***Jessica’s link should be fixed now. Thank you for letting me know I had http://kerflp.com on there. Sigh.Â
I live in “Happy Valley”. Literally. Logan is a beautiful valley of about 100,000 surrounded by a ring of tall mountains and has good schools, good people, low crime and gorgeous scenery. The only thing that really lacked in previous years was that the shopping wasn’t the best. However, since we hit the magic “Metro” mark since the last census, the growth of large stores and restaurants have exploded. So, where you used to have to drive 1-1.5 hours to Ogden or Salt Lake, you don’t really have to anymore. I love living here, but I always take every possible opportunity to “Get the hell out of Dodge”, so to speak.
I don’t know if going out of the valley to South East Idaho for the day really qualifies as an escape from Cache Valley, but that is exactly what I did.
As many of you noticed, my blog was beyond FUBAR’D yesterday. All because I tried to post to my sidebar. Luckily, I had already planned to meet with the designer of the page: Jessica of “Kerflop”. (I promise this is not going to become the “I Heart Kerflop Blog”, but let’s face it, she has been the whole reason for this switch, has put in oodles of time and energy and patience into it and she’s cute.)
I thought about just going over everything on the phone, but frankly? I suck at things like that. I was also afraid that if she tried to walk me through stuff on the phone the conversation would end up going something like this:
Jessica: “Ok, Loralee. Now I need you to open the Doohicky folder.”
Loralee: “Umm…I don’t know what a Doohicky folder IS, Jessica.”
Jessica: “Oh, no problem, sweetie. It is that file over there in your Thingamabob directory.”
Loralee: “Wait, is that the one that one I opened by hitting the vorpalblade function? Or was it the Snarblatthingy you told me about yesterday???”
Jessica: “Just breathe, Loralee. Just open your Coocookacho drive and we’ll go from there.”
Loralee: “Ok. Hold on…Oh, DANG IT! I just hit the Bibbityboobityboo button and now “Queen” is playing and my screen has dancing Care Bears all over it.”
Jessica: “Hmmm…This could be a problem.”
Loralee: “Can you hold on for a minute? I have to go stick a Dinglehopper in my eye.”
You can see why I just decided to make the four hour trip to the potato capitol of America and walk through it all in person, right?
The drive was fairly humdrum. I decided to take the scenic route, which when you are driving to Idaho consists of lots of cows, sagebrush and abandoned gas stations and diners with peeling painted signs that say “The Hi-Way Cafe”. It is a fairly desolate drive, but fortunately I have a vivid imagination and can converse with a plethora of people in my head to take up the time.
I even had a great little banter with “Tina the Llama” from “Napoleon Dynamite” in my head when I passed Preston. She was a bit pissed off when I “Sunk to the cliche” of calling her a fat lard and to eat her ham.
I was low on gas so I stopped in the only town that had a gas station/diner. Weirdly, when I am in an Idaho gas station I suddenly feel about 300 times more attractive than when I’m in Utah. I know that sounds petty, but you’d have to live here. It’s just true.
The diner was interesting. I happened to be going in at the same time as a gaggle of farmers? Mechanics? Whatever they were, they were all wearing jumpsuits with elastic bands and I silently named them DeVeral, LaSal, Vernon and Ed in my head. Two of them waiting for forever for me to walk over so they could hold open the door and the others were right inside. When I said, “Thank You” I dropped my bank card and they all scrambled to get it. It was really sweet.
However, since I grew up as a fat girl with unfortunate double-processed hair, it is still really weird for me when people think I’m attractive. So, I kind of hurried over to get a soda while they all went to a table to sit down. It would have been the end of it, except that I was starving and wanted jerky and to get the kind I wanted I would have to give that table a pretty embarrassing view of my posterior. I gritted my teeth and did it as quickly as possible.
It would have been fine, except when I bit into I realized that I was so flustered I accidentally grabbed a bag of HIDEOUS Tabasco flavor instead of Teriyaki because the bags look similar. Bleck. So, I just went hungry.
I finally got to Jessica’s adorable house and the fun began.
We came to the conclusion that all the problems in setting up my page was due to it being hosted on a server set up by Jon. One, it was in Windows, which is a big “No-No” for WordPress. In the end, even though Jon said he could switch it to Linux, I just opted to have my page hosted somewhere else. Jonathan doesn’t see any point at all in my blogging hobby and I really don’t want to have to depend on him as much as I would have to if I hosted it with him.
So, I signed up with the same host Jessica uses: Siteground. It was all well and good until right after I ended my credit card info and a chat window popped up with a conversation from “Emil”.
UH…???
He said that he needed to verify my account purchase and could I give him my phone number so he could speak to me?
UH!!!!!!!
I looked at Jessica and she was flabbergasted and said it was, “Weird”.
UHHHHHH!!!!!!
I hate, loathe and despise speaking to people I don’t know on the phone. It makes my heart flutter and feel like I am going to throw up. You wouldn’t ever know it, but I can be PAINFULLY SHY.
My phone rang and there was just a bunch of static. I said hello about 4 times and hung up. Jessica took over my chat. “I’m sorry, I tried to answer and no one said anything. This is kinda creepy.” (I love her.)
So, he called back.
I could barely understand him. It also sounded like there was a LAN-Party going on in the background and a couple of crying babies. This made me wonder if my page was being hosted in a building that is used to host D&D tournaments complete with Funyons and Mountain Dew Keggers.
The conversation was so stressful to me I kept writing pleading notes to Jessica, that looked like this:
After painfully spelling each letter of my freaking long URL, I parted ways with Emil and Jessica worked her magic on my page (Along with her long-suffering brother who is the king of programing.). She kept trying to tell me that usually it “Isn’t nearly this problemed”. I told her that I knew she knew exactly what she was doing, it is just the plight of being me. If it can go wrong it will. I am used to it, sadly.
I was totally useless the whole time and did things like tell lame stories, compare arm flab and fat with Jessica and “Ooh and Aahhhh!!!” over Jessica’s freaking GORGEOUS and adorable 18-month-old, Katie. Which means I had a great time.
It took about four hours and some frustration, but it is up and running and everything is going well. Now I just have to put together a humdinger of a ‘Thank You’ package.
Sharon says:
I admire your courage, LL. Driving to a relative stranger’s home, braving the lonely road, etc. But isn’t it amazing how people always want to help you? It’s because you are so open!!! and really a nice person!!! even if bad things happen, you have so many good things happen to outweigh them.
And I’m wondering why no picture of the little gorgeous Katie?????
April 25th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
kerflop says:
Omygosh. So I had a minor freak out when you left because having freakouts after any kind of social interaction is what I do. Here’s why I suck:
1. You told me your sad little beef stick story, yet I was so wrapped up in beating my laptop into the ground, I didn’t even offer you anything to eat.
2. You went out to your CAR to get a bag of chips and I still didn’t clue in and offer you anything to eat.
3. You started eating the pretzels I was mindlessly shoving in my mouth in between cursing at Emil and DNS and I STILL DIDN’T OFFER YOU ANYTHING TO EAT.
4. Then when I practically kicked you out of the house because I realized I needed to cook dinner, STILL without offering you so much as a drink, and then I didn’t even let you use my bathroom because one bathroom had my showering husband in it, another had my two bathing children in it, and the other is full of tools during the shop building and happens to be smeared with poop. So I sent you to a gas station in Rigby to pee. HOLY CRAP.
Let it be known that I suck.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
linny says:
You did her a favor, Jessica. She now has another claim to fame - using the restroom in a town billed as the “Birthplace of Television”. Not everyone can be so lucky.
linny
April 25th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Kerflop says:
[…] 5pm, I realized with a small brain freezing stroke, just how crappy a host I was. Here’s the comment of apology I left on her weblog. Note: I apologize without even really saying sorry in comments […]
April 25th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Amber says:
I was going to tell you that your new site wasn’t working yesterday.
But I guess you already knew that.
April 25th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
loralee says:
Sharon-You are so sweet! It was quite an adventure and Jessica is *VERY* easy to like. Sadly, my flipping camera is MISSING!!!! I don’t know where it is. BUT, if you go to http://www.kerflop.com, Jessica has a photo album on her sidebar with adorable photos.
Linny- You slay me. You are the funniest sister I have. I guess that wouldn’t be too hard considering that Mel and Loraina are my only other two options, but STILL! I also see that you have the family trait of knowing craploads of trivial information. It’s a curse. Sigh.
Jessica-OK, first off…I want to make you a shirt that says “Hi! I’m Kerfloppy and I’m Very Likable.”
Holy moly, Jessica. You were an angel hostess!!!! Truly, I was dandy. I knew I had chips in my car, I had a huge Diet Coke and I eat like a bird so I was totally fine. I’m a grazer,chips for lunch is really common with me. If I had been starving still I would have just asked you, but I was totally cool. Besides, as I was looking for the gas station, there was a Subway, so I just went there. If Downey wasn’t the size of my son’s elementary school, I would have driven through there.
As for the drink, HELLO? If I had any more liquid I would have had to just move into your bathroom!
Besides, you hugged me after the “Emile Trauma” and managed to keep a perfectly acceptable face when I told you I didn’t realize you were “Nurse Betty Web Design”.
You ROCKED. I had SO much fun. You were so kind to take that much time out of your day just to help me. I completely insist on going to dinner at some point where I’m not begging and whining at you to fix stuff. My treat. I love hanging out with you!!!!! (And your comments crack me the freak up.)
Amber-Ha ha ha ha. Yes, I was aware of it. Sigh.
April 25th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Jill - GlossyVeneer says:
You don’t live in “Happy Valley”. That’s Utah County silly! And I’m never happy when I’m there. But the Cache valley, that’s a pretty okay place. I have lots of family there!
I’m so glad that Jessica could help you set up your blog. Where else would I find stories about the “Coocookacho drive” and putting forks, er… dinglehoppers, in your eyes?
April 25th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
applesonastick says:
“This made me wonder if my page was being hosted in a building that is used to host D&D tournaments complete with Funyons and Mountain Dew Keggers.”
CLASSIC! Can’t WAIT to meet you in June!
April 25th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
Aunt Amy says:
You know, as we chatted on the phone yesterday while you drove home from Kerflops, I was actually thinking to myself that knowing you, who in turn knows Kerflop is like being one step away from Julia Roberts–with Kerflop being Julia and you being an up and coming actress about to star in a movie with Julia. Yea, so I’m totally lame that way, which is why I didn’t actually say anything of the sort to you.
April 26th, 2007 at 12:41 am
coolbeans says:
“Just open your Coocookacho drive and we’ll go from there.”
WOO! Sexy geek speak.
April 26th, 2007 at 2:16 am
Bridgy says:
LOL. Hey Lo… now that you know how to open your coocookacho drive will you help me do the same on mine? LOL.
Attractiveness in Idaho… I have some family that decided to move to Idaho. I can honestly say that in 17 years their hair style hasn’t changed. I just hope that what was popular in the 80’s comes back in style soon for them… but not for me.
April 26th, 2007 at 4:20 am
Craig says:
I was pleased to see the Little Mermaid references in the transcript of your fake phone conversation.
April 26th, 2007 at 5:02 am
Seredne says:
You’re making some great marketing material for Blogger these days
April 26th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Pink says:
i’ve never been west of the MS river, unless you count west memphis, arkansas.
i came here yesterday and it didn’t like me. glad to see it’s all working dandy. just remember, if you need any help, just ask my buddy awaiting. she’s been doing this wordpress thing for a while and she can totally hook you up.
man, i just sounded like a valley girl.
April 26th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
loralee says:
Seredne-
Nah, Wordpress is awesome. It is the hosting/server thing that is tricky in this situation (And if I had just paid for hosting services instead of using my windows server it would have all gone a LOT better)
If you use Wordpress hosting it is easy, easy peasy!
Seriously, it has kicked Bloggers butt so far. Of course, this also has something to do with the fact that I had destroyed my page to the point that it would publish in random fonts and colors, so much if it is my own darn fault.
April 26th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Angela says:
Woohoo! You’re back! I was severely missing your site while it was on the fritz. I’m so glad she was able to help you. How sweet she is.
Thank you for being so sweet in your comment to me the other day. It was well needed!
April 26th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
loraleeslooneytunes.com » American Express, Delta, and HELL says:
[…] We verified that there was only error at American Express and not Delta. The AE agent was supposed to hang up with Delta and keep me on the line. INSTEAD, she hung up on ME and I got to hang out with EMILE (Yes, that was his name. I don’t seem to have much luck with that particular name, do I?) […]
June 1st, 2007 at 3:01 pm