For those who do not know, I am not the most graceful person on earth. I can’t dance, but even though it means serious injury at times, I am known for my ability to play one mean Air Guitar (Reflection on my playing skills and injury written about HERE. Pretty funny.).
So, no. I am not coordinated. Pretty darn awkward is what I would label myself (If I was into labeling human entities of variety and beauty into a pigeon hole and blah, blah,blah).
Sorry, I had to throw that last bit in for those people who keep harping on me to be “Kind to myself”.
Where was I?
You may have noticed from my self-portrait that I’ve been less than chipper. Yup. Bruised heart. Lots of memories. I don’t deal well with sad/hard anniversaries and I am coming up on a humungo one. A year ago this week my life literally fell to pieces of decroded crap on the floor.
Not even, dried out, non-smelly crap that is easy to pick up and throw away. No, we are talking crap of huge oderific nightmares. The kind that you look at your dog or cat and say, “What the HELL did you eat????”.
That kind of crap.
Jon left me, took my kids, I found out just what people thought of me, failed a final, took four more, sent off my best friend to a war zone, and ended up losing about 13 people and a dog in the span of 48 hours.
It’s a lot to reflect on.
It’s a lot to regret.
I know my life is happier for the most part now, and I have so much to be thankful for.
I have learned so much, but it was a painful, huge, defining time for me and I can’t help but feel the ache sometimes. I probably will for a very long time. I just don’t do well missing people, wondering how they are and wishing desperately I wasn’t such a slimeball. I will just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing…going day to day. Moment to moment, sometimes.
Doing stuff like this helps: My boys took a bunch of pictures and video’s today (I’m teaching them to use a camera). Then they begged me to let them make a video and post it (They love it when I post pictures of them). It was the best I could do. My apologies!
I let you know if I threw out my neck or back, since I have the muscle-tone of head cheese, remember?