Um…Hi, neighbor! What is going on? What? You hope I’m not on my way out? Well, I guess just because I’m walking out the door with my friend and have the car keys and cellphone in my hand doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going anywhere.
What? Your phone was shut off? You need to call your OBGYN? Do I have a phone you could use? Well, sure! Luckily, I have one, you know, in my hand! With my car keys!! That I wasn’t necessarily going to use to go anywhere right now!!
I’m not a heartless wench, I have compassion! Caring!! Kindness!!! Even if you made the last two lawn mowing seasons HELL. Even if your freaking kid constantly steals my kids bike, writes on my car with a Sharpie marker, and walks into my house whenever she feels like it, and, yes, even if I have resorted to hiding from you in my own house…SURE! I’ll still let you use my phone because you are in legitimate need.
I just have one tiny question-
Does all this kindness and caring require me to listen to you drone on and on for days in minute detail about your vagina and how you just can’t seem to keep a tampon in it since your IUD fell out???
glittersmama says:
Some people.
August 19th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Jessie says:
OMG..i am soooooooooooooooooooo glad that they are not my neighbors and soooooooooooooo very sad that they are yours. :S
August 19th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
holli says:
um - yes.. if you get to blog about it. It would only be better if we could see a pic (of her, not her vagina).
Because that would just rock.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
loralee says:
Glitter-Every time I think “They couldn’t POSSIBLY get worse”…They DO.
Jessie-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Holli-I just spit Diet Coke up my nose and my now quite possibly have to go obtain a back alley lobotomy to erase that scorching image from my mind!!!!!
August 19th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Holly says:
Wow, I had no idea that was even possible! I agree with Holli on the picture.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:01 am
Rachel says:
Yes, I must admit that was a little TMI. I tried SO HARD not to listen to what she was saying. As soon as I heard OBGYN, I knew that it wasn’t going to be pretty. Thanks so much for making it abundantly clear what her conversation with the Dr. was about.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:27 am
loralee says:
Holly & Rachel-Oh, yah. See, the thing is? I have had friends warn me about issues with the IUD and I thank them for it. Seriously, it’s good to know. It is the way that she goes about it that makes me scream “AAAAAHHHHH”".
I could have even dealt with THAT, except she.just.keeps.talking.to.me.about.it.
She came over twice yesterday and just cornered me at my kids school (First day back! YAY!)
I’m starting to refer to them as “The Vagina Monologues” in my head…
August 20th, 2007 at 8:46 am
SparklieSunShine says:
Oh lord. Those people. I’m amused whenever you write about them, but gah I can’t imagine having to live near them.
I mean, I over share by nature, but for god’s sakes at least I do it with my friends and not the freaking neighborhood.
OMG - As much as I love The Vagina Monologues and am actually in them and such. It is flipping HILARIOUS that you call them that in your head. So funny.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Sharon says:
oh…my…God!!!
My father had an embroidered saying framed and hanging on the wall over his bed:
“Let me live in a house by the side of the road and be a friend to man.”
I think you need to move where there is no road, and NO WEIRD NEIGHBORS!!!!
August 20th, 2007 at 10:30 am
Pink says:
some people just have no idea how rude they can be! *snickers*
sort of makes you want to slap your forehead and go duh! sometimes, huh?
August 20th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Angella says:
This is another reason I’m happy to live in The Sticks. My nearest neighbour is 3 acres away.
Also? What is with near strangers and TMI?
August 20th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
macpipergirl says:
YOU.HAVE.GOT.TO.BE.EFFING.KIDDING.ME!! Next time she brings it us just say - “Did I ever tell you that my whole uterus fell out after I lost my IUD? You should be really grateful that’s its just your tampon.”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
loralee says:
Sparklie-Heh. I knew you were in the VM’s. That’s one thing that brought it to mind, actually.
Sharon-I just think that I am also just a pretty damn unfriendly neighbor. Seriously, I don’t know what it is, but I am sort of like Victora Beckham…She’s actually really fun but looks uber-pissed off and miserable in every photo taken of her. I’m the same way with my neighbors. I think that they think I am the biggest bitch on the planet. Something I haven’t worked too hard to dispell.
Pink-hey, you! It’s true. Again, I think that mishaps with IUD’s are scary and it is a good thing to know the risks from people who experience them, but seriously…I don’t want to know how often you shave and your infection history!!!! ACK.
Angella-Oh, how I freaking ENVY YOU.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
jess says:
bwahhahhhhahahhahaa!
enuff said.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
jess says:
and…this time i updated our real blog addy. sheesh.
wanted: brain. one that works, preferably.
August 20th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
moosh in indy. says:
I’m pretty sure you’re going to need to wash your phone out with soap.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Charli says:
Well obviously you aren’t acting bitchy enough to go with your supposed bitchy look (btw- Jeremy used to say that was a problem of mine, ya know, just looking bitchy even when not feeling particularly so) or Crazy Vagina Neighbor Lady would not have done this- she’d have gone with another neighbor.
Try harder! I like to pretend like I don’t see mine, or shoo Hali into the house quickly in a very obvious way when they come outside.
I’m sure you could also pretend to have some disorder where you pretend that your imaginary friend is always with you and talk to them whenever Crazy Vagina Neighbor Lady is approaching, or something good like that…
August 20th, 2007 at 11:19 pm
loralee says:
Jess-Somehow I know you feel my pain Heh on the updating. If it’s any consolation I went to WalMart last night and remembered to buy everything BUT what I specifically drove there for. :S
Moosh-It’s true. And my computer (New Story)
Charli-Well, her options are the neighbors who speak little english, or me. Yippee. If I put anymore mean furrows in my face I will start to resemble a Basset Hound (Or David Caruso. Take your pick).
August 21st, 2007 at 7:45 am
Charli says:
You totally inspired me. Thank you. I was near giddy last night after unloading about my neighbors. Feels nice.
August 21st, 2007 at 10:24 am
hairyshoefairy says:
Puh-leez!
August 21st, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Willie Baronet says:
Holy crap. Is it time to mooove??
August 22nd, 2007 at 2:27 pm