I think that it is a well-established fact that I have the worst luck on the freaking planet.
Bad luck, poor Karma, negative energy, just desserts, being smited by God, whatever you want to call it, I have it. There are a lot of weird and disastrous things that are in my life due to my own poor choices/life-skills/histrionic personality. That said, there are a ton of bizarre things that just happen to me. I was going to make a list, but it’s late and I’m tired. Feel free to throw out any Loralee disasters you can recall in my comments, though. Given appropriate time and distance away, they’re always good for a laugh.
Because my life-suck can be so gargantuan, I am amazed at the one area that I have killer luck in: GAMES. Of all kinds. I kick serious, serious tail at playing games. Not the emotional kind (Though I play those as well, much to my shame), but your average board or card games. I even rock at Twister and I have major back and body suck.
Sunday night is game night at Brian J’s house. We play a variety of games and it just so happens that I am really good at them all:Clue, Life, Cranium, Quiddler, Scatagories, Mexican train…You name it, I win it. Even the games I don’t really care for and whine and bitch about (Phase 10 and Hand and Foot) end up going well. I’m even brilliant at strategy games which really throws everyone as I am so chaotic and scattered. I can’t even get anyone to play Trivial Pursuit with me anymore.
Sigh.
It’s just weird. My winning-ness usually leaves everyone perplexed and scratching their heads in confusion.
In fact, the only time I ever lose perpetually is when I am playing Canasta with my family and I sit next to my sister, Linny. Linny is the Macheavelli of Canasta. Don’t play with her. Seriously. You will never be the same. I think part of it is that she looks nonthreatening with her tiny build and wire-rimmed spectacles. It’s all a clever front for one of the most diabolical card-minds on the planet.
There are two games I will.not.ever.play: Monopoly and Risk.
No, it isn’t because I lose at them. It is because I turn into a frothing, diabolical, plotting, twisting, person that makes Napoleon look like a wussy pansy. Seriously, I start to grow horns and scales and make deals with the devil to thwart everyone playing. It just turns me into an ugly person. My roommates in college didn’t believe me. Every Sunday it was “Loralee, come and play Risk with us!” I would TRY to explain, but they kept asking. I finally gave in and played one game with them. I won. I ruled the world by destroying all that was in my path. I was never invited to play again. I think that my head twisting around full circle, the red, glowing eyes and levitating might have put everyone off a bit.
There is no real point to this post except that it is yet another weird, little thing about me and it is relevant because I wiped the floor in Scategories this evening. I also perpetually wonder why some of that amazing winning-ness and good luck can’t just ooze through to real life.
It would be lovely if it would.
Loralee, that just cracked me up. Wonderful language.
I have a parallel. I learned to play chess in seventh grade. My junior high had an “activities” session where teachers taught stuff outside their academic areas for half an hour or so. I took chess from my English/social studies teacher. Within a week I beat the teacher, who wouldn’t play with me any more. They established school wide tournaments. I won the three I entered. I turned into an evil animal. I read people’s minds and thwarted them. They hated me.
I am a non-violent guy, but chess turned me into a vile creature. I quit when I realized I didn’t like the person I turned into while playing.
I think you need to take up professional poker.
I will play Trivial Pursuit with you. Prepare for the massacre!
Wait. a. minute.
You play hand and foot?
You know that game exists?
I have had to teach all of my friends, because hardly anyone I know has even heard of it.
Even though you don’t like it, I’m glad to see that all the way in Utah, my favorite game EVER is known.
Hmmm… I LOVE word games! And I always win at them. Therefore, no one will ever play with me ever again…
So being a winner means I am a LOSER! Go figure…
My sympathies to you, Loralee. I totally understand.
Yeah, I don’t have that same luck with games. I am the big LOSER every time. And even though I lose I still turn into the evil-scary-plotting girl. And for some reason, Yahtzee makes me act like I’m on speed or something.
M-You feel my pain, then. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Sigh.
Apples-Poker is one game I have always stayed away from. I’m too worried it would be the one game I suck at and that my husband would perpetually want to play the strip version.
Coolbeans-Anytime, baby! BRING IT. :) Oh, and I took off my sideblog post. I entered a contest thingy on that site and if there is even a small possibility that she would find her way here I really don’t want her to read that I felt lame in comparison. (It’s been known to happen to me and other bloggers I admire. Just ask Kerflop. And Little Red Boat. I’d rather not relive the experience. I’m a dork).
Jes-SEE?! Another reason I need to MEET YOU! You should have Tasha and Jonathan tie you to the luggage rack if they come through here to have sushi with me. :)
p.s. CANNOT wait for your new bloggie.
I. Hate. Risk.
For similar reasons. But unlike you, I always lose at it. I now refuse to play. Ever.
Jill-Ha ha ha ha. Yahtzee is not as bad for me as Boggle. I swear it makes pure meth run through my veins.
Hairy- Don’t get me wrong, Risk has had divine moments. My family used to have Risk tournaments that would last for days. My favorite moment was with my brother, Rhett. It was down to him and me. He all out attacked me. It damn near worked, BUT…I was down to one single solitary guy in the Ukraine and he ran out of resources to attack me. I had about 15 billion armies the next turn. It was a sweet, sweet victory that I labeled “The Ukrainian Defense”.
Sigh.
It’s nice to be lucky at something now isn’t it? Now I just need to find what I am lucky at. Haha.
Game night sounds like so much fun. I absolutely love board games. Cranium is my #1 favorite.
I’ve never played Risk but am a Nazi competitive game player. Particularly cards. Oh, and don’t ask me about when my family plays Croquet (also dubbed Blood Sport). Sounds like you’d be worthy to join us anytime. :-)
“There is no real point to this post except that it is yet another weird, little thing about me”
We love those weird, little things.
I would be interested in playing TP and Risk against you. When I play Scrabble, I am ruthless with challenges. When most people don’t know about a word, they weakly ask their competitors, “Is this a word?” and said competitors meekly answer yes or no. I refuse to answer the question and let them lay it down. Then I call challenge, pull out the dictionary, and cackle with glee as they lose their turn and remove their tiles. My wife won’t play anything with me, except Uno.
i love playing games. i’m pretty good at some, but i tend to suck at others. like pool – the pool cue is taller than i am.
i think monopoly and risk are the two games that turn almost everyone into something from the exorcist.
i once played monopoly with several friends (all of whom were related) at church revival one summer. they were literally cut-throat. i promise you, they make you look innocent.
That’s right, keep on LIVING IN THE GLORY OF THE UKRAINIAN DEFENSE (from 1979, may I point out… Disco has since died and most people have moved on). Not that I’m bitter or anything. I learned the lesson well though. Right after that, rather than let our brother take me, I flipped the board all over the living room. Now THAT is getting all Exorcist! He still brings that up from time to time.
No, I don’t have Risk in our house. :-)
i see rhett decided to come out of the closet. i don’t understand why he needed your help to go into one.
I. LOATHE. RISK.
Because I always suck at it ;)
I think I might be one of two people left on earth who’s never played Scategories. It was really popular in the dorm I lived in my frosh year at UT to play Scategories. If I hadn’t been so damn anti-social…
Scrabble on the otherhand, I’m a champ.
Ahhhh, the infamous “Ukrainian Defense”. Such a sweet memory. Yes, it’s almost 30 years old, but some things in this world are timeless.
Linny and Rhett-
Except that would make me about 2 years old.
DAMN, I was a brilliant child…
:)
You guys need to find an old copy of Diplomacy. The entire point of the game is to be the biggest lyingest, cheatingest, backstabbingest bastard who can do any number of cruel things to their friends while wearing a pleasant, placid smile.
It’s great for people who know each other well.
I have Diplomacy, which I never play, because I work so hard at perpetuating the facade that I am loving and swell and stuff… anyway, you can take it to game night, Lo, since I never go. Is there anything I wouldn’t do for you?