Why do I have to find out that my child is being bullied the day before I start my period? Because let me tell you, that is THE worst time of the month for me emotionally. The worst. In fact, I have been such a Debbie Downer all week. I chalked it all up to blues from the trip and Matthew’s anniversary, but I forgot all about my period (Again).
The day before my period is usually filled with an inexplicable feeling of sadness, worry, confusion. I often have emotionally wrenching conversations and there is ALWAYS sobbing at some point in the day. Basically, I am a live illustration of weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.
It sucks.
I suppose it is a good thing that I have been a virtual recluse/hermit/shut in since I’ve gotten back. I have only seen my family and one friend who stopped by to drop something off and show me her new car.Hell, I haven’t even seen Karen face-to-face yet and SHE LIVES IN MY BASEMENT.
I’m a winner.
Yesterday, my son and my nephew had the biggest fight. I will skip the details because it just isn’t for the internet, but those two have such a volatile relationship. They push each other’s buttons like you wouldn’t believe. My husband was home and had to break it up. I’ve never seen him so mad. He has had it. They are going to have to spend a lot of time apart. I don’t know if they’ll ever really be able to have a relationship if they can’t manage it better than this. For the good of both of them, because it just is bad right now.
That was stressful in and of itself, but it brought out another situation that sucks.
I know that kids pick on other kids. It is a sad, horrible part of life. I was very picked on in school. Very. I carry the effects of it around with me to this day. I don’t think I really felt good about my social situation until college. One day I was sitting in the hall with a large group of friends from the music department between classes and I was struck by the thought that every person sitting there liked me. No one wished me ill, mocked me, taunted me or thought me less of a person than they were. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Actually, scratch that. I was happy, sure, but this was different than happiness…It was one of the most PEACEFUL moments of my life.
We go to a school that has kids in it from all over the valley. We also live in a neighborhood with very few kids (Except for the neighbor kids that do things like write on my car with a Sharpie.). So, I always knew that my son didn’t have a lot of playtime options. But, he always managed to have at least one friend in class. They usually end up moving away, which is always hard on him.
This year, he doesn’t have anyone. His best friend moved away in the summer and now there are two boys that are picking on him to the point (They are now tripping and pushing him in gym class) that I am going to start “The chain of command”. Meaning, I’m going to talk to all of his teachers and ask them to keep an eye out for these two boys and my son. You know the drill. If it escalates and doesn’t work you move involvement up a notch at a time, etc. I am hopeful that this will work, but I know how busy teachers are. I know that they will try their best, but I also know how good kids are at doing these things out of view of adults.
They are making him feel sad, terrible and very lonely. This sucks. It hurt to hear him say that he didn’t have any friends. I tried to tell him that he is the BEST little kid. More than anything I want him to be able to see and believe me that these insignificant, moronic, brats DO NOT MATTER. That they are INSIGNIFICANT in his life. That if he can just get past the bullshit of middle school and high school he will be OK. Sure, people still have drama, cliques and turf wars even as adults but it so different. You aren’t being caged up with 300 immature potential enemies that are half-crazed with hormones every day, all day.
It matters to him. It is significant to him. He sees them and what they say as valid, important and the truth. WHICH SUCKS. I told him how special he his. How fun, witty, smart and sweet he is. He gave me “The look” and said, “Yeah, but you’re my MOM.” Once again, I am amazed at the repeating cycles of child/parent relationships. I STILL give my mother that look when she says she would have wanted to be my best friend if she was my age.
Arg.
It’s hard to know what to do as a parent in a situation where kids are picking on your kids. He’s tried ignoring him, defending himself the best that he can, and I know boys have to work things out by themselves most of the time. I am a little upset that he confided in his gym teacher and the gym teacher did not call me, but I’ll bring that up with him when I go over this afternoon.
I hope that this can be resolved soon. I hope I deal with it right because sometimes parental involvement can make it SOOOO much worse. So, for now, I am just going to hope that calling the teacher’s attention to it will help diffuse any situations.
How about you, Internet? Have you had to deal with this? What did you do? What worked? I would love the plethora of teachers that read me to chime in if you could. I would like some advice on what do say.
hairyshoefairy says:
Those little SNOTS! Why do kids do things like that to each other!? It’s so frustrating to see. I’m sorry you have to deal with this crap right now. I think starting where you are is a good plan. Not too overprotective, but still calling attention to the issue.
September 26th, 2007 at 11:46 am
SparklieSunShine says:
Horrible. I used to get picked on in elementary school too. I wish I knew how to help, but I think your involvement is good. Not too much.
Are these boys in his class? I know it seems extreme, but if this continues maybe he can get put in a different class. I think he will feel a lot better once he makes some new friends at school. Maybe you can encourage him to seek out some of his classmates and find people he has things in common. Maybe when he is having fun with them he’ll forget all about those other boys.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
New Diva on the Blog says:
Getting picked on is the worst. Hope the teacher steps up to the plate for you!
Can relate about the emotions pre-period, there is always sobbing.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Sharon says:
As a retired teacher, I saw many instances of kids picking on others. I ALWAYS intervened! I would mention the positive qualities of the child being picked on, then tell the kids who were picking on them that I would call their parents if it didn’t stop.
Another thing that really worked well… I would put my arm around the kid doing the picking and tell him/her that I would hug the starch out of them in front of all their friends if I ever saw them doing it again!
Let’s just say I developed a reputation among the students over the years.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
jess says:
my son got beat up by a 4th or 5th grader last year…and it was one of the worst things to ever happen to me as a mother. the best part? he stood up for himself, even tho he got his little ass kicked. i was insanely mad.
and debbie downer. LMAO. my favorite episode of that is the one when lindsay lohan hosted.
speaking of lindsay lohan…well…never mind.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Craig says:
I’d teach your kid to punch the bullies directly in the nose.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Jenny says:
Grrrr, thats so frustrating. Dont you wish you could just walk invisibly behind him and prevent all wrong?
There is a great book, very highly recommended that could help. “The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander” by Barbara Coloroso. Ive heard its a great help. If only we could make them see life through an adult perspective sometimes.
Good luck
September 26th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
The Brother says:
Going through all that is not entirely negative. He will learn important things, just as we all have who have gone through it. He will learn compassion. He will learn not to be mean. He will learn endurance. He will grow and be better because of it.
At the risk of waxing theological, learning through experience is a big part of the point of being here in the first place. Some things cannot be taught out of a book; some knowledge must be acquired the hard way.
Sheesh. I just broke my “don’t be too earnest on the blog” rule. So, course correction:
I’m with Craig.
September 26th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
The Brother says:
Plus, at least you don’t sweat now!
September 26th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Davie says:
LL,
Been there - done that - got the t-shirt.
A few years ago we went through the same stuff with our son. He was picked on daily, called a “fag” because he is musical, and assaulted in the classroom twice! The Principal of the middle school actually recommended we send him to private school.
nice.
Our answer: We home school.
People will still ask us “what about their social time” when we tell them we educate our children ourselves. The social time WAS the reason we do this, no problem there! Besides, my kids are the most social kids their age. They can communicate with anyone - not just their peer group.
Your kids are too smart for government education anyway.
I tell my son his school bullies will work for him someday.
September 26th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Bridge says:
I went through this last year with my son. This year it is other problems. /sigh
You should have him talk to my husband. He honestly had the best advice that I have EVER heard. He went through it all his elementary life too. He finally figured what worked and now look at him. LOL. Now he only gets picked on by girls.
September 26th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Nooncy says:
It almost seems like the brother is sharing feelings? Who would have ever thunk?
September 26th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
mchristensen says:
Loralee, I was picked on at that age too. I was smart and not athletic and liked music. My mother taught me to ignore anything vocal and to respond to anything physical with a good punch to the nose. Her advice worked. I absorbed plenty of verbal crap, but only needed one or two punches to establish my creds.
As a stepfather of a troubled boy, I taught him what my mother taught me. It worked.
As a teacher, I intervened. Immediately. Always.
September 27th, 2007 at 8:18 am
jen says:
I despise children. I really do. I hate that those kids are picking on your boy. It incites Great Ire in me when I hear these kinds of stories. I have no advice because my anger makes me want to say things like “punch them in their faces” Or “kick them in their ovaries”. See? I’m no help.
Its a good thing kids are resilient. As I’m sure your little one is. DO talk to the teachers though. And, make sure they know you mean Serious Business.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Angella says:
ACK! Graham JUST started school. I hate to even think about bullying, but I know it will happen. Sigh.
And I am samesies when it comes to the monthly cycle (psycho?). I’mm all out of whack and then the next day…AHA!
You would think that after this happening for so many years that I would clue in
September 27th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Julie says:
Nothing makes me more angry than seeing kids do things like that to someone. As a former teacher, I always tried to intervene, when I saw it. Honestly, that was the thing that made me the most angry–was when I saw someone picking on someone else. Why do some children feel the need to do that? I know that everyone has probably been bullied or picked on at least once, but some kids seem to be a target for that kind of stuff. My son was–Oh the stories I could tell about that.
I would definitely talk to his teachers. They are with him during the day, so I’m sure they can keep an eye out. When parents told me their kid was being bullied I always tried to take it seriously, and usually caught the kids in the act. (I do have eyes in the back of my head, you know.)
September 28th, 2007 at 8:30 am
Occidental Girl says:
I hate to hear this!! As a mother it is hard to stand by and watch your kid get hurt.
There’s some good advice here. I hope the teacher steps the fuck up!
September 28th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
loraleeslooneytunes.com » Bullying says:
[…] The situation with James is not getting better. Oh, it is improved in the classroom because the teachers are doing their best to keep an eye out, but in lunch, and gym and the halls, the shoving and taunting James is receiving is escalating. So, I am taking it up a level and I involved school administration today. We’ll see how it goes. […]
October 18th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Bunny says:
School just started and I just got a call from a mom who said my son - 12 yrs old - was saying unkind things to him in the locker room and all the kids were laughing and this hurt his feelings. My son is a typical boy and I certainly do NOT condone my son’s behavior, on the other hand this same mother, last year, reported every little scratch or bruise that her son would get from playing frisbee. How involved should mother’s get in these situations? Will it make it worse on the other child if my child goes back to school and picks on him more because he got in ‘trouble’. They have worked well together so far in school and in soccer and I have always got the impression my son likes and admires this other kid. Does parental intervention need to happen every time a kid’s feelings are hurt? I will definitely have a serious conversation with my son and punishment WILL be involved.
Alot of kids go thru this, including myself, but I think it is part of growing up. People can be cruel, mean and unfair. It’s a part of life. If it doesn’t kill us it only makes us stronger.
This doesn’t mean I think it’s okay to physically harm another person.
Sometimes being a parent really sucks…not two parents ‘parent’ the same way.
August 27th, 2008 at 2:14 pm