When I realized it was gone, it sucked. In fact, it sucked a duck. After rechecking every place I visited today (Gym, Subway, Bank, Wal-Mart, Dr.’s AND dentist) I complied the very long list of things I would have to cancel. Just as I was reaching for my phone it rang.
They found my wallet. A cop found it on the side of the road by Subway. I must have put it on top of my car because my hands were full and drove off. He collected it and “Made it his mission to make sure I got it back before I had to cancel everything.”
I love cops.
He told me that it would be waiting at the police station for me to pick up. I went outside to get in my car and saw THIS, thanks to my annoying-as-hell neighbor-girl, Brooke.
I know that my car is a serious piece of crap. It is almost 25 years old and the sound it makes when I turn it off is just LOVELY; It coughs and sputters like it has a 3-pack-a-day habit and is trying to hack something resembling escargot out of its lungs.
THIS should make it even MORE LOVELY to drive, don’t you think?
I know. Maybe I shouldn’t care about this because my car is a piece of shit. Still, it is MY piece of shit, my ONLY piece of shit (Though we are working on it. We just keep having setbacks) and I am completely pissed off on her behalf that someone has raped and marked her, dammit.
I realize that Brooke is six, but seriously? This kid is so annoying I cannot take it anymore.
I do not like my neighbors. I’ve talked about them before. (Before anyone sends me hate mail about picking on a 6-year-old, you need to at least click the link. I love almost all children, but this girl just gets on my very, very,VERY last nerve.)
Granted, I don’t like getting to know my neighbors very well in the first place. The chummiest I like to get is maybe a casual wave or a “Hey”. I consider a great neighbor to be someone that doesn’t flip me off as they are going inside their house.
I marched over to Brooke’s house and spoke with her father:
“Uh. How do you know it was Brooke and not one of your kids? It just doesn’t seem like something Brooke would do.” (You obviously have no clue about your kid, dude.)
“UH. Maybe because she SIGNED HER NAME.”
“Oh. Uh, what do you want me to do. I don’t think it would be worth doing body work on such an old car.”
“Considering it is a SHARPIE and will NOT COME OFF, I think you are going to have to figure out a consequence for her, but as far as my car I am just assuming that I am screwed here. I just thought you should know because it is permanent damage.”
“Oh. Well, I could have her go wash it off.”
“I tried already, it’s a PERMANENT MARKER”.
“Uh. Ok. Well, thanks.”
“No problem. Oh, she also signed your phone number on there. Hope no one calls you heavy breathing in the night or sends you 30 pizzas on a Sunday morning or anything! Bye!”
Ooh! Can I be the one to call and send them 30 pizzas?
Parents like that make me crazy. I used to teach preschool and have unfortunately met many. Some are unbelievable.
You might try getting it off with hairspray. Weird, I know, but it works on table tops so it might be worth a shot.
oh my hell, I fear for my cars safety.
Wow. That fine example of parenting makes me shudder. Since becoming a parent I’ve realized how much it sucks to be judged as a parent so I try to avoid judging other parents but holy freaking crap.
Oh and I love the Logan PD. Detective Curtis will always have a very dear place in my heart. The fact that I still remember his name after almost 4 years proves it. Holy crap, I can’t believe it’s almost been 4 years.
man, if it wasn’t for caller id, I’d be prank calling them already.
Damn that Brooke! :-)
My neighbors have some annoying kids. They like to jump their bikes off the edge of our driveway. They’re chipping the concrete away when they do it, plus they push all the decorative rock down into the road. And while waiting their turn to jump off the edge, the others sit around and eat junk food, throw the wrappers in my yard and toss rocks at the garage door. I finally told them they needed to stop playing in my driveway and this one kid turned his head ever so slowly toward me, gave me the most evil evil-eye ever, threw his trash on the ground and launched himself off my driveway. I have never wanted to punch a 5-year-old more than that moment. He’ll purposely get a stick and go beat on the vent for my fireplace on the outside of my house so it clangs throughout the house and is constantly ringing my doorbell and running. I hate that kid!
I bet your husband has the technology to remove the writing. What about Bob, I bet he has the technology to remove it? If not, I bet you know a welder that has the technology to remove it.
Jill-glossyveneer, I’m surprised he didn’t give you the, “I don’t have to do what you say; you’re not my mom” bit in a super snotty voice. That one sends me over the edge.
Glad your wallet was found and returned. Nice policeman!!!
Sorry about your car… Maybe the next time that little ‘angel’ comes over you could write something on her forehead with another permanent marker?
This comment freaks me out:
“Oh. Uh, what do you want me to do. I don’t think it would be worth doing body work on such an old car.”
How dare he! It is YOUR property. End of story. What is this teaching his child? “It’s okay, honey, you can go bust up the neighbors property because Daddy thinks it’s a piece of crap.”
He doesn’t get to judge its worth or its value. IT’S NOT HIS PROPERTY. His daughter violated something that is not owned by her or her family.
He should offer to repair the car. In fact, I think you should send him an estimate.
Shame on him. What an a-hole. It’s not the child, she’s just a reflection of the freaks that are raising her.
Uhhhhg. She really, really, really drives me INSANE. She used to come in and stand by my bed when I was asleep and I’d wake up to her staring at me. IT was WEIRD. Kinda like those freaky twins in “The Shining”.
“Come and play with us, Danny”.
Shudder. She doesn’t do that anymore because I went ape shit on her finally and told her parents I was going to have to take serious action if it didn’t stop.
BLECK.
P.S.
Anon-I think I would trust the welder, personally. ;)
Oh, no, no, no! It doesn’t matter how old the car is, that is beside the point. The parents need to cough up the money to have it repaired.
I thought it was on loan anyways- that means you definately need to have them cough it up. They need to learn that not watching their daughter is expensive. If the roles were reversed, would you not be mortified and offering to have it fixed?
You know, I just happen to know a body shop owner- my husband! He can e-mail you an estimate if you want, just so you have something to give the neighbor.
Can I also recommend responding to one of those ads in the paper looking for a good home with no children for their beloved PITBULL?!?! Just keep your kids inside for a few days and see how things go with the neighbors…
i would be totally PISSED OFF in that situation. and i love boat-y like cars – do you remember who’s the boss? (okay, totally dating myself, but anyways…) that banana car that sam got for her 16th birthday that she was too embarrassed to drive? yeah. i drooled over it. so you should do something crazy to that stupid dad.
grr.
Charli-If only you lived in Utah! Sigh. Also, I never thought I would like Pitt Bulls, but I adore them. If you don’t have bastards raising them, they can be so, so, awesome.
They are very powerful and strong, though so caution with kids is always really important, I know.
Still-If you are ever approached by a very freaky person near a liquor store (Like I was) they are VERY nice to have around.
Bee-
OMG. I loved that episode!!!!
Jill-forgot to add that I.would.kill.that.kid.
BLECK.
I need two things:
1) The area code.
2) The ratio of emotional pain to property damage you think is fair.
Also, do you know if anyone in their household has serious nut allergies?
sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t…
You have had quite a week, Loralee.
It is moments like this where I am glad I am childless. Of course, I would like to think that if I was a parent I would not be that kind of parent. What a moron.
I am grateful that you found your wallet, though.
Loralee…
Mr Clean Magic Eraser takes off sharpie. fyi. I got it off my floor, my desk, my wall, my furniture. I have a feeling it will work on your car too. I didn’t realize the marker hadn’t came off your car. If I had, or if I had listened… I would have given you one because I have one in my cleaning supplies.
You can pick one up at walmart. Cost about $2. /sigh.
I still think you should give the neighbor dad an estimate from a paint shop. He needs to know that if he doesn’t reign the devil child in, that it’s gonna cost him.
He, also, needs to know that if devil child breaks something, he doesn’t get to determine if it’s worth fixing or not. He needs to know that he is responsible for fixing it. End of story. (Can you tell he pisses me off?)
Oooh man, what a brat! And who lets their 6-year-old wander around willy nilly with a permanent marker? My gosh.
Cxx
Kids are cute, but after teaching Primary for oh I don’t know 6 years I’ve realized that not ALL kids are cute. There are a few that I can honestly say I hate, and how do you hate a 3 year old. yeah I’m a bad person. Oh well. I would have made her come over and scrubbed it for an hour just to teach her a lesson. I’m so sorry this has only added to your bad luck in cars.
Omg! I would be so PISSED! As someone who has owned some real winners as far as cars go it doesn’t matter what the car looks like. It’s yours! That makes me so mad.
Is that the real number? Because I am not above making a few mild prank calls. Even if it is just to wake them up at 2 am and then hang up. Caller ID be damned.
“She cut my sons hair, I came home to her eating an entire bag of my popsicles out of my freezer and she walked into my bedroom. Did I mention that Jon and I were IN IT at the time. She gets into the stuff on my porch, leaves her toys and crap all over my yard, stairs, and porch, uses all my kid’s sidewalk chalk and picks and kills my flowers. She turns on my hose and leaves it running, then gets mud everywhere.”
Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t believe you haven’t killed her (or her parents) yet.
Alex-K, that nut allergy thing?HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Froyd-It depends on the day ;)
Kip-I KNOW you wouldn’t be that kind of parent.
Bridge-I can’t have her use those (I have a friend whose son was burned by one of those things) but I will try it. I don’t want her anywhere near anything of mine anyway. Grrr.
Thingy-I know, but truly? I don’t want to deal with them. Life is too short.
Claire-WELCOME-Swung by your site. but it wouldn’t let me comment at the time. I’ll try again. I have no idea where she got the marker. Probably came into my house, went through my drawers and picked out one she liked.:(
Just Me- Oh, I can so understand. I do hold out responsibility for the way they are on parents (Most of the time) but that doesn’t make them any less annoying or more likeable.
Sparlkie-Oh, YAH. And that isn’t even a full list. GRR! GRR! GRR!!!
You don’t have neighbors, you have punks!!!!
Well, my dear virtual friend, i’m installed a translation tool in my blog and, when you desire, are invited to make a little visit, ok?!
oh,sorry my english. it’s “tarzan modality” (me Tarzan, you Jane)!!!
bye from Brazil!!!!
Thanks,Diego (Tarzan)!
I snagged the same translator. It isn’t perfect, but enough to get the gist of it. I will swing by your site as well. :)
have you tried getting a spray bottle or something? I know my cat doesn’t like getting wet, so I’m guessing little kids would be about the same.
two words: Magic Eraser.
i apologize if someone has suggested that already…i don’t have time to read all your comments right now.
word is that target (which we don’t have here; we need a second wal*mart instead!!!!) carries a generic magic eraser…
it works!!
Froyd-Nothing would give me greater pleasure. I’m petty like that. :)
Yah, I am going to try the magic eraser thing.
FYI-Jess, that freaking huge construction project at the bottom of my street IS a Target!
(Happy, happy, Joy, Joy!)
You already told me the story but it was worth reading about again. Maybe even again :)
I gotta go read your other posts about Brooke–
I always have the unfortunate luck of living next to asshole neighbors. Currently, I am sandwiched in between a persnickety guy that we lovingly refer to as “the old bastard” and the most nauseatingly chipper Yuppie couple who specialize in unannounced pop-ins. I feel your pain. I would be SO pissed if someone autographed my car!
Wow, you took that one in stride. I would have freaked out on his ass. And I’m not kidding.
Yes, mee too. I want to send him all sorts of interesting things :)
I second the magic eraser. I love this product. It actually freaks me out because it truely has to be magic.
Then have the nuisance wash your car. Of course you’ll have to watch her, since who knows what she’d do next.
Camille and I were talking about this, what you could do is call the police and report it as vandalism, then they can file a report and charge and then the parents would have to pay for it, even if the magic eraser works, this might scare the parents a little bit too. They are already rude to you and everything so that would hurt at all. Just a little advice…miss you guys…
I do remember that girl, she is very, very annoying. Keep your chin up Loralee….
Ooopss i would not hurt at all to get the police involved…just a suggestion
I agree with Kyle. These people will just keep on doing what they’re doing unless someone sends them a message . . . like filing a vandalism report or sending them an estimate. Otherwise, they’ll just keep wreaking havoc. Like Kyle says, they’re already rude to you so it won’t change the “neighborly” repoire much anyway.
I love the labels for this post – bitching, car frustration, suck. I really need a “suck” label too.
I’ve lost my wallet more times than I can count. The most embarrassing part of it all is trying to come up with a fresh excuse every time you go to the bank to get a new card. Fortunately, they usually see me coming now and have a new one all ready. God bless them.