I’m still in Mesa.
I made it to the funeral. It was a beautiful service and I managed to look quite presentable and I even smelled very nice and non-offensive. I had a great visit with all my family. I even got to see a blogging friend, Heather. She provided a much needed evening of relief from all the grief and sadness. I will post about our night when I am able to upload my photos.
Anyway.
I was supposed to be on my way home today, and indeed, I was packed, said goodbye to family, and my sister and I were just going to stop by to see my aunt, Regina in the ICU to say goodbye and be on our way.
Nope.
I need to rewind slightly. For those that are confused: I have an aunt who is in ICU. Her name is Regina and she is the eldest sister of my mother. I have another aunt (Pauline, who is the middle sister to my mother) who just passed away from pancreatic cancer and her funeral was held on Monday morning. They both live here in Mesa, Arizona.
We thought my aunt Regina was actually doing very well. Despite having had a massive transfusion a few days ago, she was taken off her ventilator and was talking to everyone. She told them that she never wanted a tube stuck down her throat again. They were getting ready to discharge her to more of a hospice care setting as of Monday morning at the funeral.
When we went to the graveside we found out that the siblings of my aunt Regina had been called to the hospital. The minute the last “Amen” was said we took off to the hospital to see what was happening. It was all very dramatic, even for me.
Because the hospital couldn’t get a hold of anyone (Cell phones off during the service) they re-intebated my aunt despite this being against her and the family’s wishes. When everyone arrived, they called a meeting and decided to take her off the ventilator. Then, at the last minute, another doctor came in and said that he strongly felt that this was just a hiccup in her progression and that if they gave it 72 hours to work, she could get a lot better. As they already lost their dad, Regina’s kids consulted with all the aunts and uncles and everyone felt good about keeping her on the respirator given the information that they had.
The aunts and uncles who came down from Utah (Including my parents) all said their goodbye’s and most went home yesterday.
Back to this morning.  It seems that there was a lot of misrepresentation about her prognosis. That she is too sick to ever leave the hospital and that keeping her on the ventilator was prolonging pain and could be creating a much worse situation in the end.
It took most of the day and much of the night, but finally everyone got on the same page and they extebated her. So, now? We wait. They will make her comfortable and she will pass away.
I don’t want to talk about what the last 16 hours have been like. For one, you can’t really ever describe just how hard it hits you to see someone you love so sick and in that kind of state. It seems unreal and you just can’t know the extreme nature of it until you go in and see it. For another, it has all been too painful, spiritual, and emotionally exhausting to try and relay right now.Â
This day brought me back to the worst day of my life and I hate revisiting it in such an extreme way.
BUT.Â
I will say that however much hell I’ve re-lived by being in this kind of setting has been worth it because I have been ABLE to go through it and still be able to give comfort to my grieving family. I wouldn’t have been able to set foot across the door a year ago. I would have run away from it. I just couldn’t have done it.
So. Here I sit. I don’t know when I will be home except that I know we have to get my sister home by Saturday for her daughter’s wedding reception.
I’ll try to keep in touch. Thanks for all the kind words. It helps more than I can say.
P.S. My cell phone reception sucks a duck out here. For everyone who has called, I just want you to know I see your missed calls and love you for them. I promise to try and get all of this out and delt with while I’m here so I am not a perpetual sad sack of crap for you all. 
Sarah says:
I am so sorry about the confusion regarding your aunt’s condition and the effect of the ventilator. : ( I will keep you all in my thoughts on prayers.
On a lighter note - SO fun to meet you last night! I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. I hope we get the chance again!
When you head home, have a safe trip!!
- Sarah
p.s. You and Heather convinced me to blog about my pantry …
July 11th, 2007 at 1:21 am
loralee says:
Thank you, Sarah! You were supposed to be mentioned in the first paragraph.
I am so frustrated right now. I hit the publish button before I tweaked my post (It is too long of a post AND I wanted to find the url to your blog and also go and clarify that my cousins asked us to stay with them through this). Now the really slow computer I am borrowing is giving me error messages so I can’t finish editing! It isn’t letting me onto my dashboard at all.
ARG.
SO…PLEASE forgive me. I feel horribly rude. I meant to say “Heather and Sarah” and write about you both! It was so lovely talking to you. You were so kind, understanding and the food was yum.
My condolances to you as well and I hope you and your family are all ok.
P.S.
I’m sure my pantry will thank you for it!
July 11th, 2007 at 1:26 am
Angela says:
Oh goodness. I can’t imagine how this must be for you. I’m so sorry that this is all happening at once and that you and your family have to go through this. You are fantastic and I hope things brighten up. I vented to you so if you need to further get things off your chest you can email me anytime.
July 11th, 2007 at 6:50 am
coolbeans says:
What a horrible situation. It is hard to see someone you love in that condition. I hope you all have some peace soon.
July 11th, 2007 at 6:51 am
Angela says:
Oh and PS I am back to blogging. I have a little entry up from yesterday and I will be posting again today.
July 11th, 2007 at 6:51 am
Holly says:
*hugs*
July 11th, 2007 at 7:06 am
Sharon says:
Loralee, you are showing what it means to be part of a caring, loving family - sharing the good times and the painful times, TOGETHER!
Thank you, and hugs to you!
July 11th, 2007 at 7:47 am
applesonastick says:
I had a blast with you too!
So sorry for all the confusion with your aunt. I’m sure this was a hard decision for everyone to make. I hope she is comfortable and pain free.
Hope your journey home is a million times more pleasant than the one down here!
July 11th, 2007 at 9:05 am
Karen says:
Sorry to hear this but I’m glad that you’re in a place where you can deal. Talk to you soon.
July 11th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Rachel says:
What can I say? I don’t even know how to begin to offer my condolences for everything that you’re going through. I know that you are strong enough to handle this, and I admire you for that. Hang in there, sweetie. *hugs*
July 11th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Vanessa says:
What you are is a perpetual source of inspiration and all things good and strong.
Thinking of you and sending you love across the miles,
Vanessa
July 11th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
MaryEllen says:
Good to talk to you, even if it was just for a minute. I know how much Regina means to you. It was a delight to meet her at the 50th. I am so proud of you and how you are handling all of this. You are stronger that you give yourself credit for. Be safe! I love you buckets upon buckets.
See you soon.
ME
July 11th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
macpipergirl says:
I know you are such a comfort to your family and they need you. I know this is hard for you, and I admire you for being so strong. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you. Be safe.
July 11th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Sue says:
I’m so sorry, Loralee. This must be just an awful time for you. I will remember you in my prayers. Stay happy cause we love you!
July 11th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Al says:
Loralee,
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. You are such a strong person. I’m sure that you are a very much needed figure of support for your family right now.
All the best.
July 11th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Just Me says:
I’m so sorry that your family will have to go through another funeral in such a short time. It seems sometimes when it rains it pours. Last year my grandma passed away suddenly then the next month my husband grandma died (not so suddenly) it’s just hard having to deal with funerals. I’m sure you have a great support system and I’m sure your family appreciates that you are able to stay with them through this time. Your family is in my prayers.
July 12th, 2007 at 8:05 am
bee says:
i’m thinking about you. take care of yourself. … everything else i think of to say sounds like an infomercial.
sending you love.
July 12th, 2007 at 12:17 pm