Thank you for the calls and emails. Please don’t be offended if I don’t get back to you right away. Last night was one of the very worst “Unexpectedly kicked in the gut by grief” moments I’ve ever had, I also know that it’s just one of those things that come with the territory.
I spent the morning at the hospital with my friend, Michelle to see something very cool. I’m very proud of her. I even managed to take her out for breakfast, but I’m too wiped out to post about it right now. It was nothing bad, it was just a draining place to be considering last night. I hate hospitals.
I know no one knows what to say on things like this (Why I closed my comments last night). Don’t worry about commenting and please don’t worry, I’m fine, just tired. I’m going to go curl up in my bed and sleep and sleep and sleep, then probably sleep some more. :)
I cannot begin to fathom grief on that level so real empathy, as you know, is not something I can give you. But sympathy yes, warmth also, friendship and a great deal of understanding.
My little brother died nine years ago and it’s only now that I am beginning to feel that rather than haunting me, he keeps me company.
Damn.
lots of love, lots of hugs.
i meant can’t give you…
I know there is nothing I can say that could make you feel better, or any feeling I can think of that would be as sad as what you have had to deal with in your life, but I want you to know that you are amazing, and you have touched my life unlike any other person. I love you a ton, and can only say, hang in there. There are people who really care and support you! Hugs and Love!
You have my love and support. I cannot imagine your grief, but I understand the loss of a child. Many, many hugs
i don’t have children. but i have lost people who were close to me. i’ve spent so much time in hospitals b/c of my mom, that i have a really big fear of them. so while i know i can’t say anything that will truly help, just remember that we all love you, care for you, and hope that you’ll remember that matthew is watching over you when he’s not playing and doing other little boy things in heaven with everyone who has gone on before us. dang, now i’m crying. love ya lor.
You know, I cannot even fathom ever getting over the loss of a child. Last week I worked with a local organization that deals with newborns and infants in crisis. The harsh, sad reality of the whole thing really hit home when they showed me the burial layettes they made. I haven’t been able to erase it from my mind ever since.
Sleep, sleep. I hope that helps….
i’m sending you love and am wishing that we were driving around these minnesota lakes together.
i luv ya!
This is not quite as entertaining as women making up urban gym legends (e.g. sperm being everywhere, men blatantly hitting on them because they occupied an adjacent treadmill, etc.). However, it has been a whole week since the last tearful post where everyone makes supportive Oprah-moment comments.
At least you’re making an improvement. =)
Yeah, I’m an ass. But, seriously, I think all of your readers would commit suicide if not for my LL reality checks keeping you from posting only the most depressing portions of your life.
And look at the bottom line: reader suicide dramatically reduces Adsense revenue.
I know.
I wish I was a stronger person that could keep her shit to herself all (Or even most)of the time, but there it is.
I am a pretty flawed girl.
Don’t worry, I’ll be funny tommorow.
Fuck being funny. Do what you need to do to get through it.
linny
All I will say is that I can understand on the level of just wanting to be in total isolation at certain points in my life. This is coming close to being one of them. I don’t want anyone near me because I don’t want to be observed and I don’t know how to behave. I don’t deal well with certain emotions – and while I don’t ever want to find out how strong I am – I can’t fathom how strong you must be. Even when you’re at your most… human.
You don’t have to be funny. You don’t have to be happy. You don’t have to “be” anything except you. This is your life – and if you’re writing to entertain instead of being true to yourself, you’re not being true to the memories and the love.
I really enjoy your writing. All of it. Not just the funny stuff. And even if you don’t comment or post or do whatever because you’re exhausted. I’ll come back.
Linny is the rockingest sister ever in the whole world. She protects and loves her little Pee.
You’re my hero today, Linny. I can feel your love for LL coming right off of the screen at me. You go, girl.
I’ve just started reading you recently so I was unaware you lost your son. And now my heartbreaks for you, especially because I have my 3 month old, also my 3rd, sitting in my lap. Poor kids is soaked with my tears just thinking about loosing him. I don’t know how you do it, (and I never want to), but I say rock on! You’re one tough mama!
I want to thank you for making me rethink his sleeping position. Both my first two were tummy sleepers and this one has been too. I’ve heard random stories, but never knew anybody affected by SIDS until now. Seriously. Thank you.
Sending love your way!
Natalie
I think I can understand Alex’s motivations. It can be uncomfortable to read things this raw, sad and human. I also think that he probably is just trying to help Loralee the way he knows how.
While I think your heart is in the right place, you do really need to cut her slack, especially on this topic. It isn’t PMS, it isn’t moaning about her marraige, her kid died. If one has reason to bitch it is her and I don’t think she subjects us to it that much.
I have been reading awhile and I don’t think that Loralee is trying to get us to turn into a crowd of sacchrine-laced sychaphants that just tell her she’s great. She told us all not to worry about saying anything, people just want to.
She is a human being that needs to write to get through, is how I see it. I wouldn’t change that about her. Her flaws and tragedy are part of what makes her irresistible and interesting to those that read.
That was the most I’ve ever talked here. I almost feel like I need to say “Amen” or something.
And since I was the idjeet that sent Dooce a fan letter about you, I really think you should check out her site today, Loralee.
I think it would help.
Loralee:
You are a lot stronger than you think.
I feel like an eavesdropper because I read everyday the posts and the comments and it gets me through my so called life which is not nearly as interesting as yours. I do know about the grief sneaking up on you. My dad passed away five years ago from cancer. The problem I have is that he never told me how sick he really was and I then I got a call saying he had passed away. I was, maybe still am, mad at him for leaving his little girl (me)without saying goodbye. My stepmother didn’t even know the extent to which he was sick but she said he wanted to protect us. I miss him thats all.
I look forward everyday to reading these posts. It helps to know that someone else has suck days when all you want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep some more. And when I wake up maybe just maybe the world will a better place.
You do what you have to do. Only you know what that is and I support you.
I lost my father 10 years ago, my mother 2 years ago, and my son 35 years ago… I still grieve for all of them..
Heh. Reader backlash diminishes every time this topic comes up and I try to joke LL out of her depression. Pretty soon nobody will think I’m an asshat, and it will no longer be fun for me to post this tripe.
LL, you’re going to have to find some more “sacchrine-laced [sic] sychaphants [sic]” to stick up for you. Maybe if you post about being depressed by Kip’s spelling, you’ll get a better response. =)
LL knows I think she’s good shit. She also knows I’m not the hand-holding, fanny-patting, sit around and share my feelings type.
Besides, people still say hungry isn’t a feeling. And if that’s true, I’ve lost one quarter of the states I’ve ever been in (along with sober, drunk, and horny).
It’s all so complicated.
Give me a call babe tomorrow. We can go run it off then steam it off.
And now I have broken my pact with myself to never go to her site again. I did. And I laughed. Damn her. I did. Still don’t really care for her personally. Thought it was messed up she served her underaged sister alcohol. That and I am LDS…
Alex,
I know that the only tool you have is your “humor” hammer, but not every problem is a nail.
The hardest thing I’ve ever done is not fighting breast cancer, it was watching my inconsolable, crying, baby sister cradling and the lifeless body of her child. There isn’t enough humor in the world to overcome that.
linny
((hugs))
Don’t worry about what your writing. I will read and support you regardless. I can’t imagine how this has effected you and it’s okay to still feel bad.
Alex-
My spelling isn’t great. Numbers are more my thing. I think it is interesting that I was one of the people who tried to understand your motives before saying anything to you. I know you like Loralee and I know you care about her, but I can’t see this comment helping. I know you want her to snap out of it, but Linny said it better-this isn’t something you try to fix because you can’t. If I thought she was just wallowing all the time, I think your statement would have been great, but she isn’t. She just had a very bad night and needed to talk to her blog family.
I’ve had the privilege of communicating privately with Loralee a little and I know that posting serious things on her blog gives her anxiety because she hates backlash and disagreements. Every time I read something that is somber or serious, I know that it must mean a lot to her because it is so difficult for her to say.
She doesn’t force it down our throats, she funny and light most of the time, but no one can be up all the time. Maybe Loralee does swing to the down end of the scale more than others, but her up, happy side is more intense than other people, too. If her blog were just funny and witty, I really think it would lose a lot of its appeal.
I forgot to tell Anon, not to worry about lurking. I have tons of lurkers and it is just fine to do so. I am just glad that you spoke up. :) I am sorry about your father.
Baldwin Family-My second was put on his stomach by my MIL while I was recovering from an illness and then he refused to sleep any other way. When Matthew was a baby he would only sleep for 10 minutes at a time on his back or side and we were worn out. I never felt good about it, and I was right.
There are other things that contributed to his SIDS death: He had a compromised breathing issue due to a cold, he was on his stomach, he grabbed a towel that I folded and left on the bed and had it near his face (Which used up all the oxygen) and finally, the thing that they cannot figure out-the reflex that would tell him to turn his head to get air didn’t kick.
So…The stomach thing wasn’t all of it but I will tell you that I’ll blame myself forever for letting him sleep on his.
Alex – There’s another option where you just don’t say anything at all. You have no idea what Lo went through or how amazingly far she has come since that horrible day and your comments are insensitive and cruel.
Oh and another thing, Lo didn’t start blogging to entertain the masses. While she does feel a certain obligation to her readers keep in mind that it’s a kind of therapy for her.
Lo – I can’t find the article but I’ve read that they’ve found something new about SIDS. Apparently they compared the cerebral cortexes (I’m pretty sure that’s what it was) of infants who died of SIDS to infants who died of other known causes and found them to be different. They think this means that SIDS babies brains don’t tell them when there’s something seriously wrong (i.e. they’re not breathing). Which just goes to show that there was nothing you could have done.
I love you and miss you and soon Fi and I will be there and you can tickle her little monkey toes. :D
There are the histrionic knee-jerk reactions I was expecting! I guess it just took a little longer for people to get high and mighty this time.
Anyway, Kip: yes, I appreciate that you made an attempt to understand my motives, be it an unsuccessful one. I waited to post on this topic until LL Had sat on it for a day or two, and had started coming to my blog posting funny shit again. I wouldn’t have come to tease her back if she hadn’t been making the rounds, putting her two bits in.
Depression, to me, is a good source of humor once we’re coming out of it (however temporary it may or may not be). It’s not so funny when we’re stuck in the middle of it, though.
Then again, what would I know? I have to extrapolate the emotional nadir that is depression based on what feeling really hungry and really sober is like. Is that kinda close, ladies?
It’s good to be an insensitive brute some days.