When I realized it was gone, it sucked. In fact, it sucked a duck. After rechecking every place I visited today (Gym, Subway, Bank, Wal-Mart, Dr.’s AND dentist) I complied the very long list of things I would have to cancel. Just as I was reaching for my phone it rang.
They found my wallet. A cop found it on the side of the road by Subway. I must have put it on top of my car because my hands were full and drove off. He collected it and “Made it his mission to make sure I got it back before I had to cancel everything.”
I love cops.
He told me that it would be waiting at the police station for me to pick up. I went outside to get in my car and saw THIS, thanks to my annoying-as-hell neighbor-girl, Brooke.
I know that my car is a serious piece of crap. It is almost 25 years old and the sound it makes when I turn it off is just LOVELY; It coughs and sputters like it has a 3-pack-a-day habit and is trying to hack something resembling escargot out of its lungs.
THIS should make it even MORE LOVELY to drive, don’t you think?
I know. Maybe I shouldn’t care about this because my car is a piece of shit. Still, it is MY piece of shit, my ONLY piece of shit (Though we are working on it. We just keep having setbacks) and I am completely pissed off on her behalf that someone has raped and marked her, dammit.
I realize that Brooke is six, but seriously? This kid is so annoying I cannot take it anymore.
I do not like my neighbors. I’ve talked about them before. (Before anyone sends me hate mail about picking on a 6-year-old, you need to at least click the link. I love almost all children, but this girl just gets on my very, very,VERY last nerve.)
Granted, I don’t like getting to know my neighbors very well in the first place. The chummiest I like to get is maybe a casual wave or a “Hey”. I consider a great neighbor to be someone that doesn’t flip me off as they are going inside their house.
I marched over to Brooke’s house and spoke with her father:
“Uh. How do you know it was Brooke and not one of your kids? It just doesn’t seem like something Brooke would do.” (You obviously have no clue about your kid, dude.)
“UH. Maybe because she SIGNED HER NAME.”
“Oh. Uh, what do you want me to do. I don’t think it would be worth doing body work on such an old car.”
“Considering it is a SHARPIE and will NOT COME OFF, I think you are going to have to figure out a consequence for her, but as far as my car I am just assuming that I am screwed here. I just thought you should know because it is permanent damage.”
“Oh. Well, I could have her go wash it off.”
“I tried already, it’s a PERMANENT MARKER”.
“Uh. Ok. Well, thanks.”
“No problem. Oh, she also signed your phone number on there. Hope no one calls you heavy breathing in the night or sends you 30 pizzas on a Sunday morning or anything! Bye!”