Today is the last day of school. I write this with a mixture of relief and dread. Relief, because there is so much that I have to do as a parent I almost feel like I am the one in school instead of my kids and dread, because I will now have two very active boys home with me all.day.long for the next three months.
The good news is that grades improved quite a bit. It’s weird how much you can identify with your kid’s failures and successes. It’s hard to know that you do everything you can as a parent (Which in this situation I HAVE) and they still may fail or struggle. It sucks. It’s also strange how I take on so much responsibility for the kid who struggles and very little kudos for the kid who does well.
I. am. so. pissed. off.
There was a huge, huge commotion in my living room and I ran out to find my youngest son almost hyperventilating with tears and crying. I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say, so after I made sure nothing was broken and he wasn’t bleeding anywhere I used my “Drill Sargent Momma Voice” to get James into the house so he could tell me what was going on. As he came up the front porch I heard him say, “Oh, yah?! Well that is just cruel and I am sicked and disgusted with you. You don’t deserve to have my brother as a friend.”
Well, THAT didn’t sound good.
I got the story from James that one of the neighbor boys told Christopher that he only had “Two real friends. Jake and Josh that moved away.” Basically, that Christopher wasn’t really his friend and didn’t count (In a nutshell and from what I could decipher from my sobbing son)
It broke Christopher’s heart.
*Spewing, sputtering, coughing, and gasping*
“H-h-h-ow could he SAY that to me, momma? HOW! I have been his good friend since they moved in t-t-t-hree years ago! That’s a long time for being 7. H-h-h-aven’t I been a good friend? I was his friend through s-s-s-o much! Even when he broke my favorite sword and said I couldn’t be in his Dragonball Z club. And now he just told me I’m not his f-f-f-f-friiiiieeeeennnnddd!!!!!!”
Here is where I suck as a person. There are mom’s who when they hear things like this can realize, “Hey, they are 7-year-olds. Kids are cruel and my kids are going to have this stuff go on in their lives.”
Know my reaction??
Rage. Pure, white, hot, hate-filled, “I want to rip this kids head off his scrawny little neck and shove it where the son doesn’t shine” RAGE. I stood up and went to the door, ready to take on this kid with full barrells, to call him EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK and frankly, scare the living shit out of him. Yup, I was feeling THAT kind of ANGER!!!!!! I am a scary, scary person when I am this pissed. Thank goodness it doesn’t happen often. I still hate it, though
I managed to stop myself, turn back around and comfort my son. We had a long talk about what it means to be a kid and a friend and I have to say that I did pretty well. I wish I could say that the PISSED OFFEDNESS vanished, but NOPE. It didn’t. I’m not proud of this reaction, but I was so picked on, so freaking HUNTED as a kid and a teenager that I am almost blinded with fury when it happens to my children. I know the damage it can do and I am not tolerate of it at all.
In the reverse? If MY kid were to be a jerk to another kid, oh, just you WATCH OUT!!!!! Their asses would be grass until they are eligible to collect social security. One of my biggest fears is that my boys will be bullies. That they will hurt and pick on others, especially those who are of less social standing, weaker, fatter, less attractive, whatever. My greatest fear of all? That they will be jerks to women. Careless of feelings, players, jerks, you know…The kind of boys and men that hurt and damage women to the point that it reaches into all their relationships down the road.
It’s my biggest fear.
I want my boys to be the kind of adolecents and teenagers that are positive, cherished friends, boyfriends and students. I have tried my best to prepare them for this, and I have no idea how they’ll do. I hope they will continue to be as good-natured and kind as they are now, but I know how things can change.
One thing that gives me hope is the interaction between Christopher and this friend who wounded him. About a half-hour after he came in sobbing there was a knock at our door. His friend came over to apologize. James would have none of it at first “I don’t think you are sincere enough for my taste”. (Well, I HAVE always taught them to watch each other’s backs)I I pulled James aside, and thanked him for his concern, but reminded him that it wasn’t his apology to step in the middle of.
I didn’t hear what the friend had to say, but I did hear Christopher’s reaction. I loved every word:
“Well, you hurt my feelings BAD. That wasn’t acting like my friend. Friends shouldn’t say stuff like that. I’m a good friend and that means forgiving you when you try to tell me you’re sorry. So it is ok. Why don’t we shake on it?”
I love my boys. They will be great men.
I, on the other hand, am still contemplating “Accidentally” running over this kid’s bike…