be better for it.
hugs.
aw shit. my heart goes out to you, love. but, you know what? I’m glad you stopped and walked off… continuing when you knew it was going to sound awful would have been a bad idea.
And… surely I must be right in thinking that if the people holding the audition were performers themselves, surely they would know a little about sore throats and losing voices… I bet they’re all still dying to see ‘the real you’ perform and I reckon you should make it your business (some day soon) to make a ‘comeback’ because (unlike Brittany) you’ve got what it takes.
Vx
I’m sorry about that, Loralee. I haven’t had exactly that experience, but I have performed badly and been deeply embarrassed by it. It’s sickening and stays with you at night for too long.
The only solution I’ve found is to perform again.
Until you do perform again, try to find other things to think about. London, maybe, or York–both are places I also have loved, and enjoyed revisiting through your blog.
I just want to put my arms around you, hug the stuffing out of you and tell you, ‘There, there, everything will be OK.’
You have an amazing voice, amazing talent, amazing heart, and any production would be fortunate to have you.
This was a fluke. Chalk it up to ‘jet-lag’ from your trip.
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}
Keep on keepin’ on! I used to be in theater, and I have shown up before without prep and sucked a duck. And then felt like crap afterward because I knew I could have done better. Humiliating but a learning experience.
I have to give you kudos for trying out for musical theater after being away from it for 5 years. It’s been a long time since I did the acting thing, and I don’t know if I would even have the guts to show up after that long, without that much prep.
We all know you’ll do better next time. And I’m sure you know the same. And you rock. Don’t forget that. :)
well llc,
there are times when all i can do is go home and get in bed and turn the electric blanket on high and hide from the world.
hope you fell better
Oh no!! This must have been for MTW. I’m so sorry! That really, really sucks! Ouch.
I’m hoping to audition for them when I move back. I keep thinking I should start practicing for it now so I’m not scrambling last minute trying to remember what I’m doing. I haven’t done it for years either, and I’m out of shape.
I’m sorry it was bad. But on the plus side…
You. Got. To. See. Wicked. IN LONDON!!
I am very jealous.
At least you’re not white trashy like the Bratney. And you weren’t on national television.
Sorry about the suck.
I just hope you were not wearing bedazzled underwear. LOL.
Remember darling, your worst day of singing would be considered my best.
At least you tried. You would feel worse if you hadn’t done that.
So I really don’t think Britney’s uh, choices are the greatest, BUT:
1. I’d love to have her body. Seriously! So she’s not as thin as she was. She’s a new mom. I’d love to be her size!
2. I’d love to be able to sing as well as she does. I can NOT sing. At all. So even if you think she is a terrible singer, I am even worse. Anything would be a step up for me!
That said, I wouldn’t mind your body and/or voice, even on your worse day!
You’ll blow them away next time.
Well, honey, I’m sorry that all I could say last night was “I’m sorry.” But I’ve got a little more to say now.
1)I’m SO sorry that you had such a bad experience. My heart really goes out to you.
2)You know what your level of talent and experience is. You don’t need me to tell you that. You also know what your limitations are. Last night you were working under some pretty hefty limitations because of the circumstances. That is not indicative of your talent.
I just really hope that you don’t choose to end your theater career on such a bad note. (No pun intended.) Take some time to recover from this, get your voice back into shape and get back on the horse. Even if it’s just once and you choose not to do a whole lot of shows after this. At least try to end with a good experience. That’s my opinion. Love you. *hugs*
humble pie isn’t much fun to eat is it? Hang in there, you know you can sing and you will redeem yourself at another time.
Awwww! I’m sending you a HUGE hug.
And maybe a boob squeeze ;)
As a graphic design student I turned in a project that was pure crap. Like, it was red marker on paper. THAT WAS IT. It was critiqued by the whole class, and I wanted to die.
I had no ideas, but after I saw everyone else’s clever and beautiful work I wanted to die again.
It sucks, but there are always chocolate chip cookies to be had after the humiliation.
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