I am suffering from the greatest humiliation I have had in a very, very long time. With about 3 hours notice and really swollen vocal folds, I decided to audition for a musical. To make matters worse, I selected a song I didn’t know well because my other audition pieces were un-singable due to aforementioned vocal folds.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Did I mention that was STUPID?
To clarify, while I have a dramatic, exaggerating nature, it.really.was.THAT.bad. I am not exaggerating. I also don’t want to hear argument about this in the comments, ok? It would insult my experience and intelligence.
I sucked six ways from Sunday.
By the time I got to the theater, I was raspy and squeaky. I should have turned around and gone home, but NO. I didn’t. There aren’t many musical theater opportunities in the valley and since seeing “Wicked” in London, I have been selfishly craving the theater. At the audition, I got up to sing and the alien-sounding, hideous CRUD that came out of my mouth threw me so much that I forgot the words. I stopped, realized that recovery was impossible, said “Sorry…” and WALKED OFF THE STAGE.
For the first time since I was 17 I didn’t even get a call back, and I shouldn’t have.
The worst part? This was in front of people that I have worked with. People I respect. People who used to know me when I was awesome and envy my ability. There were a couple who hadn’t heard me sing, but had heard of me from all these people and were excited to “Finally” hear me.
The pity on their faces was something I don’t think I’ll be forgetting anytime soon.
I don’t care that I’m not in the show, not really. I care greatly that I would throw such shit at people I respect and humiliate myself like this. I haven’t auditioned for musical theater in 5 years. How arrogant to think that I could pull it off with 3 hours prep. I emailed the director an apology. I don’t expect a reply.
I have had great opportunities and experiences in the theater and I should have left well enough alone.