I think that it is a well-established fact that I have the worst luck on the freaking planet.
Bad luck, poor Karma, negative energy, just desserts, being smited by God, whatever you want to call it, I have it. There are a lot of weird and disastrous things that are in my life due to my own poor choices/life-skills/histrionic personality. That said, there are a ton of bizarre things that just happen to me. I was going to make a list, but it’s late and I’m tired. Feel free to throw out any Loralee disasters you can recall in my comments, though. Given appropriate time and distance away, they’re always good for a laugh.
Because my life-suck can be so gargantuan, I am amazed at the one area that I have killer luck in: GAMES. Of all kinds. I kick serious, serious tail at playing games. Not the emotional kind (Though I play those as well, much to my shame), but your average board or card games. I even rock at Twister and I have major back and body suck.
Sunday night is game night at Brian J’s house. We play a variety of games and it just so happens that I am really good at them all:Clue, Life, Cranium, Quiddler, Scatagories, Mexican train…You name it, I win it. Even the games I don’t really care for and whine and bitch about (Phase 10 and Hand and Foot) end up going well. I’m even brilliant at strategy games which really throws everyone as I am so chaotic and scattered. I can’t even get anyone to play Trivial Pursuit with me anymore.
It’s just weird. My winning-ness usually leaves everyone perplexed and scratching their heads in confusion.
In fact, the only time I ever lose perpetually is when I am playing Canasta with my family and I sit next to my sister, Linny. Linny is the Macheavelli of Canasta. Don’t play with her. Seriously. You will never be the same. I think part of it is that she looks nonthreatening with her tiny build and wire-rimmed spectacles. It’s all a clever front for one of the most diabolical card-minds on the planet.
There are two games I will.not.ever.play: Monopoly and Risk.
No, it isn’t because I lose at them. It is because I turn into a frothing, diabolical, plotting, twisting, person that makes Napoleon look like a wussy pansy. Seriously, I start to grow horns and scales and make deals with the devil to thwart everyone playing. It just turns me into an ugly person. My roommates in college didn’t believe me. Every Sunday it was “Loralee, come and play Risk with us!” I would TRY to explain, but they kept asking. I finally gave in and played one game with them. I won. I ruled the world by destroying all that was in my path. I was never invited to play again. I think that my head twisting around full circle, the red, glowing eyes and levitating might have put everyone off a bit.
There is no real point to this post except that it is yet another weird, little thing about me and it is relevant because I wiped the floor in Scategories this evening. I also perpetually wonder why some of that amazing winning-ness and good luck can’t just ooze through to real life.
It would be lovely if it would.